Not What it Seems

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Chapter 1

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-------Marina------

I woke to a pulsing burn.

My wrists…  

Rubbing one and then the other, I felt something wrapped around them. 

Bandages…

Just grazing my fingers over it ignited a maddening itch. I wanted it to stop; I couldn’t make it stop! 

---------------------------

It wasn't real, none of it was real…

The dream of being a superhuman, a God, started fading in my mind as soon as I came to. It had seemed so real that for days after I didn’t have a grasp on what had happened. 

My self inflicted wounds were fresh, raw, not the faded scars I remembered from my fantasy. The only thing that was real now was being weak and utterly alone. I was forced to face the death of my girls head on, as if I were standing on train tracks watching an engine barrel down on me at full speed, not being able to move or run.

This was the real world… the one I tried to escape. If only I had died.

Realizing that that life had just been a hallucination from my near-death experience threw me into a downward spiral I couldn’t escape. I yearned for the power I felt, the love I had, even the struggles. I prayed for release from this hell, but there'd be no rescue, no fight, no heroes to save me… no Gods.  

My new normal, a routine of meds, therapy, rest and repeat was enough to beg for another opportunity to end it all. Life consisted of ghosts and dreams. I had nothing left but despair.

Reality, my greatest enemy, finally won.

---------Three Months Later--------

"Today marks the end of your third month in the program, Marina, and your progress has been steady," Dr. Stephen nodded slowly as he mulled over his notes.

"Well, I don't have much else to do other than to talk to you," I sighed, defeated.

Giving in to them and allowing myself to heal was the last battle I had to lose. I fully surrendered, telling him everything leading up to my attempted suicide, but the nagging feeling that he wasn’t satisfied with my progress wouldn't leave. I didn’t know what else he could possibly want from me.

"Next time would you be comfortable discussing your visions, your dreams?" he asked. 

"I don't really remember them anymore, but I guess I can try," I shrugged as I got up to leave. 

"That would be great. I'll see you Tuesday," he smiled as I walked out. 

The hospital I was stuck in was a depressing, state-run institution with guards at the doors and no visible way out. It was a maze of convoluted halls and pointless corridors which evoked a sense of panicked entrapment every time I came and went to the therapy office.  

As my caretaker walked me back to my room, I brushed off the feelings and allowed my mind to wander to my session with Dr. Stephen.

Gut instinct told me not to trust him, but I had no choice at this point. He was odd too, and seemed to know everything about me already. 

I could only hope in the next few weeks he would clear me to leave. I had nothing left to talk about, my meds were helping, and I felt lighter and ready to move on. 

---------------------------

Tuesday's session started off right where the other one left off.

"I find your account of a completely different reality extremely interesting. I'd like to delve into what you experienced while unconscious, if you are okay with that of course," he started. 

"Yeah, sure. Ask away," I agreed.

"Could you recount the experience chronologically for me?" he asked.

I went over it from the beginning but I'd already lost so many of the details.

It started basically from where I was now. After rehab I went back to my job, I had no interest in getting my life back together though. Then during a work trip to Vienna, all hell broke loose.

That imagined world had superhumans, aliens, space travel, advanced technology, and I controlled the most powerful objects in the universe. Infinity Stones.

My explanation of the dream was vague, at best. I'd imagine it would be like a kid trying to paint a portrait of someone they’d only seen for a second.

He listened patiently, taking notes while smiling, and encouraged me to keep going. 

"The end... the end was the most confusing part. There really wasn't one. I was giving away one of the stones, the purple one, when the person suddenly attacked me and then... that was it. I think that's when I woke up," I sighed, heavy with the strain of trying to remember.

That's when I noticed him, leaning in towards me, with a terrifying look of expectation in his eyes. 

"TRY to remember! Who did you give the stone to!?" he yelled in frustration.

"I can't!" I jumped at his aggression.

What the hell is his problem!?

"Our time is up," I snapped and stood to leave.

"I'm sorry, I was absolutely fascinated by your story. I overreacted. Hopefully you’ll continue to discuss the visions with me on Friday," he apologized. 

"Yeah, maybe," I said hesitantly. I really didn't want to talk about it anymore but if it got me the fuck out of here, I figured I'd have to.

---------------------------

Friday rolled around and I wasn't looking forward to this session. Everything about this just felt… off.

"I thought we could try something, um, different today," Doctor Stephen offered, gesturing for me to have a seat. "If you’re comfortable, my colleague, Dr. Wong, and I would like to try hypnosis," he smiled.

"This will only work if she cooperates, fully," the other doctor whispered. 

"Okay," I agreed, feeling like I really didn't have a choice. 

As I laid down and closed my eyes Dr. Wong began reciting a meditative mantra of some sort. 

It took all my self control to keep from cracking an awkward joke about magic. 

I HAVE to pretend to take this seriously to get through these sessions and be done with my rehab.

The words, however strange they were, instantly calmed me. Without warning, I drifted into the haze.

Clear visions and memories of my dream started coming back!

Dr. Stephen shot right to the point where we’d left off.

"Where is it now, the purple stone? Who did you give it to?" he asked, insistently.

"Some other species, the person was an alien, I think, but something went wrong," I went on telling him what I was seeing. Images of what was happening flashed through my mind as if I was actually standing amongst them.

These green skinned people began slaughtering each other around me and the smaller group was completely eradicated. 

Their leader held the purple stone in their hand but then crushed it, screaming at me that it was fake! They demanded the real one! But then someone familiar approached me. I was in shock seeing him there and before I could think he plunged his metal arm into my chest, ripping out the real stone! 

"HE took it... HE RIPPED IT FROM ME!! I trusted him!!" I screamed as I sat bolt upright out of the hypnosis.

My veins pumped FIRE.

I reached out to the doctor to help me and grasped at my chest as if the pain I had felt was real!

"WHO!! WHO TOOK IT!?" both doctors shouted.

"BUCKY!" 

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Chapter 2

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-----Avengers’ HQ-----

---------Bucky---------

"NO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" I screamed at Strange as he came at me, accusingly.

Banner quickly stepped between me and the doctor. 

"Barnes was here! He's been HERE since you both left!" 

I was grateful that the big green guy had my back at least. 

"Maybe I SHOULD have gone! OBVIOUSLY, you couldn't figure out she'd been lying to you the whole time or that she was in DANGER!" I was furious with him. 

She TRUSTED him out there and now...

Strange's face flushed with guilt.

"I didn't know about her passing out fake stones or what she was up to, and that she was lying to me about the real ones until it was too late. I couldn't stop this!" he shouted, waving to the Cryo tank. 

Her body, frozen inside for months, was all that I had left. We let the Doctor and his partner, Wong, mine into her lingering consciousness to extract any information that would help find the Infinity Stones and whoever was responsible for her death. I was on the brink of cracking.

This is all so fucked!

"I just need more TIME!" Strange fought, ironically, considering he held the Time Stone which he insisted was useless in this situation. "We got her to remember YOU. It could be her mind still trying to hide something or someone from us. We don't know what she was planning! She may have been plotting…” he stopped as if not wanting to say what he was thinking.

“PLOTTING?!” Banner questioned, aggravated at the insinuation. “No, she HAD to have been tricked into letting her guard down! She'd NEVER give up that power without a fight!"

We all took a step back as he continued.

"So it HAD to be BARNES! ABSOLUTELY no one else could get close enough to her to pull that off!" his temper flared at the wizards as he passed me an apologetic look.

"But I WASN'T THERE!" I screamed. "What aren't you getting?! It wasn't ME!"

"Hmm, an imposter?" Strange held his chin as he thought.

"We need to go back into her memories and get more information!" Wong insisted.

"No! ENOUGH!" I roared, planting myself between them and her glacial casket, needing to protect her one last time. 

"He's right, we can't keep this up, it's not fair. She deserves peace," Banner agreed as his expression fell. He dropped his head into his hands, crushed.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Strange mumbled as he and Wong left through their golden gateway. 

"So that's it?" I sighed, once the portal closed. "There's nothing else we can do!?" I turned to Banner, desperate for some final miracle.

Already knowing the answer, my complete denial still lingered. 

We had tried for months to revive her mind. Her body was broken, just a shell when Strange found her lifeless after the Stones had been torn out. 

"Take all the time you need, buddy," Banner mumbled. 

I flung his enormous green hand off my shoulder, growling at him to leave. 

He paused for a moment, wincing as if it hurt him to see me this way, then left me alone with my agony.

This whole time I’d been haunted by thoughts of the pure suffering she must have faced AGAIN! The distraction of trying to find her killer was the only thing keeping me from completely losing my shit but now…

"What were you thinking, Mar!?!" 

A tortured sob I had held back for months let loose. My fists slammed into this hellish tomb of a machine in front of me, not a drop of hope in my veins.

The despair was suffocating, strangling. This WAS the end, I thought, the final end. There’d be no magic tricks, no miracles bringing her back to me. It was the end of her smiles, her kisses, her constant swearing at me. 

I can't do this, not again. I can't say goodbye…

All I wanted in that moment was to crawl into that thing, to lie next to her, to protect her for eternity. 

"Why didn't you come back to me?" 

The words fell from shaking, defeated lips as I rested my forehead on the cold glass. 

"I need you to come back..." 

My last words to her choked out as my chest heaved. The onslaught of tears tarnished the window, distorting her beautiful, frozen image below. This anguish broke me; pain, shooting through my heart, utterly decimated my soul.

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Of course, sleep didn’t come. 

Echoes of our time in Wakanda, when I had her next to me at every moment, kept creeping in. 

One night in particular tortured my attempt at sleep.

— — — 

Waking up on the floor in the darkest corner of the room, I was being crushed by panic and the dread that someone was coming for me. The pure fear pushed heavy on my chest followed by the clenching need to have her there. With her I felt safe, like I could let go of the past and if it crept back, she'd fight it away and I KNEW she felt the same. 

The room was too big, had too many windows, and the ceilings too tall. I'd feel more comfortable under the bed or in the closet, I remembered thinking, and pondered the possibilities to endure another long, lonely night.

Pulling my soaked shirt over my head, I’d used the driest part to wipe sweat from my face and sat for a long while wondering where she was, what she was doing. 

Was she thinking about me? Did she wake up, panicked, wishing with everything she had that I was next to her, like I did?  

“Damn it. Shake it off man,” I had told myself, as I shoved off the floor.

A low voice, sweet and melodic, echoed through the room behind me in a loving tone.

"What?! Who's there!" I shouted.

"Come back to bed. It was a night terror. You're sleepwalking again," the voice repeated.

Slowly, I had turned, blinking back tears as the haze and confusion lifted.

"Mar? I... I didn't know... I thought you were… gone.” 

"It’s ok baby, I'm here," she had hummed as she walked towards me. Gently and carefully, wrapping her arms around my waist, she whispered into my neck. "I'm here. I'm right here."

Burying my face in her hair that cascaded down her shoulder, I wished we could’ve stayed in that moment forever. I couldn't have gone back into the lab or the forest to face my past without her by my side. 

— — — 

I owed her everything and now… now she is truly gone. 

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Chapter 3

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------Aboard The Benatar------

"Skrull? THOSE shape shifting bastards!?" Rocket glared. 

"How could they have killed Coal? That doesn't make ANY sense!" Quill cried as we stood on their ship discussing our next move.

Besides me, their team took the heaviest blow with the news of what happened and were still reeling from her loss. Each of them craved revenge and they returned to Earth as soon as word of who was responsible for Mar's death reached them. 

"That's what Strange said. He doesn't know why yet but at least that's a start," I grumbled.

"So now these back-alley punks have her Power Stone AND her Space Stone..." Rocket thought out loud. 

"From what Strange could figure, yes," I answered. "But she lied to him about ALL the stones so who knows. The only two actually accounted for are the Time Stone, which Strange has, and the Mind Stone because she left it with Banner for Vision." 

"But why lie? I don't frickin' get it!" Rocket smashed his little angry fist into the controls.

"She never trusted him, OR his creepy cult," Quill squinted.

"What we DO know is that she had been distributing fakes for some reason but she still had the real Power Stone and Space Stone when she was..." I trailed off, still not wanting to admit the truth.

"Vormeer. We could go there and see if she put the Soul Stone back... at least to know if it's secure," Gamora suggested.

"On it!" Rocket shouted, setting the navigation for wherever Gamora mentioned.

"Ummmm you didn't wait for my command, Rocket!" Quill whined like a child, pointing to himself. “Captain!”

"We don't have time for this crap!" Gamora huffed.

I guess I'm part of this mess now, but better out there doing something than sitting on Earth, staring into her icy world, I thought, with bitter resentment. 

------Vormeer------

"Sergeant Barnes," the Red Skull’s strong German voice cut into the deepest parts of my subconscious. "What you seek, what you desire, you can never possess in this life. Your love will never return to you. Your friend, Captain Rogers, has left you as well, I see. He chose his own love over your friendship, abandoning you. You have been betrayed by all, deserted by all. You have no power here, no love left to sacrifice..." 

“We do not want your Godforsaken stone! Is it here!? Did Coal bring it back here?!" Gamora charged at the red waif before I was able.

"Yes. Marina brought it back to me, but it is no longer here. I have sent it off to another realm, never to be found, as she wished," he hissed as he floated just out of reach. "She sacrificed all. It was her last defense against the inevitable death that loomed over her. She could have lived forever but foolishly handed over the Soul Stone. In doing so she sealed her fate," the Red Skull murmured as he vanished in a fog.

"Damn you!!!" I screamed into the vapor. 

Falling to my knees, I railed my fist into the black, stone precipice. Fragments of rock exploded in every direction.

"Let's go, Barnes. We got what we needed from this horrid place," Gamora growled, pulling me to my feet.

---------------------------

As we left that cursed world the Red Skull's words haunted me. 

"Her sacrifice, looming death... what was she doing? Was it some sort of master plan of some kind?" I asked out loud to no one in particular. "NONE of this seems right. I can't put my finger on it!" 

"At least we know the Skrull don’t have the Soul Stone and that it won't be used again," Nebula sulked. Other than me, she seemed to be the most miserable person on this ship.

"We need to find the Reality Stone. It's the only one unaccounted for now," she suggested.

"What do we know about it?" I asked, not knowing anything about it, but praying these jackasses did.

"Umm it's red. And it came from some Dark Elves the Asgardians killed," Quill lectured, authoritatively.

"Is that seriously all we know?" I dropped my head into my hands.

"We need Thor! He will know!" Mantis smiled.

"Nope, we got this!" Quill insisted.

"No, she's right. If we want any chance of finding a stupid little red stone in the entire universe, we need help," Rocket admitted.

"I am Groot," was the final vote.

"FINE! Where is ol' muscles anyway?" Quill sneered.

"Still tracking down his jerk brother," Rocket glared.

"WHAT?!!?" I shot.

"You didn't know!? Loki died in the time prison, but Thor didn't believe it, insisting he never REALLY dies and that he HAD to be out there somewhere," Rocket sighed with exhaustion. "He was determined to prove us wrong and went to find him.”

“We all made bets if Loki was ACTUALLY dead dead this time," Quill laughed.

"That's... messed up," I just shook my head, totally over this group. 

If that cockroach was actually dead though it would be a miracle.

---------------------------

"LOKI!" I screamed from my bunk and jumped to the floor.

"Where!?" Drax yelled, grabbing a net, of all things.

"What the hell is that for?!" Gamora asked, confused.

"I'm going to catch him like a slimy eel," Drax smiled.

"No, you idiot! He's not HERE, I just thought of something!" I groaned, rubbing the bridge of my nose, annoyed. "He HAS to know how to find it! Right?!" I asked, not believing what I was about to say. "He can use his magic or whatever to track it down, like how he tracks the Space Stone. We need to find him. We need his help too," I sneered, instantly regretting opening my mouth.

Suddenly a call from HQ came in. 

"Guess we don't have to look very hard!" Rocket grinned.

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Chapter 4

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-------Asgard-------

--------Loki--------

"Brother, I swear I was about to tell you! I just discovered this myself," I insisted, truthfully, sort of, hiding the part where she gave me my gift, my Space Stone.

"THIS! THIS IS... how is this?? How could you... I thought you dead... AGAIN!" Thor roared, unable to form a clear statement within his thick skull, as he pinned me to the Asgardian soil and stared agape at our glorious home. 

"Do not bother yourself with such things as my death," I quipped. "Look before you! She rebuilt it, all of it, perfectly, down to every last detail," I explained, his simple mind not understanding what had transpired in his absence.

He was in shock, gazing out over our world, he had no words for this. 

"I cannot blame you, brother. I was in absolute awe when I first laid eyes upon Asgard, reborn. A most incredible display of power, is it not?!" I smiled as he released me. "And when you see Marina next, you'll be sure to bend the knee to her for this gift!" 

The idea of her ruling Asgard by my side excited me beyond measure. Surely, he could not contest this now! 

"L... Loki," Thor stuttered, the look on his face darkening.

"What is it, brother?" 

Suddenly I was not sure I wanted to know what he was about to say!

