The one important thing Natasha learned from the stupid American school was that fractions were hard.
Natasha had never needed fractions before. Fractions would not help her survive in the Red Room. But they were important in America so Natasha had to learn how to do dumb math problems the way that the teacher wanted it.
She huffed, twisting her pencil to rub the pink eraser hard against her sheet of paper, leaving behind small gray smudges from her multiple attempts to multiply fractions.
She could hear Melina opening and closing cabinets just behind where she was perched at the kitchen table. Yelena was playing by her feet, too little to have to go to school and learn stupid fractions.
Natasha glanced over to where Melina was looking frustrated as she rifled through the spice rack. She wanted to ask for help but she did not want to upset Melina even more so she turned back to the homework sheet and stared at the handful of problems that she just couldn’t understand. Most of them were word problems, which were the worst because Natasha couldn’t read English as well as the other kids in her class. New big words were hard and frustrating.
Melina finally huffed and closed the cabinet doors hard enough that Natasha jumped in her seat. “Yelena, go get your shoes.”
Yelena grunted but climbed to her feet and tottered off down the hall with a plastic toy clutched in each hand.
“Where are you going?” Natasha finally dared to pipe up, wondering if she needed to go and get her shoes as well.
“The grocery store. I forgot to pick something up.” Melina strayed closer to the table for a few moments. Her hand rested on Natasha’s hair briefly. “I’ll take Yelena with me so she doesn’t cause a ruckus. I’ll be back in thirty minutes or so.”
Natasha nodded, letting Melina take the pencil from her hand, and watched as the woman leaned down and started to write on her homework sheet. Relief filled her as she watched Melina underline certain words and then write out the equation for her before pressing the pencil back into her hand.
“Be good,” Melina said as she kissed the side of Natasha’s head as she rose. Natasha scrunched her face up at the action but she liked it a little. She saw other moms do it with their children all the time.
“I will,” Natasha promised and turned back toward her homework.
“Don’t bother your father,” Melina tacked on a little more quieter. If Natasha listened hard, she could hear the sound of the football game going on in the living room where Alexei was slouched in the La-Z-Boy nursing a stiff drink. “You know what to do.”
Melina had been very clear to Natasha that she was never to be around Alexei when he was drunk. There was something about the way that alcohol interacted with the super solder serum that made him foolish and rash. If Alexei was to get drunk and upset then Natasha was to go straight to her room and lock the door, taking Yelena with her if she was around.
“Okay.” Natasha stared down at her paper and listened as Melina moved toward the front door to help Yelena get her shoes on. She listened as the door opened and then closed, the sound of a lock clicking into place suddenly made the kitchen seem too quiet.
Natasha focused on doing the equations Melina wrote out, having a slightly easier time with it laid out for her. She’d have Melina double-check before she went to bed that night.
She was finishing up the last two problems when the pager on the counter beeped. It startled Natasha and she spun around to look at it. It was Alexei’s work pager and he had told them once that if they heard it beep then it was important and that work needed him.
Natasha bit her lower lip in contemplation before she slid off of the kitchen chair to approach the counter and pick the electronic up. It felt heavy in her hand and she debated about putting it back down when it beeped again.
She slowly crept toward the living room, listening hard to see if Alexei was in a good mood or a bad mood. She wasn’t sure if the silence was better or worse yet.
She finally stopped right at the side of the La-Z-Boy where Alexei’s gaze was glued on the television. “Dad?”
Alexei grunted slightly in response, moving the glass in his hand up to his lips, displaying a wet ring on his pants from the condensation.
“Um… Your pager…” Natasha held the item out. Alexei finally tore his gaze from the television to look at her hand. He took it from her, pushing his glass into her hand instead so he could look at the message. Natasha wrinkled her nose at the strong smell from his cup.
Alexei swore under his breath and pushed himself to stand. Natasha stumbled back a few feet quickly as she watched him move toward his cell phone on the coffee table before he headed toward the back door. She blinked as he stepped outside and started to dial a number.
Natasha took a coaster off the stack on the coffee table and set the drink he abandoned on it. She wiped the condensation from her wet hands onto her jeans and then made her way back to the kitchen to continue her homework.
She had finished up her math and was reading the chapter book assigned to her for English when she heard Alexei angrily stomp back into the house. At the noise, she froze, clutching the book tightly in her hands as she listened. Alexei climbed the stairs so Natasha knew that she couldn’t make it upstairs to her room without risking running into him.
Instead, she decided to slowly slump in her chair until she could crouch under the table with the book. It wasn’t a very good hiding place but it would have to do for the moment. She was counting on Alexei not returning downstairs. She just had to make it until Melina came back home and told her what to do.
She couldn’t focus on the book in her hands anymore, too wired to look for threats first, but she tried. She reread the same page over and over again, trying to make her brain actually comprehend what the words meant.
