Protecting his traveler of the night
4:34
4:35
You watch the clock tick on the wall, you have been for the last however long it’s been. You could watch tv, but you might get too comfy and fall asleep. You could draw or write or something else with your hands, but you might just fall asleep on the desk. You should sleep, but that would mean sleeping.
You could keep standing and staring at nothing in particular (only standing because if not you might fall asleep), but then someone carefully opens your door.
“Hey.”
You’re still half dazed when you hear the sound of Marc’s voice. How long were you just standing there? “Did you know that it’s about two hours till your wake up alarm goes off?” He tilts his head nodding to the clock you were just staring at. His comment is said very matter-of-factly, if your mind wasn’t working so slow you probably would’ve snapped back something equally sarcastic. You don’t though, and he notices.
“Huh, okay, you’re not being snappy. Weird. Something going on? I mean, obviously if you're not sleeping right now, but I wanna know what’s up.” Something was in fact up, it just wasn’t the sort of thing you would want to admit at this moment. “If something’s wrong about me being up, something’s wrong about you being up at the same time.” You cross your arms in an attempt to prove a point. He doesn't quite catch it.
“Actually, my wake-up alarm already went off, like five minutes ago.”
“Wait, you wake up in the morning at 4:30am? Why would you do that?”
“Are you judging me for actually managing my sleep schedule?”
“Four thirty am.”
“Steven’s idea of a sleep schedule is worse than mine! Why don’t you judge him for researching whatever till our body literally gives out and then sporadic naps for the rest of the day?”
“Four thirty am.”
“This feels like a diversion, you still haven’t answered my question.”
Well, he caught you there. He plopped down on your bed with a sigh. “So correct me if I’m wrong, you’ve all been-”
“Just me, haven’t switched today. Try’na keep it that way.”
Your phrasing makes him pause with a thought, but just for a moment. “-you have been up since your alarm went off yesterday, like seven I think. Assuming you didn’t take any naps or whatever, that would make you awake for twenty two hours straight, more or less. Call me crazy but that probably isn’t too good for your wellbeing.” His head tilts forward just a little for emphasis.
You become acutely aware of the fact that you’re still up on your feet. The acts of keeping yourself standing, listening to Marc talk, and just thinking are becoming a lot of effort. While you’re too caught up in the effort to keep your body from collapsing on the spot, Marc gets a little worried at your lack of response. If you were able to juggle watching his expression with all the other things, you might’ve noticed the way his face flicks to something like concerned.
“Hey, you still with me?” He says this a little softer, just in case you switched not to startle any of you. You haven’t though, but you feel a headache forming from the effort to not do it. Marc’s words reach you though, just enough to pull you out of your thoughts. “Sorry, what was that?”
“Okay, so about ten minutes give or take I’ve been here chastising your poor sleeping habits because it’s like five am and you’ve been up since sevenish yesterday. In case you needed the fill in.” ‘In case you need a fill in’ is basically Marc’s way of saying ‘I think you might’ve switched but I don’t want to leave you in the dark’. Even when you haven’t, it’s still sweet of him.
“Still just me Marc, it’s been me for the last however long you said and I'm trying to keep it like that.” You mention, and he takes note. “M’kay, good to know. Hey, wouldn’t you rather sit down? We can keep talking, just think you’d be more comfortable.” He offers the spot on your bed next to him and you almost don’t want to take it, you could probably sleep while sitting at this point which is the very thing you’re trying to avoid. Your body decides it has different plans though. When you approach the bed, you practically face plant into it, or you would’ve if Marc didn’t catch you on reflex.
“Okay, yeah, I think you actually need to get some sleep now.” As much as your body is begging for sweet rest, your mind is racing for any reason and method not to. But it's hard, when he's holding you like porcelain. “Marc,” you whine, “I can’t go to sleep, I can’t.” You shake your head, trying to keep your mind off of how good it would feel to fall asleep in his arms right this second.
“And from here, it looks like you’re talking a physical effort not sleeping. But what exactly is the reason you can’t? Nightmares, maybe? Afraid of switching while asleep? Some physical issue making it uncomfortable? Gimme something to work with babe, I want to help you.” He adjusts your too tired body so your back is sat against a pillow while he sits right next to you. His hand squeezes yours reassuringly, hoping you’d take up his offer. “One of those you just said, yeah.” The muscles of your hand contract just a little, a tiny mirror of his squeeze. He feels it though, and nods.
“Talk to me baby, I want to help.” Your head lulls onto his shoulder, he smells like sandalwood and sleep.
“Yeah… so one of the things you said,” your voice drawls a little, “dunno if you know, but last morning when I woke up was the first time I woke up in a while. Like, I had to check the calendar for the day and month and everything, so what if I go to sleep and don’t wake up for even longer?” His hand is still holding yours, his thumb rubs back and forth on your palm as a silent 'I hear you'. “Honestly, I really wish I could get some rest, but I don’t wanna risk it.”
Once he’s sure you’re done, he tries to say something encouraging (something like what Steven would say he realizes). Despite all his improvement in the area he still isn’t too good at verbalizing anything emotional, but he’ll sure as hell try for your sake. “Look, switching sometimes is just a side effect of how both of us exist, there's no getting around that. It might happen, but it also might not, so I say it’d be better for you to stop making yourself miserable by trying to avoid it.”
You take a moment to think about that while taking in the brief, quiet moment when the moon has set but the sun is yet to rise. This is peace. This is calm. This is reflection. This is renewal. This is sleep.
Well if it really is, maybe a little rest would be okay, you decide. Compared to the calm, avoiding this is kind of 'making yourself miserable'.
Before the silence stagnates and Marc can ask again, you turn over a bit to lie on his chest. “Yeah, guess you’re right. Might be good to get some sleep in.”
He smiles just a touch, accepting you into his arms again.
“Stay, please? Just till I manage to get to sleep, I don’t wanna be alone.” And that was what all this was about anyway. The fear of being alone, isolated in your own mind was what kept you up in the first place. But you aren’t, and he makes sure you know it.
“I’m here with you, I’m here. I’ll stay.” He affirms, complemented by a comfortably tight hug.
Marc stays as long as he can, only leaving when he’s totally sure you’re asleep. You’ll wake up at some point, with a bed that smells like him and a folded paper note left by your pillow and a finally rested mind. More importantly, you’ll wake up at some point and be okay.