Chapter 1
Steve would love it. It was perfect. Tony was certain of it. The genius had not gone to that shop on purpose, he had just been passing by, but once there, once in front of the paint aisle, he had no choice other than to buy the item. Tony had no idea of how much a quality set of paints cost. He was a scientist, not an artist. The shopkeeper had been extremely helpful, not even attempting to persuade him to buy the most expensive thing in the shop. The wooden box had a lovely, vintage appearance. Perfect for Steve really. He loved everything coming from the forties. Tony wasn’t buying Steve’s love. It was normal to give gifts between lovers. The genius just wanted to look after the people he cared about. Nothing wrong with that.
Tony drove to Steve’s place straight away after that.
They had nothing planned for the day, but they were in a relationship, those things happened. Tony always was happy to see Steve whatever the circumstances. The unexpected felt even better. Both men had met at a gala the genius had no other choice but to attend. Pepper, his assistant, had tracked him down and forced him to go. The encounter had been magical, the kind of thing only seen in movies. He had been wandering around the room, shaking hands, and giving his fakest smile ever. Those were the rules of the business world. And then Steve had been there, standing in front of a painting.
Tony went to stand next to him, looking at some abstract thing that people called art. Steve had started commenting on it. Steve’ passion for the piece made every explanation so interesting. They had spent the entire night talking about everything and nothing. When they finally had to part way in the early hours of the morning, Tony couldn’t help but want more.
And more they had now. Their relationship wasn’t official yet. Tony was helping the other man with his art. Steve wanted to make it on his own, because of his talent. He didn’t want people to think he was using Tony’s fame or money for that. It was admirable. The genius understood that it was challenging for people to date him. He was far too famous, and not always in a good way. The media would destroy their relationship even before it had a chance to really start. The fact that they were hiding was in a way thrilling. Anyway, Steve was very talented. He would be a huge success in the difficult art world in no time.
Tony was being cautious so they could stay out of sight, but he really wanted to give the set right away. He felt like a child on Christmas day. Tony would certainly be delighted to see the smile on the other man’s face when opening his gift. They had also been apart for an entire week. Tony's schedule could be insane at times, which is entirely his fault. A week was a long time to be apart, so the genius had done everything he could to complete everything he had to do as fast as he could. That didn't mean he wasn't doing a good job, only that he wasn’t keeping a healthy schedule. Sleep was overrated anyway, and a nice romantic dinner with Steve would certainly make it for all the meals he had skipped so far.
Steve’s workshop was in the middle of Brooklyn, in an old build that had seen better days. The artist had spent his entire life in that part of New York and wasn’t about to move away anytime soon. The open plan disposition was perfect for displaying all his canvas. The floor to ceiling windows allowed for a perfect light throughout the day. Tony didn’t know anything about those things. Anything that made Steve happy was good for Tony.
The elevator was once again out of order. Tony wondered if that thing ever worked. The building wasn't very tall, thankfully. Perhaps it was no surprise that Steve was in such good shape. Carrying everything by foot up the stairs certainly helped a lot. Tony should probably work out more. Working with metal in his workshop was not an easy task. Unfortunately, Stark Industries was taking too much of his time and he didn’t have time to invent anything. His last binge, months ago, had been quite productive, but now he was stuck in dull meetings the majority of the time. As the CEO, he should really allow more free time in his schedule.
If Steve was willing, he could maybe arrange for them to go somewhere together. Tony had enough properties all over the world for them to have a quiet but romantic getaway. The genius would ask today maybe. There was nothing wrong in asking. Tony would not get his hopes up too high. When it came to those things, Steve was always a little shy.
The staircase did not enter the studio straight away, but the walls were paper thin. Steve was not alone. Tony stopped in his tracks trying to recognise the other voices. He had no intention of listening in. Not really. He simply felt like he should have not come, not without a warning. It was supposed to be a surprise so as not to impose on him. Tony was hesitating in the hallway when he heard his name spoken by a feminine voice. He recognised Natasha, one of Steve’s friends. She never liked him and wasn’t hiding it. Tony didn’t know why.
“So what is it between you and Tony?” she was asking.
Tony should have left then, or made himself known, but a part of him wanted to know the answer to that question. Steve always shied away from those discussions. Tony wasn't very good at them either, but he had tried to ask anyway. He wanted to know where they were standing. The genius wanted to believe in all the signs Steve was sending his way, but he had to admit that an actual confirmation would go a long way.