Then she heard heavy footsteps descending the stairs, echoing louder and louder until she thought the walls might shake.
Then he entered the kitchen, pausing his stomping for a moment as he stood in the middle.
“Natasha.” His voice sounded rather cold. “Come out.”
Natasha hesitated. It would surely be a moment when Melina would have stepped in and sent her away with Yelena, but neither of them were there.
“Now!” Alexei barked and Natasha dropped her book to scramble out from under the table, straightening up under Alexei’s heavy gaze.
Her eyes immediately fell onto the metallic glint in his hand. Her heart thudded harshly against her ribcage.
“I know it’s you.” Alexei’s eyes pinned her to her spot. “Just confess.”
Natasha had no idea what he wanted. She tried to rack her brain for what grievance she could have committed that would warrant his accusations. But even though she didn’t know what she was admitting, she confessed. “It’s me.”
He laughed. It was short and sharp, piercing the silence as he pulled his arm up to level the gun in his hand toward her.
Natasha froze. She took a few deep breaths as she braced herself. She hadn’t been shot before but she heard from a few older Widows about how it felt. Some claimed it felt like being hit with something heavy. Others mentioned a hot poker. Natasha has bled and burned before but never had she been shot and she would be lying if she claimed she wasn’t scared.
Natasha glanced at the clock briefly. She had ten minutes until Melina was supposed to arrive home. If she could just stall long enough for her mom to come and help.
“Dad?” Natasha breathed out. She tried to sound softer, younger, any hopes of tugging on his heartstrings.
“Who put you up to it, hmm?” Alexei demanded. He took a step forward and Natasha took a step back. “Was it Dreykov?”
“No--” Natasha shook her head. “My mission is the American Dollhouse mission. I am undercover. I am to be a child. I’m your daughter!”
“Bah!” Alexei snapped. “I know that you have been feeding information to him. How did you do it? My pager? My computer? The files I brought home?”
Natasha blinked at him with wide eyes. He thought she stole information to pass on to someone else? “I haven’t stolen anything!”
“Don’t lie to me!” Alexei slammed his hand down on the granite countertop hard enough that it cracked. “I know it was you! Sneaky little spider thought I wouldn’t notice. But I am too smart. I know exactly what you’ve been up to.”
Her legs felt like jelly under her. Even though she had been training for six years, she was not ready for this. “Please, Dad! I didn’t do anything. I’m-- I’m your loyal daughter.”
Alexei approached her slowly and Natasha backed up until her back hit the counter and she was trapped. Alexei reached for her and Natasha flinched as he grabbed a fistful of her shirt.
Natasha knew her way around a gun. She had deconstructed and put together one dozens of times, learned to shoot and how to handle one, but never had she felt the cold metal of one pressed against her head.
“You don’t have to do this,” Natasha tried to gasp out. “You’ll-- you’ll fail the mission! The neighbors will hear. The General will be angry with you!”
Alexei huffed. “So what? Our mission is in danger. If I fixed the problem then all will be just fine.” He yanked on her shirt, pulling her to her tiptoes. “You must face the consequences of your actions like a big girl.”
In a moment of desperation, Natasha hooked her fingers into his leather belt. “Then punish me. Whip me. Beat me. I can take it. I’ll do whatever you want. I can cry if you want. I’ll be quiet too!”
“Get off!” Alexei yanked on her shirt. Natasha let him go to grab onto her collar to try and keep it from choking her. Her feet barely grazed the ground now. She could feel the fabric of her shirt straining at her body weight as Alexei practically lifted her up.
“Tell me. Everything that you know. Now!” Alexei demanded. The only problem was that Natasha didn’t know anything. She knew just enough of his mission but not the specifics.
“You-- you work for SHIELD,” Natasha rasped, arching her back to try and free the pressure on her throat. “You were assigned this mission because you’re good at what you do. You have to go undercover to get specific information that the Red Room will use.”
Alexei narrowed his eyes at her. He yanked a little more on her shirt and pulled her close enough to his face that she could smell the alcohol on his breath. “And?”
Natasha really thought she wasn’t going to make it. She couldn’t fake her way through information she didn’t have, she didn’t know how to do that yet. Alexei was angry and she was all alone. It was the worst moment for tears to spring to her eyes but she just couldn’t help herself.
Alexei let out a low laugh. “Tears of guilt?” he inquired. “Come on. There is a leak at SHIELD in my division. I know it’s you. You’re sneaky. You’re quiet. You’re not normal. I know girls like you.”
A sob finally crawled out of Natasha’s throat. “I’m sorry! I didn’t do anything! I don’t know anything!”
“Lies!” Alexei’s voice thundered. “Confess! Now!”
“I don’t know!” Natasha cried. “I don’t know!”
He screamed at her, the gun cold against her head as he demanded to know what secrets she knew. He kept lifting her higher, his face inches from hers as Natasha squeezed her eyes shut and hoped that he would just get it over with.