"You did not hear?" he paused. "She is... gone," he sighed as he hung his head.

"Not possible… she is invincible, you dullard," I scoffed.

"Loki... the stones were gone. She had given several away, but the last few had been taken, ripped from her... She did not survive the trauma of it," he trailed off as the tears fell.

Was this real or was he deceived somehow?! 

His face, however, did not lie. My stomach turned as I stared into his reddening eyes.

"WHAT?! No..." I breathed, feeling in that moment as if I might actually die with her.

Clenching my jaw and fists, I was unable to believe this. Having not a moment to grieve, rage and revenge engulfed my mind. 

I can not lose her, not my queen, not now! This is impossible!

"Who did it?" I sneered, murderously, through gritted teeth.

"A group of Skrull, but we do not know who yet," he choked back the tears. "I'm so sorry, brother!"  

"Where is she?!"

Desperate for answers, I shook my brother violently by his shoulders. 

"WHERE IS SHE?!"

"Her body is on Midgard, with her people," Thor grunted. "But there's no hope, brother, they have tried everything!" 

"Take us! Take us there NOW!" I ordered him to summon the Bifrost.

"Only for you to pay your last respects, brother, but then I am bringing you back here, bringing all our people back here, back home," he negotiated.

--------Avengers’ HQ---------

There is nothing, I sense nothing…

Before me lay merely a mortal body, sentenced to rest in an icebound grave. Everything that Thor had said was true. My rage multiplied as my hope for her revival dwindled to nothing. 

"Brother... there is no realm, no dimension where the one responsible for this can hide from my wrath. I will decimate worlds to find them," I snarled, vowing my revenge to him, with clenched fists and furious resolve.

"That's what we're counting on," the voice behind me growled, familiar in its pain. 

The soldier.

I turned to face him. So far beneath me, he had competed with me for her heart and I despised him for his very breath in this world. 

"We need your help," he huffed with reluctance and crossed arms. I sensed he shared my position.

--------------------------

“I don't know where the Reality Stone could possibly be as she denied sharing her game with me,” I had told them everything I knew, save a few details, but not holding back. I had nothing else to gain or lose, surprisingly. 

"It still doesn't make sense though," the soldier mumbled. "Your powers... just returned, like that, without ANY outside help!? Then you faked your death, escaped prison, and somehow ended up on ASGARD, which had been re-built by Marina at some point?" he glared at me in suspicion as he approached. 

I sat grinning at him wildly, steadfast in my conviction. 

"Something you would like to accuse me of… Barnes, was it?" I chuckled. 

"If you had ANYTHING to do with her death, I’ll rip you apart," he swore, through clenched teeth.

"I would expect nothing less!" I winked. 

"STOP!! You both need to just STOP! We are all in this together now! LOKI TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH! NO MORE STORIES!" Thor roared as he swept me up against the wall, expectedly. "How did you get your magic back!? How did you get to Asgard!?" he demanded, hand crushing my windpipe.

"If I had a dollar for every time I had been strangled I suspect I'd be the wealthiest being on Midgard!" I choked, as he tightened his grip.

"FINE, damn it. SHE returned my magic! Then she gave me THIS!" I sneered at the soldier standing next to us with an unyielding satisfaction that came from knowing she had lied to him, then presented my Space Stone. 

"Brother, is there ever an end to your lies and scheming!?" Thor grumbled, hurt as usual. 

"Marina rebuilt the SECOND Space Stone, the one Thanos destroyed in this timeline, even though she still had the one I gave her. She controlled TWO of them!” I paused, highly amused at Barnes’ confusion. “She didn't want to tell you!" I smirked, also enjoying his pain.

"What!?" he growled, "why..."

"Because we are the same, her and I," I jabbed, still smiling at Barnes, aware this fact was killing him inside. "She wanted total control."

“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” Barnes fumed.

Thor dropped me from the wall. As the soldier rushed in to hit me, I dodged his feeble attempt and metal fist, readying a dagger.

"ENOUGH!!" Banner thundered through the room, pushing them aside. 

"Loki, the Space Stone, give it to me NOW!" he ordered, and remembering our first fight, I obliged.

He ran from the room immediately.

"What do you suppose HE is up to?" I asked Thor, not truly expecting him to know. 

"Banner, wait!" Barnes perked and took off after him. 

Thor and I followed.

"Is he planning on destroying it?!" I yelled, rhetorically to Thor. In that instant I regretted giving it up so easily. 

"BANNER! WAIT!" I screamed as he turned the corner into a room I had just become familiar with. 

Barnes and Banner worked feverishly, pushing buttons, removing cables until the case lowered and the lid opened, revealing our frozen Sleeping Beauty. 

"They are going to try!" Thor shouted, looking on, hopeful. 

I was furious with myself for not thinking of this sooner. 

Grief has dulled my mind beyond measure, apparently.

Banner held the glowing stone to her chest gently, too gently, I thought.

"THAT WILL NOT WORK!!" I jumped next to him and forced his hand down with all my strength. 

The light of the stone faded as it broke against her frozen skin… nothing happened.

"It... it's a fake!" Barnes gasped with pure failure and hopelessness in his voice. 

I laughed. I laughed at her deceit. 

Brilliant! 

"She gave me a decoy with just enough power laced through it so as to not make me question its authenticity. Just enough power for me to escape to Asgard where she knew I'd be stuck, unable to leave. You see who the true deceiver is now!" I explained to them, laughing harder, until Barnes buried his fist into my jaw.

"DAMN YOU!" I growled, throwing him against the far wall. "YOU THINK I WANTED THIS!?!" gesturing to her corpse, "she means more to me than you would EVER KNOW!" 

-------------------

Chapter 5

-------------------

-------Mar-------

Ever since Dr. Stephen tried hypnosis, my dreams had come back to me. It must have unlocked something inside my head, I figured, as they started to stream together with clear cohesion.

Lying in bed, I tried not to move, afraid of losing the images in my mind. I hated that they were so real; I hated knowing reality wasn’t that world but this, this nightmare.

There was a whole other life I’d lived after the death of my family. It was horrifying and exciting, filled with fantasy, intergalactic war, love, adventure, but also loss and pain. I had become the most powerful force in the Universe! In that life I had saved Earth, brought people back to life, even rebuilt an entire planet from dust! 

I was a GOD!

Thinking about how to tell all this to Dr. Stephen, I realized how insane it sounded that I thought THAT was my reality. 

It’s so ridiculous! Super soldiers, aliens, TIME TRAVEL, GODS! No wonder they keep my crazy ass locked up…

I was amazed at my stupidity as I thought back through our sessions, but wondered again why he was so obsessed with the ending, with those stones.

WHY did he care so much? 

Shaking off my confusion, I concentrated on the end, thinking through what happened to try and get some answers for myself. 

— — — 

I had known Dr. Stephen in that life, but he went by Dr. Strange, and was a sorcerer. The clothes he wore were outrageous, like something you'd find at a summer renaissance festival. 

After I'd saved the world, we were discussing our plan to hide the Infinity Stones, six all-powerful gems that I had inside my body. Each gave me control over an aspect of existence: Time, Mind, Space, Reality, Soul, and Power.

I’d given him back the green Time Stone that had belonged to him originally and he locked it away in his elaborate necklace.  

We agreed that the yellow Mind Stone would be kept by a man named Bruce Banner so he could rebuild someone named Vision. 

Next, the Space Stones. There were TWO in my possession, unbeknownst to anyone but Loki because he’d given me the one he had stolen from a different timeline. On The Garden I had recreated the one Thanos destroyed, which also, only the two of us knew about.

In secret, I gave one to a gray-haired man in a business suit. He worked for an organization called the TVA and promised to return it to its correct timeline where Loki had taken it from. 

After an exhausting debate, Strange had agreed to let me keep the one Space Stone he knew about.

Once it was settled, the two of us set out across the universe to hide the remaining four Infinity Stones from any and all would-be threats.

He was supposed to be the protector of this realm, but I STILL felt like I couldn't trust him or his wizardy cult. I knew they'd keep a record of where the stones were hidden. Someone, at some point could track them down, use them like Thanos did, it was inevitable. So I vowed to never let that happen again. I was responsible for their re-creation and they needed to be hidden from EVERYONE, forever! 

Deep down, I knew I had a darker motive… a hunger for their power. If I was the only one who knew where ALL the stones were, then I was the only one that would ever be able to wield them again.

Deciding that what he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, I came up with my own plan. 

As we traveled, I hid the originals at my discretion, off record, then scattered fakes as decoys across the galaxy. Going out alone, when Strange was sleeping, I was careful to be back before he would wake up each time.

Knowing exactly where I could hide the Reality Stone, my first secret trip took me to Asgard, the planet I had rebuilt myself. I buried it within its core where it would be undetectable.

The Soul Stone had come from a planet called Voormeer so I went there to find the being who guarded it in the past, the Red Skull. I gave it back with one condition, that he send it off to the furthest reaches of the universe, never to be found, and to guard it for eternity.

After relinquishing that stone there was no going back. 

The last stone I needed to hide was the Power Stone. It pulsed inside my body with hate and destruction. I could feel it trying to break free and with only the one Space Stone to help, it was winning. It was only a matter of time before I lost control of the thing. 

Hiding that from Dr. Strange as well, I eventually found a place to stash it, deep within a nebula in a deserted corner of space. The area was filled with so much energy there was no way anyone would have been able to detect it at the center.

But the twist…

Traveling there I had become sidetracked by an ungodly amount of destruction.

I’d come across an alien civil war spanning an entire galaxy that had been raging for centuries. Thousands of planets and billions of lives were on the line.

Truly feeling like I could help, I decided to intervene alone. I attempted to negotiate peace between two factions by using a FAKE Power Stone. One of them called my bluff and fighting between them erupted. One group annihilated the other right in front of me!

That’s when Bucky approached. I was so caught off guard I didn’t react when he ripped the REAL Power Stone from my body! The man had been my lover and best friend throughout my dream but he had betrayed me on that planet!

The trauma shattered me as my body fell to the dirt where I stood and I was left to die alone. I don't know how much time had passed when Dr. Strange appeared. 

He'd found out about my lies, screaming at me that I couldn’t be trusted. He accused me of being a threat to the universe and bringing about the apocalypse!

As I layed helpless on the ground, Strange realized the aliens had left the Space Stone inside me, so HE tried to take it! The Stone’s energy erupted out without my command, protecting me. Engulfing us in blue flames, it lashed out at him, but the doctor fought against it. 

Before it could win, Strange cast a spell and a cloud of embers rose up. It forced me back into my subconscious. It trapped me inside my own mind, sealing the stone’s power away from me! 

My body was lifeless, and I was… lost. 

— — — 

Frozen in panic, my heart pounding, I couldn’t get over how real it all was! Opening my eyes, I took in my hospital room around me. The cold air conditioning blew loudly from the vent, the sink in the bathroom dripped. 

But THIS is real…right?

As I sat up my head spun with confusion.   

Had I lived that life? 

Were these MEMORIES!? 

No, I've been through this a hundred times with Dr. Stephen! 

They were hallucinations, fever dreams! 

I’d been found in my house, blood pouring out of my arms, barely alive!

The screams in my head wouldn't stop! 

“It’s not real!” I repeated, repeated, repeated, pounding my fists into my temples until a nurse slammed through the door with a sedative. 

I didn't fight her, I needed this to stop!

------------------------

Chapter 6

------------------------

--------Bucky--------

“We knew she still had HER Space Stone when she was… um killed,” he paused to clear his throat. “So, um, what did she do with the second one if she gave Loki a fake?!” Banner scratched his head.

Try to think like her. What would SHE think would be the best thing to do!?

I rolled the question around for a minute then thought of something. 

“Where did it originally come from again?” I asked the group.

---------------------------

The correspondence with the TVA had come back. She did, in fact, leave the second Space Stone with them to be returned to the correct timeline. It helped confirm she had some secret plan for the stones.

“At least now we only have ONE Space Stone to worry about finding. And plus the Power and Reality Stones,” I groaned as I relayed the news.

"What does it truly matter now?" Loki hissed. 

He was broken, hopeless. 

Join the club, buddy.

I can't say it wasn't ridiculously satisfying to see him this way, however, I knew it was at her expense which hurt me in return.

"Because we know a group of Skull have them but we don't know why or what they're planning to do with them, that’s why,” Banner answered, annoyed. “We HAVE to find them!”

"We'll start trying to locate their base," Rocket sighed. He slipped off his chair and left the room without a single rude comment, followed by the rest of the Guardians. He was hurting like all of us. 

"I'm going to go back to the lab. Shuri is meeting me. If we can get Vision..." he paused, "if Vision can be resurrected..." walking off, Banner didn’t finish his thought.

I sat staring at Loki and Thor, the last two people on Earth I wanted to be alone with. They were seriously the worst.

"I'm going to... well... just go," I grunted and left them as quickly as I could manage without actually running. 

---------------------------

Standing in the hot shower I thought back to before she left for the last time. She just wanted to make everything right but why couldn't she have told us what she planned to do!? We would have done everything to help her stubborn ass! 

Realizing I was furious with her just made things worse. The pressure in my chest became unbearable as I caved. At least the water camouflaged the tears, I thought as I lost control.

Laying down on my bed I didn't want to sleep. I knew that would only mean unrelenting dreams and nightmares, but I couldn't prevent it.

---------------------------

Waking up, soaked in sweat, my heart raced. The strain in my chest shot across my shoulder.

I’m fucking dying…

Nope, just another nightmare, damn… breathe…

This one was different, more like a vision. I saw Mar ALIVE. She was trapped in some room, like an old hospital or mental asylum. She fought to escape but there was no way out. I felt her terror, her hopelessness, right down to the nausea.

It’s just like that god damn alien dream… is this real too?!?

“FUCK!”

Shooting out of my room, I knew who could be at the bottom of this!

-----------------

Chapter 7

-----------------

------Mar------

I sat up in my bed, sweating and sick. The sedatives must have worn off prematurely, I thought. rubbing my head as it pounded, the sound of arguing in the hall just made it worse. 

“Shut the hell up!” I groaned. They obviously didn’t hear me and kept yelling.

Listening to the argument, I heard my name and curiosity pulled me out of bed.

“She’ll figure it out! She’ll kill us for doing this to her!” one said, terrified.

What the fuck? What are they talking about… me? I’d kill them?  

I was beyond confused. 

“As long as she stays inside she won't figure it out. She’s powerless right now,” the other reassured as I heard them walk off.

Stay’s inside? What? Powerless? Was I still asleep!?  

I literally pinched myself. 

Nope, I’m awake. And what would happen if I went OUTSIDE?! 

None of this seemed right. I knew it in my gut. I needed out. The feeling grew into an overwhelming drive to escape the hospital. 

Now! I could just go now!

With each step towards the door, the walls of the room seemed to move with me as if they were part of me. 

And the door… Could I open it? 

Closing my eyes, I felt out with my mind. 

The door... the locking mechanism inside… I feel it… 

There was a soft click…

“What the fuck… ” I whispered as it opened. 

Was it ALWAYS unlocked? Did I actually do that with my mind? Was I hallucinating again? Did it even matter?

I questioned my sanity repeatedly but there was no time.

Leaving my room, I checked the hall for orderlies. 

Empty . 

I didn't care where I'd go next or how I'd continue on without being caught, I just knew I needed out.

I snuck over to a set of doors I knew led to the common area and they opened just as easily. From there I figured I could make it to the exit.

Sitting on a bench, pretending to sleep, I waited for a custodian to leave. As they pushed their cart through the main door I blocked it from latching behind them. 

Once the final hall was clear, I went in. 

There was a small office to my right, empty. I ducked inside right before a nurse walked past. 

Scanning the room, I tossed my hospital shirt into the garbage and took the sweatshirt off the chair then tied my messy hair up into a neat bun. It was surprising how easy this all was for me, almost instinctual.

Now or never, I told myself as I left the office, the exit doors were right in front of me. 

I slowed my pace. Acting natural, I grabbed a pamphlet off a counter and pretended to read it as I strolled out the door.

Freedom! 

The fresh air felt like life itself to my lungs. Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a deep breath.

Now what?

 I opened my eyes and suddenly only saw a wall, my wall, my room wall, right in front of me.

"What the hell!" I yelled out to myself as I spun in circles. 

“Was this real?! How?!” 

Had I imagined that whole thing!?

I ran! I ran back to the common area and out through the main doors. Sprinting down the hall, unafraid of getting caught, I slammed through a nurse and out the door. Outside the sunlight hit me with a flash but I was stopped by my wall... again. 

"This isn't happening!" I screamed, fighting back rage and tears.

Trying again and again I found myself back in my room the instant I made it outside. 

I WAS insane! This was a nightmare!! Had my mind completely come undone?! 

"This can't FUCKING be real!" My terror and rage spilled out, uncontrolled.

"This is NOT possible. This is NOT possible," I repeated, over and over, as I fell to my bed, my whole body quaked. 

"Someone help me!" I heaved with desperation and panic. 

