Falling Slowly

Bucky

I just asked Stella to come to the last show of our tour and she said yes. Fuck. She said yes. Thank, fuck. I can’t explain what I feel. I don’t even know what I feel. All I know is I’ve never felt this way about anyone before in my life. I could feel my life changing as I made my way to the bakery yesterday, but I wasn’t prepared to be thrown completely off track when I saw her. The light that surrounded her entire person, the gleam from her smile, the sparkle in her eye. She was perfection personified. What I hadn’t told her yet was I was intending to visit a different bakery instead of hers. I had copied the wrong address for my driver and we ended up at her shop. I was already running behind for the day so I decided to stop in anyway. Thank fuck I did. And what are the odds she was close friends with Natasha and Wanda. Not only close friends, practically sisters.

“What are you doing the rest of the evening?” I ask Stella as we make our way down the riverwalk.

“I’m not quite sure. I definitely need to sleep tonight, especially if I’m going to be going to your concert tomorrow. I probably need to pack also. And line up everything with my employees to take care of while I’m gone. How much should I pack? How long will we be gone? Do I need to buy a ticket?” She was asking each question as it came to her mind.

“I could come help you pack,” I offer, “only if you want of course. But, at least three days worth of clothes should be fine. The show is tomorrow night and we’ll stay in Denver for the night. Then we can stay there for a couple days or you’re welcome to fly back. It’s up to you, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. And you don’t need to buy a ticket, I have your travel arrangements covered.”

“James, you spent over ten thousand dollars on me yesterday, then an extra hundred at least today. You are notpaying for anything else for me.” She looks at me with seriousness in her eyes.

“Well, I guess youre in luck because the band will be paying for your air travel since it’s a private jet. And you’re welcome to stay in my suite at the hotel or I could have the tour manger book you a separate room, paid for by the band, again.” Her eyes widen as I relay the information to her.

“A private jet?” Her voice squeaked.

“Yes,” I chuckle. Some days it’s even hard for me to believe we have a private jet.

“Share a room?” She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Yes. But nothing would happen that you wouldn’t want to happen. I have a feeling we’ll mostly be there to change clothes, shower, and sleep.”

“I would be delighted to share a room with you,” she giggles. Her giggle is my favorite sound. I wish I could have it recorded to play on repeat. “As to helping me pack, are you trying to find a way into my apartment, James?”

“It’s a possibility,” I let out a laugh, “mostly I just didn’t want my time with you to end.”

“You’re more than welcome to come over, James. I’ll make you dinner? It’s not much but please accept it as a token of my thanks for all you’ve done in the last day.”

“Dinner sounds wonderful,” I smile. I thank the stars for a few more minutes with her today.

We find our way back to Stella’s apartment, she starts making a broccoli chicken casserole. While the casserole is in the oven she shows me around her decent size space and pulls out her suitcase.

“Do you know what the weather is like in Denver right now?” She asks from her closet as I sit on her bed watching her.

“I think it’s a little chillier than here. Maybe fifties and sixties,” I say to her.

“So no dresses. Hmmm,” she thinks as she swipes hangers left to right looking at items of clothing. A long sleeve black turtle neck appears on her next hanger.

 “That would be great for Denver,” I offer to her.

“it would, wouldn’t it?” Stella lifts the hanger off the rack and walks to place it on the bed. “Now what pants should I wear?”

I'm sure if it was a rhetorical question, but before my mind could catch up to my mouth, I utter out "those pants you had on last night were killer."

Her eyes met mine, "you like those, huh?” She teases.

“Oh, I very much liked them,” I place my hands on either side of her hips, “the way they hugged your hips perfectly, clung perfectly to every curve, showed just enough skin to be revealing yet not revealing at all. You have a nice butterfly tattoo by the way,” her eyes gaped at me. “It was peeking out the rip on your left thigh.”

“Oh,” she breathes, “well, those are Nat’s pants so I’m going to have to steal them from her.”

“I’ll get her a new pair,” I jokingly roll my eyes.

