am i a project?
Stephen was deeply regretting ever deciding to make friends. He was fairly certain that had been one of the few things he was right about, as a surgeon.
Madeline- his Madeline, who had been graceful enough to return the ring instead of flinging it at him, who was gone having lived a happy and loved life, not the feral redhead staring at him curiously- would have sighed at him for that.
“Seriously, you know, you could just... go on a date?” Jessica offered, waving a slice of pizza. The meal had been to make up for them all spending the evening going over yet more paperwork involving the latest menace to the planet- no alcohol, for the recovering, pregnant Spider-Woman, and those who probably shouldn't be tired and tipsy.
He was mourning that, a bit.
“Why should I go on a date?” he asked, ignoring the unholy glee in Tony's eyes.
“Well, it might make Miss Trouble Magnet get the hint,” Jess pointed out. “Nothing else seems to work.”
“He didn't curse her out yet,” Maddy pointed out. The semi-demonic pilot was being suspiciously quiet.
“Doc's too nice for that,” Yelena countered. “He just gets disapproving.”
He snorted, wondering how the hell he'd given her that impression. “I have a few novices that would disagree. Though I think most of the people from my surgeon days are gone, so they can't argue the point...”
“Ignore Jess, she's trying to find a project now she's on limited duty,” Carol said, rolling her eyes. She'd claimed one of the smaller couches for herself, feeding a bit of crust to her alien cat and legs dangling over one arm of the couch.
“My romantic history is not for discussion,” he said, staring at the ceiling. His mind wasn't sure if it wanted to remember lavender perfume and gentle curls that forever fell loose or a wicked red grin and smoky voice.
“Because there is nothing to discuss, Gandalf?” Tony asked, not looking up from his tablet.
“I have a romantic history,” Stephen corrected. “I just don't want to speak about it.” Especially as it covered a failed engagement that had turned into a friendship nearly two decades later, a near-flirtation that had been derailed by his own stupidity, and a long-distance romance that had been little more than a few scattered dates. Not that he didn't admire people- he was cheerfully aware that as lovely as Carol was, nothing would have ever come from that awareness, and a few others that long life had helped him come to terms with. (In terms of gender- Tony working on his suits, for instance, had resulted in him averting his eyes and trying not to blush, especially given Rogue's wolf-whistle. He still wasn't entirely certain why he'd ended up doing something like flirting with Doom. He'd blame it on a temporary lapse of sanity.)
“Meh,” Maddy said. “Everyone knows mine.”
“Because you need to stop dating Summers brothers,” Carol said, swinging her legs. “And Jess' we know for obvious reasons, and Tony can't shut up...”
“And you are dating my best friend,” Tony finished. “Can't fault your taste there. And Thor wears his heart on his muscled sleeve.”
“I do not like relationships like that,” Yelena added. “Though all of yours are very entertaining.”
“Nightcrawler has his own... very weird dating history,” Carol added, face twitching. He couldn't blame her- Amanda Sefton was surprisingly good natured for being raised by Margali Szardos, but the pair were foster siblings. And Illyana had gotten from Kitty the full mess with him and the shapeshifter. “And I know you listen to the gossip from over at the Institute...”
“Fine, I haven't had a proper date in...” he thought back. “A while. Since before I started teaching Illyana, to be honest, though the two aren't related. Victoria and I had very little in common, once we weren't fighting some magical thing, and there was very little spark after that. A few dates with the Empress of the Dark Dimension...”
Maddy whistled. “Nice.”
Yelena tilted her head in question, and Maddy continued. “Very pretty, very hot tempered, surprisingly fun sense of humor. Met her after an incident cleaning up... everything in the Limbo mess.”
“Mmm,” he said, ruefully, trying not to remember all of that nightmare fuel. “I messed up there, the timing was terrible on both our parts, and I said some things I shouldn't have. I have my duties here, and she had her own. If I had been willing to leave them, I might well be her consort now. Or perhaps some horrible creature in her basement, if I didn't get my head out of my ass.” He'd let his temper get the best of him, and had let one fairly innocent comment spark a furious argument about priorities, perspective, and various other things he'd regretted almost as soon as he'd returned to the Sanctum.
...In reflection, that was probably self-sabotage, pushing her away before he had to think about what it might take to build a future together.