Orderlies and nurses surrounded me as I fought them off, struggling to keep them from sedating me again.

----------------

Chapter 8

----------------

-----Loki-----

I sat awake, gazing past the window at this lowly rock they called a planet. The orange and red in the trees seemed quite remarkable, however. 

In the past when we were apart, my yearning for her had become a familiar emotion that I had attempted to live with, but failed, time and time again. Whenever I ached for relief from my misery I would spirit away to watch her in secret or listen to her laugh from afar.

Even in death her enchantments bound my heart and I knew now there would be no relief from this longing, this eternal misery.

As I fought with the urge to burn this place to the ground, if only to feel better for a moment, an odd sensation overcame me. 

Closing my eyes, I felt out. There was something, SOMEONE, touching my mind ever so slightly. It was a string of broken thoughts but it was real!

IT'S HER! 

My queen was alive but she was struggling and bound by a powerful spell, fighting to escape. There was no way out! The terror and hopelessness she felt radiated through me.

The vision snapped out of my mind as quickly as it had come. 

"What magic was this!? Who is responsible?!" I snarled out to the empty room, fists clenched. 

There was no reply. I was alone.

"LOKI!!!" Barnes screamed as he suddenly charged through the door to attack me. 

"Must we... AGAIN?!" I scoffed, dodging his punches. 

"TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!!" he demanded as he pulled out a gun and shot at me. Apparently, he was very serious this time. 

"NOTHING!" I hissed into his ear as I choked him from behind, lifting him off the ground.

"Your magic!" he accused, gasping for air.

"What are you talking about??" I growled.

"Alive..." he grunted. I dropped him to the floor as he regained his breath.

"What? What did you just say!?" I was in shock. 

Had he seen a vision as well!? 

The look in his eyes told me as much.

"STRANGE!" I sneered. "That bastard!"

----------------------------

We ran, side-by-side, to her resting place, fighting for breath and crashing through doors in our path, only to reach an empty room.

It was gone, her cryo casket along with all the support equipment, gone!

Barnes looked over at me, on his face I saw the same rage and hunger for revenge that was coursing through my veins. 

"Where!?" I demanded.

"New York," he growled, fists clenched, ready to kill. 

Maybe my foe would prove a decent ally after all…

--------The Sanctum Sanctorum-------

"BARNES," Strange yelled. "You don't know what you're doing! You’re in WAY over your head!" 

The soldier tore through this sanctum of wizards, distracting them, allowing me to make my move. From the shadows, I pinned Strange's minions against a wall, holding them powerless before they even knew I was there.

HE was next!  

As he fought Barnes, I ripped his ridiculous cape from his shoulders. Pulling from every ounce of my abilities I transported it to I know not where.

I countered each spell he lobbed at me. He was a strong opponent, but I was determined to kill him for what he had done! 

Unable to match my speed, I vanished before he could land any spell. Reappearing behind him, I caught his hands in mine the instant he spun around. Agonized screams filled his Sanctum as my fist tightened, crushing his.

Weak humans, I thought, with disgust.

"Music to my ears," I hummed in satisfaction. "Try your magic now, STRANGE!!" I growled as Barnes grabbed him around the neck, ripping him from my grasp, determined to finish this himself. 

"Where is she? WHERE IS MARINA?!?" Barnes demanded, squeezing harder.

The pain across the doctor's face made me smile in anticipation. We were both driven to the brink of madness by grief and anger!

This man does not stand a chance now!

"STOP! You can’t do this! You both must STOP!" a red-caped, robotic being yelled to us as it appeared out of nowhere, freeing Strange from the soldier's grasp. 

"NOOOOO!" Barnes reached for the sorcerer but was quickly restrained by Banner.

I made a move towards Strange but suddenly my mind was overloaded. I fell to my knees, grabbing my head, the pain unbearable! Thor grabbed my arms, holding them behind my back, guiding me to my feet. The pain ceased only as that red witch, Maximoff, removed her spell. 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I screamed at them. 

"It was Strange! He did this! She's alive! TRAPPED by HIS spells!" I raged.

"I tried to explain..." Strange shook with pain, clutching his broken hands to his chest.

"What did you do to that man, Loki!?" Thor growled, anger spilling out of him as well. 

"Not what I wanted, brother," I hissed, furious that we did not get to finish what we came here for. 

Strange continued to explain. Nothing he said lightened my rage. 

"I had to," he coughed. "She was lying to me, I saw her future... the end of the universe came at HER hand. She was working with the Skrull but they turned on her. I took advantage of her weakness after I found her near death," he groaned with pain. "I did what I thought was right at that moment… I only trapped her in her own mind, sealing off the Space Stone’s power from her… until I was certain she wasn’t a threat," his words strained out and his breathing hitched. "And if she was..." he paused, losing focus. 

"If she WAS? Then WHAT?" I glared at him. "You would have killed her, wouldn't you!" 

"...possibly…" he admitted through clenched teeth. 

Thor's grip tightened on my arms in expectation of my wrath at the wizard's confession, but something distracted me. Suddenly I felt her once more... her unique signature in this world had reappeared. 

She is free! 

Meeting Barnes' stare, I could sense he knew as well, based on the look of shock across his face. 

With a wink and a smile to him I shrugged off Thor's grasp. Vanishing, I left these fools behind, having but one desire. 

---------------------

Chapter 9

---------------------

--------Mar--------

Over and over, I fought the hospital orderlies, running at every opportunity! I pushed through doors, and smashed windows and furniture. 

This won't be my prison!

Who or what was keeping me here would crack eventually and I was determined to never give up, but this time felt different... this time I felt... 

Power.

Running for a door that I hadn't tried before, with the staff close behind, I slammed into it repeatedly, it cracked, it opened. The floor and walls crumbled around me, fading into mist.

I was thrown into a dark, cold void as the hospital behind me vanished. 

Was I free or... DEAD!?

Something felt so familiar, this weightless darkness. 

Is this it… is there more…

An image began to form and a small round window appeared, barely visible but it was there.

I reached out, trying like hell to touch it but something solid held my arms down, something surrounded me.

Another wall? A cage? No… not again…

Pushing out with all the desperation in my soul, the structure was obliterated, the weight of my body fell to solid ground. My knees cracked into a tile floor and my hands right after. 

“Fuck, that hurt…” the air in my lungs burned like acid as it passed my lips. 

This... this was real, the floor, the room. I ran my hands across my wrists… 

They’re SCARS again...  

Kneeling back I took in the room. It was full of medical equipment and a broken cryo tank of some kind that must have held my body. 

My body... my body is pulsing with power! What the fuck just happened... 

The visions… they WERE real, they were MEMORIES! Everything was becoming clear again. I had been imprisoned in my own head! 

"STRANGE!!" I called out as I stood. 

He did this… WHY!?

Placing my hand on my chest, I felt the connection to the Space Stone… 

It was still there. He failed to remove it!

Then I remembered, it saved me!

My weakness faded as I broke down matter around me, refueling my stores of energy. Then spinning, I reached out past the walls with my senses to regain my bearings. 

Where the hell am I!?

“New York, Strange's Sanctum…” I whispered to no one. “And I’m not alone.”

Flashing to their location, I waited for my moment, hidden in the shadows to plan my next move.

Not quite sure what I would do, Strange was already engaged in a fight and his lesser sorcerers were already incapacitated. 

Now I know why I was finally able to break out. They were all compromised.

Almost the whole team was there but fighting EACH OTHER.

“What the hell is going on!?” I asked myself again.

I listened. Strange began explaining his pathetic excuse for what he did to me.

Causing the apocalypse!? He'd said that before but what the hell was he talking about? ME!? I was trying to HELP! 

I thought back. I’d tried deceiving the Skrull with a decoy Power Stone, but it backfired! And Bucky… he had helped, nearly killed me! 

Adrenaline hit my gut like wildfire; nausea sent me reeling and I almost hit the floor again. The memories of his betrayal were clear as day now.

“Son of a bi…” I snarled, but then hesitated. I can't do this! Not again. I can't face these people. Especially if they thought I was going to destroy the universe! 

I had no defense. I WAS lying, I was going behind their backs but not for that reason!

How the hell do I explain THAT to them!? How could they understand!?  

Oh, I fucked up REAL good this time!

"We have to go, you're still in danger!" another familiar voice whispered from behind me, jolting me from the memory, sending shivers down my spine. As I turned around to see him, our eyes locked. 

"Loki..." I muttered in disbelief as he took my face in his shaking hands then kissed me without warning. 

He was real… he was here…

"Loki...what's..." I was interrupted a second time by his monstrous embrace.

"I had lost you… you were GONE!" he growled into my neck, only holding me tighter, fingers digging into my back.

Relief washed over me. Whatever the hell was going on with the others faded into the background, at least I had him.

"Only for a minute," I chuckled as I pushed him away, still unsure of any of this.

“We need to go NOW,” he insisted, almost in a panic.

"Asgard?" I whispered.

"My love, you read my mind," he smiled devilishly as my blue cloud pulled us away through the cosmos. 

-----Avengers’ HQ------

---------Bucky--------

They were gone. AGAIN. 

No one was about to run after her and Loki, there was no point. If she was going to retaliate against Strange, she would have done it the instant she awoke.

The only peace of mind I had now was knowing she had her strength back and her Space Stone. She could protect herself, at least I hoped. But I hated him. I hated him more than ever. He used me as a pawn and stole her away.

The next time I see that asshole, I swear…

Eventually Strange apologized for what he had done, explaining in more detail that he only did what he thought was right at the time, but it didn't help. Despite my anger toward him, we started working together on a plan to determine where the real threat lied. 

"This meeting could have been a frickin’ email," I snarled, entering the conference room, not a hundred percent sure what the phrase even meant. It seemed appropriate though for having to walk across the Avengers Campus just to talk with Strange.

"I revisited my visions to try and figure out what I was missing," Strange began as I sat. "I definitely saw HER holding the Power Stone, bringing on an apocalypse through the entire universe. If you're all so sure she WOULDN'T do this… then why is she in the center of it all!?" frustration oozed out of him.

Banner looked distracted as he shuffled through some papers, then spoke up. “So this is what we KNOW. The Power Stone is with the Skrull, Vision has the Mind Stone, Time Stone is here,” he pointed to Stange “One Space Stone went back to its original timeline, one is with Coal, and the Soul Stone is hidden. The Reality Stone is unaccounted for but it’s safe to assume she hid that one too since it hasn’t surfaced yet.”

“So we REALLY just need to get the Power Stone back before the SKRULL use it,” I squinted over to the sorcerer.

"Could you have seen a different timeline?" Thor asked. "Or maybe it wasn't HER..." he trailed off, rubbing his head, deep in thought. "The Skrull are shapeshifters, right?" he turned to Strange and continued, "is it possible you could’ve seen one of THEM in her form?"

“Well, is it, Strange?” I asked. “That makes sense considering the other possibility.”

----------------------

Chapter 10

----------------------

-------Asgard-------

---------Mar---------

"I didn't do it just for you," I smiled, pushing him away with trepidation. "I did it to restore balance. The universe needs this place."

“Thor will come eventually," he said with thick annoyance.

As we stood on the palace balcony, looking out over this world, I was still in shock. Recreating Asgard was the last thing I did before freeing Loki and relinquishing the power of all the stones, but I didn't spend any time here to really take it all in.

"We better make the most of our time alone," he teased, now with a flirtatious grin, and nudged my arm with his.

My memories had fully returned by the time we arrived, I was myself once more. Which meant I remembered EVERYTHING from our past together. But seeing him in the Sanctum after the shit I’d just been through… I felt so safe. 

Could this get any more confusing?!

"Yeah, I don't think so," I laughed, covering how I was really starting to feel, and turned to walk through the halls. 

The enormity of this structure was overwhelming. Gold lined the walls and pillars; intricate mosaics covered the floors. I didn't understand how I was able to piece this world back together after it exploded during Ragnarok but with the power of all six stones it had been easier than breathing. 

Loki followed behind me in silence. I could tell he was overwhelmed being here as well but for another reason. 

Stopping at a portrait of a beautiful woman, I knew it was his mother. As I stood looking up at the painting, I sensed him come up behind me. He gently brushed my hair from my shoulder and rested his head in its place. With his chest pressed against my back I felt each heavy breath.

He's so lost and alone. Time hadn't managed to change that. 

Reaching behind me, I took his hands in mine and wrapped his arms around my body, pulling him closer, leaning my head in his. His breathing calmed.

"You were… gone... " he whispered into my neck. His voice was as smooth as ever, but held back so much pain.

This feels right, being in his arms, this feels... like love. I want him to be happy, I want to love him, but can I forgive everything he's done!?  

I didn't know where this was leading. My mind raced and my heart was being torn apart in this quiet moment. 

Did I still love him? Did I still love Bucky!? 

I wasn't even sure where that relationship stood at this point! 

Bucky had betrayed me, almost killed me on that planet! Shit, Loki practically did the same, but he did it to HELP me. I still had no idea WHY Bucky did what he did! 

I can't decide…

"I cannot ask you to choose, him or I," he murmured, reading my thoughts as usual. 

He let go and left me in the hall, in the quiet, to wander the palace alone.

----------------------------

Strolling down deserted corridors for hours, I thought about what was next. 

Did I need to go find the Power Stone? Should I stay out of it, leave it to fate? Would going after it just create more problems? 

With my part in all of this mess at least I knew the other Infinity Stones would be safe. Vision had his Mind Stone back, Strange had his Time Stone, Red Skull hid the Soul Stone, this world hid the Reality Stone, and I had my Space Stone. We'd protect them for eternity. 

Strange could handle it himself, I decided. 

He owed me that at least! That fucker…

Maybe staying here with Loki would be the best thing for the universe anyway. Him and I, banished to this palace, eternally outsiders. We’d managed to fuck up A LOT. I’d forever be a train wreck and he was no doubt the God of Mischief. The thought made me chuckle to myself. 

As the Asgardian dusk fell, their stars lit up the sky in rainbows. I sat looking out into the colorful twilight, hopeful for at least a little peace and solitude.

---------------------------

In the morning I found him, sitting relaxed and cross-legged on the throne. The giant gold u-shaped structure was covered in ornate Norse carvings, and sat at the precipice of twenty steps.

"What are you doing way up there?" I chuckled as I climbed them.

"Thinking," he said, simply. "Come, sit with me," smiling down, he gestured to the space next to him.

Instead, I straightened his legs and sat on his lap with my arm around his shoulder.

"On Earth we have a tradition where an old fat man in a red suit grants wishes if you sit on his lap," I grinned up at him.

"Well, that just sounds... demented," he smirked but then frowned. "And what are you trying to say?!" grunting, he looked himself over as if I'd insulted him then huffed it off. "Fine, I'll play along. Tell me what you desire most and I will grant it."

"Only quiet," I answered, smiling in spite of knowing that it was a weak cover.

"There must be more," he squinted, questioning my wish as he wrapped his arms around me. 

"No one could grant my wish," I regretted bringing up the subject as I thought about the only thing I ever truly wished for. “Loki, if only you could see…”

 “Show me then, my love.”

“How?” 

“Do you trust me?”

“Well yes,” I chuckled at the question.

Resting his forehead on mine, he closed his eyes.

“Let me see…” his words echoed through my mind as I thought of my girls. A cool wisp of energy swept over me.

His consciousness… I can FEEL him….

“Yes, Marina…” his voice reverberated inside me, felt not heard.

Opening my mind fully, I shared the few memories of my girls I still retained. In half a moment his consciousness split from mine as his magic receded. 

"They are... beautiful," he murmured as his eyes reddened with emotions I've never seen in him. 

“Loki…” trembling, I had no other words. Everything I held back from him was exposed, raw. 

"You have lost more in your short life than anyone I have ever known… I have nothing but admiration for the fact that you are still whole. It is not your power, but your strength that I worship, my love," he whispered against my lips and combed his long fingers through my hair in comfort.

He’d brought out the grief that I’d fought so desperately to keep buried. The grief of my past, of what he did to me and losing him, of losing Bucky, of being imprisoned AGAIN. 

Burying my head in his neck, I tried like hell to hide the tears.

"No, never hide your pain from me. I need to be able to carry your burdens with you," he hummed, his hand guiding my chin up so he could see my face.

As my eyes lingered in his, concern battled love and lust in my gut while my soul drowned in their deep green pools.

Just stop thinking…

Denying my indecision a foothold, I nuzzled my cheek to his, breathing him in, remembering what it was to have him so close.

On instinct, the heat of his lips met mine. My veins were fire as I kissed him back. Hands, digging into his clothing, I pulled him against me. 

My senses were overwhelmed as the taste of him drew me back to when we were so much more. His soft moans of approval made me want to push further.

This is too confusing, too dangerous.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I pulled away. 

Looking as if he expected this he nodded while I faded from his sight, leaving my trepidation behind.

-----------------------

Chapter 11

-----------------------

---------Mar---------

"When I said I could not ask you to choose, I lied! I NEED you to choose!" he demanded, in earnest as he jumped into my bath, fully clothed.

