Determination
A sudden knock wakes me up from my sleep. I groan and roll over in my bed, trying to ignore the noise as I fall asleep once more. A little while later I hear another sound followed by another, but it is much softer, as if someone were knocking softly on a door. After I open my eyes and blink a few times, I manage to see someone standing beside my bed. I slowly lift up my head to face whoever it is and squint my eyes. When I can finally make out who is standing there, I sigh and fall back against my pillows.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" I complain. "It's already 3:30..."
I stare at him for a few moments before he speaks up.
"You fell asleep pretty early so I figured I could come check up on you," Lincoln responds.
Oh yeah. He must have left earlier today. I wonder when he got back. Is he okay? I don't mean to seem nosy or anything. But I'm concerned. He seems upset. And he had been acting strange recently, especially around me. Well, maybe we're both acting strangely lately. Or, at least I am. I guess he's not so bad. I'm pretty sure if something's bothering him, he would tell me.
"Sorry, it must have looked kinda creepy." I mumble.
He shakes his head. "No, it wasn't. Sorry for waking you up..."
"It's fine... How are you doing?" I ask.
"I'm fine," he answers. "I just needed some fresh air... I needed to clear my mind."
"What was wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing, really." He answers nonchalantly.
I frown slightly. That doesn't look right. His voice sounded distant and he seemed tense. I can't help but suspect something isn't okay.
"Are you sure?" I ask him again.
Lincoln nods. I can feel his gaze burning into my skin. His expression is hard to decipher however. He averts his eyes towards the wall instead of looking directly at me and starts walking away.
That boy isn't right. I don't know what exactly is troubling him but I'm willing to try whatever it takes to make him feel better if it involves me being involved. Although it doesn't look like he wants me in any way... That's ok, I can try something. I have no choice. If I leave, I'll probably just feel worse. Plus, the longer I stay here, the worse everything will get.
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" I say, catching him off guard.
He stops abruptly and turns around, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. I quickly grab hold of his wrist and drag him along towards the bathroom. It isn' t very quiet. I'm not sure whether the neighbors can hear us or not, but I guess it doesn' t really matter. I pull him inside and close the door. Then I turn towards him and point my index finger straight at his chest.
"Tell me what's going on."
His expression softens a little. He looks somewhat nervous.
"There's nothing to tell." He responds.
"Bullshit! Tell me! Tell me!"
I yell angrily. He winces. He knows that I'm not angry at him, though. He knows me far too well.
"Look," he says calmly. "I appreciate it and all but-"
"You don't appreciate it!" I interrupt, pointing my finger at him once again. "You don't appreciate it at all!"
This makes him frown.
"Please calm down," he says, taking a step forward.
I shake my head furiously and refuse to let go.
"Don't you dare!" I yell. "Do you even listen to yourself?"
He stares at me in silence. As I continue staring at him, he starts to smile.
"Fine." He sighs. "But you have to promise that this will remain between us."
"Promise." I respond, smiling.
Lincoln takes a deep breath. "I think this family is falling apart."
"You don't say?" I say sarcastically.
"I do. Something has changed recently. Nobody in this household isn't the same anymore. Nobody is happy. We don't act happy." Lincoln tells me. "Nobody even speaks to each other much anymore."
"Well, that's not so great is it?" I say, shaking my head.
"It is true," Lincoln replies.
He leans forward as if he wanted to confide in me. I lean towards him as well, waiting patiently for him to speak.
"They don't seem to care for one another."
He pauses to take a deep breath.
"One day I woke up and realised mom didn't even greet me. She didn't talk to me. She barely acknowledges me as her child anymore, which is unusual. I've never seen her act this way towards one of our sisters, at least not for years."
Lincoln sits up straight, letting out a deep sigh. He stares blankly at me, lost in thought. I don't blame him. It certainly sounds complicated. I don't think anyone knows how to handle such a situation well most of the time. No one seems to understand how to deal with it, really. None of us do, as a matter of fact. Not one single person.The atmosphere between us starts to grow tense. Neither of us know what to say. I can't think of anything to say to help. So I simply nod awkwardly. Lincoln stares at me for a couple more seconds before sighing and shaking his head.
