Recollection
Kurt wakes up to the early evening sun and Logan snoring deep into his ear. He smiles wide and rolls onto his side to wrap just about every limb around Logan.
Logan wakes with a chuckle and returns the multi-limbed hug.
Tangled together as they are it's hard to see where blue fur turns to tan skin.
"Mornin." Logan whispers. Kurt smiles impossibly wider and grabs Logan's face.
"The best morning I've had in 20 years." Kurt whispers, then he draws closer. His eyes drifting closed.
But Logan stops him from coming any closer, like last night in the club he's ever cautious. Even if nobody is here to see.
"Kurt we can't."
"Youre not?"
"No i…I am but we can't. I'm no good for you."
Kurt sits up with a hum, lips pursed and head tilted.
"Logan you are the only thing I've wanted for years. If we end horribly it'll have at least happened, don't tell me you of all people are scared of what the people will think." He said, Logan sits up and swings his legs off the bed. He drops his head into his hands and soon he feels Kurt's tail wind around his waist.
"Elf, I'm not scared for me. I'm scared for you. I can take care of myself but I don't know if you can an the last thing I want is you to get hurt because of me."
Logan stands and rushes to the door where he grabs his hat and straightens his slept in clothes.
Kurt appears behind him with a puff of Sulphur smoke. Logan freezes.
"If I am to b murdered because of loving a man then I want the man to be you." Kurt said. Logan growls and spins around to face him.
"Kurt I won't let you get hurt! I hurt everyone and you deserve better!"
"I don't want better! I want you!"
Something bangs on the ceiling and they both go silent.
"Stop yelling my neighbor likes to sleep in and sometimes she makes me food." Kurt said, in such a serious voice Logan almost cracks a smile. Almost.
"Kurt Szardos I have loved you since I was a lad but I can't let you love me back. I can't. I'm happy looking from a distance and you'll have to he too because, because, you're my everything. I would rather be a million miles away but able to see you than staring at yet another grave filled with somebody I love. I can't do it again."
He slams the door behind him.
—-------------------------
The door slams in his face and Kurt growls, something savage and deep and inside his chest a gaping maw opens wider.
Fuck let him have this!
Kurt teleports outside and jumps off the stairs to land in a crouch in front of Logan. He rises to his full height and points a finger in Logan's face.
"Logan!" He growls. He wants to say more but he just can't manage it. Logan is wide eyed and staring. He's never seen Kurt like this before. Kurt never wanted Logan to see how dark he's gotten over the years.
Kurt grabs his face and slams their mouths together.
Logan wraps his arms around his waist and hauls him back against the dirty wall under the stairs.
The kiss is rough and ugly and nothing like when they were kids but it's perfect for the time. Fuck they're angry, God forgive him Kurt is pissed beyond belief.
"Kurt." Logan said, in that same rough cracking voice from their childhood.
Kurt yanks him into another kiss and its then he realizes he's crying. He's not sad no, he's just angry. So full of emotion he can't get it out another way.
"Kurt." Logan tries again, one hand coming up to cup Kurt's cheek, and hold him back for a minute.
"Logan-"
"I won't leave, I promise I won't leave. Just do that again." He says with a small chuckle.
So Kurt does.
He drags Logan into another deep kiss right there in the alley for anybody to see.
If this is how they die then so be it!
But they don't, they pull apart and Logan smiles that cute bashful smile and steps away. Waving his hand and tipping his hat with another laugh.
"I'll be back blue, but I've got to tell my buddy I'm staying with I'm still alive." He said, Kurt grins and waves. But once Logan starts to walk Kurt yells,
"Oh wait wait!" And digs through the pocket of the suit he wears on stage that he had slept in like a fool.
He pulls out an old worn out red handkerchief and loops it around Logan's neck, then ties it in a neat little knot and pats Logan's chest.
"Now you've got to come back, that was my sister's. I'll have it back if you please. Someday."
"Someday." Logan said.
With another quick kiss Logan's off and Kurt is climbing his stairs again.
—-----------------
Logan runs his fingertips across the handkerchief the whole way back to Will's flat. It's soft with age and if Logan tries very hard to think he can almost see Kurt's sister wearing it so long ago.
