Chapter 4
You stayed silent. You wanted to tell him so badly. He was willing to listen, right? So why didn’t you wanna tell him?
Maybe it would ruin your friendship. Maybe he’d say you were “just lazy,” like everybody else. But he wouldn’t do that, right? He didn’t judge you when he heard your crying. He didn’t complain that he had to leave the concert early because of your stupid little breakdown. Maybe that meant he was silently judging you. Maybe he was gonna lash out at you in private.
All of your thoughts were contradicting each other.
“I’m sorry,” You mumbled, your voice weak.
“For what?” Hobie said, shooting you a quick glance. He wasn’t mad. He just looked so casual, as if nothing ever happened. You envied the way he just didn’t give a shit sometimes.
“For ruining the concert”
“Y’didn’t ruin anything.”
You went quiet again. You didn’t expect that. Before you got the chance to reply, you were greeted with a familiar building in front of you.
“This your place, innit?”
“Yeah.”
You rummaged in your jacket pockets for your keys. It felt like you almost had a heart attack before realising that you just left them in your jeans, not the usual spot. Hobie stayed right behind you, following you through the door.
You tossed off your jacket and boots, basically throwing yourself onto the couch. You couldn’t care less about how stupid you looked right now. All you wanted to do right now was to curl up into a ball and sleep, preferably forever. Hobie, on the other hand, went to the kitchen. You heard him opening the cupboard, then the fridge. Maybe he was looking for something. Shit, was he gonna raid your kitchen? Well, it’s not like you had anything other than cheap snacks, anyway.
After a few minutes, Hobie sat down next to you, and nudged you with his elbow. He handed you a cup of tea, taking a sip of his own.
“How’d you know I like tea?” You yawned, feeling exhausted.
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have it in your pantry,” he said.
You finished the tea after barely a minute. Hobie was still just sipping on his, seemingly avoiding eye contact. Then, he asked that same question again;
“What happened?”
You hesitated before replying, the same thoughts rushing through your head. Fuck it, this can’t get worse.
“Some guy spilled his beer on me.”
That sounded better in your mind. You didn’t realise how stupid it was out loud, crying over a small thing like that.
“That explains the smell. Sure that’s all?”
“Everything i do is fuckin’ pointless,” You started. Shit, did I really just drop that on him?
“Go on.”
“I don’t have the energy to do anything. It’s— It’s so stupid, but I just felt so terrible after having my hygiene ruined after finally having the motivation to fix it. Everything just feels meaningless, whatever i do, It’s like it always gets ruined. I haven’t even gone to school because I’ll probably end up with a 9 to 5 and work till’ i die, anyway. I don’t wanna live in this world. I can’t fucking do this anymore.”
You felt that lump in your throat starting to form again, water building up at the bottom lid of your eyes. “Why am i such a fucking mess today?” you thought to yourself. Your words hit Hobie like a ton of bricks. He hid it well, but inside, he felt crushed. He wasn’t in a great state of mind either, despite seemingly handling it well. He took a deep breath, leaning back on the couch.
“Can’t say I’m doing better.”
Your breath caught in your throat.
“..You alright?” You hesitated, your voice cracking slightly.
“No.”
The way he said it was so effortless. Like he didn’t care at all, but you swore you heard a tinge of sadness in his voice. Maybe he wasn’t as stoic as you expected him to be.
“You always seem so— so..”
You stopped yourself before saying something stupid. You wanted to say that he always seemed fine, but he didn’t. He wasn’t usually happy, nor sad, just okay. You never thought about how shitty his life could possibly be, or how he could have felt during all this.
“Mind if I crash here for the night?”
You shook your head. You were a tad too close to crying again, so you hoped he wouldn’t mind your quietness.
“Thanks.”