BUCKY

What the hell was I thinking? I’d gone and done the exact thing I told myself I wasn’t allowed to do months ago. Maybe it was the dream I’d had. I could tell myself countless times that it was only a dream, but that wouldn’t unplant the seed of doubt my best friend’s visage had effectively shoved into my brain. Maybe it was just me finally giving up.

Whatever the case, I couldn’t bring myself to be upset about it. Not when she had looked at me with so much happiness after I’d asked her to go dancing with me. I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t even frustrated. I was fucking nervous.

Once Indy was over her bout of sickness, she had tentatively asked if tonight worked for me. I couldn’t really say no, considering I had no actual commitments aside from her safety. Besides, the blush across her face and the way she’d swiveled her gaze bashfully away as she’d asked had been irresistible. I’d smirked and grabbed her fingers lightly between mine and said, “I’ll be waiting for you outside. 7 o’clock,” before leaning down and kissing her cheek.

I don’t think I’d ever heard her giggle so girlishly before that.

I was losing all sense of self-control. Normally, that prospect was terrifying. But what I felt instead was excitement. I was giddy for the first time in over 70 years. I spent probably too long choosing the dark button-up I settled on and even gelled my hair back a bit at the front. The pep-talk I gave myself in the mirror was pitiful and desperate — “For the love of God, don’tsay anything stupid.”

At 7 pm, I stood beside my bike, a pair of western-style boots that I hadn’t had a chance to break in yet tapping a nervous rhythm against the gravel of the driveway.

“Hey,” she called as she opened the door of the cabin and stepped out.

My breath caught somewhere deep in my chest as she stepped toward me. She wore a pair of high-waisted jeans that hugged her legs in ways I didn’t have enough light to admire, then flared slightly near the bottom, over a pair of her own boots. The small blue button-up she had on was tied together over a white tank top and her hair was curlier than usual, put up in a ponytail.

I cleared my throat, holding my hand out to her. “You ready?”

She nodded and smiled, letting me lead her over to the bike.

She held onto me tightly the whole way to Uvalde, and I indulged myself by driving one-handed so I could hold the side of her thigh next to me. The wind cooled my face as we rode, but my heart felt like it was beating solidly, healthily in my chest for the first time in too long.

The dance hall was called the Quihi Gun Club. It wasn’t a very inspiring name, but the crowds of people in the parking lot and loitering near the doors were all smiling, laughing, drinking, shouting. We hardly drew any looks as we made our way inside, hand-in-hand. That or Texans were better at hiding their people-watching than New Yorkers. The short, rectangular building was put up on stilts. A lot of them. But the thing seemed stationary, with people walking in and out with no hesitation and music and laughter pouring out of the door. Indy led our way inside, her fingers tangled loosely with mine.

We staked out a small table at the edge of the dance floor, but I turned toward the bar, telling Indy, “I’m going to get us some drinks.”

She nodded, opening her mouth to tell me what she wanted, but I shook my head and leaned down so she could hear me over the music. “I know what you like. Trust me.”

She was blushing when I pulled back, giving her a wink before I headed toward the bar. Her own drink of choice had been alarmingly similar to my own the first time we’d gone drinking together, way back when we’d first joined the team. Now, it seemed like just one more reason we fit together.

“Two whiskeys,” I told the grizzled old man at the bar. “One on the rocks, one straight.”

He gave me a short nod, flicking his gaze over my shoulder toward the table I’d come from, the girl I’d come with. His scruffy white jaw was soft with age, working over what I could only assume was a wad of chewing tobacco; seemed to be pretty popular down here. The troubling thought crossed my mind that I was likely older than this man. And the girl behind me…

“Here ya are, kid,” he grunted, sliding two glasses toward me.

I nodded my thanks to him, left some money on the bar and made my way slowly back toward the table Indy sat at, watching the couples on the dance floor with her head tilted, a vague smile on her face. Her cheeks, full with youth and flushed with excitement, pulled upward as she met my eye.