“Thank you,” she wraps her arms around my neck.

“For what, Sugar?”

“For yesterday. For today. For… this. Whatever this is,” her eyes shimmer in the light.

“You’re welcome. For yesterday. For today. For… this,” I poke her nose. “I never believed in fate. At least not until yesterday.”

“You don’t believe something that is meant for you will always find its way to you?” She asked

“I never believed that for myself. For my friends, sure. But for me and my life? It was never an option. Until I walked into that bakery yesterday and realized I never would have found my way in there unless my life lead me through every torturous moment to stand in front of you.” 

“This has to be too good to be true,” she shakes her head, “you’re sweet, you’ve not let me pay for a single thing since meeting me, you’ve made time for me even without knowing anything about me. I could be a serial killer,” she pokes my chest. I chuckle, if she only knew the lives I took while in the service, while I was contracted. It’s me who’s the serial killer, not her.

“You don’t act like a serial killer,” I smile.

“That’s what serial killers want you to think,” she raises a brow.

“I’m really good at reading people, you’re not a serial killer,” I kissed her nose. 

“You say that now, but you may eat your words, James,” her smile growing larger.

“Hmm. Maybe. Maybe not. Now back to those pants,” I grin at her.

I help Stella pack her clothes, a few toiletries, and any essentials she’ll need for a few days in Colorado. We eat dinner and it's amazing. She’s just as good a cook as she is a baker. When we’re finished it’s about eight in the evening.

“I’m so sleepy,” Stella yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

“I am too,” I move to stand.

“If you want to you don’t…” she trails off, almost as if she’s hesitant to say what she’s thinking. Her bottom lip is between her top and bottom teeth, her telltale sign of nervousness I’ve picked up on. 

“I don’t what?” I raise a brow.

“I was just thinking you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. My big is plenty big enough for the both of us to have our own sides,” she looks past the open door to her king size bed.

“Are you asking me to spend the night, Sugar?” I knew she was but I wanted to hear her say it.

“I would really love if you stayed over tonight but I also understand if you don’t want to,” her voice sounding nervous.

“I would love to, Sugar,” I smile, “I’ll have my driver bring my belongings over to we can leave from here tomorrow.”

“Okay,” the smile forming on her face makes my heart skip a beat. How have I ever lived without this girl before?

I woke up breathing heavily and to someone shaking me gently. 

“James. James, wake up, it’s just a dream.” A sweet voice is whispers to me. But It wasn’t a dream, it was a reality I lived coming back to haunt me.

“Fuck,” I jolt upwards, “I’m sorry, Sugar.” I turn to face Stella.

“It’s okay, James. Are you okay?” Even with the darkness surrounding us I could make out the fear in her eyes.

“I am now,” I pull her down with me as I lay us back down.

“Do you need anything? A water? A snack?” Her concern was adorable. But all I needed right now was to be in her arms.

“No, I’m okay, Sugar. Thank you for offering.”

We lay there for a few minutes as she traces shapes on my chest and I hum sweet songs to her.

“Tonight wasn’t as bad as it can be,” I tell her, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?”

“My nightmares. Normally they’re pretty intense. Last night was the first night in over ten years I didn’t have a nightmare,” I realize I’m mindlessly stroking her hair. I guess it’s my way of trying to tell her she’s the reason without using my words.

“Oh, wow. Ten years of nightmares? I wonder why they didn’t come to you last night.” Oh sweet, Sugar.

I let out a chuckle, “my mind was busy focusing on someone else.”

“Oh,” she begins to shift uncomfortably, but I pulled her even closer to me.

“You, Sugar. My mind was focused on you.”

“Oh,” she relaxes into my hold, “that’s pretty crazy I was able to take your mind off of your nightmares.” I felt my eyes closing as I began to relax with her.

“James,” she says after minute?”

“Hmm?” I asked stroking her hair lazily again.

“I’m-I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. I know we don’t really know each other, but I’m happy to listen,” she draws little hearts over my heart.

