It all started as a joke — Yelena had taped a sign on the couch where Natasha and Bucky had been snuggling (platonically, of course) while watching a movie, reading “former hydra/Red Room cuddle pile бывшая куча объятий гидры/красной комнаты((former hydra/Red Room cuddle pile))”, and then arranged herself so she had her sister’s head in her lap.
Natasha adjusted herself, calling out
“Friday, what does Yelena’s sign say?”
“Your sister has installed a sign saying “former hydra/red room cuddle pile бывшая куча объятий гидры/красной комнаты((former hydra/Red Room cuddle pile))”, Miss Romanov”
“Thank you, Friday. Seriously Yelena?”
“Well, Barnes is here.” Yelena shrugged in her heavy accent. “So it’s not just ex red room, Natasha”
“They sent me into the red room” Bucky said quietly, and Natasha nodded along. “Kept me conscious, never wiped those bits.”
Her subconscious tracked the footsteps entering the room, Wanda’s. The younger woman laughed lightly at the sign, stopping when she saw the somber faces.
“May I?”
“Of course” Natasha smiled, and Yelena shrugged. “You Are ex-Hydra, no?”
Wanda only shrugged, curling into Yelena. Tony’s pick of wide, u-shaped couches for the den were the obvious choice for cuddle piles.
“It was a Choice for survival”
“At least it was a choice” Yelena remarked, only to be elbowed by Natasha. “не говори так, Yelena! она не знала, что она ребенок! ((She did not know, Yelena! She was a child!))”
“я знаю. это кажется несправедливым ((I know. But it feels unfair))” Yelena’s tone softened, and she turned to Wanda. “I am sorry. You are like another sister to me. I am just angry at the people who hurt us, not you.”
“It’s alright, Yelena. You are like a sister to me, also”
“Our traumatized, messed-up little family” Bucky teased, elbowing Nat.
“You and Natasha are the parents, but not really, kind of the much-older siblings who raise the younger ones like their kids, and I am the stubborn big sister and Wanda is the sweet baby of the family!” Yelena laughed
“Have you seen her get mad?” Natasha asked, looking at Wanda. “She is very forceful sometimes”
“Yes, but she is — what do they call it? — a cinnamon roll! That’s it!”
“A cinnamon roll who could kill you”
“You guys are like that sound on TikTok!” Peter wandered in, hyper as always, not appearing to pay much attention to what was happening other than what he had overheard. “The ones that’s like, “looks like a cinnamon roll, could kill you, looks like could kill you, is a cinnamon roll, looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll, looks like could kill you, would kill you” that’s the one!”
“I have heard it!” Yelena exclaimed.
“Bucky is looks like could kill you is a cinnamon roll, definitely!” Peter decided. “And Wanda is a cinnamon roll who could kill you”
“But who is a cinnimon roll that is one and who could kill you and looks like it?” Wanda asked
“I’m staying out of it!” Bucky exclaimed, clearly encouraged by Natasha’s look.
“Oooooo! Friday, open a poll to all avengers, along with Ms Potts, Shuri, Ned, and MJ, Valkyrie, Loki, the Langs, and Fury!” Peter grinned
“Certainly, Peter. What should the subject of the poll be?”
“Who looks like a cinnamon roll and is one, and who looks like they could kill you and would kill you: White Widow versus Black Widow!”
“Would you like me to display the poll on the television?” The AI inquired, and pulling up a black screen with white text of the title on the tv at the affirmative response. “What should the options be?”
“White Widow: could and would kill you, White Widow: Cinnamon Roll inside and out, Black Widow:could and would kill you, Black a Widow, Cinnamon roll inside and out; anonymous voting”
“Sending poll now, will that be all?”
“Yes, thanks Fri!” Peter bounced on the balls of his feet, seeming to only notice the taped-up sign after he turned from the screen. “Awwww, a cuddle pile without me?”
“Of course not, ребенок-паук((baby spider))” Natasha smiled, waving the teen over.
“But the sign-”
“-can be changed” the assassin produced a red marker, seemingly out of thin air, and reached her free arm down, adding “+ baby spider” onto the paper. “Come here, ребенок-паук”
“Boss would like to inform everyone that this poll is considered being a risk of physical well-being for all voting” Friday’s Irish lilt came into the space again.
“Friday, protocol one sixteen eighty six, override” Peter chirped
“That protocol is invalid”
“Dancing Darth Vader Protocall”
“Initiated. This poll is now mandatory”
“Dancing Darth Vader?” Wanda inquired, and Peter shrugged
“Ned filed them under random names so they’re harder to search for. There aren’t descriptions stored in any digital format”
“You have protocals in Friday?”
Natasha burst out laughing as Tony entered, giving his sudo-son a Dad Look™
“Who doesn’t?” Yelena asked with a completely straight face, as Peter stuttered “N-no”
“That Ted kid, right? We really need to get him an internship with Liam in Coding. Hey Fri, set me a reminder to do that”
“Right away Boss.”
“What’s This?” The billionaire turned to the pile of avengers, and then the sign. “Fri, baby girl, take a good picture, would you? And send it to me”
“No, she won’t” Natasha said announced. “We have reputations to uphold?”
“Who here had a reputation left?”
Both Yelena and Natasha raised their hands, along with Bucky.
“No, put yours down Barnes, you have no reputation anymore,” Yelena pushed Bucky’s hand down, met with a glare.
“Everyone has voted.” Friday’s automated voice arrived just in time to avoid violence, announcing the poll results. “Princess Shuri would also like to tell Peter to mind the time change next time. The winners are “Black Widow: could and would kill you” and “White Widow: Cinnamon roll inside and out”, with the most cited reason being that Miss Belova looks less intimidating when unarmed and is super sweet, while Miss Romanov looks intimidating when unarmed and is more likely to kill people, as exhibited with Eugene Thompson.”
“I nearly gutted that bastard whole!” Yelena protested
“I was stopped by Peter”
“Who here hasn’t tried to or threatenedkill Flash, though?” Tony remarked, referring to all of the avengers.
“Peter” Bucky, Yelena, Wanda, and Natasha Chorused