You sniffle softly and wipe tears away as you stare up at the ceiling.
Yet another sleepless night, and no amount of “meditating” or melatonin can help it.
Bucky snores softly beside you, and you don’t have the heart to wake him. He’s usually the one with the sleeping problem, so you’d hate yourself if you were to disrupt his one full night’s rest.
You crawl out of bed and head out to make yourself a glass of warm milk infused with chamomile, which is your usual remedy for Bucky’s sleepless nights.
When you’re halfway through the glass when you hear footsteps. “Hey, babydoll. What are you doing up?”
You frown. “I was trying to not wake you up.”
Bucky comes and sits down beside you, grasping your knee. “You know I can always sense when you get up.” He leans over and kisses your forehead. “Talk to me. What’s keeping you up so late?”
You sigh. “Can’t shut my brain off. And I didn’t want to wake you, since you’ve had so many sleepless nights in a row-”
“Hey,” he interrupts, turning you towards him. “I’ll gladly sacrifice an hour or two of sleep for you, sweet girl.”
You sniffle again, taking another sip of your milk. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this, though. I should be normal-”
“Stop it. I’m not letting you talk about my favorite person like that.” He wipes away a tear from your face and kisses your nose. “I knew exactly what I signed up for when we moved in together. You help me through my sleepless nights, so it’s only fair that I do the same.”
You set down your glass on the coffee table and wrap the throw around yourself. “It’s my anxiety, okay? I, uh-” You swallow hard. “I get like this sometimes. Can’t predict it.”
He takes your hand and gives it a firm squeeze. “You’re stronger than you think you are, babydoll. And you wanna know something?” At your nod, he continues. “I used to suffer from insomnia like yours when I was a kid. I would always go running to my mama in the middle of the night because I just couldn’t get to sleep, so she would just pull me into her lap-” He does this with you. “And just play with my hair. It would knock me out in five minutes flat.”
You snuggle up against him. “You’re sure that’ll work with me, though?”
“I play with your hair all the time while you’re sleeping. I actually think it helps you.”
You blush. “Okay.”
“Lay down then. Put your head here, ‘cause you’re obviously not the size of me at ten years old.” You lay your head in his lap and he puts his vibranium hand atop your head to hold you still while his flesh one immediately dives into your hair.
You sigh contentedly. “This is nice.”
“Glad you think so. Now stop thinking and just relax, love.”
After a few minutes, you still don’t feel tired and you sit up and put your chin in your hand frustratedly. “I’m never gonna sleep again.”
Bucky frowns. “Baby, that’s not true. If you keep telling yourself that, then yeah, it is true. Self-fulfilling prophecy.” He shrugs. “Just think about something that makes you happy, that makes you feel safe. My mama used that as an alternative if the hair thing didn’t work.”
“I’m keeping you up-”
“Don’t worry about that, alright? If my girl is hurting, I’m not just going to let it happen.”
The cat you two share, Alpine, then hops up onto the couch, her blue eyes wide with concern. You smile at her and pull her gently into your lap, stroking her white fur. “This helps. Thank you, sweet girl.”
She mews at you in response, which makes you smile even wider.
“She sensed something was wrong with her mama,” Bucky says, scratching under her chin. “Didn’t ya?”
You sniffle again. “Can we try again?”
“Of course.”
You curl up into his lap again, your arms wrapped around Alpine, who purrs against you, and you close your eyes, taking the advice of thinking about the things that make you feel safe and happy.
You’re out ten minutes later.
************************************************************************************************
You wake up in your bed, sunlight streaming in through the window, and you hear clanging in the kitchen, so you get up and go in there to see Bucky, with his shirt off, trying his best to flip a pancake, Alpine sitting behind him, just waiting for him to fail.
You go and wrap your arms around his middle and kiss his back. “Morning.”
“Morning yourself.” He turns and kisses you, wrapping his arms around you. “How’d you sleep?”
“Like a baby.” You smile. “Thank you.”
He shrugs, smirking a little. “Hey, if I can’t keep my girl happy, then I’m not doing my job.” He kisses your nose. “Now, you have to promise to let me know if and when this happens again, okay? I’m here to help you.”
You hum and nod, pecking his lips once more. “I should tell you the same thing, then.”
Bucky smiles, rubbing his nose against yours. “I love you, babydoll.”
“I love you too, Jamie.”