Logan wonders what happened to Jimaine, if she's alright. Losing one sibling is hard enough. He'd hate for Kurt to have lost both.
But he's to giddy to focus on that for long, by the time he opens the door and finds Will sitting on the couch with probably a late lunch Logan is grinning wide. He doesn't even care that people could see his fangs.
"There you are!" Will said, he drops his plate on the couch and stands up to rush to Logan's side. "Thought you'd thrown yourself in a river or something you can't disappear on me like that Lo, not when you're…why are you smiling. You don't smile."
Logan laughs and again his hand rises to fiddle with the handkerchief around his neck.
Will gives him a confused look that soon blooms into a knowing smile.
"Oh you got yourself a lady didn't you?" He said, Logan nods. Will drags him into a rough hug and they both stumble towards the couch. "Great job Logan!" Will grabs a handful of Logan's hair and they tumble to the ground in a mock wrestle. "You didn't even tell me you were looking!"
"I wasn't, I found an old friend. I haven't seen him in years! He works at the club too and we stayed the night at his place-fuck-" Logan takes Will's elbow to the cheek, "-he's so pretty."
They both laugh out loud. Will shoves Logan's shoulders and pins him to the ground.
"Well good for you Lo. Good for you." Will said. Then he rolls off Logan and lays out on his back by his side. "That's his?" He pulls gentle at the handkerchief. Logan nods and closes his eyes.
It's silent for a while, then Will speaks up. What he says makes Logan wish he hadn't.
"So you're, um, I don't know what word you'd rather I say-"
"I'm a fairy will. Don't act like you didn't know." Logan said, and no Will did know. He saw it in the trenches, just like he saw Logan's abilities. There was many a broken ramble while Logan was growing back a limb about a beautiful blue man. Will had always known Logan loved that guy, whoever he was.
Maybe he's found him again, if he has Will decides to do whatever it takes to make sure Logan is allowed to love him.
He sees Logan as a little brother, he's gonna protect him with all he's got.
"Okay." Will whispers. Logan sits up but doesn't face him.
"Thats all?"
"Thats all." Will said, he stands and dusts himself off. "Its almost sundown. Get some rest before work." He said, then he turns and offers Logan a hand up off the ground.
Their eyes meet and Logan smiles, genuine and small, a little rumbling purr bubbling up through his ribs that he has to fight to keep quiet enough Will won't notice.
—-----------------
Kurt lays flat on his back on the floor for a long time.
One hand over his mouth.
A smile on his lips under his hand.
He hums a little tune and jumps to sit up with a roll, then he's doing a back-flip and stumbling back to his bed to flop down and pull a notebook out from under his pillow.
20 years ago, or there about, when Kurt had to run he started writing. He's got journals on journals tucked away. Years worth of memories he's been wanting to show his family.
If he could find them again.
He's nearly given up hope, just like he'd nearly given up hope at ever finding Logan again.
Kurt leans back against the wall beside his bed and tucks his legs under him. Then sets to writing
*Translated from german*
I found him! Logan's Alive and he's just like me! I can't wait to tell him everything that's happened. I really just want to be near him to be honest.
Oh, we're together now. It's lovely. How could anybody ever say this was wrong? It's wonderful to call him my man.
As always I miss you jimaine, mutti, stephan especially. I'm sorry brother. So sorry.
But enough about the past, I can't focus on that when I'm so ready for the future. I heard about a homosexual couple like us getting married in Germany a few years ago. Maybe…if Logan wants to…it doesn't matter right now. I'll see him again tonight. Besides I've marked him as taken, he's got my handkerchief around his neck and that'll tell plenty of people he's mine. Maybe I'll give him a ring. Oh we could wear rings!
Kurt tucks the journal away with a smile and slides out of bed, graceful as always, and goes to change into the clothes he wears during the day. The more flowing style of baggy pants and a button up shirt with a vest over it. It's rather old fashioned of him, not very modern at least, but it's what he favors. It's what he's worn for a long time.
He hangs up his suit to try and get some of the wrinkles out and teleports outside to the stairs.
"Kurt I've told you before to be quiet in the morning!" His upstairs neighbor leans over the railing of her stairs eith a frown.
Not that it's even morning.