“I appreciate that,” I kiss the top of her head. We lay there for a few more minutes before I feel sleep begin to take over my body. Before I fall unconscious I hear her voice whisper to me.

“What happened to you, James Buchanan Barnes?

✪

Stella

The next morning I wake up still wrapped in James’ arms. I could get used to this. I recall the way James’ nightmares took over last night. I only understood about every other word he said, his body twitched over and over again. Watching him was one of the most heartbreaking things I’d ever seen. Then to hear he’d had nightmares every night for ten years? My heart almost shattered into a million pieces. From what I’ve seen of James and from the way his friends speak of him, he’s one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. I take in the way he looks right now. His long hair spread over his pillow, one arm wrapped around me as I lay on his chest, the other above his head. The relaxed, peaceful look resting on his face made my heart flutter. I wish he could be at peace all the time. I lay there for what feels like hours just staring at James. I don’t think I would ever get tired of looking at him.

“You’re staring, Sugar,” he says, eyes still closed.

“You’re just so pretty,” I giggle turning my head to place a single kiss on his chest.

“I’m pretty?” He opens an eye.

“Yes,”

“If I’m pretty, what are you?”

“Also pretty,”

“Wrong,” he looks at me, “you’re fucking perfection.” I feel the heat move immediately to my cheeks. I turn my head to hide in his chest. “You don’t have to hide around me, Sugar. I want to see every emotion, every feeling you allow to show on your beautiful face.” No one has ever spoken about me so sweetly. 

“Thank you, James,” I say quietly.

“Are you hungry?” He asks.

“I’m starving, actually,” my stomach has been asking me for food since we woke up. I chose to ignore it because I wanted to lay with James.

“Let’s get dressed. Finish packing your things, then we'll have my driver take us to a breakfast spot before we head out. Sound good?” He asks. I nod and smile at him. I never have to ask him for anything, he a always has everything planned out.

About an hour later James’ driver picks us up and we head to my favorite breakfast spot, Val’s diner. I order the potato scramble with sausage gravy and a side of pancakes and James orders the Asgsrdian breakfast, which consists of pancakes, eggs, potatoes, sausage, bacon, ham, and a biscuit with gravy. After we finish our food I say goodbye to Val and we make our way to the airport.

The flight to Denver is about four and a half hours. James and I stay up talking about our favorite movies, favorite movies, and music while the other guys nap. It turns out we have a lot in common. He loves the Lord of the Rings series, books and movies and Star Wars as do I. I confess the Twilight series is my guilty pleasure and I think he secretly agrees. We both love Don Quixote, The Great Gatsby, and all of the Sherlock Holmes novels. I'm not quite ready to share my fondness for dark romance novels with him, but I do share my favorite bands with him, McFly, Bad Omens, Sleep Token, and James tells me he adores how diverse my music interest is.

After we arrive in Denver we check into our hotel before making our way to the venue for the sound check. The sound check only takes about 30 minutes and it’s almost five in the evening when they finish. The staff of the area have sandwiches, fruit, cookies, and homemade chips catered in from a local bakery. The cookies are so magnificent, they make me forget I own a bakery. Around seven thirty the guys start doing their pre show ritual. They all stood in a circle, arms around each other’s shoulders, chanting words. Scott made his way to the middle of the circle and started leading them, dancing and yelling the funniest things I’d ever heard in my life. I almost had to leave the room for a minute because I didn’t want to be disrespectful of their ritual with laughing. After the ritual I told James I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful and he told me not to worry because the first time Scott made him laugh in the kindergarten, he peed his pants.

It’s eight now and The Barbershop Quartet's set is starting. I’m standing off to the side of the stage with their manager, Hope. I’ve never been behind the stage at a show before, this experience is magical. The first hour of the show my jaw is on the floor. Seeing them play live in front of thousands of people was absolutely amazing. They were all so confident in their talents. James’ vocals sounded unreal coming through the speaker.