"WHAT THE HELL, LOKI?!" I flew under the bubbles with a splash, covering myself.

"I am going to sit here until you make your choice!" he gestured with outstretched arms. 

"Oh my god, you're ridiculous! You've ruined your fine garment!" I mocked, in a horrible Asgardian accent, laughing as I splashed water into his face. 

He caught my gaze with a wicked smile, and as his clothing shimmered away he was now, I assumed, naked.

"Better?" he chuckled in the low tone that meant trouble.

"No," I smirked as I sank lower in the water, up to my eyes in bubbles. 

The tub in the palace bath was enormous, with space for at least ten people and almost too deep in the center to stand. I’d been relaxing comfortably in the candle-lit room, trying to clear my thoughts, before he interrupted in his usual dramatic fashion.

Without another word, he reclined against the opposite side of the tub, resting his arms on the edge. Staring with intent, he eagerly awaited my reply.

I knew my answer. I’d known since we kissed in the Sanctum, maybe even earlier than that, but didn’t want to admit it to myself until now. I needed them both. I had forgiven Loki and I knew I would forgive Bucky. 

Something about them has always been irresistible to me, drawing me into their chaos, like a drug. I craved it. The sight of Loki now wet and flustered, hiding his torment, was eating away at my willpower, making me wonder... 

What if I was honest with him…

Sitting up out of the water, high enough for him to see the scar he created in the center of my chest, but keeping some modesty, I moved closer. His eyebrows raised with curiosity. 

Bad decisions be damned.

"Loki... I'm not going to choose," I murmured as I traced the blue line with a finger, watching his eyes follow my movements. "Because choosing means I'd have to stop loving one of you... and I CAN'T do that, even after what he did to me," I confessed, openly. My stomach twisted as the words came out.

Fuck, I’m going to lose them for this! 

As my eyes met his again, he seemed in shock. 

Here it is. He's gonna fly off the handle and declare war on Bucky, again, in his predictable cutthroat manner.

But he didn't! His expression changed suddenly to enlightenment, but why?

I thought about what I just said. 

Had I just told him I loved him in the stupidest way possible?! Had I never said it to him before?!

"You have yet to..." he glared, brows pinched. With a heavy breath he moved closer, being sure to not make contact. 

If I tell him now would it confuse things more or seem forced, insincere!?

"No, tell me now..." he whispered, answering my thought yet again, only inches from me as we stood face to face in the center of the bath.

The words caught in my throat. I couldn't bring myself to speak so I moved in to kiss him, to show him. But he pulled back, refusing to let me touch him, and shook his head.

"Loki... you know I..." fumbling with what to say, his eyes burning into mine, I was frozen.

"Say it!" he demanded, tormented, hurting. His face was pained, his eyes reddened. “Please… Marina…” the plea came out in anguish. 

This was torturing him, I realized. 

After a heavy breath I found my strength, I found the truth.

"I love you, deeply... I do, Loki. And it terrifies me!"

Without warning he crashed into me, kissing me hard, feverishly. I returned the passion, how could I not. His hands gripped into my hair as he tilted my head back.

"I love you!" I repeated while his lips moved to my neck.

"I am so sorry for this," he muttered with pure sincerity as he kissed down my scar.

"I know you are," I hummed as his kisses reached my breast, melting away the last remainder of doubt. 

"Like every inch of you, it is beautiful, powerful, and I love all of it!" he growled, grabbing the back of my thighs, lifting me up out of the water as I wrapped my legs around him.

Setting me down on the edge of the tub he cupped my face in his hands, holding my gaze.

“Can I have you again, my love? Can we stay here with each other until the end of time?”

The sweet sentiment of his words burned hot inside my chest just as his hardened cock against my leg ignited that primal urge to be split in two. 

“Yes,” I murmured. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” closing the space, my lips met his again.

My moans of approval echoed through the room. As his hips adjusted, he slid into me, hard and full, as incredible as I remembered. Over and over, he pulled me onto his length as my legs clung around his waist, needing every inch of him. I arched my back, yet he held firm with one arm behind me, and bit my breast.

"Loki!" I squeaked as he pinched harder and gazed up at me, enraptured.

His relentless thrusts strengthened as I clawed at his shoulders.

“I've missed you more than you could possibly know, my love.” His unspoken thought flowed through me.

This new magic was surprising and exciting, his power was overwhelming, erotic even.

Pinned beneath this God, I surrendered to my orgasm. His deep hums of encouragement filled the room, in harmony with the pulses of pleasure.

The pace slowed as he leaned into me, catching my nipple between his lips, eyes glaring up with the intoxication only makeup sex could bring.

Pushing him back into the steaming water, forcing him to sit on the opposite bench, I straddled his hips and teased his tip against my clit, back and forth, watching the madness continue to grow in his eyes, then lowered, his thickness stretching me deliciously.

Clenching his hair in my fist now, I pulled his head back, exposing his neck. He smiled as I bit down in retaliation. 

His fingers dug into my hips, mine dug into his chest, and he moaned in approval.

"My Queen... " he groaned, stiffening further.

Only a weak yes passed my lips as we released in unison, unleashing every ounce of tension held between us. Our moans, a chorus of pleasure as the euphoric orgasm crashed through my body.

I rested my head down to his chest as he caught his breath. 

"Queen?" I mused, thinking back to one of our first conversations, as we sat intertwined. 

"Mmm yes," he hummed, holding me tighter to his chest. 

I hadn’t lost him! Not at all. He accepted my feelings and embraced them!  

Relief washed over me.

Could he be hiding his jealousy though?

"How could I POSSIBLY be jealous when I am the one holding you in my arms as we speak," he whispered.

"Would you stop doing that!" I grabbed his nipple and pinched hard, growling. 

"OWE OWE OWE! I yield!" he hissed. "I cannot control it, even if I wanted to!" he chuckled. "Sometimes I just KNOW what you are thinking or feeling," he admitted.

"So, what am I feeling now?" I teased.

"Hmm..." he smiled. "A NEED... a need to have me once more!" 

Grinning with madness, he launched me off his lap, pinning me to the side of the tub, water flinging in every direction.

Holding my arms behind my back, he kissed down my neck as we flirted with Nirvana once more.

--------------------

Chapter 12

--------------------

I didn’t know what was next for us but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to think about it, liking my head buried in the sand. All I needed was this quiet, stress free reprieve from the Universe's problems I thought, as I strolled through the palace garden.

Feeling a twinge of guilt for causing some of those problems, I shoved that down too. 

I’d paid my debt. I didn't owe it anything. But I’m not playing the victim either. 

Days had turned into weeks as we lazed around the palace, entertaining each other. Probably the longest stretch of peace I've had my entire life.

"MARINA!" 

Loki's alarmed shout made me regret my thought in an instant.

FUCK! I should have known I'd jinx myself!

"Back here! What?!" 

The large gate that led to the main boulevard flew open. Loki shot in, panting and agitated. He slammed it closed again, and leaned his back against it as if to keep something out. 

"What the hell? And why are you all sweaty?" I asked, crinkling my nose at him.

"Um… you didn't happen to have encountered anything, um, ODD when you came to rebuild Asgard, did you!?" he asked, in a panic.

Speaking in short bursts, he seemed like he'd seen a ghost!

"No… why?" 

Suddenly very suspicious of all this, I squinted at him waiting for an explanation.

"Ah fuck!" a sudden burning hit my hand but I shook it off, and focused on what he was about to say.

"No!" he shouted, then shoved me behind a column!

"Loki… what the hell is going on?!"

"We need to run!" 

Grabbing my arm he pulled me toward the palace, stopping briefly behind another column to look behind us.

"Can you just tell me what the hell is going on?!" 

"So we have a SLIGHT problem. Hela," he groaned.

"What's hela!?"

"No, WHO is Hela… My sister."

"Oh yeah. Didn’t she die though? RIGHT, LOKI!?"

"I'll explain once we're inside! Quick, let me see your hand."

I hadn't even bothered to look down until now. A thin black glass-like spike had pierced the back of my hand and protruded through my palm. As we inspected the object it began to shrink in size but at the speed it shrank, black tendrils expanded from the wound, spreading into my skin.

"Loki what the fuck! Get it out!"

He braced my elbow and started to pull at it. Hot pain shot up my arm making me wince and pull away.

“I’m so sorry! Let me try this…” he focused and green light surrounded the shard but as he worked harder to remove it the tendrils grew faster as if energized by his magic, and tore deeper into my skin!

"Stop! Stop! Stop! What sort of alien bullshit is THIS?!" 

"DAMN…" he cursed, looking panicked, "her magic..."

"Loki…" I growled in suspicion and grabbed his arm in return.

"We need to get to my mother's apothecary. She'd have to have something for this!" 

“On it,” I pictured the room and focused on my stone as always, ready to poof away but nothing… “fuck, fuck, FUCK, Loki, I can't use the stone!”

“Shit!” he cursed again. “RUN!”

We made our move, charging hand in hand with no sign of our attacker. Once inside the palace he sealed the door with a flash of green light. 

"That SHOULD keep her out, for now anyway. I'm not sure how much power she's managed to gain since she was killed." 

"Killed? SO is she a zombie? Ok, you HAVE to tell me what the hell is going on now!" I growled, frustrated.

As we made our way to the apothecary he explained what Thor had told him about the events of Ragnarok. Having not actually been there, I’m sure he’d missed some key details. 

"So Hela must have been reborn, so to speak, when you recreated this world!" he suggested.

"Well, shit," I groaned as the pain continued to pulse up my arm. "What does she want? To kill us!?" 

"I don't think it's that simple," he huffed as we slammed through the ornate wood door to his mother's quarters.

Inside, he lit the candles with magic, illuminating the impressive room.

Shelves upon shelves lined the walls filled with books, tinctures, and objects I couldn't name if I tried. 

His eyes glassed over as he turned to take it all in. This must have been killing him inside.

Taking his hand gently, I smiled at him reassuring him I was at his side.

"It's...been so long…" he sighed.

"Since before New York?" 

"Yes, and longer. I can't even remember the last time she brought me in here to teach me all she knew of magic… well in my original timeline. I can only hope that that timeline diverged and she is well, somewhere out there… but I can never truly know.”

Tears fell slowly as I wrapped my arms around him now. 

"You know, I can sense her here. I can feel the molecular traces she left behind." 

I brought his face down to mine and, as our foreheads met, he could see. 

Shaking with grief he managed to smile. 

Through me he could feel her presence, see where she had been sitting, what book she'd last held. 

"I am more grateful to you for this than anything, my love," he whispered as he caressed my cheek.

"She must have been very busy, looking for something maybe."

"Jane… Thor had told me his Jane had been here, sick with the Aether, when this Frigga was killed…" he stopped and cleared the catch in his throat. "She must have been looking for a cure or information before she was…"

"Loki…" 

"I'm fine, really, Marina. We need to concentrate on… your hand!" he gasped as he broke our connection and looked down at the spike. 

It was getting worse. DREADFULLY worse! 

"Quickly, we need to look for anything regarding dark magic," he ordered, shaking away his sadness.

Useless, I sat in the large wingback chair, unable to read any of the Aesir books but more problematic than that, the rest were written in alien languages or symbols. All I could do was wait as he passed over journal after journal.

“This is interesting...” he hummed after a few minutes, tossing a small notebook in my direction. “Save that one for later,” he smirked. 

Having a feeling it was something to do with sex by the look he gave me, I tucked it into my pocket.

“Perv,” I teased.

I was becoming more and more on edge as time passed without a single clue as to what the hell she’d done to me. The anxiety made my head spin and I couldn't get comfortable on the chair. Fidgeting and groaning, he noticed and shot over to me. 

With a gentle pull, he lifted me up and guided me to the floor.

"Here, lie down," he sighed, propping me up on a large pillow. “Better, my love?” asking as he brushed a strand of hair away from my eyes. 

“Much,” I answered in my mind. 

He nodded, satisfied I was alright, then returned to his quest. 

Trying to focus on anything other than the pain, I scanned the shelves above me from my position on the floor. Something on the highest shelf caught my attention. It was a heavily weathered stone slab with familiar markings and what looked like an image of a woman with spikes.

"Hey, is that her?" I pointed to the tablet.

"YES! Perfect!" he cheered.

 In a green flutter it appeared in his hand.

 "It's describing a battle on Midgard with Hela!" 

Taking a moment to decipher the runes, he then told me what it said. "Black needles rained down from above, warriors fell to her control, the Goddess's spell guided their blades, forcing brother against brother… or something along those lines."

"That can't be it…" I sighed.

"We need to find the other half of the tablet, it seems to be broken," he insisted as he turned the thing over in his hands.

"What does it mean they fell to her control? Like she could manipulate them? Loki, this is bad. If she can control this thing… she’ll be able to control ME…" sitting up I raised my hand to examine the wound. "This is REALLY bad…" 

“Fuck,” we cursed in unison. 

Rushing to my side again he knelt next to me and took my face in his hands. 

"I will not let that happen, do you hear me! We will figure this out!"

Nodding in agreement, I could only smile at him as he returned to his frantic search. 

After several more minutes I could sense his frustration reaching its climax. Books flew across the room, glasses broke, metal klanged to the floor, strings of Asgardian cusses echoed off the vaulted ceiling.

“ENOUGH! WHERE IS IT!?” his temper erupted.

Frozen in the center of the room he stood, fists clenched, a pulse of green light flashed out of him in an incredible display of power, taking me off guard. A crashing noise echoed from an adjacent room as something burst through the wall seconds later, right into his now outstretched hand. 

He summoned the piece!

"Loki!" I shouted in excitement, sitting up. "That was amazing!"

The excitement turned to despair as he read the rest of the runes hesitantly.

"It says all were slain and sent to her Hall of the Dead to… serve her."

"Oh fun… well, maybe it's nice there," I joked. 

"This is NOT funny, Marina! If I can't remove this…" his rage intensified. "DAMN IT!" he roared!

His energy flew out once more, crashing shelves to the floor, and sending furniture flying across the room.

"Hey, come here," I held out my hand to him but he stood in place, shoulders heaving, jaw clenched. "You'll figure this out!" I insisted, hoping to bolster his confidence.

"If Frigga were here…" 

"She is! She's in you, in your power, your mind, I can feel it! I've never seen this side of your power, it's incredible! I think we can take her!"

"Yes? How?" he looked down at me with anticipation, the green of his eyes glowing against the redness around them.

"You said it yourself, you didn't know how much power she has regained. And if you think about it, she didn't attack us directly. She didn't even show herself. I don't think she has much!" 

"Possibly, but your hand!" 

"Forget my hand. You're obviously incredibly powerful, why do you doubt yourself? Why do you hold back!?" 

I didn't know if it was safe to pry into his self confidence as I could tell there was deep seated pain behind the truth.

He slumped to the floor, sitting next to me and stared up at the ceiling. As I waited for him to talk I rested my head against his shoulder.

"I was always stuck in a shadow," he snarked.

Thor… 

"Well, this is your planet now, your throne! Are you gonna let this witch have a say in what goes on here?!" I jabbed, changing tactics.

"Hmm," he grinned as he faced me.

"There's no shadows now, only you. No limits, Loki!" 

Fuck, I hope I’m not spuring him on to do something really stupid! 

"Let's go find her," I stood, ready to help kick her ass for doing this to me. 

He joined me but as we turned to leave then paused.

"Wait a moment, I did find SOMETHING. I’m so sorry I didn't do this sooner!" his brow wrinkled in guilt. 

Disappearing, he returned to my side in an instant.

"Drink this and give me your hand. It will help temporarily. Here," handing me a bottle of something.

I did as he told me and knocked back the gross liquid while he wrapped my hand in a gold silk cloth. The pain subsided; the movement of the tendrils slowed. 

--------Loki--------

Damn her! If this spell can not be broken… 

Shutting out the horrific possibilities, I lead us towards where I first encountered Hela. 

We didn't have much time. The potion was a very temporary solution. Soon her pain would return with vengeance. Thinking of my Marina hurting spurred me to find this witch all the more sooner. 

Our search led us to a small valley with large boulder outcrops at every curve in the footpath. Several ancient oak trees lined the hills to either side, perfect for an ambush. On the highest alert, I prepared for another hidden attack.

"Feelin' stabby?" she joked, trying to lighten the mood as I scanned the trail ahead.

"Always,"  I smiled then froze.

There is something different here. A broken branch in that tree and the dirt at the base of that stone is disturbed. 

I stopped. Listened. She followed suit. 

"Over there," she whispered, almost inaudibly. 

Confident in knowing my love had skill in hunting her prey, with or without the stone’s power, I was still sick with worry. 

Extending my mind to gauge Hela’s state, I was careful not to alert her. 

“She is indeed in distress and very near powerless, BUT PLEASE stay here,” speaking to Marina through our connection, I gestured to the trees behind us.

In haste I conjured an illusion to keep Marina hidden. No doubt Hela could sense her own magic inside Marina's body, but I had to do SOMETHING to protect her. 

As her form shimmered away she motioned for me to engage. 