Then the front door opened. Alexei must not have heard it but Natasha did and she couldn’t control the sobs of relief that escaped her.
Mom was home.
The sound of something hitting the ground finally got Alexei’s attention as footsteps rapidly approached the kitchen. Alexei went silent moments before Melina rounded the corner.
Through blurry vision, Natasha met Melina’s gaze, and her face crumpled.
“What are you doing?” Melina asked in a carefully constructed calm tone.
Natasha tuned them out, instead straining to listen for the sound of her little sister. Melina must have heard them but she didn’t know what happened to Yelena.
Natasha was suddenly dropped and she hit the tiled ground hard, smacking her head against the counter as she tumbled backward. She hastily scrambled to her feet and past Alexei despite the pain throbbing through her body. She collided with Melina, gripping her desperately.
Melina briefly rested a gentle hand on her back before ordering her, “Go upstairs to your room.”
It took everything in Natasha to force her fingers to unlatch from Melina. She quickly made her way to the stairs and stumbled up them. She opened the door to Yelena’s room first, relieved to see her little sister there with a set of headphones on as she listened to the cassette player that she had gotten for Christmas so that the entire house didn’t have to listen to Yelena’s favorite songs over and over on repeat.
Natasha then moved toward her own bedroom, relief hitting her hard when she was in a space she considered safe. Her knees buckled underneath her and she fell to the carpeted floor, curling up in a ball on the ground as she pressed her throbbing head to the plush carpet.
She had never been terrified of Alexei like that before. She knew that there were guns in the house but she never considered that Alexei would pull one on her.
She wasn’t sure how long she lay on the floor. Her tears eventually dried up and all that was left was the throbbing of her body. Her shirt had been stretched out and the front was wrinkled. Natasha had liked the shirt and it seemed silly to be upset that it was ruined but she cried over her shirt too.
She hadn’t heard the door to her room open until there was a set of feet in front of her. She jumped, scrabbling away from the person in her room only to see that it was Melina.
She didn’t look angry. That made Natasha fall apart all over again as she pushed herself to her feet and threw herself at Melina. “Mom!”
Melina sank to her knees and caught her, tucking her close against her. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.”
“He--” Natasha tried to explain but Melina shushed her gently. Natasha let herself fall silent as Melina wrapped her up in a safe embrace. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You did nothing wrong.” Melina’s voice was firm.
“I didn’t do it--” Natasha’s voice broke as fresh tears flooded her eyes. “I promise!”
“I know,” Melina softly cooed. She let Natasha press her face against her shoulder and get her shirt wet. “He was foolish and stupid. He never should have done that, it was unacceptable.”
Natasha squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to calm herself down. She didn’t make a noise when Melina shifted from her knees to sit and tugged Natasha into her lap.
“Mom…” Natasha whispered. Her limbs felt shaky and she felt cold, even though it wasn’t cold outside.
“Yes?” Melina’s fingers gently combed through her hair, the other hand smoothing out the wrinkles Alexei left behind in her shirt.
“I--” Natasha faltered for a moment. “I’ve never had a gun aimed at me before.”
She wanted to tell her mom that she was scared.
“You’re okay,” Melina said simply, her fingers tucking inside the stretched collar of Natasha’s shirt to run along her neck. “Take a deep breath. What hurts?”
Natasha obediently inhaled deeply, doing her best not to wince when there was a throbbing ache in her neck and chest. She knew showing you were weak was bad so she replied, “Nothing hurts.”
Melina clicked her tongue against her teeth in disapproval and Natasha wanted to shrink in on herself. “Don’t lie to me. This is important. Tell me the truth.”
“My-- my head hurts,” Natasha tentatively admitted. She had hit it when she dropped but had learned to push away the pain to focus on keeping herself safe. “And-- and he choked me a little…”
Melina’s fingers, callused from years of training, were gentle as they turned Natasha’s head side to side and brushed over the marks undoubtedly left behind on her skin.
Melina’s lips pinched in displeasure. “You cannot go to school tomorrow.”
“That is okay,” Natasha replied. “I do not like school anyway.”
The corners of Melina’s lips quirked up slightly. “No, I suppose any children do.”
“I really didn’t betray us,” Natasha told Melina once again. “I promise. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know.” Melina’s face softened just slightly. “He was a fool. It will not happen again.”
Melina sounded so sure of it. Natasha didn’t want to question her superior but it slipped past her lips in a tiny voice, “Promise?”
“Promise.” There was no hesitation to reply and Natasha sank into Melina’s hold.
“I didn’t finish my homework,” Natasha commented as Melina let her nestle against her.
“That’s alright just this once,” Melina promised.
Natasha thought of the math sheet left on the table undoubtedly riddled with mistakes that Melina would always take the time to correct after she went to bed.
Natasha hated fractions but she would do hundreds of worksheets if she could just stay in Ohio with her mom.