This wasn’t the first time Vel had met Tay Kolma. The first time had actually been at Mon’s wedding to Perrin, although Vel had only been 7 at the time, and had made very little of the meeting. She’d noticed that Tay was quiet and polite and that Perrin didn’t seem to care for him much, but nothing more.
It hadn’t been until later, when Vel was older, that she’d noticed the way Tay looked at her cousin and it had become clear to Vel that for Tay Kolma, Mon was the one who’d gotten away. He never said anything, of course, and he was scrupulously polite to Perrin—whose feelings Vel now understood—but his eyes followed Mon everywhere she went and Vel had never seen him with another woman.
At first, Mon had only barely reciprocated. Vel knew her cousin well enough to realize that she found Tay Kolma attractive, but her attention was the cursory attention of a woman who was married but not blind and nothing more. As time had passed, however, and Mon’s marriage to Perrin had grown ever more noxious, Vel had noticed a shift. No longer was her cousin’s attention merely friendly—her eyes lit up every time she caught sight of Tay and Vel saw a rare, genuine smile on her face whenever they interacted.
For a time, it actually seemed to Vel that Mon was avoiding Tay—as though she was afraid of what she might do if she gave herself too much of an opportunity.
Well, if Mon had been avoiding Tay before, she certainly wasn’t now. And the... spark that had always been there was still just as strong as ever. Stronger even, and it wasn’t just Vel that had noticed. Perrin had stared jealously at the pair as they drifted around the room together all night and Leida had inserted herself more than once into their conversation—quite unusual given the lengths the sullen adolescent usually went to to avoid her mother.
No wonder Mon had been so taken aback by Leida’s pointed remarks about Tay being an old boyfriend—it had clearly struck too close to current truth for comfort.
“I thought you said you had enough to worry about already?” Vel asked pointedly when they finally found themselves alone at last at the end of the evening. She wasn’t bothered by the prospect of her cousin straying from her farce of a marriage—Mon deserved some happiness—but she was bothered by the notion of her cousin keeping it from her.
Mon looked genuinely confused at the question, which was reassuring. “What?”
“When I asked you about Tay Kolma before you said it was only about money.”
Comprehension dawned. “It is, Vel. I don’t have the time for that sort of thing and you know it.”
“That’s not the impression you were giving off this evening.”
“Good! Let people think that. It can keep them from discovering what’s actually happening.”
“No,” Vel clarified, “I mean that’s not the impression you were giving to me.”
Vel met her cousin’s eyes, staring into them meaningfully until the older woman looked away.
“It’s like you said, Vel. ‘The rebellion comes first. We take what’s left.’”
This time it was Vel that looked away. She took her cousin’s hand. “We take what’s left doesn’t mean we take nothing, Mon.”
She hoped she wasn’t lying about that. Cinta’s face flashed into her mind and she felt a fresh stab of hurt at how long they’d been away from one another—and the fact that she had no real idea how long it would be before they could be together again. Really together, rather than just ships passing in the night.
She pushed the image of Cinta out of her mind.
“If you meet someone,” Vel continued, “someone that you can actually share the cause with... you should take that happiness where you can find it.”
Vel looked up to find Mon smiling at her.
“You’ve met someone.”
Vel blushed, surprised. This was not where she had intended for this conversation to go.
“You have! Tell me about her! It must have been while you were away these last six months on whatever errand Luthen had you on?”
Mon’s smile had only grown broader and she squeezed Vel’s hand encouragingly.
Vel just nodded. “She was on the same mission I was. She’s... beautiful. Inside and out. And completely dedicated to the cause.”
Mon hummed. “Of course. You could never love someone who wasn’t. Anyone who wasn’t just as on fire for the rebellion as you are would get burned even trying to get close.”
Vel decided it was time to try and change the subject. This wasn’t supposed to be about Cinta.
“The point is that you deserve a bit of happiness too.”
Mon’s face turned dark. “Do I?”
“Of course you do!”
“I used to just not think about it,” Mon said, after a long moment. “There wasn’t enough time to think about happiness when I had the Empire to fight. Now... how can I deserve happiness, especially that kind of happiness, when I’m selling my own child to a gangster?”
Vel reached out to Mon. “You had no choice, Mon.”
“That doesn’t make it right,” she said bitterly. There were tears in her eyes, although they did not fall.
“If you get caught...” Vel hesitated, contemplating exactly that scenario. Just the thought gave her shivers. “The Empire wouldn’t spare Leida. You know that. You’re protecting her too.”
“Vel, I’m sacrificing the future of the person I hoped most to secure it for. How can I even contemplate indulging in my own love affair under those circumstances?”
“I thought Leida was very enamored with these sorts of Chandrilan customs?”
“She’s thirteen,” Mon scoffed. “I was two years older when I married Perrin without a fuss. Look how that’s turned out.”
“The Sculden boy isn’t Perrin.”
“You’re right. He may very well be worse.”
Vel sighed but said nothing more. What else could she say? There was no making this situation any better.
“I’m going to bed,” she told Mon at last, squeezing her hand once more. “I have to be gone early in the morning. Well, early, at least, for a spoiled rich girl.”
Mon wished her a good night, but did not move. Vel wondered if she would finally let those tears fall when she left.