1. Tony was tired. He had been going on and on with the upgrades for shield for the last 48 hours, and he was so tired that even coffee failed to keep him fully alert.
Tony needed sleep. he couldn’t remember the last time his head had hit a pillow. he emailed the blueprints to hill and stood up, yawning.
“I think that’s all for today, j. I’m completely, entirely spent off. a shower would be incredibly nice and then maybe a small nap? You know, until its time for the gala?
Of course, that was when the avengers assemble alarm started to flash. Tony sighted as he suited up. there went his intentions for a blissful sleep.
2. The battle was a harrowing one. fighting against giant warm-things took its toll on everybody. Steve had tried to usher him into an extraordinarily useless debriefing, but he had ditched anyway. tony was definitely going to have to face a lecture later. more importantly, going to shield meant that he had to go to medical, he just couldn’t afford to spend time for rest healing his broken ribs and all the pulled muscles he managed to get while wrestling with monsters.
His armor was damaged and it was his top priority over anything else, so he blinked the sleep out of his eyes and got to work. he could pretend the tremor in his hands was because of the battle.
3. “ sir,” Jarvis’ clear British voice rang out.” it is 6.00 p.m.
Mr. hogan is waiting for you downstairs for your press conference about the recent most battle. Since you are severely sleep deprived, I would advise you wrap it up quickly and come back for a siesta before you have to attend the Gala with Miss. pots.”
Tony was indeed sleep deprived. had been working nonstop for 14 hours and frankly, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw a bed. his vision had become cloudy sometimes ago, and every time tony moved the room spined around him.
Tony stark has three makeup girls. One solely for his hair, one for makeup and one that supervised the other two AND gave him a touch up. People might say that’s too over the top, but honestly, when he usually emerges from his lab with oil and grease coating his ruffled and messy hair, red eyed and pale with dark circles under his eyes, he gives the makeup girls quite a run for their big paychecks.
Before pepper was his P.A., he had another girl solely to choose and arrange his outfits for the different occasions. now, thanks to his amazing girlfriend and A.I., tony doesn’t have to worry about his dresses and appearance anymore. anyway, after spending a good amount of time in the makeup chair, he joined happy in the car and sped towards the press conference.
4. the reporters had literally no shame, because even after tony diced them with sharp yet polite comment, they kept on ogling him with questions that were not to be answered.
“Now, this had been a pleasure, but I have a gala to attend, you know all that fancy stuff, so are we done here? we are done here.”
Without waiting for anyone’s reply, he pushed his way to the car and collapsed on the backseat as soon as the door closed. smiling and rambling on and on for so long had sucked out his remaining energy, but tony was proud to say that his security had to discreetly grip his hand only two times to keep from crumpling. there was no time in his schedule to go back to the tower to change, so the car pulled up at the back of the stage at the green room where tony quickly changed into another suit and put a different pair of sunglasses on.
He brought his trademark smirk on his face and strode out, his composure perfect.
“Tony?” pepper greeted.” you look like crap.”
he sighted. tony could never hide anything from pepper. “Yeah, my suits seen bit if mileage last battle and been a while since I came up from my lab, so….”
“Got it. Ill get you out of this early. You have to go sleep, though.” Pepper stated firmly. when tony actually admitted he needed sleep was only when he really really tired and probably on his feet through only sheer willpower.
True to her words, pepper managed to get him out of there just after his speech with a lot of excuses (Mr. stark has an important meeting about the avenger’s business) and after what felt like an eternity, tony was back in his car again.
“Where to, boss?” happy asked.
“Home, hap, home.” Tony sighted. “It’s been a long day.”
5. tony was happy as he waited for the elevator to take him up. he had no more work to for the day, and he could finally get the sleep he so desperately needed and maybe spent some time with his team. Bruce had invited him to their weekly movie nights.
The elevator dropped him with a small ding on the common floor. tony could hear laughter from the living room and he couldn’t help but drop in and say hello.
“Look who decided to grace us with a visit!” clint welcomed him cheerfully.” Its iron ass!”
“Hey, tony. want to join? we are going to catch Steve up on Star Wars.” Bruce beckoned him to sit on the sofa beside him.
Natasha greeted her with a smile.
Tony was about to skillfully excuse the robust offer and go to his room, but he was stopped by none other than Steve rogers.
“I didn’t get those upgrades for our weaponry you promised,” he said in a way of greeting.
“Oh yeah – they are next on my to do list, ill have them done by a couple of days, cap.”
“Next on your to do list? what’s more important on your to-do list than your teams’ safety? dammit, stark, what if we are called into battle right now?”
Tony wanted to yell back at Steve that their gear was already upgraded multiple times and he had far more important things to do than get their weapons more upgrades than they already had, but he was tired, he had a headache, and he really wasn’t in the mood to fight. unfortunately, Steve said that opportunity to press on even more.
