Disarm • Stark

Mazzy remembers those twenty-two days she spent adrift in outer space after Thanos snapped his fingers like she just returned to Earth. Really, it's been four years since then. But that doesn't make it any easier to forget it. It's a movie she's forced to watch every night. The snap. The dust. The wondering.

God, the wondering.

Mazzy knew that half of all living things in this universe were reduced to dust, but she didn't get to know who that half consisted of for twenty-two days. She didn't know if Pepper was okay, or if Rhodey or Happy were still around. She didn't know if Nat or Steve made it. She didn't know if Bucky Barnes made it. All she knew was that her best friend was gone, and maybe everyone she loved was, too.

So, for twenty-two days, Mazzy wondered. She had nightmares every time she slept. Wicked dreams of grasping at the dust of Pepper, of Natasha, of Bucky only for them to slip through her fingers like sand.

But the longer they were out there, the less it all seemed to matter. They were in that ship with no direction, no power, and no help. They had a month's worth of food and water divided between the three of them—Nebula, Tony, and Mazzy. They rationed. Tony saved his food for Mazzy half the time, but it wasn't much use. They were both getting skinnier and weaker, and for a little while, they thought they were going to die out there. And they came damn near close to it.

If they were going to die out there, too, what did it matter who was left on Earth to them anymore? At least if they died, they would be able to see each other in the afterlife, if that sort of thing even existed.

And then, by some kind of miracle, they were saved. Someone—something?—called Captain Marvel showed up like a blinding ball of firey orange light just about before they were gonna drop dead in that ship and brought them back to Earth.

By some kind of miracle, it turned out that Pepper was okay. Happy and Rhodey, too, plus Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, and some raccoon thing that was apparently named Rocket. And while Tony and Mazzy were in hospital beds being nursed back to health, the rest of the Avengers went off to find Thanos and retrieve the stones. Turned out, though, that he had destroyed the stones, so Thor promptly cut off his head.

There was no saving those who had disappeared. There is no saving them, still. They're gone, and it seems that only now are people starting to adjust to that.

You gotta move on. That's what Steve said, anyway, last time Mazzy saw him. After he had come back from their attempt to retrieve the stones and reverse what Thanos did, Mazzy asked him about Bucky. If he was alive or if he was dust, and if he was dust, then how was he doing before that? Had he said anything about her over the years? Had he gotten better? Did the Wakandans figure out how to fix his brain and did Mazzy have a chance at fixing hers, too?

Steve told her the truth. That Bucky was one of the many people gone. He told her that Bucky was doing good, though, before it happened, but that sort of felt like salt in the wound, knowing that all that healing was for nothing. Steve didn't say anything about whether or not Bucky had talked about Mazzy, but she liked to imagine that he had.

It's hard for Mazzy to think about Steve and Bucky. They're good people, she thinks, but then again, she can't get herself to forget about what they did to her dad back in Siberia. They left Tony in such a bad state that Mazzy was worried he was going to die. Steve had also lied to Tony, all that time, about his parents. Even if it was the Winter Soldier who killed them and Bucky wasn't in control, Steve shouldn't have hidden that truth. It's all so confusing. Mazzy still, to this day, does not know who she agrees with and who she doesn't.

Seventeen is just as tumultuous as eleven, twelve, and thirteen, too. Nothing changes. Not anything that matters that much. Mazzy's mind belongs to her, but if someone were to say whatever words that fake psychologist had said all those years ago, it wouldn't be hers anymore. She's still a weapon. Just one that nobody knows how to control at the moment.

Tony has been trying to figure it out for ages—what HYDRA did to his daughter. But he's been looking at it like they inserted something into her brain that he could just remove if he could only find it. But what HYDRA did isn't that simple. While they may have given her surgeries and serums to make her so physically unbreakable, the way they came to control her was through something different. Brainwashing, mental manipulation, electroconvulsive therapy. What it will really take to reverse that sort of thing is much more complicated than that. To remove the power those words have over Mazzy, Tony would somehow have to figure out which pieces of her memory control her physical actions when those words are spoken, and somehow weed out those bits without erasing the rest of her along with them.

Mainly, Mazzy tries not to think about it.

Besides, she's got all sorts of good things going on these days, even if there are pieces of her that are broken, don't truly belong to her, or ripped out of her.

For starters, Mazzy Stark has a little sister. A sweet, funny, adorable little sister who has brown hair, the cutest smile, and a heart made out of gold. She's got a little bit of a lisp, too, and it makes Mazzy's heart soar. Mazzy never thought much about siblings, back when she was younger, but now that she has one, she feels like there was a hole in her life. Maybe that's why so much of it was miserable. She just needed her sister.

Even without the people who blipped—that's what people are calling it—life is starting to become okay-ish again. Not every day is achy and sad. Most days just feel normal. And there are even the occasional good days, too.

Along with a new sister, Mazzy also goes to school, now. She doesn't really need it. She could already have a master's degree, really, but she wanted to go to school. She didn't think her dad was going to keep his word about letting her go to school if they got back to Earth, but he did. If you ask Tony, he'll always say that it's because she wouldn't stop pestering about it. Really, though, it's because he knows Mazzy's best friend is gone, and she can't make any new ones without going to school. A social life and all will be good for her, he supposes, even if it's scary letting her leave every day of the week.