I set her glass on the table in front of her, sliding in next to her and sipping on my own drink. I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly shut it, suddenly feeling tense and worried about this again. Awkward silence settled on us as Indy glanced away and sipped her whiskey.

No. We’re not doing this. You said you were going to give it a chance. So give it a chance, damn it.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked quietly, not looking up from the glass between my fingers.

“Sure,” she said with an easy shrug that brushed my arm.

“You said yes to this…” I started slowly. “I know there’s the obvious answer, but… why?”

“You need an answer other than ‘I like you’?” she chuckled.

My body warmed slightly at the words; despite my assurance that it wasn’t the answer I was looking for, I did need to hear it.

“Don’t you worry?” I asked, looking up at her then. She had moved closer, our hips nearly touching in the booth seat. “I mean, I am… kind of dangerous.”

From any other man, that might have sounded like bragging. But Indy’s face softened at the concern — the wild edge of fear — that wasn’t so easily hidden in my voice. She thought her answer over before speaking, the way she always did.

“You’ve done a lot of pretty crazy things in your life, B-” she broke off, looked up at our surroundings, then back at me with a tiny smile. “Jeff. But a lot of those things weren’t choices that you were allowed to make for yourself. I know probably better than most people exactly what you’re capable of, physically.”

I averted my eyes, wishing I didn’t have a horrible movie reel of memories corroborating that claim playing in my head. Her fingers touched my jaw, turning my face gently back toward her.

“But, I know what you’re capable of in here, too,” her hand slipped from my face down to my chest, fingers rested softly against my heart. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Not if you had any choice in it.”

“If I did-” I murmured, staring into her eyes like she had the power to save me. All she had to do was say the right thing. Get me out of my own way. Break through. She’d been doing it since day one. I was hoping she could do it again. I put my hand over hers, pressing it more firmly to my chest. “It would destroy me.”

“That’s why I said yes. Everyone says you’re dangerous. Even you. And I know you are, but… I’ve only ever felt safe when I’m with you.” Her voice was soft, her eyes caught somewhere near my mouth, looking as confused as I felt sometimes. “I know that makes no sense, but-”

“No,” I said quickly, my hands reaching toward her without my permission. She glanced up at me in shock, letting me draw her in closer by her waist. I swallowed thickly. “I want you to feel safe with me.”

It felt selfish, saying it out loud. Like something I wasn’t supposed to want. It was something I’d been yearning for in the dark of night for a year now. I wanted things from her that I shouldn’t. I wanted to hear her say my name, to run her fingers gently through my hair and tell me about all those weird creatures she was so interested in. I wanted her to laugh at the things I wouldn’t let others even acknowledge. I wanted her to feel my teeth at her throat and trust me not to bite. I wanted to be safe for her, the way she was for me.

And I was done pretending to be some paragon of self-sacrifice. I was taking what I wanted tonight.

So I leaned down and kissed her, sweeping my tongue along her full lower lip, tasting whiskey and Indy. Her fingers tightened on me, drawing a low growl from my throat that made her shudder lightly. When I pulled away, she was grinning, face red. I pressed my mouth to her cheek, the warmth of her skin burning against my lips, then I pressed a few more kisses to her other cheek, drinking in the sound of her laughter as she curled further into my side.

I smiled crookedly down at her, then jerked my head toward the dance floor. “Come on, I promised you dancing and all I’ve done is liquor you up and kiss you.”

“You’re not gonna hear me complaining,” she chuckled as I pulled her up to her feet.

INDY

Bucky was a good dancer. It shouldn’t have surprised me, given the stories I’d heard from back in the day, but a man of his width, height, and muscle mass shouldn’t have been so light on his feet. But Bucky was also a trained assassin. So I guess that helped.