“If you can’t be responsible, stark, you can’t expect to be on the team either – but you are not really on the team, are you? I was told that you are just a consultant. you know, Howard never failed to upgrade the army’s gear.”
“We are not soldiers!”
“Right. you don’t have the morality to be one. what do I know about your rich people? men like you never change.”
“Fuck off, rogers.”
Tony fled from the room
.
“Sir.”
“Sir?”
“Sir!”
“Huh? What, Jarvis?”
“It has been 97 hours since you last slept, sir. I would advice that you take a break to eat something and please sleep. it is not good for your health to –
“Mute.”
Indeed, after his standoff with Steve, tony had been in a haze of upgrading, improving his – sorry, the teams gear multiple times, all the while muttering nonstop under his breath.
“Consultant- ill show you consultant, you little – Howard stark upgraded army weapons – goddamn you, dad! never good enough – I’ll give you enough upgrades to last ten lifetimes, captain holier-than-thou, not in the team, not as good as dad, I tried to change, I swear, cap, I left that playboy in the cave – captain righteous – nor recommended- “
His incoherent speech was largely due to the fact that he had started hallucinating who knew how long ago, every person he’d ever failed visiting him to remind him of his shortcomings.
Steves words reopened a wound deep in his chest, a vulnerability he had thought he left behind. to his dad, he was never good enough as captain America, and to captain America he was never as good as his dad.
As a little boy tony had learnt to look up to captain America as his idol who was everything tony wasn’t. overtime Howard told him that captain America wouldn’t like a brat like him, little tony wished that he would prove him wrong one day. he still carried that wish. turned out, Howard was right.
Sometime ago, his vision had become incredibly blurry. his hands shook and black spots danced in his eyes every time he moved.
tony had lost all sense of time and reality. All that was on his mind was ‘notgoodenough,notgoodenough,notgoodenough’.
He had stopped responding to whatever Jarvis told him, and when his mushy mind forgot what he was working on, he just moved on to another project.
It was then Steve came to his lab.
“Is this a bad time?”
“Rogers! Since when do you move around and talk? don’t you just stand there and scowl?”
“Huh? What are you even talking about? is he okay, Jarvis?”
The a.i. didn’t reply.
Steve sighted .
“Listen tony, I’m really sorry about what I said earlier, okay? I was in a bad mood and I took it out on you. I had a talk with Natasha, I understood that Howard wasn’t the best father to grow up with, I didn’t know about your past either. figured that I owe you an apology.
“Tony? stark? Hey, you might be angry, but at least reply!”
“Rogers? when did you come down here?”
Okay, Steve was freaked out.
“Tony, what’s going on? are you okay? wait, don’t answer that. you look like death warmed over. Jarvis what’s wrong with him?”
“I muted ‘im.”
“Jarvis unmute.”
“thank you for unmuting me, captain rogers. as for your question, sir has now been awake for over 100 hours nonstop and is quickly becoming a danger to himself. based on the symptoms, I suppose that he has been having sleep deprivation fueled hallucinations and is barely coherent and lucid. he was initially planning to sleep when he came back to the tower but came straight down to the lab after the fight with you.”
Steve winced. he had a lot of guilt still in him, and seeing tony in that state was not helping things.
“Sir also has a few broken ribs and he refused to take his pain medication because, I quote, they make his head feel fuzzy.”
“Shit!”
“Language,” tony laughed deliriously.
Enough was enough.
“Okay, tony, time to sleep.” Steve approached tony and pulled the man to his feet. tony complied alarmingly easily, his head lolling on his shoulder like a puppet with its strings cut.
“ ‘m sorry , kay ? not good ‘s dad , jus’ a ‘sultant , srry – I upgraded the gear , stve –“
“I just apologized to you, tony. it’s not your fault. I didn’t mean what I said. it’s okay.”
Tony continued with his slurred apologies.
“Tony! Tony snap out of it! it’s over now.”
But tony was too far gone to be aware of what was happening.
Steve pulled Tony’s hand around his shoulder and took most of Tony’s weight. he dragged his friend towards the elevator.
“Guys, help!” he yelled as soon as the elevator opened at the common floor.
Together they half carried, half pulled tony to his bed. Steve gently him down, who was already half passed out of exhaustion.
Tony felt someone undo his tie and open his vest (he hadn’t bothered with that after he fought with Steve). hands that he knew and trusted opened his shoes and socks and someone started caressing his hair. it felt heavenly.
Tony was too burnt out to try and figure what was happening, but he knew he was with his team and he was safe.
He relaxed.
Tony woke up 15 hours later.
He sprang up on his bed to find pepper sleeping beside him.
Tony tried to get out of bed but pepper pulled him down.
“I talked to Steve. don’t you dare.” She sounded as much threatening as someone could in a sleepy voice.
Tony promptly fell asleep again.