“Eh, I've probably done worse,” Tony waved him off.
“And I was engaged, before my accident,” he finished, leaning back and closing his eyes.
“Did she leave because of it?” Carol sounded furious on his behalf, and he felt Chewie's paws on his legs.
“No, because I lost my way as a doctor, let my arrogance get the better of me and decided it was easier not to care about other people,” he admitted, trying not to let the shame show. He remembered her leaving, his mind reeling as he tried to figure out what he could say to get her to stay, and then the cold finality as he'd realized she wouldn't. “We did get back in touch later- she worked in Paris, married a few years later and had two children. Something supernatural was hunting nearby, and we met again.” He opened his eyes. “I was very lucky she didn't throw me back out into the streets, as I'd gotten a nasty whack to the head.”
Maddy snorted. “No happy ending there, though.”
“For her there was,” he corrected. “She lived a long and happy life, and died surrounded by those who love her.”
They had also become friends again, and he'd stop by on occasion when in Europe, and there had been calls, then email. He'd been able to tell her about taking Illyana as a student, and her growth, and he'd heard about her family.
It had hurt, when she died, but he didn't regret her having that happiness, not when he knew damn well he couldn't have given it to her.
“So we need someone who can tell when you're being self-sabotaging and call you on your bullshit,” Jessica mused.
“...that's your takeaway?” He was a bit confused. He'd just admitted that he was terrible at relationships.
“Eh, you got more social since you got a student, even Wong said something about it and he gets grumpy when he thinks we're trying to gossip about you,” Jess waved her pizza crust about, and he gave Chewie a scratching behind the ears so he didn't decide Jess was offering it as a toy. “You've grown as a person.”
He sighed, and he knew she might perhaps have a point.
Especially as he was thinking of a certain prickly Snow White, with sharp nails and a possibly over-developed sense of duty.
“Can I try to handle this myself?” he asked, even knowing that it might result in more teasing.
“Nope,” Jess grinned, before giving him a tilt of the head that made him brace for the next question. “Unless there is someone else?”
He could feel himself blushing, but deciding that this might at least buy him time. “Her name is Grace, and I have merely run into her while working a time or two. Nothing else.”
Maddy and Yelena shared a look, and those two teaming up might be even more terrible than answering questions about his personal life.
Then Yelena asked, in a non-sequitur that he'd learned the hard way usually led to a verbal trap, “When did she die, your former fiance?”
“About six months ago,” he said. “It was peaceful enough.” And, he knew, that six months ago was when Morgana had finally told him about her book, and he'd been too rattled to focus on the implications.
“Huh, I keep forgetting you and the Magnet are about the same age,” Tony tilted his head.
“Please don't offer Rogue as a possible date,” was all that came out of his mouth, before shooting Carol a worried look. She was doubled over with laughter, at least, earning a confused meow from Chewie.
“LeBeau would find an excuse to rob the Sanctum,” Tony added, winking at him. He'd been worried about Carol's response as well, Stephen guessed. The two were good friends, under the bickering, rather like siblings in many respects.
“And then Jessica would have to clean up the resulting mess,” Stephen said, hoping his teasing came through.
“Hey, pregnant lady here! Shouldn't I get a pass- what if it turns my kid into, I don't know...” Jess trailed off, trying to find a suitable threat.
“A baby sized mass of spiders?” Yelena offered. Maddy howled with laughter, both at the joke and the look of horror on Jess' face.
“I promise I wouldn't make you enact Rosemary's Baby,” Stephen added, making Tony and Carol join in on the cackling at Jess.
“Fine, fine, I suppose I shouldn't offer to see if we can set you up with Jean, either,” Jess said, crossing her arms and sulking a bit.
“Please don't,” Maddy said, sounding almost serious. “I really don't need to think about that.”
“Fair,” Jess nodded. “So you can try with whoever it is, and if you strike out, Spider-Woman is on the case.”
He shook his head, wondering what he'd done to deserve friends like these. Even if they did embarrass him, they were looking out for him, and didn't want him to be alone.
Or to deal with a woman who didn't really understand boundaries or safety rules on his own.
He missed the relieved smiles on their faces, the same way he'd missed their growing concern about him.
Wong, when he found out, would sigh but admit that it seemed to have helped with his gloom.