Kurt gives her an apologetic smile and a wave.
"I'm sorry frau Renée, I had an old friend over." He said, she smiles and shakes her head.
"Well just keep it down petite souris. I'm an old woman and I like to sleep late."
"I know, I apologize." Kurt said, mumbling rather like a scolded child. Renée only smiles down at him and waves for him to come up.
"I made cookies last night for a few of my ladies and I and I've got some extra." She said, then she turns and goes into her flat.
Kurt teleports up the stairs and follows her before the door even swings shut.
—-----------------
"Kurt youre not paying attention!"
Kurt sighs and folds his hands on the vanity table before dropping his head onto his arms with a heavy sigh.
"Oh is your man coming to visit?" Lila walks over and leans on his side, one hand ruffling his hair and the other holding a cigarette.
"Hes late."
There's a knock on the door and the clubs other main performer pats kurts head and walks away.
"Hes here." She said. "I'll give you boys the room." Then she's opening the door with a giggle and sliding past Logan who takes up most of the doorway with how broad shouldered he is.
Logans got his hat in his hands, looking at the ground.
"Sorry doll, left later than I'd planned." He said. Kurt sits up straighter and crosses his legs. Logan's eyes drag up from the floor to follow the movement.
"No worries Logan," Kurt leans back in his chair real slow, but much to his disappointment Logan plays the gentleman and looks back to the floor with a smile.
"Can I come in?"
"If you don't I'd be disappointed. I've been waiting." Kurt said, Logan snorts and steps in. He pulls the door closed behind him and out of the inside pocket of his workman's jacket he pulls a slightly ruffled rose.
"Thought I'd give ya a flower before the crowd could beat me to it." He said, confident sounding but nervous looking. Kurt's coming to love that bashful smile all over again. Just like when they were kids.
Kurt springs to his feet and grabs Logan's face to pull him in for a sweet chaste kiss. Then he plucks the flower from Logan's hand and turns to drop it in his usual pre-show glass of wine.
"I think that'll kill it faster blue."
"So get me another one schatz."
Logan blushes and smiles, he throws his arms around Kurt's waist and kisses him again. More than chaste this time.
There's a knock on the door after a good few minutes of nothing but kissing then Lila's voice.
"5 minutes Kurt, and you're on first. Course I can always skip your set-"
"No no ill be right there." Kurt sighs. Logan laughs and pulls him in for another sweet kiss. God Kurt feels like a kid again! It's so easy to be with Logan. Every good memory relived in the moments their eyes meet, like the past few decades don't matter. Like the childhood Kurt was robbed of gets another try. With his first love by his side.
"Kurt!"
"I'm coming verdammt!"
—------------------------------
Kurts beautiful, standing up on that stage. Logan can barely keep his eyes off him.
It's a good thing he doesn't need to.
He can smell trouble as it's brewing and without fail every time something happens he's there before it blows up.
Like now.
"Ne touchez pas à ma fille, salope!"
Logan slides through the crowd and grabs a man's fist before it can fly farther than a few inches.
"That ain't nice bub." He growls. The guy scowls and tries to pull his hand away but Logan's grip is too strong.
"Let me go!"
"I will." Logan starts to dragging him back towards the door with the guys girlfriend in tow weeping over her boyfriend.
Logan kicks the door open and throws him out onto the street, into the drizzling rain.
"Don't come back for a week at least, maybe I'll be persuaded to let ya in then."
The man stands up with a scowl and dusts himself off.
"Damn yanks." He mumbles, Logan turns and takes a half step back inside.
"I'm Canadian." He barks, then he slams the door in his face.
He takes up his post by the door again and crosses his arms, then reaches into his pocket to pull out the cigar he's been chewing on for about two days. He'll smoke it eventually.
Logan blinks and shakes his head, a familiar scent fills his nose before he can get it to his mouth and he snorts. He takes a step back then leans heavy against the wall with a growl.
There's something he isn't remembering-
Bars, a cage, a woman.
Blonde, scars?
What's going on?
It's like the nightmares, they come and go sometimes during the day.
Logan comes out of it to people staring, though most of the crowd are now focused on the girl that Kurt was talking to.
He growls and clenches his fists, and eventually everyone ignores him again.