“Witch…” I growled as I edged closer, anticipating an assault at any moment.

"Hello, half brother, or actually, not brother at all, really," she hissed as she stepped out from behind a stone just ahead. "Took you long enough to seek me out. She's still alive, I see. Too bad," Hela chuckled and scanned the treeline.

Her arrogance in her condition was astounding, looking haggard and already exhausted.

"You WILL pay for this!" I promised with a snarl and fists clenched, my fingernails digging into my palm. I wanted to kill her right here for what she’d done.

"I was hoping to use your feeble mortal pet as my new puppet to kill you and help me to rebuild my army but I guess I'll just have to do it myself," she sighed.

“Mortal? I don't think she knows I have powers,” Marina advised in my mind from her concealment.

"Ha, you really don't know who you're messing with, do you?" I chuckled. 

"Oh I do. I fought you before, do you not remember? You're the weakest of them all with your two little daggers. Pathetic!" her arms flew open, producing two razor sharp obsidian spears she conjured from nothing. 

Damn… she has enough power to generate weapons… had I been mistaken? Too late now! 

Her wrists snapped, launching them at me. I dodged one, not missing a step. But the OTHER! It flew to the trees where Mar was hidden! Too quick for me to stop it, I prayed to the Gods the weapon didn’t hit its mark.

SEETHING, I lunged at Hela before she had time to rearm, hitting her with an eruption of power from the depths of my hatred. Emerald flashes slammed her back against a stone. It was enough to end this right as it started! 

"Daggers…" she groaned as her head fell to the dirt.

"Marina!" my only thought was her. 

Running to her aid, I dropped the illusion to my horror.

She smiled despite the spear lodged in her side, pinning her to a tree. 

“You got her! Told ya’!” she smirked but was fading fast.

"Shit!" I cussed, not sure what to do first.

"The wrap…" she muttered. Her other hand had fallen to her side, the wrap on the ground. 

"I'm just a mess," she chuckled once more. 

As blood reddened her lips I lifted her arm with a tender urgency to inspect the wound.

The shard was gone, fully absorbed into her now. Its blackness spreading up her arm had reached her neck. I had hoped with Hela unconscious her spell would lift or at least weaken but there was no change! 

"Loki… you can do this," she smiled through the pain. 

I stood, dumbfounded by her stubbornness and confidence in this state. Her eyes caught mine, raising my own hope. 

My head cleared and in that instant an idea came to me! 

“Hela's magic was of Asgard, as is my own, which was useless against her spell, but maybe something else could work…” I trailed off as I thought the plan through.

"Close your eyes," I ordered as I feared her reaction to what was to come. It would just be better if she was not witness to this.

She did as asked as I did something I'd sworn NEVER to do again… convert to my birth form. But for her I'd do anything.

The familiar cold rushed in as my preferred illusion melted away to reveal my true appearance.

Then, without hesitation, I grabbed her arm with both hands and focused my Jotun power.

She screamed in agony as my touch on her skin burned into her flesh but I had to continue!

"I'm so sorry but it's working!" 

Slowly, the cold burned the dark tendrils away from her body and as the last wisp left her skin, I took a breath of relief. That was smashed when I looked at her face to see she was staring directly at me! 

Mortified, humiliated, my heart stopped in my chest.

"Loki?" She whispered and her head fell as she slipped out of consciousness.

With haste I pulled the spear from her body, releasing her from the tree, catching her in my blue arms as she fell.

It would only be a few moments before her other powers returned and she healed. She was safe now. 

Having never imagined I would show her my true form, I sat cradling her beside the tree. My thoughts raced as I waited for Marina to come back to me.

Would she accept this, would she hate me now that she saw me for this awful creature I am!? 

Her wounds closed and her breath steadied. Slowly she stirred; her eyes cracked open. 

"I knew you could do it," she looked up at me smiling then pulled me to her lips, kissed me slowly and held me in return. The warmth of her embrace radiated through me.

---------Mar---------

His true self. Finally!

I knew from the stories of his past that his normal appearance was a facade but I never pressed the issue. I only cared about what form made him happy even though I didn't want him to hide anything from me. 

Not expecting him to transform, that did catch me off guard a bit but it was amazing.

"I knew you could do it," I smiled and had to kiss him, enthralled with this being holding me. 

His heart was racing in his chest, his breath heavy, almost panicked. He was scared, terrified maybe.

"What's wrong?" I prodded.

"Marina… are you not disgusted by this… this ATROCITY!?" 

"What..." the question caught me by surprise. "WHY? Why would you think…"

"This is monstrous. Hideous." 

"Loki… did you forget you were holding an actual freak of nature..." I joked, sitting up further to see into his now crimson eyes. They were mesmerizing.

"I love you, all of you, every form of you and this form is amazing."

He smiled softly and looked away, maybe accepting how I felt, maybe thinking I was just trying to make him feel better, lying. 

"You know I'm telling the truth…" I let him into my mind again so he could see. 

"Marina… truly?" his smile grew.

"Of course…"

Kissing him again I lifted myself up, straddling his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck. He was enormous, larger than Banner. This was insane but I loved every bit of bizarreness that was happening.

"But are you ok?" he pulled away for a moment to make sure.

"Mhmm…" I moaned a yes, returning to kiss him again.

His skin was ice as his hands grasped my behind lifting me to his height as he stood.

I was like a toy, a doll to him now and it was ridiculous how turned on I'd become.

I opened my mind again, sharing my desire for him, I was unable to control it all of a sudden.

"Darling," he blushed a darker shade of blue. "We have something to, um deal with," he nodded to Hela's unconscious body.

"Shit," I huffed as he set me down.

Walking over to her I actually felt bad for what I was about to do.

"When she wakes up she's gonna be REALLY pissed!" I chuckled.

At this point she only left me one option. I severed her connection with her Asguardian power and sent her to the Garden planet with my other creatures where she could live out her life in peace.

"Maybe she'll be happy," he laughed, knowing she was going to be miserable.

-------------------

Chapter 13

-------------------

Days passed without mention of the incident with Hela or, more frustratingly, his true form.

I was so curious it ached but I knew I couldn't ask him to change again. It seemed like he was trying to forget the whole thing. 

Most of his time was spent reading, alone, not even coming to bed with me. He probably knew I'd push the subject under the sheets making me regret letting him read my thoughts the other day.

Today was the same, he was gone, avoiding me perhaps.

“Fuck it,” I groaned and decided to relax in the bath alone, again.

The room was darker than normal and steam already rose from the filled bath.

Odd…

A shadow in the far corner moved, I readied to defend myself. 

"Loki!" 

"Well, yes, we're the only beings on the planet. Who else would you suppose would be here?" he snarked.

I groaned, rolling my eyes but an awkwardness hung in the air. 

"Oh my god… were you… um… did I interrupt…"

"Of course not… if I'd been pleasuring myself you know I'd enjoy having you watch or, better yet, join me. I was, well…"

Suddenly I realized I'd interrupted something much more intimate as the shadow stirred and he revealed himself, his Jotun self.

"Oh!" I tried to hide my surprised excitement knowing he'd be uncomfortable.

"Please... Marina, go. I can't have you see me this way again."

"Loki, please, let me stay with you."

I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he moved toward me. Only a scrap of black and gold cloth was tied around his waist, around his neck a gold crescent hung just below his collar bone, similar to the detail normally on his armor. His complexion shone in the dim orange light like a sunset fighting the fading blue sky. 

"For these few days I had been trying to get accustomed to this… this THING," he gestured to himself, scowling.

So that's why he's been gone so often!  

"You don't have to hide from me, ever," I smiled softly.

He sat on the side of the bath, dipping his legs into the hot water, creating more steam from the cold of his skin.

"Do you feel heat differently in this form?" I pried, curiosity eating away at me.

"No, I feel everything the same. Even your touch." 

I went closer and sat next to him as he reclined to his side on the floor, resting his head on one elbow to face me. He was almost twice my length, spread across the floor. 

He smiled, relaxing a bit, finally.

His long black hair curled around the raised markings that ran across his chest and shoulders. I leaned over, running my hand along them, enthralled.

Looking down his body I felt my blood ignite my most sensitive parts as I noticed his manhood was exposed, falling free from the scrap of cloth. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my composure.

"Intimidating, is it not?" he smiled, deviantly.

"It would send your enemies running for the hills," I joked, as I turned and kissed him, brushing my small fingers along his jaw. 

Pushing him to his back, I climbed up and sat on his waist. 

Holding back was tearing me apart but I had to control myself. The last thing I wanted was for him to become more self conscious of this. 

I let my hands wander over his chest as he crossed his arms behind his head, resting, eyes closed.

"Should I call you doll or puppet? Which would be more fitting, tiny one?"

"Neither," I chuckled at the pet names. "Loki, I… I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since the other day," I turned away, feeling my cheeks flush as he caught my gaze. "I want to try something… if you're okay…"

He hummed a shy yes so I asked him to stand.

He did as I asked, hiding his member behind the cloth as I stepped behind him, resting my back against his. 

Slowly, I increased my own size to match his.

He felt the sensation and chuckled as we turned and faced each other. Then he rested his chin on my head as he'd done in his other form, time and time again.

"Good?" I asked.

"A pinch more, my love…" 

"Perfect," he cheered as our proportions matched, "you are incredible, my love."

“Oh just wait,” I quipped as I started to remove my clothes, piece by piece.

His stare intensified, taking in the possibilities. Biting my lip, the last of the fabric slipped to the floor. Waiting for him to make the first move was torture but this needed to be HIS decision.

What's he thinking?

Seconds passed like hours.

Was this a mistake?

He took a step closer, the air between us, thick and hot, didn’t help the situation. 

“Loki?”

Closing the gap in that breath, he crashed into me, lifting me up to the nearest wall.

Our heads were only inches from the ceiling. The structure shook at the power behind our size, sending gilded shards tinkling to the ground.

"Oh dear, we've broken the palace," he hummed into my neck, then finding my lips, he kissed me with more force than I'd ever felt from him.

"Wait, wait, wait…" I laughed between kisses. "I have another idea," I smirked.

"Oh, how I LOVE your ideas..." he chuckled.

In a cloud of blue, I brought us to a room with more fitting proportions for our inevitable chaos.

"The throne room… hmmm let's destroy this place, my love," he murmured, through kisses.

I pushed him back against the steps, cracking them, shifting the throne. Then, lifting myself on to him, I dug my nails into his chest.

As I lowered onto him, my core tightened around his rock hard girth. 

He growled as he filled me, fire and ice combining with each thrust. 

My orgasm rippled through my body, fast and hard. 

"Again," he demanded of me.

"Anything for you…" I breathed through the pleasure.

He stood, carried me up against a pillar and held tight to it as he slammed into me, shaking stones free.

"Again," he repeated as the pieces crashed around us.

I managed a squeak of a reply as I came for him again. My vision blurred as my body pulsed uncontrollably. 

This is what I wanted, what I couldn't stop thinking about for days! Utter annihilation that I knew only this form could give me. 

"Again," he growled like a hungry beast, instantly sending me into another orgasm.

I couldn't breathe, my throat burned from trying to take in air with gasp after gasp.

Ripping into his hair, I screamed out with ecstasy, losing everything, drive after drive.

"Again!" 

With madness seeping out of him, he flipped me around, pulling me by the hips, and speared into me relentlessly.

Could I take more? Was this my limit? 

My body answered, reaching another orgasm without hesitation. 

"Yes, that's what I needed, my love," he groaned into my ear. "Again…"

Taking control, I turned, breaking away from him. Almost happy for the reprieve but still wanting more, I walked backwards up the broken stairs gesturing for him to follow. 

I sat at the edge of the throne, legs wide, waiting for him.

Instead of his length he gave me his tongue, eliciting a pathetic whimper from my lips as the cold flesh licked over my burning clit.

He hummed with excitement as I came for him once more, wrapping my legs around his shoulders.

"AGAIN!" He demanded.

"Loki… I…" I couldn't finish the thought as he entered me, pulling me by my legs into him. 

Instantly the throne cracked under me as he laughed, pushing the broken piece to the floor.

"AGAIN!!!" 

The command from this Jotun God sent me spiraling into oblivion. I screamed for more of him, for ALL of him and he granted my wish.

As I came for him once more he tensed, digging his fingers into my thighs, I was ready for him to come for ME now, craved it with every pulse, and held him to me with my legs.

"No," he muttered, pulling away, releasing his tension onto my stomach, then resting his forehead between my breasts.

"I can't see…" I teased.

"Open your eyes, love," he chuckled.

Both completely inebriated from the insane sex, we laughed together.

"Let me clean us up," he smiled, and with a shimmer the liquid on our bodies vanished. 

I smiled at his politeness after I'd just been completely ravaged, to say the least, by this man.

Taking my hand in his, he guided me off the throne and down the stairs as I laughed again, looking around at the destruction.

Feeling a tug, he pulled me down to a lush bed of furs and pillows he'd created for us to lie on. I rested my head below his chin, as our arms and legs entangled.

As he traced slow circles on my bare arm, I drifted off in the golden light of the sun setting.

---------------------------

Cracking my eyes, I expected him to be back to his other form but surprisingly he wasn't.

"Hi," I whispered, not knowing if he was awake.

"Hi," he peaked at me with one eye and a very lazy smile.

"I'm glad you're still… you," I smiled, kissing his cheek.

Pulling me in with one arm, he kissed the top of my head. 

"I'm glad you're still… enormous," he quipped as we laughed.

"I'm sorry for my aggression," he said after a few minutes. "If I was out of hand…"

"No! Not at all!" I interrupted, hopefully squashing any self doubt he may be feeling, and sat up to look at him. "That was mind-blowing."

I traced his marks again with my finger tips, drawing a sweet smile from him.

"You're truly beautiful, this skin, your eyes..." I hummed. "And I hate everyone for making you feel like you did about yourself."

"Like I DID?" 

"Mmm hmmm… I know you don't feel that way anymore," I smirked.

"Truly, I do not." 

"Progress!" I teased, kissing him again as I ran my fingers through his hair now.

Stopping, I laid back down at his side, using his arm as a pillow.

"Just wondering… why did you pull out this time? You never did before," I paused. "I mean, either way I'm fine with it, just curious." 

Feeling his breath hitch, he didn't answer immediately.

Shit. Did I say something wrong!? I'm really trying to be sensitive about all this.

"I couldn't… I would absolutely HATE myself if…" he stopped.

"Loki?"

"If I were to create a monster inside of you… in this form." 

I sat for a minute thinking of my reply. Thinking of the possibility… no. I stopped myself from going down that road of thoughts. It was too painful. 

"Like I said, you're not the monster, you're just a big blue puppy dog. Besides, I'm in control of everything," gesturing to my lower body. Unsure if that's what he wanted to hear or not, it was all I could say at this point.

Slowly he held his hand to my abdomen and rested it below my belly button. The weight of it just there made my heart pound for some reason.

That spot. The memories. I almost stopped breathing. But his question startled me.

"What was this scar from? I'm sorry I never asked until now," his fingers traced from hip bone to hip bone.

"My second," I choked as memories of that distant life flooded over me, memories of her traumatic birth. 

I’m not prepared for this…

"She almost didn't make it into this world… " I swallowed hard and dug my nails into my leg to distract me, to keep away the tears.

He sat up now, leaning over me, pressing his hand harder into that spot. 

"My love, just say the words and we'll fill these halls with laughter!" 

His sincere gaze emanated so much hope.

Deep down his offer killed me, ripping into the parts of my soul I hid and crushed down in order to keep going. I had to hide it even more so now… now that he'd said those words, words I'd dreaded to hear from him… or Bucky.

"I'm sorry... I can't… even if we wanted… Hydra took that choice from me years ago," I lied. I had to. I couldn't just deny him. I had to destroy any thought of this… forever.

The one vow I could NOT go back on was my decision to NEVER AGAIN bring a child into this world of chaos and death. 

"I'm sorry, I'll never be able to give that to you," I turned away as the tears snuck down as hard as I tried to stop them.

He smiled and guided my chin so I would face him. 

"There are so many things you already provide, my love, your soul fills my every need," he whispered as his lips grazed over mine. "I am so sorry, Marina, I will never speak of this again, you have my word."

--------------------

Chapter 14

--------------------

"What can I do?" he nudged as I rubbed my temples.

"Nothing, I just have to get over it," I shrugged and thought to myself I'd probably never get over it.

Things had gone back to normal, including our sizes and forms. And like clockwork, so had my night terrors. Icing on the cake was Bucky's attack. It had been plaguing me since Hela's little stunt. 

Even on a peaceful, mostly deserted planet, my pain followed me. 

Slouching at the edge of the bed, I regretted forcing myself to sleep last night. He insisted though, saying I needed rest after weeks of none. I finally gave in to his nagging but at what cost, I asked myself.

"Stop this. Get up." 

 Rolling my eyes I huffed to my feet.

"What?" 

"Hit me, but no magic," he said, simply.

"No, why would I…" 

In a flicker of green he changed into Dr. Strange, sending my pulse racing. 