“There is nothing between us.”
He felt as though his stomach had been stabbed by that simple phrase.
“Are you sure? You too seemed pretty cosy.”
Clint was apparently present as well. This was not unexpected. He followed Natasha wherever she went. Tony was calling them the twins because they were so similar. The man disliked Tony as well. Tony suspected that Clint wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Whatever Natasha thought, he did too, no question asked.
“I have to make it look like it.” answered Steve.
What? Make it look like it? Surely Tony had heard it wrong. Perhaps it was too early to talk to say the word love, but they definitely had feelings for one another. Steve was only saying those things because they needed to keep their relationship hidden from the rest of the world. Of course, that was it. There was no other explanation besides Steve defending them.
“For a business man, he sure is quite naive.” commented Sam. “Quite easily manipulated. I’m not complaining. I appreciate the money more than I like the man.”
Now everything was clear. Tony had thought Sam liked him well enough. Hell, he had thought that Steve was in love with him. Tony had mistaken his friendliness and interest as romantic feelings. The genius looked at his hands, at the set of pains he had bought for Steve. Nobody would want to receive a gift from someone who meant nothing to them. That was clearly not what Steve expected from him.
All his hopes, every one of his plans for the future were destroyed at that moment. Everything that had led him to believe in them was all illusions. How pathetic of him. Tony knew how to conduct himself in the business world. It was simple. Those so-called sharks were quite easy to figure out. The normal social interactions had always been a mystery to him. He didn't have a lot of faith in people. Steve had been one of the rare exceptions.
Were they really nothing at all? Did he not like Tony even a little bit? The genius didn’t understand. Why would he say all those things? He didn't have to tell lies. Tony would have helped him regardless. Passionate people have always been the genius favourites. Throughout his life, he had assisted numerous people. The comedy was not necessary.
With no destination in mind, Tony kept driving for miles and miles on end. He couldn't even remember how he got back into his car. It didn't make a difference. When he finally came back to himself, New York was no longer behind him. He continued to drive. He needed to put some space between himself and what could have been a beautiful relationship.
On the nights he couldn’t sleep, Tony had fantasised about their future together. He had played different scenarios in his mind, putting sentences together, words of love he would say to Steve, and the beautiful responses he would get in return. Dreams were like that. They were beautiful at first, but they could quickly turn into nightmares. At least, he had just woken up, even if it had been without warnings. Tony’s dream was just that, a dream. He wasn’t so exceptional that things would turn out like in the fairy tales. It was time for him to wake up.
He would need to fill the tank up soon. Maybe he would drive up to Malibu.Truth be told he had no idea of where he was but he kinda liked it. Being somewhere completely new was somewhat poetic. With a little bit of luck, no one here would know who he was. The thought of hiding away from the world was very tempting. Pepper and Rhodey needed to know he was taking time to himself. They didn't need to know why or where it happened.
What would Steve make of his absence? Would he miss him even a little bit? Most likely not. Tony would need to stop thinking about the man, would need to stop hoping that what he had just heard was the lie. The genius was not a likeable person. Nobody would ever want him for himself. The truth was difficult to accept. Tony's knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. His mind was trying to be logical and practical. His heart was breaking a little more with each mile he was putting between him and Steve.
It would never be whole ever again. Steve would forever keep a piece even if he had never wanted it in the first place. Tony had never known how to love without giving everything he could give. Love wasn’t good for him. It was something he should put behind him and never look back on. Even though he tried his best not to cry, tears still ran down his cheeks. What a sorry sight. A grown man crying over a heartbreak. Even if he wanted to, he could not stop.
In that unknown town, Tony parked the car in front of what looked like a cafe or a restaurant. Why not right here? Where he was didn’t really matter. In any case, the gas tank of his car was almost empty. He was crying so hard that he was unable to see the road clearly. He stayed behind the wheel crying for a long time. He didn’t know how long it took until he had no more tears to shed.
He wiped his face from the tears as best as he could. He needed some basic information, such as a place to stay for at least one night. Staff in the dinner would certainly know those things. A big cup of coffee would be more than welcomed now. People around here didn’t know who he was and, hopefully, wouldn’t ask too much of his past. And maybe, just maybe, Tony would be allowed to forget everything.