For the most part, they have all just been adjusting to their new lives. 

Mazzy's pretty fond of the way hers is shaping up to be, but there will always be those black holes. Peter, Bucky, HYDRA. All the things that make her remember that she isn't as normal as she sometimes feels. She's not a TV character. This isn't their little house on the prairie. Mazzy Stark is alive and flawed, and that's just about as good as she can get. 

So, alive and flawed, Mazzy Stark sits at the kitchen table, slicing up an apple and making sure to cut off all the skin. "Do we really have to cut off the skins? I mean, how tough of a kid are you raising if she can't eat an apple without the skin cut off?"

Pepper rolls her eyes. "You were the same way when you were little, Maz," she says. 

She's just sent Tony out to get Morgan from her little play tent in the yard for lunch—hence the apple slices. And, yes, Morgan really does get to go out and play in the yard by herself. Things are different here than they were in Malibu or New York City. Here, the Starks' home is hidden away behind a shield of trees alongside a river. Everything is quieter here. Paparazzi never hang around the sidewalk outside of their house because there is no sidewalk outside of their house. It's just their yard. Plus, there's no big spectacle out front letting everyone around it know exactly who built and lives in it. 

This home is safe and private. No one really knows that the Starks reside there.

That's why it's so strange when Mazzy hears the faint sound of car doors slamming shut outside. Back in the city, a sound like that would be nothing more than background noise, but out here, the only background noises are the birds chirping and the wind whistling through the trees. 

Mazzy looks to Pepper, who is gazing through the window in front of the sink. "What are they doing here?" she mutters to no one in particular. 

"Who?" Mazzy questions. 

And just as she says it, the door swings open and Tony walks in with Morgan in his arms. "Daddy's friends are here," Morgan announces as he places her down in her seat at the table. 

Tony cocks his head to the side and squints his eyes. "Friends is an overstatement."

"Who?" Mazzy asks again. She's already sick of sounding like an owl. 

"Steve, Nat, and that guy from the airport," Tony answers, rubbing his eyes as goes to grab refreshments from the fridge. The airport is still a sore subject and neither of them like to talk about it too much, but Mazzy is still able to work out who that guy from the airport refers to. 

"Scott?" That's the guy who was really excited about meeting Captain America. He shrank and he grew, and Peter wrapped his legs up like he was an AT-AT. It was super cool, even with Mazzy being on the opposite side of things. "What are they doing here? And why Scott, too? He barely even knows us."

"Beats me, kid. But—"

"I'm gonna go say hi." Mazzy's chair groans as its legs scrape against the hardwood floor. She rushes out the door before her dad can tell her that maybe this isn't a good idea or she shouldn't talk to them or any other crap like that. And sure enough, Natasha, Steve, and Scott are all walking up the porch steps with serious looks on their faces. Mazzy smiles. "Hi, guys! What are you doing here?" she says, waving to them all. She doesn't know whether it's appropriate to hug any of them, since it's been so long since she's talked to any of them. The awkwardness makes Mazzy's skin crawl. 

Lucky for her, Natasha breaks that tension by stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Mazzy's shoulders. "God. You're almost as tall as me," Natasha mutters with displeasure.

"Ehh, I'd say we're actually the same height," Mazzy counters teasingly. 

"No," Natasha says decidedly as she pulls away. 

Steve gives Mazzy a soft smile. Mazzy feels like she can read his mind, in a way, but she might just be putting words into his mouth. I hope you're okay. Bucky would, too. Why? Why does Mazzy feel the need for Bucky's approval? He's dead, first off, and second, she barely even knows him. She doesn't need his approval or Steve's approval. She only needs her own approval, and hopefully, Pepper's and her dad's, too. So why does she want Steve to say something about his dead friend? It's stupid. 

Suddenly, there's a hand on Mazzy's shoulder. She turns and sees her dad, standing there behind her with a somewhat solemn look on his face. "Go in and eat your lunch. Morgan's waiting for you," he says. 

Mazzy huffs like a child. "Dad. Are you serious?"

"Am I serious? Are you serious?"

"What?" Mazzy's face scrunches up with confusion. 

"Go inside," Tony tells her again.

Mazzy is seventeen years old and doesn't very much like being kicked out of the grown-up conversation, but she listens, anyway, because he is her dad and he's in charge. Or whatever. So she gives in and starts heading back inside the house, not without widening her eyes and jabbing her thumb in her dad's direction without him knowing. Get a load of this guy, she's saying without properly saying it. Natasha snickers and Mazzy disappears inside the house. 

✮

If it were only Mazzy alone at the kitchen table, lunch would have lasted a good five minutes or so. But because Morgan is there with her, playing with her food and chattering on and on, lunch lasts much longer than five minutes. Mazzy's been sitting with her the whole time, even though her lunch is long gone. It's sort of funny seeing how long Morgan can drag on the process of eating a PB&J sandwich with some apple slices. 