"Hit me!" he laughed.

"Loki…"

"I'm not Loki, now HIT ME, DAMN IT!" he charged suddenly and I reacted on instinct. Shoving him back with my palm, he slid to a stop, tossing his cape back and charged again.

"Asshole!" 

My fist made contact and sent him reeling. Surprisingly it helped!

Getting control of myself I walked over to help him up but as he grabbed my hand his changed into a metal prosthetic.

Fuck .

He flipped his long hair, now a deep brown, out of his eyes, Bucky's steel blue eyes. 

Panic, lust, and hate all hit me in the gut, I stumbled backwards dropping his hand.

Half-assed, I swung, missing him this time.

"Hit me!" Bucky's voice growled, sending shivers down my spine.

I swung again, with a pathetic roar, lost my balance and fell to my knee.

"Try harder!" 

He kicked his foot toward my head and I blocked it, barely.

"I betrayed you! Nearly killed you! You loved me!" he screamed down to me, pure rage.

"FUCK YOU!" I cried from frustration as I jumped and buried my fist into his gut, sending him flying to the opposite wall then instantly covered my face with both hands in shock when I realized I'd actually hit Loki!

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! This got out of hand! Are you ok?"

I helped him up as he clutched his groin, back to his normal appearance.

"I can handle it," he laughed. "Feel better?"

"I do actually, but I'm sorry it was at your expense!" 

"It was my idea," he grinned like the crazy person he was.

"But you didn't deserve that… well, maybe a little," chuckling, I took his hand and rested my head on his shoulder. 

As we walked the gardens joking about the fight we'd just had and how he always comes up with insane ideas, I felt lighter. 

Maybe I CAN get over it.

----------------------------

"Translation!"

Holding up another book in the air, Loki zapped it from across the room.

"Thanks!"

This was the third one today. At this rate I'd have this whole library finished by the end of the century.

It was comfortable and quiet, the perfect day. I had a stack of several more waiting on the side table that I was determined to get through before the sun set.

"Hmm what's that one?" he asked from his chair.

I held it up again for him to see.

"Ah. The history of Jotunheim. It's terrible," he snarled.

"Here, read this one," tossing me a small leather bound journal. 

"It's about magic. There are several good spells." 

"Cause I can use magic," I mumbled under my breath, sarcastically.

"TRANSLATION!" 

Flipping his hand over his shoulder he flung his magic across the room, chuckling to himself.

Green light flickered through the pages, evaporating as the words changed to English for me. 

"Thanks, dear!" 

Quiet settled in again as I flipped through the pages.

"Is that you?" I shot, startled by a sudden low rumble.

"No," he looked around as the noise got louder. "Damn it. Now what!" he rolled his eyes this time. 

Instantly I brought us to the gateway of the Bifrost. 

It was the Benatar!

They'd landed it at the end of the bridge and people were disembarking, carrying off bags and various supplies.

"Thor…" he grumbled through clenched teeth. "I didn't think he would be back so soon."

"Well, I think we need to find a new hideout. Fuck," I groaned, sharing his frustration. Crossing my arms I turned to walk off but he stopped me.

"Wait… I have an idea…"

----------------------------

"You cannot fucking POSSIBLY think this is a good idea!" I cussed, enraged. 

"IT IS OUR FATE!" he hissed back, glaring at me.

"NO, um, it's NOT! They have Valkyrie, the ruler THOR appointed! You'll start a war over this! A war I have NO business being involved in!" 

He’d been trying to convince me the whole time we’d been here to rule Asgard by his side. I’d thought it was a joke, a far-off romantic fantasy he had, but he was, in reality, dead serious.

Now demanding that I stay and rule with him, I’d finally had enough and snapped. 

I felt like he’d never understand my point of view. His vision and determination for us to sit on the throne side-by-side were too strong, and his ambitions blinded him from the horrible outcome of us ruling ANYTHING.  

"You cannot just leave! Not now, not when all of our people are returning! Not when I can take my rightful place!" 

"I have no people! And maybe it’s YOUR rightful place, YOUR fate to rule them, but NOT mine!" 

He grabbed my arm as I started to walk away. I froze, on the verge of breaking down completely, and not wanting to take the argument any further, but he continued.

“You are my salvation AND my condemnation, Marina. You are the reason for my every breath, but also the endless drip of venom. How is one supposed to live like this, when they are torn in half with every heartbeat!?” his desperation, bleeding out with each word, still couldn’t convince me as he continued. “You have become a God! DO YOU NOT SEE THAT!” 

"Loki..." I muttered, knowing what was about to come… the 'goodbye', the 'I can't do this anymore', the 'it's over '...  

"I’m not a queen and I’m definitely NOT a God! I’ve NEVER aspired to rule people... and having this power does NOT give me the right," I sighed, tears burning in my eyes. “Our time alone here has been perfect and I really don't want to leave, but I can't stay… not if you go down this path. Everytime I try to do good, it ends in tragedy. I can’t… I can't be what you want me to be...”  I choked, fighting to hold back my pain. "Come with me back to Earth, we can hide there," I pleaded with my soul.

Looking into one another's eyes, he knew. He knew exactly what I was thinking and I knew what his answer would be.

He won't come with me… this is his place, not mine .

I could’ve easily shrugged him off or thrown him across the room but I waited. I waited for him to let go. He HAD to let me go. I needed seclusion, he needed power, and neither of us were going to compromise. We'd both run out of ammo in this battle.

He dropped my arm, utterly heartbroken. His expression changed from hurt to resentment as I left him behind yet again.

--------------------

Chapter 15

--------------------

"Room for one more?" I asked, timidly, walking up the Benatar's ramp.

"HOLY SHIT! Where the hell have you been!?!" Rocket sneered.

"Here," I shrugged.

The Guardians arrived two days ago having escorted the first wave of Asgardians back here, to their home, but were getting ready to head back to Earth to get the last of them. Missing their company, I had hoped I could hitch a ride.

"My favorite idiot!" Drax yelled and grabbed me around my chest, squeezing the life out of me.

"Good to see you too," I coughed.

"Let's go!" Quill ordered, raising the ramp. “We’re already behind schedule.”

“Since when do you care about a schedule?” Gamora questioned.

Rocket and Quill began to argue as I stood watching Asgard disappear behind the metal door. 

Now what am I supposed to do?

---------------------------

"So, you get bored with that sociopath playboy finally?" Rocket jabbed. "When we heard you were back from the dead, we all took bets on what would be the first stupid thing you'd do. I guess I won!" he roared, laughing hysterically.

"Funny," I sighed, slumping in the pilot's chair next to him.

"Look, that was just a bad idea from the beginning, ya’ know." 

"Yeah, obviously," I huffed.

Closing my eyes, I tried not to think about it. I tried not to remember our time together on this ship, when we first met, when I first felt the glimmer of love for him, to no avail, so I left the flight deck.

"Good talk!" he shouted to me as I walked away.

Sitting on the floor out of the way, I overheard Nebula arguing with Quill this time over the decision to help relocate the Asgardians. She was saying something about needing to help the others.

I blocked it out, not wanting to even suggest getting involved, then hung my head and closed my eyes again. Quieting all my senses I was finally able to shut out all my thoughts and escape into a deep meditation, into the nothingness of space.

Hours or days passed. I didn't know and didn't care until I was jarred out of my trance by a sudden electric shock that shot down my arm.

"What the hell?!" I yelled, rubbing it, as my eyes popped open.

"Ha!" Drax cheered. "I told you she was not dead!" 

The whole crew was staring down at me.

"We've been on Terra for three days! You gettin' off or what, Coal?" Rocket snarled, holding a little metal stick, which I assumed was the source of the shock.

"I was NOT going to be the one to tell Barnes we let you die on our watch!" he joked.

"Fuck... why didn't you get me sooner?!" I groaned.

"I TOLD you two she would want to be woken up!" Gamora huffed at Quill and Rocket.

"I wasn't about to find out if she'd auto-incinerate us!" Quill argued.

"Oh my God, shut up!" I smacked him on the arm as I stood. 

Looking out of the ship I could see only green, rolling, hills. 

"New Asgard... Well now I guess it's OLD New Asgard," Quill chuckled at his own joke.

This place was beautiful in the simplest way. I couldn't blame some of them for staying here, choosing a quiet life over the opulence of their home world. 

I watched as people were busy loading the other spaceship that was docked here, Fury's beast. They seemed to be preparing it for its journey back to new New Asgard. This was going to get confusing fast, I laughed to myself.

My thoughts wandered to what I should do next. I contemplated disappearing, heading out into the unknown, but I was afraid to come across conflict again. I knew it would be quiet here. Also, I could simply just help people, not rule them, not overpower them, not incinerate them, so I thought about staying but decided against it. After all, chaos followed me everywhere and I didn’t want to cause anymore problems for these people.

“Hey, I could use your help over here,” Rocket called over, giving me a reprieve from myself.

His first objective was to check on the primary ship, giving it a once-over. I refueled the power cells and helped load the largest cargo, effortlessly. We loaded water and food but then doubled back to upgrade the ship’s weapons. 

"MUCH BETTER!" he cheered. "I really could’ve used your help two days ago!" he jabbed.

"I am Groot!" Groot exclaimed, making me chuckle.

Out of nowhere the light of the Bifrost shot down from the sky, stopping my heart for a second. Thor stepped out of its light, alone, thankfully.

I jumped down from the turret we had been working on and headed over to say hello and apologize for everything, owing him at least that.

"Lady Marina! Just who I needed to see!" he roared as he squeezed the air out of me. 

"Where have you been?" he asked. "Loki said you abandoned him. He was quite distressed." 

"Long story!" I choked.

"SORRY!" he said, quickly dropping me.

"No, I'm sorry, Thor. For everything. Everything that happened with the stones, with Loki, with Strange," I cringed waiting for him to lecture me.

"Why? None of that was your fault!" he insisted.

"No, actually it was ALL my fault," I winced. "If I didn't screw around with the stones and the Skrull, Strange wouldn’t have trapped me."

"Well, let's just say it was twelve percent your fault," he smiled warmly as we walked to meet up with Quill and Gamora. “I’m very glad you are alright after all that. We were all convinced you were gone.”

"Is Strange okay?" I asked cautiously, remembering what Loki and Bucky had done to him.

"You would never have known Loki crushed his hands beyond recognition," he paused, as he realized I was mortified. "Ah, well, he is doing great now, better than ever, that's the important thing!" he corrected, with an awkward smile.

"Great..." I replied, hesitantly, somewhat worried he might have sought revenge on Bucky or Loki.

"So, everything else turn out ok?" I wondered, genuinely curious as to what was going on with the Power Stone hunt.

"Um, well, that's actually why I'm here," he admitted, nodding over to the others.

I was NOT sure I wanted to hear what he was about to tell them.

----Avengers’ HQ----

---------Bucky---------

They’re back. The ship circled the tower then landed on the front lawn, crushing the sod and nearby landscaping, pissing Fury off. I rubbed the bridge of my nose knowing Rocket had done that on purpose.

The crew disembarked, but she wasn’t with them. 

Why didn't she come back!?  

What the hell!?

Utter disappointment bled out of me. 

"We needed her for this!"

"I tried," Thor mumbled as he approached Fury and I. "She did not want to get involved."

"Where is she?" I growled. 

"I am not sure. She left us," he shrugged and walked into the building.

"I need a favor," I mumbled to the director, choking back my resentment and hurt.

"Already on it," he grumbled as he slipped me a piece of paper with coordinates to the middle of nowhere.

------The Outside Island------

She could be anywhere in the universe, but somehow, I felt Mar would be here, the only place she knew as home.

Passing over her island twice, I was in awe that she had created this place. Her descriptions were modest, at best. 

Two mountains framed a huge, central lagoon. Lush emerald vegetation covered their peaks and rivers wound down their slopes to the sea. It was truly paradise.

As I landed the Quin Jet on the crescent shaped beach, my head raced through what I was going to say when I saw her. 

Starting to doubt my instincts, I stood in the open hatch and waited, leaning against the metal frame, arms crossed. Knowing she would have detected me before I arrived, I worried she might have ran off again. 

Minutes turned into hours so I decided to take a look around. As I walked out onto the sand, scanning the tree line, my breath caught in my throat. She was here, sitting on a bent palm tree, as beautiful and menacing as ever, looking out past the horizon. 

How long had she been there?

It had been almost six months since she broke free from Strange and left with Loki. Longer since I actually saw her, spoken to her, held her. I tried like hell to maintain my composure. For this to work I needed to bury all of that pain, longing, and anger. 

This isn’t about us.

I walked over, my heart pounding out of my chest. I wanted to scream about her stupid, reckless decisions, but truthfully, I was simply happy to see her. In that moment it didn't matter anymore that she chose him over me, she was here, back from the abyss again, and safe. Suddenly I couldn't believe I was about to ask her to put herself in danger again, but the words spilled out.

"I'm here to ask you one more time to help us fight the Skrull," I said diplomatically, hiding my emotions, swallowing my pride. "We need all the help we can get," I went on, channeling my inner Rogers.

Her eyes dug into mine as we looked at each other for the first time in months, completely taking my breath away.

"You really have some big-ass balls to come here… and alone…" 

She glared down at me with the look I'd only seen her give to her worst enemies. Jumping off the log, she rushed to face me as I braced for whatever she was about to do.

"What the fuck, Bucky! I trusted you! More than ANYONE… and you… you helped STRANGE… almost killed me! I still can't believe…" 

"Wait! What the hell are you talking about!" I interrupted, completely taken off guard. "I'd never… FUCK, COAL, THAT WASN'T ME!"

She looked enraged with confusion as if she'd thought this whole time I'd…

"Mar… you really thought I’d…"

This crushed me more than her leaving with Loki. 

"They were Skrull, shape-shifters," I explained, dryly. 

Her expression changed from rage to something else as she turned away.

"It doesn't matter anyway… I couldn't go back to HQ, not after I betrayed the whole team and freed Loki. Worse, I lied to YOU… about the Stones, about what I was doing. I figured that’s why you… tried to stop me… ” she shook her head as if still not sure of what happened.

She paused, taking a deep breath and crossing her arms, she turned to face me again. "So I'm not getting involved any more... in ANYTHING.” 

Stern resolve radiated in her tone as her jaw locked in that familiar expression of stubbornness.

Here we were again, back in Wakanda, having the exact same argument. I needed to fight, and she needed to run. As she looked through me her face suddenly screamed regret even though she tried to mask it. She must have realized it as well, maybe remembering the first time she made the mistake to run from the fight. I could tell she was hurting, conflicted. I wanted to grab her and comfort her, my instincts to protect her were raging inside me, but I had to remain in control. 

This was torture. Not the type Hydra was so good at, but the type we inflict upon ourselves.

"God damn it!" she finally yelled and stormed past me toward the jet. 

God, I missed her! Should I stop her and tell her right now? 

My mind raced as I remained planted on the spot.

"Are you coming!?" she shouted back at me, rude and demanding.

---------------------------

We barely spoke two words to each other on the trip back. After she convinced me that the Reality Stone was safely hidden she shut down.

The silence was maddening. I almost lost control and told her how miserable I was without her, how much I missed her, that I wasn't mad at her, but I stopped myself. She’d made her choice and I just needed to accept it, move on, so I kept my mouth shut. We needed her help, and I couldn't risk pushing her away again with my bullshit.

When we landed, she left immediately, without turning back, leaving me to secure the jet alone. 

------Avengers’ HQ------

-----------Mar----------

Sneaking into the war room behind Thor, I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. Uncomfortable was an understatement. 

I felt so detached from the team now. Some of them betrayed me and I’d betrayed most of them in return but Bucky made me realize I could NOT sit this one out. I needed to fix my mistake, or at the very least protect them from whatever shit I’d stirred up with the Skrull.

“The Reality Stone is safe,” Strange stated as he made quick eye contact with me then continued. “And we found the Power Stone. A group of Skrull revolutionists have it on a planet in the Andromeda Galaxy,” he then went on to explain his plan to retrieve it.

Struggling to keep down the guilt of mistaking an alien for Bucky, I half-assed listened to Strange as the past few hours kept running through my mind. 

That whole time I’d thought it was HIM. How fucking stupid am I?! And what, Loki just ran with it!? He MUST have known the truth! What a dick! 

Looking over to Bucky, the pain of what I had put him through became unbearable. The sadness in his eyes was all my fault and it was killing me.

After almost an hour of back and forth between Fury and Strange, I’d had enough. I needed a break from the pain in my chest. Vanishing out of the room I found a quiet, abandoned floor. 

Standing at a large bank of windows, I gazed out over the property as the sun started to set in wild tones of orange and red. Taking a deep breath, I suddenly felt so alone.

Why did I always feel this way, like I didn't fit in, like I was a stranger? 

A heavy despair settled in as I tried to shake it. This had never really been my home, but I still missed it. 

Was it this place I longed for or what I left behind here?

Tomorrow we were leaving to finish what I started and then I would move on, finally free of everything. 

It was decided.