“Ladies, gentlemen. Theys, thems. Aliens, androids, wizards,” James’ voice ripped through the arena. The crowd screamed in response. “Thank you for coming out tonight. It’s been fuckin stellar. Tonight we have an extra special surprise for you.” The crowd goes wild again. James let’s them go for about three minutes before gathering their attention again.

“Alright, alright,” he raises a hand, “tonight we have special guest who’s going to sing an extra special song with us.” A special guest? I wonder who it is. I didn’t think this night be any more amazing than it has been. “Please welcome Stella Koval to the stage.” Tunnel vision hit me. Did he just say my name? Me? Im to be the special guest? No, no, no. Nope. No way.

The guys’ manager nudges me pulling ne out of my thought.

“I can’t go out there!” I yell over the crowd.

“Yes, you can Stella. You’ll do great!” Hope tells me as she pushes me out on stage. James walks over to me.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” I ask him as he guides me back to the microphone.

“Do you trust me?” He asks. I look at him blankly for a moment before nodding. He nods once in response, turning to the microphone.

“This song is called Shallow. Some of you may recognize this song from the movie, A Star is Born.” James says to the crowd.

“Tell me somethin' girl,” James’ voice flows through the speakers as the crowd screams. I listen to his voice and I'm reminded of our time at Bel's the other night.

“Tell me somethin' boy,” I join in with him. We continue duetting the song. The crowd grows louder and louder as we sing. When we end our final note the crowd grows louder than theyve been all night.

“Stella Koval, everyone” James says to the crowd. I show my thanks by taking a bow. I turn to James who’s beaming at me. He pulls me into a hug, “you did amazing, Sugar,” he whispers in my ear. When we break the hug I see Scott, Sam, and Steve all giving me a standing ovation. Wow. This really just fucking happened. I head off the stage so the boys finish their set.

“You were amazing!” Hope tells me when I reach her.

“Thank you!” I’m grinning ear to ear.

After their set ends, James hands his guitar to the stage crew and runs off the stage towards me. He picks me up, spinning me around a couple times before he sets me down.

“That was amazing!” I squeal as he sets me down.

“You were amazing, Sugar,” he grins at me.

“Thank you. I can’t believe that just happened. Am I dreaming?” My head is in the clouds. From the past few days with James to singing at a concert in front of thousands of people, I’m spinning from the high.

“No, you’re here,” James moves his hands to rest on my hips. “I think we’re going to grab something to eat. What are you in the mood for?”

“I actually know the best restaurant!” James looks at me confused. “I spent a lot of summers and holidays in Colorado Springs. I have some family here and we would go camping every summer until I was about 15. After that we would just stay with my family. We’d come to Denver every once in awhile. I found a few secret gems while we were here.” 

We arrived at the restaurant and the looks I received from James, Scott, Steve, and Sam were so good I wanted to take a picture.

“Stella,” Steve said hesitantly.

“Steve,” I challenged.

“Are you sure this is the place?” Steve questioned.

“Yep. Trust me, you won’t regret it,” I said in a sing song voice. La Estrella was a literal shack in the middle of a sketchy area of town but they had the best Mexican food around. 

I led us in the restaurant.

“Hola!” We were greeted when we walked in.

I respond in Spanish and the waitress leads us to our table. Once we're seated she asks us what we'd like to drink but everyone's face is blank. I realize the waitress and I were speaking in Spanish, not English.

“What would you guys like to drink?” I ask the rest of the table. The boys and Hope tell the waitress their drink order. She moves away from the table to grab our order. Everyone’s eyes were on me when the waitress left.

“What?” I ask.

“That was,” Scott started

“Hot,” James finished Scott's sentence.

“I was thinking unexpected,” Scott said, “but that too.” Hope smacked Scott playfully on the shoulder and Scott pretended it hurt. Scott and Hope have been dating for over ten years. I giggle, they were both goofy and I love watching their dynamic. Hope has been so kind to me, showing me the ropes of behind the scenes at the show. She's just as goofy as Scott when she's not in manager mode.

“Extremely unexpected,” Sam said, “what other surprises do you have for us, Stella?” 