"Well I think this conversation has gone on long enough, don't you think?" he asks, sounding frustrated.
"Yeah... I guess it has." I reply.
"Come on. Let's go outside, shall we?" Lincoln suggests, standing up and stretching his hands behind his neck.
He walks out of the room first and I follow soon after. There he goes again, leaving without saying a word. But I don't really mind because sometimes, silence is quite nice. Sometimes silence means nothing at all, and that's what makes it enjoyable. Even though there was still a lot I wanted to ask him. But I guess it was best to keep quiet for now. What's done is done. Now I'd rather focus on the future.
I get ready to see Darcy tonight. I'm not sure why she wanted to hangout with me, and I honestly feel kind of awkward about it, but I'm going to anyways. I want to talk to someone about all of this. Someone besides myself, that is.
After I'm done getting ready, I look towards my desk drawer. I open it up and see my secret bottle of molly. I open it up and see my secret bottle of molly. I pick it up and take it downstairs with me. Once I reach the front door, I stop and pull out my phone.
"Where you want to meet up?"
I wait for a moment before hearing a small response.
"At the park."
With that, I put my phone away and head out of my house. I decide to walk in silence as usual today since I feel a bit uneasy. The air outside is cold, and it feels refreshing. I look down at the bottle. I open it up, and pop a tablet into my mouth. Once that happens, I finish swallowing. Then I put the bottle back into my pocket and start walking towards the park.
When I arrived, I spotted her sitting on a bench alone. I hurry over and sit beside her as I watch the sun set across the sky. The orange light paints a beautiful display on the sky, casting a warm glow across her features as she stares at the horizon. She notices that I'm there.
"Hi." She says.
I smile.
"Hey." I answer.
I take a seat next to her. I glance around then turn to face her. She lets out a quiet chuckle before glancing at me, grinning.
"So what brings you here?" I question her.
She shrugs her shoulders in response before replying.
"You." She smiles.
"You." She smiles. "I just wanted to talk to you."
Her tone is gentle and genuine. She does seem to want to talk to me. Is she feeling alright? I stare at her intensely for a few seconds. A shiver runs down my spine when she glances at me briefly, causing me to quickly avert my eyes back to the sky. I can't tell if it was just my imagination, but I think I saw her cheeks tint pink.
For a while neither of us say anything.
For a while neither of us say anything. We both just look at the sunset peacefully enjoying the peacefulness of it, watching the clouds drift across the blue sky, creating dark patterns across their colorful backgrounds.
"How have you been?" She eventually breaks the comfortable silence.
I look back at her and give her a confused look.
"Uhh... fine I guess." I tell her "Why wouldn't I be?"
She raises an eyebrow and rolls her eyes slightly.
"You don't sound convincing." She laughs softly.
"I mean it, though."
My lips form into a small smile, nodding lightly as I try to figure out what to say next.
"I guess..."I pause. "I just haven't felt good lately."
She nods slowly. Her gaze wanders from the sky to my face before turning back to stare at the ground below. My heart pounds as my heartbeat quickens slightly. Does she care? Why hasn't she said anything then? Is it possible that she doesn't know how to respond? How should I reply to that? I don't like thinking that people don't care about me, especially someone I love. Maybe she just didn't want to hurt me, and she's scared. Or maybe she doesn't believe me. Either way, it's clear that it upsets her, and that makes me upset.
"That's okay, kiddo." She says quietly.
I blink in surprise. Did she just call me cute?
"What did you-"
She interrupts me before I could complete that sentence.
"Let's get something to eat. You're hungry right?" She asks me.
"Yeah..."
"Then let's go."
"Okay... Where are we eating?"
"Let's eat somewhere close by. If we're gonna go anywhere else, we can just order some food and come back here afterwards."