Building up my energy, I sat quietly in the dark hall as the sun disappeared and tears fell. 

---------------------

Chapter 16

---------------------

"We're going to have a FRIGGIN' blast kicking the crap out of these Skrull turds, but put this on... so we can detect each other," Rocket grinned, tossing me a wadded-up ball of clothing. "I'm too attached to all you morons to accidentally shoot one of yous." 

"Thanks. That's sweet," I sneered, sarcastically.

Rocket erupted into laughter as Bucky walked out of the men's locker room tugging at the crotch of his suit. It was at least two sizes too small. He seemed incredibly uncomfortable but looked irresistible with his long hair pulled back. The awkwardness in the hallway instantly became palpable as I caught myself staring.

"Don't worry about that goon," Rocket teased, gesturing over to Bucky, noticing I was uncomfortable. 

"I can hear you, Rocket," he grumbled and looked over at me.

"Alright, I'm just gonna go…" I huffed in embarrassment, walking into the other locker room.

I popped my clothes off and switched to the new uniform. It WAS really tight. I giggled to myself, thinking of Bucky's mass crammed into this thing.

The suits were jet black with blue lights running down the sides, which I assumed were sensors of some kind. No radioactive symbol on mine this time. I guess Rocket didn't give enough of a shit to warn them about my powers.

"Are you ready for this?" Wanda asked from behind me, already dressed.

"Absolutely," I turned and smiled. '"Are you?"

"Absolutely," she laughed. 

"Look, I know it was hard for you to give up the stones, that power, but I wanted to thank you. Vis..." she trailed off, holding back tears. "Vision is back now because of your sacrifice," she smiled, warmly.

"Honestly, I wouldn't have done anything different, Wanda," I explained. "Strange wanted to hide them all away but I knew Vision was meant to protect the Mind Stone. That's why trusted Banner with it. This screw-up with the Power Stone was totally my fault. When we get it back I need to figure out what to do with it," I sighed. "I don't think Strange will let me take it without a fight though. He has a different idea for what needs to be done. We’re not exactly on the same page," I confessed.

She nodded in agreement. Hopefully she’d have my back at the end of this. 

Rocket's laughter suddenly rang through the locker room from the hallway. 

"You're such a dick!" Bucky growled back.

"Those two are ridiculous," I chuckled as I turned towards the door with a shy smile.

"You know, when you were gone, he only smiled when he spoke about you," she grinned at me. "The rest of the time he was a disaster," she said, winking as she left.

Great, that's just what I DID NOT need to hear. I wanted to believe he moved on. He didn't give me any reason to think otherwise on the trip back here. We barely spoke two words to each other. I just figured he was over my bullshit. How could he not be after what I'd done to him!?

I knew he’d NEVER accept the way I felt, and I wouldn't expect him to. He was old-fashioned, traditional in almost every way, too possessive, and stubborn. All things I loved about him, but every one a reason NOT to talk to him about it. The thought of me breaking his heart, his spirit, AGAIN made me sick. If he didn't move on, then I'd have to pretend I did.

I left the locker room, heading down the now deserted hall.

"Coal!" Strange called out from behind me. His voice sent shivers down my spine as his specific tone triggered memories of my entrapment and all the fake therapy sessions we had.

"Yeah?" I answered, coldly. As he approached me, I turned to face him.

"Please accept my sincerest apologies for what I did to you. I thought it was the right thing in that situation. I only meant to protect you, to protect others from what may have happened. I was mistaken and I am truly sorry," he said with a hint of fear in his voice.

"Did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy playing GOD?" I asked, glaring at him. "Tell the truth, Strange. Did you enjoy having control over me, over a being infinitely more powerful than yourself?!" I growled.

"No..." He began.

"LIAR!" I yelled into his face and noticed his body language became defensive. 

This was the first time he attempted to talk to me alone since I broke free from his spell. Truthfully, I was no longer mad about what happened, but I needed him to be horrified of fucking with me ever again. Especially if he caught wind of what I was planning to do. He was still a danger to me.

"You loved it, didn't you! You loved the control!" I shouted, insistently, hearing Loki come out in my words. 

"I... I... " he stuttered. "I don't know, maybe!" he broke.

I smiled at him, producing the evilest grin I could manage. 

"I swear on the graves of my children if YOU or YOUR CULT ever fuck with me again, I’ll end ALL of you!" I hissed through clenched teeth and produced blue flames in my fists for dramatic effect. 

He nodded, afraid to speak.

I turned, storming away. Loki would’ve been proud, I thought, smiling. 

Should I have punched him in the face? Would that have been too much?

----------------------------

Loading up, I joined my regular crew on the Benatar. The rest boarded Fury's beast of a ship.

"Did they ever name that thing?" I asked Rocket as we departed.

"Yeah, the Icarus, or something stupid like that," he sneered.

"Get comfortable," Quill smiled and grabbed Gamora from behind. "We got FOUR days to... huuuu!!" he coughed as she elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"Ha!" Drax shouted in approval.

I sat in the back pilot chair as Thor came up and took the chair next to mine.

"It will feel great to kick some ass with you again!" he smiled over at me. I smiled back, nodding.

"So, in the past, you've battled a Kree warlord who controlled the Power Stone. How did you defeat such a powerful being?" Thor asked, directing the question to Quill.

"A dance off!" Quill cheered.

"Seriously?!" I dropped my head, groaning in disbelief. "How are you all still alive?!" 

Thor just sat there, staring at me, "What is a dance off?" 

"You don't wanna know..." I mumbled.

"It's when two people dan..." Quill started.

"Noooooo, PLEEEEEASE don't!" I interrupted, rolling my eyes.

"No, I would like to know! Is it a special tactic to defeat your enemies!?" Thor roared, happily.

"Nope! It's literally just dancing like a jackass until the other person dies of stupidity," Rocket laughed, grabbing his side.

"...that's basically what happened..." Quill admitted, mumbling.

"How ARE you all still alive!?!" Thor asked again, rhetorically, shaking his head.

"Why does everybody ask us that??" Mantis questioned, confused.

"It was a RHETORICAL question," Rocket and Gamora sneered, simultaneously.

"I am GROOT!!" 

"Exactly!" Rocket and Thor shouted, in unison.

"Alright, I'm done!" frustrated, Nebula got up to leave the flight deck.

"Don't leave me with them..." I whispered to her as she walked past. She just shrugged a 'too bad'.

Rocket and Groot continued to debate the effectiveness of Quill's dance off as Quill defended its success.

He had some noteworthy points, but I had to force myself to zone out. There was NO WAY I was gonna start a dance off with the Skrull.

Hours passed and the days flew by. We played card games, drank, and tormented one another. It was fun while it lasted.

----------------------------

"24 hours," Rocket announced.

"You know what I never could understand," I pondered. "When you say HOURS, is that Earth hours? Contraxia Hours? Asgardian hours?"

"Sure," he answered.

"That explains SO much..." I huffed with heavy sarcasm.

"You know, that reminds me, I never thanked you properly for rebuilding Asgard!" Thor jumped up toward me, remembering his slight.

He stood in front of my chair then went down on one knee, took my hand in his and bowed his head.

"Lady Marina, I am forever indebted to you for your incredible gift to myself and my people," he paused, tears welling up in his eyes. "Not a day passed after Ragnarök that I did not dream of my home world restored... and you gave me that, you gave us ALL that gift. Asgard can take its place once more as the protector of the Nine Realms. Also, my brother, you gave him back to me, in a way, and he lives! Again. He is a better man for having loved you." 

Tears now burned in my eyes.

"Thor..." I whispered as he kissed the back of my hand, his lips were warm and gentle, I felt my cheeks flush as he looked up into my eyes. 

"Well..." I continued, pulling my hand away and clearing my throat. "Like I said to Loki, I needed to restore balance. It was the right thing to do and I'm so happy to have given you both that gift. You're not indebted to me, I'll never ask you to repay me for anything." 

As I smiled down at him I remembered what I’d done.

Shit .

"Um, well, but there is ONE thing about that though," I winced with guilt then leaned down to his ear and shared my secret. Whispering, I told him about the Reality Stone's location at the center of his world and waited for his reaction.

"Brilliant!" He yelled.

"Shhhhhhhh! Shhh!" I hushed. "You're the ONLY ONE who knows this! Not even Loki or Valkyrie! You can NEVER tell anyone, I trust you, and you ALONE with this!" I growled under my breath.

"Alright! I swear on the Allfather to never reveal this secret," he pledged, grabbing both my hands and holding them in his. 

"What are we doing down here?" Drax whispered from behind me as I jumped, almost falling into Thor's lap.

"Fucking hell, Drax!" I screamed as Thor and I shot to our feet.

"What did you hear?!" I asked him, concerned for our secret.

"Something about an oil feather," he said, dryly, squinting in contemplation.

"Yep, that's exactly what we were talking about!" I said in dead seriousness. 

"If you tell anyone about the oil feather, I’ll have to kill you," I squinted at him and poked him hard in the chest.

"You have my word!" he vowed to us and walked off.

"Wow," I groaned as we laughed together at Drax’ gullibility.

"Seriously though, is Loki doing okay?" I asked, concerned I might have set him off on some murderous tangent.

"He is, surprisingly. He hasn't killed anyone in an exceptionally long time," he grinned.

"That's... nice..." was all I could manage to say to that.

He went on to describe how things were going now that Valkyrie and Loki were co-ruling Asgard. They had managed to come to some sort of an arrangement that was working well for everyone. I hoped Loki wouldn’t end up pulling some crap to mess it up for them, but I knew he’d eventually get bored and ruin everything.

--------------------

Chapter 17

--------------------

-------Andromeda Galaxy-------

"Fury is going to go at this diplomatically at first. He has a relationship with another group of Skrull and they are helping us get an audience with the leader of the rebels," Strange continued, "if that doesn't work, we have to do everything in our power to keep them from using the stone or running with it." 

Without warning, shots hit the ship’s hull.

"Well, I guess we're doing this the hard way!" Fury's voice shot through the speaker. "Get down here, NOW!" he ordered the rest of us to move in.

----------------------------

"The suits are failin', Rocket!" Quill shouted to him as he fought Gamora.

"YA THINK!" Rocket sneered back, sarcastically.

"MARINA!! Is this GAMORA?!" he questioned me between hits.

"OF COURSE I'M GAMORA, YOU MORON!!" she was furious with him as she swung.

"YES!! STOP!!" I called out, panicked.

"How could you not know it was me?!" she hissed, hitting Quill one more time. 

"I'm so sorry!!" he told her then looked over to me. "We need to get the hell out of here!" 

"I know! I'm working on it!" I roared back.

Popping from fight to fight I scanned for Skrull then tagged each imposter. Using my energy for this was wasting my time, distracting me. Maybe it was their plan all along, to keep me from finding the stone. 

I almost wanted to laugh at our ridiculous situation, but I was getting impatient. Our team was overwhelmed and frustration transformed into rage.

The next Skrull I came across felt the brunt of my anger. Holding it in mid-air, out in front of me, I demanded they tell me which one of these annoying-ass shapeshifters was their leader. He didn't answer. 

“Bad move,” I sneered.

My rage grew past control as it had in the past... at Hydra. Hating myself for this, they'd given me no other choice!

I need to find the stone! Time is running out!

Pulling at his matter, I detached one digit from his hand and reattached it, slowly, painfully. He watched in horror. One by one I continued down his hand, but he was strong, unwavering. I moved to his arm, melting the flesh from bone as he screamed in agony.

"Tell me or I'll detach your head from your shoulders next..." I threatened, gritting my teeth and hearing Loki in my words again.

"That's her! That's S'Byll right there!" he snapped, crying out, writhing in my grasp. He pointed to a form that was Captain America himself, fighting BUCKY.

OH GOD! Bucky must be freaking the fuck out right now! That bastard was impersonating his best friend!

Tossing the lackey, knocking him unconscious, I reappeared at Bucky's side. The smile of relief in his face was enough to spur me further as he collapsed to the ground from exhaustion.

The Captain America imposter froze in place, terrified.

They knew me. This one KNEW who I was! Then I realized it must have been her; she was the one who changed into Bucky and ripped the stone from my body!

"Oh... you're mine!" I charged.

I fought hand to hand at first, blocking the fake Cap's strikes, letting her hit me a few times.

She ran, but it was pointless. I toyed with her, letting her feel like she could get away, then pulled her back. I was enjoying my sadistic game of cat and mouse. 

"You know who I am and why we're here, don't you," I grinned as I pinned her to the ground.

I forced her to revert to her true form, watching the panicked look on her face. She screamed out in agony, but I didn't stop until she fully transformed.

"Where is it!?" I snarled, arms outstretched, lifting her up over my head now, releasing my anger over what she had put me through, and in turn, what I’d put Bucky through. 

"Where is WHAT?!" she growled.

"Oh really? Going to play dumb?!" I grinned happily, ready to refresh her memory. 

"First, I'll remove your skin, atom by atom, keeping you alive and alert through the process. Then I'll remove your appendages, slowly, so you can watch each fiber detach from the next. Once that's done, I'll rebuild your body and start over! I'll do this for eternity until I get the Power Stone back!" I vowed, in hate.

She growled something in her language as she sneered at me, eyes wild with fear.

"We don't have it anymore!!"she repeated so I could understand.

"Ok, have it your way!" I huffed, flashing an evil smile.

As I braced to torture her a blinding light hit my side. The pain dropped me to my knees. I lost control of my prey and she ran. 

What the hell did they hit me with!?  

Through blurred vision and pounding agony I saw a group of Skrull approaching. I had to move but couldn't.

"GET UP!" the voice ordered, clear and familiar, snapping me awake. 

He grabbed me by the waist and dragged me toward the Benatar. 

Pulling me up the ramp, the hatch closed behind us, the battle fading as it shut. 

I have to close my eyes for just a second.

------Bucky------

"I lost track of her!" I screamed to Thor, panicked.

"I'm sure she's FINE!" he replied between strikes. "She's probably destroyed half their forces by now!" he cheered.

I did NOT share his optimism.

Without warning, a powerful energy blast hit the ground between us, sending me flying onto my back. Reeling, I staggered to my feet and ran to find her. 

With communications down I had to trust my instincts. 

The Benatar, I'll start there.

Dodging firefights and mutating Skrull, I made my way back across an expanse of rubble. I caught sight of her, FINALLY. She's ok, I thought, relieved.

Squinting, I focused on her current battle... was that...

"STEVE!" I shouted as I ran. I knew these things were imitating the Avengers, BUT WHY HIM?! 

I choked back bitterness and pain and made my way to her, but as I got closer something stopped me, dead in my tracks. 

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" I growled out to myself, watching as an enormous energy blast headed right at her.

"RUN!!" I roared to her in vain as it made contact.

She fell instantly.

Time slowed as if I was in another nightmare, my limbs, not responding to my terror, held me in place.

Begging for this to be an illusion, it played on. I watched, helplessly as one of those fuckers impersonated ME! He grabbed her and was dragging her onto the ship! 

MOVE. NOW. 

My body unlocked and with everything I had I ran.

I’M TOO LATE!

I caught a glimpse of them as the hatch closed. He was still holding her, gently, comforting her. She accepted him. She wasn't struggling. She was clueless!! The thought of her being deceived and hurt by me again was ripping into me.

My legs went numb as I watched the Benatar leave the atmosphere. Please be ok, let her be ok! I repeated in my head, praying to anything out there to help her. 

"Where did they go!?!" Strange roared in a panic as he landed to my left. "That Skrull had the Power Stone!" 

"WHO THE HELL STOLE MY SHIP!!" Rocket screamed from Thor's shoulder as they slammed down to my right.

--------------------

Chapter 18

--------------------

--------Mar-------

Had it been a minute, an hour? When my eyes cracked open I was relieved to see the familiar interior of the Benatar. 

Feeling my side, I found it healed. What the hell WAS that, I wondered, angry and scared that something they had could take me out so effectively. I was NOT excited about that. 

It dawned on me right then what happened.

"Bucky!?" I called up to the flight deck. No reply. This wasn't good.

I instantly appeared in front of the pilot's chairs. They were empty. 

"What the hell?" I mumbled, then felt out with my mind through the ship for him. In the back, hiding, I found... someone.

"Who the hell are you?!" I questioned this Bucky as I popped up behind him, grabbing the back of his neck, lifting him to his feet.

He raised his arms, surrendering as he stood. 

Each detail of the metal arm down to his voice was a perfect match. Seriously impressed, I released him, and he turned to face me.

"Hold on. Hold on. Hold on!" he begged. "I need to explain!" 

This is so fucking weird!

"You have three seconds..."

"It's complicated!" he insisted, getting nervous.

"Then talk... fast!"

"Okay, okay... Look, my tribe… we've been at war for generations... " he stuttered, trailing off. 

"WHO? With us, Earth?" 

"No, no, us, the Skrull race, a civil war has been raging between many tribes. There has been no resolution since the fighting started. I NEEDED to do this... for our people!" he winced, as if I would hit him.

