Chapter 3
“I-I’m sorry Sir, I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“No, no, we’re sorry. We shouldn’t have been staring.”
“I don’t blame you,” Peter said with a scoff. “There’s plenty to look at, my entire family, dead, in 12 years! I’ve probably set a record. ”A hysterical edge tinged his voice.
Instead of laughing like Peter had expected they would, the men glanced at each other with worried faces. Furrowing his brow, Steve assured: “I am so sorry that happened. No one should have to go through that. Me and my friend Bucky here, well, we were just wishing there was some way we could help, that's all.”
Peter blinked. He didn’t exactly know how to react to the kindness being shown to him. Let alone from two people who were trying to hunt him down for the last couple months. A strong, instinctual part of him demanded that he end the interaction as fast as possible. He didn’t want them knowing anything about his life outside of the mask whether they knew they were connected or not. But a smaller, more timid part of him desperately wanted to grasp at the offer.
It had been so long since he could lean on anyone else for anything.
But still, of all people, why was their offer of help so tempting?
Oh.
His brain was quiet. When Steve had started speaking he hadn’t realized it but his spider-sense had dulled to near silence. His knees nearly buckled at the revelation. People who had been trying to kidnap him for months made him feel safe? What the fuck was going on with him? Both Steve and Bucky rushed forward, reaching out to help, but Peter had quickly regained his balance. “Are you alright son?” Steve asked urgently.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry it's been a long week,” Peter breathed out.
“How about we help you home, okay?” Bucky asked, speaking for the first time. They were both settled on either side of him as if we were on the verge of falling over. Maybe he was. How long had it been since he slept?
Shaking his head Peter explained, “Can’t go home yet, still have two deliveries to make.”
“Well how about we walk you there okay?” Steve asked a little desperately.
Despite Peter’s logical side telling him to ditch these two as quickly as possible before he said something stupid, company that wasn’t trying to shoot, punch, or stab him was a rarity for him these days. Just this once. Just this once he would let himself have the artificial comfort of people who didn’t know all the damage he was responsible for.
“I’m sure they’d be honored. I’ll show you the way.” Peter answered.
The walk to Gwen and her father’s graves wasn’t far per se, but it wasn’t close either. Peter retreated into his mind oblivious to the worried looks the two men continued to exchange. He let his feet guide their group along a path he’d walked often enough to memorize.
It had been too long since he had visited the cemetery. It just had to be his luck that some of the Avengers were there the same day. Peter supposed it wasn’t too odd that they were there though. Similar to himself, people tended to drop dead around them often. A part of him wanted to ask them who they came to see, but the men hadn’t pried into his business too much. He would do the same.
Explaining anything about losing Gwen would’ve been too much for him today. Peter was fighting to stay above water, and didn’t have time to relive all of his mistakes. God knew he wouldn’t forget. There was no one to pull him out this time and regardless, he had to persist, for them.
He wondered how the Avengers managed. The grief and guilt entangled in their line of work. Both the Avenger’s missions and their mistakes were on a much larger scale than Peter’s, yet somehow they barely batted an eye. One small press release with a useless apology and it was back to business as usual for them.
Did they even care?
How many countless people had died, lost family members, homes, jobs and all because of their failures and recklessness. How many people had lost their lives because the Avengers were too busy trying to catch him? And they were supposed to be Earth's Mightiest Heroes.
Coming to a stop Peter halted his train of thought. He could brood later, when he wasn’t right in front of them.
“Here we are,” Peter murmured.
Directing his eyes down on the too-fresh names carved onto the granite, he sighed and crouched down lightly, placing the flowers on the ground in front of the graves. Side by side. Father and Daughter.
Surprising Peter, Steve stepped forward abruptly causing him to flinch back, but Peter’s spider-sense had been as quiet as a ghost. The man stiffly looked forward and saluted the Captain’s grave.
That’s right.
Gwen's father had served in the military as well as Captain America and his friend.
Looking back Peter noticed Bucky in a similar position. And a second later they simultaneously relaxed. Both looking at the startled Peter with soft eyes. An instant after making eye contact Peter sharply turned his head looking at the ground. That was…not what he expected.
Had the soldiers not been accompanying him he may have sat down and spoke for a while. He often spoke to Gwen about, well, everything. And now with May gone he would have infinitely more to tell her, even if he only received silence in return.
Not wanting to give away any personal information in front of the men he resolved to come back a different day. Alone.
He glanced back at the men, “I’m going now, I’ll leave you two to enjoy the rest of your afternoon,” Peter said briskly walking away from the Captain and his friend without waiting for a response.
“Wait,” Steve called out, taking a step forward. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
Hunkering down even more, Peter quickened his pace. He wouldn’t be able to keep the crack out of his voice if he answered. He just had to hope he wouldn't see them again without the barrier of his mask.