"Okay..." I smile, nodding as I stand up from the bench.
We leave the park and walk towards downtown, passing shops and stores and families everywhere. They seem happy. Normal. I think to myself. They probably aren't all like this. Everyone has their own troubles, no matter how hard they try to hide them. No doubt they're all suffering just like I am.
"Are you doing okay?" She suddenly asks me.
I immediately stop in my tracks and stare at her surprised. For a second, I'm afraid that maybe I offended her, but she just looks back at me and gives me a smile.
"No... I'm not." I admit.
She tilts her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I'm not." I repeat myself. "I'm not doing great right now, I'm sure."
"I'm sorry." She sighs.
"Thank you."
We enter the restaurant and she orders for both of us. After she takes my order, she sits down at a table with me, and I join her shortly after. We sit in silence as we eat.
"Is there anything I can do to make you happier?" She asks me, glancing at me briefly.
I shake my head slightly.
"I don't know. There's nothing wrong with what is happening to me. I don't know where to find a solution either."
"Maybe we need to find the solution ourselves. Maybe we don't need to solve it. Maybe we only need to discover what it is. To find the reason why everything's going this way." She explains. "If something is bothering you that much, then I might be able to offer you some help."
I raise an eyebrow in disbelief. I mean, if something were actually bothering me. I've been ignoring everyone so I can be alone. Who would ever want to bother themselves with such things? I've never had problems dealing with this problem. I'm pretty sure I'm the last one who needs any help. Still, perhaps there is another possibility, although I'm not sure what it is. Maybe that other option is more viable. Perhaps I don't even have to confront anyone about it. I guess that would mean finding a solution is necessary. That's probably better than solving the problems myself.
"How?"
"By listening to your problems and trying to figure out a reason for them."
She offers me a soft smile. I return it. That might actually work. It's worth a shot anyway. It might just be the perfect way to deal with the situation at hand. The only thing left to do now is to listen to what my inner voice tells me. And I'm pretty sure that it'll give me answers, I just have to wait for it to speak its mind. Well, if it decides that it knows enough.
"Alright." I finally say after a short while.
"Thanks."
She smiles at me once again. A moment later, she starts eating. After a while I follow suit as well. We spend most of the time talking and laughing. After a while, our conversation starts becoming less cheerful, but also less serious. More lighthearted. I find that she seems really calm when speaking to me now. Like it's just the two of us. I guess that must be because she's starting to feel more comfortable around me. After eating, we begin to walk together back to her home. On our way we hold hands, which I thought might be weird considering our circumstances, but she doesn't comment. That's when I start feeling the effects... the molly.
A couple minutes ago I was feeling pretty good. I felt great, and it almost made me forget what's happening to me. But then something happened that messed me up. Something that caused me to lose my smile and joy. I was distracted thinking about something else, and a couple moments later, my brain switched off. As I continued to walk back home, I kept getting these feelings of dread inside of me as soon as I realized what was happening. I stopped in front of her house and gave her a slight smile before waving goodbye.
"See you tomorrow." I say.
"Same, see you."
My phone rings in my pocket. I pull it out of my pocket realizing it's my mom.
"Hello... hey mom." I greet my mom.
"Oh, hello." She replies. "Where are you?"
"I'm heading home already, don't worry." I reassure her.
"You sound high..." She observes.
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. What does that mean?
"Hah, yeah. I am." I laugh lightly.
"Don't come home tonight." She states.
I tilt my head in slight confusion.
"Why?"
"I'm not dealing with your drug-indused maddness tonight." She pauses. "Stay away until I call you tomorrow."
"I'll see you tomorrow then, alright, bye."
"Wait, what's wrong?" Darcy looks to me.
"Nothing it's just... I'm not allowed to go home tonight." I explain to her.
She nods understandingly.
"Do you want to stay with me for the night? Maybe we can watch movies or something together until your mom calls you to pick you up."
I shrug slightly. I don't have much to keep me busy anyway, and I'd rather be with her than being alone at home.
"Sure..."