All I know is that I spent hours with his arm around my waist, a gloved metal hand holding my right hand to his chest as he shifted us lithely around the dance floor. We talked a little, but mostly we danced. And even though it was silent aside from the music and noises from other dancers and bar-goers, it felt like something was being transferred between us — like some conversation was happening even if we weren’t speaking. I felt myself growing closer to him through sheer contact.

Around midnight, Bucky gave me one last spin, steadying me with a hand on my hip, then smiled down at me. “You ready to go home, Doll?”

Excitement coiled in my stomach. What was going to happen when we got home? I didn’t want to be too ambitious, but tonight had gone… really well. I’d expected him to start pulling away from me again at some point in the night, but he’d done the opposite. He’d been flirty and sweet to me. My pulse jumped at the small smirk on his face.

I nodded and pulled his fingers between mine again.

“You know,” he said as we walked toward the motorcycle in the dark, quiet parking lot. “I was worried this wasn’t going to be this… easy.”

I looked up at him, the moonlight outlining his Romanesque features. “What, you thought I’d be a nightmare date?”

“I mean, I’ve gone on a date or two since unfreezing and they, uh-” He shook his head, smiling. “Well, they didn’t go as well as this one.”

I crossed my arms, dragging his hand along with them, and gave him a sarcastic look. “And who said this went well?”

He knew better by now than to take me seriously, so he scoffed beneath his breath and pulled me closer to his side, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

As we pulled away from the dance hall on Bucky’s motorcycle, he removed a single hand from the handlebars and nestled it against the outside of my thigh, holding my leg more firmly against his hip. He’d done the same thing on our way into town. I blushed just as much the second time, but leaned in a little closer to his back this time. I’d been expecting him to change his mind about this all night, hoping he wouldn’t start second-guessing himself and pulling away from me. That hand on my leg gave me hope, though.

When we got home and started walking toward the door of the cabin, an air of hesitation settled over us.

“This was… a lot of fun,” I said slowly, glancing over at him with our hands dangling loosely between us, fingers twisted together sort of haphazardly.

“I’m glad. It was fun for me, too,” Bucky responded quietly. He was smiling, but he looked unsure about something, a line between his eyebrows like he was thinking hard.

Unease needled me. I started to release his hand, turning toward the door before he could be the one to pull away from me. But his fingers tightened on mine and he used my own forward momentum to swing me around in front of him. I threw my hand up to keep from crashing into his solid chest, looking up at him in alarm.

His blue eyes were unguarded, staring down at me with some kind of plea in them as he rested his hands on my waist. “I don’t want this to stop,” he whispered urgently, fingers tightening on me. “I don’t want to go in there and start thinking about all the reasons I shouldn’t do this again.”

Something in my chest throbbed. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his midsection. “Why do you have to?”

“I have to keep you safe,” he mumbled into my hair, his breath warm against my scalp. “Being with me in the ways I want you to be… that’s about as far from safe as anything I could think up.”

I fought the urge to sigh and roll my eyes. “Bucky, you’ve always kept me safe. You’ve even stepped between me and a bomb to protect me before.”

I felt his muscles release some of the tension they held and his hand lifted to the back of my neck, his fingers squeezing gently, like he was trying to remember I was still here. He wasn’t going to let this go easily; that was how he was. So I had to get a little sterner with him.

“If I’m really so breakable and imperiled, shouldn’t I be the one to decide who and what I fill my oh-so-limited-time with?” I snarked, tilting my head back to look defiantly up at him.

He watched my face for a moment, sharp blue eyes narrowed and scanning my face while my heart beat uncontrollably at the sight of his lips so close to mine. “You’re really so willing to do something so crazy?”

I felt the corner of my mouth lift. “I’m insisting on it, Sarge.”

I only caught sight of a bit of his smile before his mouth descended on mine, his hands roaming across my body until they could slide up to the sides of my face, holding me securely to him as his tongue eased into my mouth. I looped my arms around his neck, pulling him tightly against me.

