prologue
JULY 10TH, 2028
Yelena wonders before she steps into her new role if she can do this again.
She wonders if she’s made for this anymore now that she’s loved. She’s stared into the face of Kate Bishop and confessed that she’s in love and she’s fallen asleep in Kate’s arms and felt the way that love has thrummed in her veins in a way different from the sisterly love that she’s always carried for Natasha.
Yelena wonders as she stares at the photo strip that she’s carried in the back of her phone since Natasha died if this love that she’s allowed herself to feel is going to make her soft in the face of battle. She knows that she killed beyond Natasha’s death but now having loved her sister again and having her sister at her side again, she’s half convinced that it’s made her soft.
She wonders if, by association, her new role as an aunt has made her unable to be the fighter that she once was. She’s known other widows beyond their stay in the Red Room, but Anya’s always been hers. Even when she gave Anya to her sister, Anya remained one of her favorite people - even solidified herself in that position.
Yelena wonders as her eyes trail down to the space where her left leg used to be if she can still be the powerful assassin she once was. The blisters that appear after using her prosthetic too long make her feel weak even though she knows they’re normal and waking up to phantom pain makes her feel like she’s going insane. Insane people don’t make for efficient work.
Yelena knows that she can handle this, really.
She knows each of her teammates (some after thorough research) - Alexei, who she knows to keep on a tight leash, James, the silent brooder that prefers to go by Bucky (Yelena will never understand that one), John, an arrogant super soldier that she’ll also have to keep a close eye on, and Antonia, the only person that Yelena trusts on the team so far.
Yelena knows that she’s ready for this despite her mind’s arguments. She’s in perfect physical shape, she’s been training to get back to her original proficiency for months and has even exceeded that in a couple of aspects, she’s nothing short of perfect.
She knows that she can handle this.
Yelena is pretty sure that her therapist would call this a breakdown. She doesn’t know what she would call it, but if someone laid it out for her, she’s pretty sure that she’d agree that this is some kind of breakdown. That doesn’t mean that she’s having a breakdown, she’s far too talented for that.
Yelena rolls her liner on to her residual limb, staring for a bit longer at the wrapped appendage. She’s better than this. She should be able to grow her leg back - like a starfish. Kate told her about how starfish can grow their limbs back and some days, it’s all that she can think about.
She adjusts the liner and then grabs her prosthetic - a brand new state of the art technological Goliath. It’s fuller like an actual leg and unlike her initial prosthetic that just had the pylon pipe and similar to James’ arm. It hasn’t gotten rid of her phantom limb pain, though, and she kind of resents the prosthetic for that.
Slowly, Yelena stands from her spot on the bed and slots her residual limb into the socket of the prosthetic. She sinks her weight into it, the socket gurgling as air is pushed out of it and the seal becomes airtight.
As it settles, the leg comes to life and Yelena can practically feel it like it’s her own. It’s a bizarre sensation, one she’s still getting used to. She slowly kicks it back and forth, trying to calibrate it fully before putting the suit on. Her suit.
Yelena knocks her knuckles against the metal knee, both pissed and marveling at it, but she doesn’t wait any longer before grabbing her suit off the bed and unzipping it completely. When she moves the suit, she sees her weapons all strewn out on the bed.
Knives are all in a pile for picking, blades safely tucked away as to prevent accidental cuts (as if Yelena would ever, she wasn’t trained for her entire childhood for nothing). Her guns are also on the bed, all empty (including the one in the chamber, yes she’s seen the vagina shooting episode of Grey’s Anatomy) with their magazines and clips stacked on the dresser.
Yelena steps into the suit and lets it pool around her waist, adjusting the undershirt that she has on before pulling it up the rest of the way. She knows it’ll be sweatier this way, but she’s never minded a little more sweat for a little extra security.
Yelena’s quick about tightening what needs to be tightened and pulls on her boots, making sure that they’re extra tight before moving up to zip the front of the suit.
It’s snug with a good range of motion and Yelena quickly starts filing her weapons into their proper places, paying careful attention that everything goes in its proper place before finally relaxing a little.
She catches a glance of herself in the bedroom mirror. It takes her a second to recognize herself - she’s in a new suit, she has a new leg, she has no hair.
Her hair - the thing she treasured most in the world for her entire life - isn’t something she’s been able to feel like she can start growing back yet. She tried, really tried, from the point where she was declared in remission to the point that she left the States and came home to Russia, but when she arrived, she needed a change.
The hair was the easiest thing to let go of. The second helix piercing on her right ear was done by Sonya when she was visiting, and she actually got her septum pierced when she was in London for a short single-person recon mission that turned just turned into meeting Valentina.
Jesus, Valentina. Yelena cannot believe she let herself go through the tomfoolery of working with her once again.
Yelena runs a hand over her buzzcut, something she only redid yesterday, and takes a deep breath. She looks away from the mirror and pulls on her gloves before grabbing her half-packed bag and shoving any extra things she needs into it. She puts on her belt next, taking a second to fasten it and adjust it correctly on her waist.
Finally, Yelena grabs her Widow Bites and fastens them on her wrists.
Yelena finds the questions previously in her head coming to a halt. She wonders why she was anxious in the first place because now when she looks into the mirror, she recognizes the figure there.
Yelena Belova is once again a Black Widow.