“I speak four languages, I spent almost equal time between Colorado and Marvel City until I was 15, all the recipes at my bakery are family recipes but I’ve tweaked a few over the years,” I told them, “oh and I’m trained in escrima sticks, on top of having three older brothers, so I'm not scared of much.” I smile sweetly at Sam. 

“Damn, you fit right in with Nat and Wanda,” Sam chuckles.

“Remind me to not get on your bad side,” Steve laughs.

“Yeah, she punched a guy in the nose at the bar the other night,” James looks at me proudly.

“You what?!” They all say in unison.

“To be fair, James told him to fuck off twice and I did once but he didn’t listen. So I decked him.” I shrugged.

“That’s my kinda girl!” Hope said high fiving me. 

“Where’d you find this woman, Buck?” Sam asked shaking his head.

“1200 Soldat Road Marvel City,” I say in a serious yet obviously joking tone.

“Yeah, you fit right in,” James laughs, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

The waitress came back with our drinks, we ordered our food and the waitress spoke English this time. After we ate we headed back to the hotel.

“So,” James started as he opened the door to our shared suite, “what do you want to do tomorrow miss I-grew-up-in-Colorado-and-didn’t-tell-Bucky.” I laugh at him. He never told me to call him Bucky so I’m sticking with James. Plus I like that I’m the only one who seems to call him by his given name. It makes me feel… special.

“Well, Mr. Barnes,” I begin turning to him walking backwards to the bed, “I will be making my way to a dispensary first thing before we start our adventures. After I pick up my treats, I expect you to take me wherever your heart desires.” I lay on my right side on the bed, facing James as my head rests on my hand.

“Well, Miss Koval, after we pick up our treats, I would love to take you to the contemporary arts museum at the River Mile followed by taking you to Union Station. From there we can see where the night takes us.” James makes his way over to the bed, laying to face me.

“That sounds perfect,” I beam at him.

James looks at me, moving a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re perfect,” he tells me before his face changes to a concerned look. “I have a problem,” he tells me

“What’s your problem?” I ask him moving ever so slightly closer to him trying to show him I’m truly listening to help solve his problem.

“It seems every time I’m around you I want to kiss you, but I stop myself from doing so,” his eyes flicker to mine, his eyes are bright blue but dark with desire. My heart rate picks up. All I can think about is the way his lips felt on mine.

“And why do you stop yourself?” I ask in a low, flirtatious voice.

“Because I’m afraid if I start I’ll never be able to stop,” his answer catches me off guard. Fuck. I’m done for.

“Well,” I start, looking down at his hand and the rings that sit on his fingers before looking back up to meet his eyes, “I think you should do something about that problem.” In an instant James pulls me to meet him in the middle of the king size bed, and his lips assault mine. This kiss is rougher than the last, filled with desire, lust, need. His beard tickles my face as I kiss him back. My hand finds it’s way to the back of his head, my fingers sinking into his hair. I moan into his mouth and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues begin to dance with one another. James groans, pulling me to sit on top of him. I can feel his erection pressing against my clothed pussy. I moan into his mouth as I slowly start to grind on him. I’m drenched and I wonder if he can feel me through my leggings the way I can feel him.

“Fuck, Sugar,” he moans into my mouth. He stops for a moment and pulls back to look at me. “What I said last night still stands. Nothing you don’t want to happen will happen. You’re leading this.” He looks into my eyes and I nod. I place a sweet kiss on his lips before kissing his neck. His skin was sweet, sticky from how we’d been sweating at the show earlier. James sucks in a breath when I find his sweet spot. I lick and suck at that spot for a few minutes while his hands roam my body. I make my way back up to his lips, giving him one last passionate kiss before pulling away.

“I need to take a shower,” I tell him as I move off of him.

“Tease,” he says jokingly and lays back on the bed placing an arm over his eyes. 

“You need a shower too…” I trail off. His eyes immediately shoot to mine. I shrug before turning to walk to the bathroom. James appears behind me before I have time to process what’s happening and picks me up over his shoulder. He runs us to the bathroom as I squeal.