Apparently, we started moving again at some point, though I’m not sure when that was. I had my back pressed against the front door of the cabin. My hand fumbled for the doorknob behind me as I nipped at Bucky’s lower lip. When I’d finally gotten the door to swing inward, Bucky tore his mouth away from mine, bending down to grab the backs of my knees.

“Bucky!” I gasped as he hefted me upward, my legs wrapping around his waist on instinct.

He took us inside, swinging around and closing the door in one quick motion before pressing my back against the door again, on the inside this time. He buried his face in the crook of my neck.

“Say that again,” he murmured, his lips brushing the skin there.

I fought not to squirm at the contact and instead breathed out a confused, “What?”

“My name,” he mumbled, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to my neck that made my legs tighten around him. “Please.”

“Bucky.” Thanks to the kisses he was leaving across the sensitive skin of my neck, his name came out as a moan that time. I didn’t even have a chance to feel embarrassed about it, because it tore down whatever semblance of restraint Bucky had managed to hold on to until that point.

His mouth opened against my neck, blunt teeth scraping lightly across it so that my fingers dug into his shoulders and another breathy noise left me. His lips made a trail up the side of my neck to my jaw, until I turned my face and found his tongue with mine again, threading my fingers through his dark hair. His hands gripped my thighs tighter, a low growl rumbling up from his chest and disappearing down my throat.

“Bed,” I mumbled against his lips, both of us panting between kisses. “Get to a bed, Buck.”

He pulled away and for a mortifying moment, my request hung in the air, echoing in my own ears. God, it really had been a while; a few kisses and I was practically begging him to sleep with me.

He smiled softly at me, brushing a strand of hair back behind my ear. “We’re not doing that tonight, Doll.”

“Wh- Really?” I asked, feeling childish and a little frazzled with my swollen lips and mussed ponytail. I wasn’t some irresistible sex goddess or anything, but guys were typically pretty gung-ho when it came to this kind of thing — I’d never been turned down like this. And not that I really knew much about Bucky’s sex life, but I was pretty sure he was similarly… pent up.

He smiled wider, dragging his thumb along the edge of my lower lip. “I’m not saying no. I want this as much as you do. Probably more. But tonight was our first real date. I don’t want to rush this. Not with you. I’ll sleep next to you. If that’s what you want. But I think we should…” His face became slightly pained. “God, I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth right now. I think we should wait a bit.”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Oh.”

“I mean, if-” he stopped and looked a little uncertain of himself again. “If that’s alright with you.”

The waver in his voice made my heart clench painfully, the shift of his eyes that reminded me too much of that moment when he was in that glass cage eight years ago.

Fucking Hydra and their bullshit manipulations…

I couldn’t deny a moment or two of borderline hurt when he’d first started talking and I’d been worried I had completely misread everything. But if anyone in this world deserved boundaries, it was the 100+ year old man pinning me suggestively against a wall. He had the ability to throw my whole body through this wall, but instead he was touching me gently, watching me with some muted kind of panic in his eyes over the thought that he’d upset me. He was worried I wouldn’t want to do this with him anymore because he didn’t want to have sex with me right out of the gates.

I smiled and leaned forward to kiss his forehead, resting my own against it after. “That’s fine, Bucky. We can do this however we need to. I’m not going to force you into anything.”

He started to shake his head. “No, you’re not-”

I put a finger to his lips, then took his chin between my fingers — a move he was more and more frequently pulling on me — and tilted his face up so I could kiss him. It was a much softer kiss than either of the three we’d shared previously, a slow, tender glide of my lips against his. When we pulled away, he was looking up at me with something like reverence in his eyes, his chest heaving against me.

“I won’t use you for what I want, like everyone else did.” My words washed across his lips and something in his expression cracked, his eyes closing as he lowered his head back to the side of my neck. I wrapped my arms farther around him, holding him tightly in our passionate and unexpectedly sentimental embrace.