When lunchtime eventually comes to an end, though, Mazzy is free to go. She joins her dad and the others outside because, this time, there's no lunch excuse to send her off. She sits down in the seat beside her dad's and just listens. When she gets there, though, it already seems like their conversation is coming to an end. 

"No, it's—" Scott is stammering. "We know what it sounds like." Mazzy wishes she could figure out what it is, but she doesn't have a lot of context clues to work with just yet.

"Tony, after everything you've seen, is anything really possible?" Steve is barely able to finish his sentence before Tony interrupts him. 

"Quantum fluctuation messes with the Planck scale, which then triggers the Deutsch Proposition. Can we agree on that?" Tony asks. Mazzy recognizes the majority of those words, but she can't exactly remember what they all mean. The Deutsch Proposition is something about time, she's pretty sure. She should really pay more attention when she's doing her physics homework. She feels better about it, though, when she sees the utter confusion laced in Steve's expression. "In layman's terms, it means you're not coming home," Tony says. 

"I did," Scott argues. 

"You did what?" Mazzy asks. She feels out of the loop and she is not a big fan of that. 

"Came back."

"From what?"

Tony interjects again because that's just what he does. "No. You accidentally survived. It's a billion-to-one cosmic fluke. And now you wanna pull a—what d'you call it?"

Scott accepts a drink from Tony as he shrugs his shoulders. "Time heist?" he suggests.

"Time heist?" Mazzy echoes.

"Yeah, a time heist. Of course," Tony says sarcastically. "Why didn't we think of this before? Oh, because it's laughable. Because it's a pipe dream."

"The stones are in the past," Steve says. 

The stones. That's what this is about? Mazzy sinks deeper into her chair. Maybe she should have just listened and stayed inside. She doesn't like to think about the stones because the stones hold all of what could have been. But they're gone, now. Destroyed by Thanos, just like half of the universe. So what is it exactly that these guys are here talking about them for? Don't they know that there is no going back? They lost. It's been four years since they've lost. 

The past. The stones are in the past. It's true, Mazzy supposes, but she doesn't get what that has to do with anything. The stones are in the past and the past is unreachable. Unless what they're suggesting is somehow reaching the past. But that's not possible. They can't possibly be suggesting that can they?

As it turns out, yes. "We could go back. We could get them," Steve says. Mazzy nearly scoffs out loud. What kind of magical world are they living in in which time travel exists?

"We can snap our own fingers. We can bring everybody back," Natasha says. 

"Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?" Tony argues. 

"I don't believe we would," Steve says. 

"You're talking about time travel." Mazzy nearly breaks out into laughter as she says it, it's so unfathomable. "The idea of figuring out time travel is already pretty much out of the realm of possibility, but creating time travel and then using it successfully on your first try to bring back half of the universe? Steve, I'm sorry, but that's crazy. Isn't your whole spiel about moving on, anyway? That's what you told me."

Mazzy doesn't want to sound rude, of course, but having them come here and suggest this sort of thing makes her skin burn. To come here, knowing all that they've lost, and still try and convince them that this impossible thing is possible? To give them hope that is almost certain to be squashed? It's cruel, in a way. There is no going back. 

Tony sighs, sipping his drink. "Gotta say it. I sometimes miss that giddy optimism," he says. Optimism is good, sometimes, but not when it's a farce. "However, high hopes won't help if there's no logical tangible way for me to safely execute said time heist. I believe the most likely outcome will be our collective demise."

"Not if we strictly follow the rules of time travel. Alright? It means no talking to our past selves, no betting on sporting events..."

"Those are the Back to the Future rules," Mazzy deadpans. 

Tony leans in closer to Scott, a look of disbelief on his face. "Are you seriously telling me that your plan to save the universe is based on Back to the Future? Is it?"

Scott rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "No."

"It definitely is," Mazzy murmurs. 

"It's not," Scott insists. 

Tony pretends to believe him. "Good. You had me worried there. 'Cause that would be horseshit. That's not how quantum physics works."

"Tony," Natasha's voice cuts in, cracked and genuine. Mazzy hasn't seen Nat cry before, but she seems pretty close to it, and that's terrifying. "We have to take a stand," she says. Mazzy wants to agree with her, but she can't. She can't lose any more than she already has. But, then again, what if they're right? What if they really can reverse it all?

"We did stand. And yet, here we are," Tony says. 

Scott's face softens a bit. "I know you've got a lot on the line. You got a wife, daughters. But I lost someone very important to me. A lotta people did. And now, now we have a chance to bring her back—to bring everyone back—and you're telling me that you won't even—?!"

"That's right, Scott," Tony practically whispers. Mazzy's stomach aches. "I won't even. I can't."

What if Scott is right, though? Maybe, despite his Back to the Future references, he is right. Maybe they can bring everyone back. Bring Peter back. Bucky. Bring back all the people who disappeared and return the universe to its proper state. Even if there is a risk that it could all go wrong, it could be worth it to try. 

The question pulls Mazzy's mind back and forth like a game of tug of war. It could go wrong, but what if it doesn't? They could bring everyone back, but what if they lose even more?