I WILL BE YOUR SWORD (IF YOU LET ME)
The team climbs into the transport van just as the building explodes 100 yards behind you. The four widows all move to their chosen seats, seemingly all pre-assigned.
Sonya, Antonia, and Lerato are all focused on you, commending you. You look up at them. When they all talked over each other in Russian, it wasn't easy to catch everything they were saying, but you feel their pride and excitement. You did well. Your tongue lolls out happily as you look at each of their faces. Unconsciously, your eyes drop to find Yelena.
You freeze instantly when you hit the stern green gaze. You look behind you at the back of the van, checking if Yelena has seen a new threat. Nothing there. You look back, and she catches you again with her glower. Her chin pulls down as her eyes burn into yours.
Yelena has never been angry with you. Your heart begins to beat louder, you swallow hard, your breath coming more quickly. Tentatively, you walk forward to sit near her side, hunching your shoulders. You keep your chin down and look up slowly as she reaches to buckle your harness into the van's side safety belts. Her jaw tightens as she concentrates, not looking at you. She clips a leash to your collar and steps on the leather strap, forcing you to lower to the floor. The conversation drops to silence as the other widows share brief, curious glances at each other, then look away to give Yelena and her anger privacy.
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Once the van pulls into the hangar, the widows start filing out, each giving you discreet eye contact. Before Sonya exits, she leans over and whispers something in Yelena's ear, then pulls back to look at her. Yelena gives a cold stare. Sonya sighs and squeezes Yelena's shoulder, using it as leverage as she pushes herself up to stand. As she turns, she looks at you, opens her palm, folds her fingers a couple of times, and then opens her palm again. You don't know if Sonya is telling you goodbye for now or forever.
Yelena waits to move so long that the tension causes you to start shaking in tiny shivers. Finally, she reaches over to unbuckle you and leads you forward.
Yelena steps out of the van and then raises her hand to stop you before you can follow. You briefly panic and contemplate surging through the doors so she wouldn't leave you. She pulls back and looks around the hangar. Satisfied, she glances back at you. Your eyes are level with Yelena on the ground with you still in the van. It feels weird.
I told you to stay in place at the warehouse, she signs. I count on you to keep in place.
You blink and move back in seiza position, a kneeling posture. You sign in reply, bad guy moved to shoot your back.
Yelena all but snarls, her signing coming through curtly: I can handle myself. You follow my orders on a mission.
You frown. Yes. And… and I protect you.
Yelena shakes her head once. No, you follow my orders. That's it. You stay where I say; you move where I say. All to accomplish the mission.
You look at her, eyebrows furrowing. You. You are my mission.
Yelena blinks.
You stare at her, willing her to understand with your whole heart.
Yelena swallows, realization dawning. She looks up and over to the right, closes her eyes, and runs her hand over her face. She turns and sits on the bumper of the van.
She begins her in-the-field meditation exercise, using a finger to trace the contours of her other hand. As she traces up the outside of the finger, she inhales in a four-count; as she traces down the valley between her digits, she exhales in a four-count.
After minutes of listening to her breathe, you move across the floor to softly rest the top of your head on the back of her shoulder, carefully balancing your desire to give her space and your need to reconnect.
Yelena stiffens, then hums and tips her head back to rest on your shoulder.
She switches to verbal English with no trace of anger or frustration. "I think this requires a change of tactics, cub."
You move slowly and rest your chin on her shoulder, her hand coming up to thread her fingers through your new undercut, giving you gentle scritches.
You keep still, as she thinks.
After several minutes, she turns her head and murmurs in your ear. "We still need to work this out, but when you took that guy down... You did have very good form."
Yelena has never been truly angry with you until tonight. You never want to feel this again... but it pales compared to watching the enemy shooter take aim and hear the gun lock in on her back. Beyond any doubt, you know that you will choose to protect her even if it incites her ire, her wrath, or even her hatred. You know that you will need to share this constant with her so she can account for it in her planning.
For now, a smile spreads across your face, your cheeks warming from her praise.