Hearing these words and sensing this fear coming from Bucky's likeness was insanity. 

"Keep going." I insisted, needing more information before I ended this.

"S'Byll, the one you almost killed, she leads her tribe and has had the upper hand for years. She's insane! She's already conquered the Andromeda Galaxy and now wants to populate the universe with Skrull, eliminating all other races," he explained. 

"HOW do I know you're telling the truth?!" 

"Because I stole THIS from her!" he smiled and held out his metal arm, his hand opened slowly to reveal a small box. The lid popped open; it was the Power Stone. 

"HOLY SHIT!" I freaked, "BUCKY!" 

My impulsive reaction caught him off guard, startling him, and he almost dropped the thing. Fumbling at the last second, I grabbed it securely with my own energy, sealing its power. It hovered mid-air, surrounded in blue light, safe for now. 

Both of us breathed a sigh of relief and he continued.

"Our plan was to return it to Earth and make an ally of you, of the Avengers," he grinned.

His sweet smile and naivety were fucking with my head. 

"First, change out of this form or I'll make you. Second, how the hell do you know so much about us?" I sneered.

"Sure, but do you mind?" he smiled again, gesturing for me to turn around. 

I did, trying not to regret asking him to change. With all this coming to light I couldn't deal with my personal issues at the moment.

"Done," he assured.

I turned back to see a small Skrull, no bigger than a human teenager standing there. 

"How old are you!?" I squinted. 

"Umm, in Earth years?" he smiled. "I guess fourteen or something," he shrugged, as if it were a normal thing to be a war spy at that age.

I was instantly shaken by the realization I was now absorbed into something WAY bigger than myself or the little petty Avengers battles we had engaged in and even the battle for Earth. This was huge. 

There had been GENERATIONS of his race fighting for their side, over the span of the Andromeda Galaxy, involving hundreds if not thousands of planets. 

One of their fucking kids just stole the POWER STONE... and was HOLDING ONTO IT!

"WHAT THE FUCK..." was the only thing that blurbed out as my jaw just hung open.

"SORRY!!" I winced, covering my mouth, realizing I just cursed in front of a kid. 

"It's okay," he giggled.

This kid giggled... he just escaped a war with an Infinity Stone, impersonated a man in battle, saved my life, then stole a spaceship and he just giggled. WHAT THE FUCK.

"She would have killed you!" I looked at him with awe and anger. "You're either the bravest kid ever or the STUPIDEST!" I groaned.

"Where are your parents!!?" I blurted, but as the words came out, I realized that was the dumbest fucking thing to ask. No doubt they were dead from this war.

Sure enough, he hung his head and whispered that exact answer.

"I'm so sorry! I should’ve known better!" 

I grabbed him instinctively and squeezed, the hug taking us both off guard.

After a minute I let him go and he smiled up at me and wiped the tears from his face. 

"I knew it! I knew you were the good guy!" he grinned, shyly. 

"What?" I snarled, knowing he'd made a horrible mistake in judgment. "You have no idea who I am, kid."

"I do! WE DO! Our tribe has been on Earth for years, hiding as refugees but also watching out for S'Byll's spies... to keep it safe," he grinned, pride spewing out of him.

"So, that's how you know the Avengers?" 

"YES! We knew about you rebuilding the Infinity Stones. My father wanted to try and get you to help us, but you left Earth. He led a group to find you and I... I snuck on with him," he paused, maybe expecting me to scold him, then continued quietly. “You offered to help us once before, trying to arrange a truce.”

"Your dad was part of that… oh... " I stopped, horrified.

His dad… no... He must have been killed in the botched negotiation.

As I thought back, guilt punched me in the gut.

"You used a fake power stone, I know," he said, simply. "And I know why you did it… no one should have that power," he sighed, wise beyond his years.

My soul was crushed. 

How could this little being defend my actions after losing his father to them!?

"When I went to find my father, he was... gone and she had already taken the REAL stone. I knew you didn't die and that I needed to get it back to you, AND I DID! I guess I'm good at this stuff," he smiled, happily. "But... we really need your help now... " he trailed off and seemed to grow nervous.

I just stood there staring at him, conflicted. 

Should I get involved again, I questioned? 

I'd already screwed up so much for his people… but I HAD been trying to help. Maybe…

"I have an idea," I smiled. “But first…” producing a meal on the table next to him, I sat him down. "Wait here," I ordered.

Going to the flight deck, I redirected us home, sending out a quick message for everyone to meet at HQ. 

The little Skrull overheard me and asked excitedly if they were going to assemble. I just laughed, shaking my head. 

"Take it easy, twerp!" I teased from the captain's chair, then reappeared at the table, across from him.

"I'm Kylak!" he shouted back. Realizing I was now in front of him, he laughed, and scratched the back of his head. "Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to shout. I'm Kylak, or Ky. My mom liked to call me that," he smiled, sadly.

"Hi Ky, I'm..." I stopped, getting cut off as I reached out to shake his hand.

"MARINA COAL AKA OUTSIDER AKA ASSET EIGHT!" he gleamed. Taking my hand, he shook it vigorously.

----------------------------

OF COURSE I’d be thrown this curve ball! Why would I think ANYTHING in my insane life would be cut-and-dry!? My plans to quickly end the Power Stone debacle and then return to my island in solitude were obliterated the moment I saw this little goon. 

I watched as he ate another meal, eagerly. It was obvious, even never seeing a Skrull kid in my life, that he was malnourished. With three more days until we reached Earth, I knew I'd only get more and more attached. 

Fucking hell...

Having no idea how to approach this with the team, I let that go for now. I needed to focus on the Power Stone. My concentration was tested keeping it contained safely on the journey back. I used the rest of my power to feed this kid and keep an eye out for any threats that might be out there. 

The Benatar was oddly quiet for once. Man, Quill is going to be PISSED this little rebel stole his ship, I laughed out loud. 

Having the flight deck all to myself was amazing, I thought as I kicked my feet up onto the console, something I'd NEVER attempt in his presence for fear of my life.

As I tried to rest, Ky’s soft sobs caught my attention, but I pretended not to hear. Shutting them out, I closed my eyes and reached to the stars to scan for threats. After a while he stopped. I felt relieved I didn't have to deal with it. This kid had such high hopes for the Avengers, for ME. Knowing I'd let him down one way or another, I had to try and keep my distance. 

Some little beep startled me out of my head.

Shit, power cells.

Huffing to myself, I popped down to go fix the issue.

Passing the kid, regret twisted in my chest as I looked over at him. He seemed exhausted after having cried himself to sleep without any comfort or sympathy. 

"I'm not the good guy," I whispered as I covered him and continued on to the back of the ship.

-------------------

Chapter 19

-------------------

-----Avengers’ HQ------

"HEAR ME OUT!" I winced and went on to explain the enormity of the situation and my decision to get involved, with or without them.

It wasn’t surprising that only Bucky, Wanda, Thor, and Vision met with me when I got back with the kid. They were all recovering physically and mentally from the fight with the Skrull and were angry and defeated, having to retreat after I left. Without my help and protection, they were doomed. I was just relieved no one was hurt too badly, or worse. 

Rocket and the group ran onto the ship, taking it back as soon as I landed then got the hell off Earth, which also didn't surprise me. 

"Well, I for one, am in!" Thor smiled, always my cheerleader, but more importantly, always up for a fight.

"THANK YOU!" I grinned, relieved for any help I could get.

Bucky just stood in the corner, glaring at me, but then stepped forward, aggressively.

"You didn't want to wipe out Hydra or fight Thanos. You didn't want to fight the planet eaters TO FIX YOUR OWN MISTAKE! NOW YOU WANT TO FIGHT FOR SOME KID YOU JUST MET!?" his face was red and fuming, his jaw and fists clenched. 

His outburst completely took me off guard.

"I WAS SELFISH AND SCARED!" I screamed back in defense, slamming my hands into the table, trying to keep my composure, wanting to fight him or cry, I couldn't decide. 

"And what do you think you're doing now?! Asking us to help fight for something we know nothing about because you feel guilty for this kid's dad?!" he struck back, hard.

My jaw just hung open. I had no defense. No argument. The truth of his reaction cut into me.

"You're right," I said simply. "I shouldn't have asked. You should all go." 

He looked around the room at the rest of them and could tell they were staying as no one else moved an inch. 

"God damn it, MAR!" he huffed and sat down, crossing his arms in defeat. 

----------------------------

We sat for hours going over the plan. Needing more information, we decided to meet with Ky’s tribe, but first, I needed to increase my muscle.

Once we had a basic plan everyone agreed on, they all headed out to prepare, but I asked Bucky to stay, wanting to talk to him in private.

"What?" he asked with a cold stare as soon as we were alone.

Fixing my eyes down to the table, I fidgeted, afraid to continue but knowing this needed to be said.  

"If you're going to be a part of this, we need to be done... with us," I murmured after taking a deep breath.

"You're pure chaos, you know that," he muttered as sadness replaced his anger. "And addicting... in the way watching a fire spread is addicting."

What the hell did that mean by that?

I glanced up against my better judgment just to see him turn away. 

"You just don't get it… I could never be done with us, Mar, but… since you already are, that's fine," he sighed.

If words were bullets... 

My heart sank with the confirmation of my biggest fear, that he wasn’t over us, that I wasn’t over us.

He lingered in the doorway for a moment, waiting for my reply, but I had none. I didn't want to push him away, but I couldn't tell him how I really felt. 

I HAVE to let this die… don't I?

Nodding his head as if he made my decision for me, he walked out. The door swung closed, and I was the one left behind this time. 

-------Bucky------

God, I still couldn't believe I said what I did to her. I wanted her back! Why couldn't I just say that?!  

Hating myself, I sat brooding on the sofa next to Ky.

This puny kid was growing on me though. He reminded me so much of Rogers when we were growing up. Leave it up to her to bring home some stray alien child. Especially one that was JUST LIKE STEVE... scrawny, stupid, brave, and selfless. 

Damn it, Mar, I cursed to myself.

Ky wasn't too talkative, at least, which I liked right off the bat. We sat in silence in the lounge watching some Disney movie. After a while he started to get restless. 

Does he need food or something? Fuck, what do I do now?!

"What's up?" I finally huffed. 

"Nothing... well... I'm just worried. They've been gone a long time. What if it didn't work? What if something happened?" he frowned. "I should have gone with."

"It'll be fine," I reassured hiding my shared nervousness. 

They HAD been gone too long.

"Wait here. I'll see if I can find out what's going on."

As I got up to leave, he grabbed my metal hand. 

"I'm going too," he smiled up at me. "I don't want to be alone."

"WAIT!" Thor roared from the recliner, jumping to his feet. I had forgotten he was there because he passed out at the first song in the movie.

---------------------------

"Banner?" I called into the lab.

"Awe! Don't you all look like the perfect little family!" Barton smiled. He had been spinning in a desk chair, staring up at the pencils he was throwing into the ceiling tiles. "He's in there," gesturing to the adjacent room.

"Funny," I snapped, pulling my hand away from the kid, embarrassed. 

"I'm just trying to get you to smile, big guy," he quipped. As I passed by I pushed him and his chair across the room.

"HEY! My art isn't finished yet!" he laughed. "Here kid, wanna try?" he tossed a pencil at Ky who snatched it swiftly from the air without even looking at Barton. 

Interesting. Kid has talent.

"I'll be right back, Ky," I gave him a reassuring smile, or at least the best I could manage. 

I could hear them laughing at something, probably me, as the door shut. 

"Hey, Banner, can you do me a favor?" I asked, interrupting his science stuff.

"Hey, Barnes. Ah sure... as long as it's not babysitting," he laughed.

"Everyone is so funny today," I smiled, sarcastically. "Can you try to find out what's going on with Mar?" I asked, scratching my head, suddenly embarrassed of looking like some weirdo stalker, then cleared my throat.

"I mean... they HAVE been gone a while and I want to make sure they're ALL okay," I covered.

"Mmm hmmm," he mumbled, raising an eyebrow. "Hold on a second."

Going to his desk it looked like he was making a phone call or something. 

"IT WORKED!" he yelled over. 

She’s ok…

A wave of relief washed over me but faded fast.

"WHY AREN'T THEY BACK YET?" I shouted in response.

"They are!" he shrugged.

"What the hell? Where!?" 

After a second, he put the receiver down and came out.

"London. They went to find the Skrull on Earth," he winced, knowing I would be pissed.

"Damn it..." I hissed, “that wasn’t the plan."

-----------------

Chapter 20

-----------------

------Somewhere in Deep Space--------

------Mar------

"This might hurt... a LOT," Vision rested his arm on my shoulder for support.

"I know," I frowned and shrugged. “But there’s no choice at this point.” 

We need to get this done.

I opened the box that held the Power Stone, lifting it up in front of us without touching it.

“Ready?” I asked, unsure of how this would go. 

Bringing us all the way to this deserted planet was the only safeguard we had. If this went south we’d ALL be dead. 

Fuck. If only I could’ve trusted Strange to help us... 

It was too late now. Besides, he most definitely wouldn’t have agreed to this if we asked permission.

He’s gonna be so pissed… fuck it.

Nodding to the others, we began.

With the energy from my Space Stone, Vision’s Mind Stone, and Wanda’s magic, we surrounded the Power Stone together. 

Our energies, flowing out in torrents, were spectacular rainbows of light but the beauty was overwhelmed by the deafening roar of surging power crashing around us.

Wanda screamed out to stop, panicked and terrified as her and Vision started to blast the stone against my body.

I HAVE to hold on! Failure is NOT an option! 

"NO! FINISH THIS!” I dug my feet in, wailing through the almost unbearable pain.

The stone, piercing my chest, soon disappeared into my abdomen, taking its place inside me.

Emanating pure destruction, the energy was paralyzing. Its darkness worked at tearing me apart; I fought like hell to keep myself together.

Second by second, the waves of agony lessened. I could feel the stone calming. 

“It worked!” I groaned as we all fell to the dirt, exhausted. 

"What now?" Wanda asked, between gasps of air.

--------London-------

We found Ky's tribe easily enough. There weren't many Skrull left here. The main group was located in London with hundreds spread out around the world, doing exactly what he said, watching for other Skrull. 

From what we could tell they were extremely peaceful and protective of Earth and were overjoyed to have us helping them. Most of the leaders were killed and the rest were hopeless, ready to give up. 

Ky had truly saved his people. 

Little punk, I thought, smiling to myself.

Part of me was relieved he'd been truthful, and I was on the right path, but another part of me was apprehensive to continue down it. 

Vision and Wanda gave them directions to organize the rest of their forces and wait for our command. Before long we were confident they'd be valuable in the upcoming confrontation.

One family was kind enough to invite us into their home. As we sat and visited, enjoying the small talk, I learned a lot about their culture. It wasn't much different than ours. We like to think we're civilized, but that's a joke, a lie. 

We're just as savage, if not more so.

Suddenly Vision stopped talking. After a few seconds he continued. 

That was odd. 

"What was that?" I asked after he finished his story.

"Banner. He wanted to know our status." 

"You have a phone in your head?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, well, sort of," he smiled.

After all the crazy shit I’ve seen and been through, I just shook my head, not knowing why I thought THAT was so weird. 

-------Avengers’ HQ-------

------Bucky------

"Take it easy!" I groaned at Ky for shouting and running out the door.

They were finally back, and he couldn't control his excitement. I, however, was preparing for another fight with Mar after I confronted her about the new shit she pulled. 

We were ALL supposed to meet with the Skrull in case they were hostile!

I was still fuming, furious with her for going against the plan, not having back-up, and truthfully, for scaring me. 

Following him out into the hallway, he had already jumped at her. She was kneeling, hugging him tightly, seeming so happy.

"I knew it would work!" Ky cheered as she stood.

"Are you alright?" I asked her.

As she looked over to me her smile faded. 

Figures…

"Thanks for looking out for Ky while we were gone," she said dryly, ignoring my question.

"Yup," I huffed. "He's a good kid," I smiled down at him, but needed to get it out. “Mar, about the plan…” I paused as her expression darkened. 

Here we go…

"YOUNG SIR!" Thor boomed down the hall to Ky, interrupting. "It's time for your lessons!"

"See you later!" the boy grinned from ear to ear and ran off.

"Lessons?" she asked, smiling at me finally, maybe trying to avoid the inevitable argument. It worked as my anger faded.

"Uh, yeah... we've been teaching him how to fight," scratching the back of my head, I kind of winced, thinking she'd freak out for some reason. Thor and I hadn't really thought that through. 

"Oh," she replied, simply.

I could tell she didn't know how to feel about it. 

"Look, you were gone for so long we didn't know what to do with the kid," I shrugged.

"It's not that!" she glared, obviously upset now, "never mind."

"No, what is it?!" I snapped. 

"Nothing! … I have to go," she turned away quickly, avoiding eye contact. 

What the hell did I do now!?

"Mar, wait," I tried to stop her, but she vanished.

Something in me didn't want to let this go; something was wrong. 

----------------------------

I walked the compound for an hour looking for her. Knowing she wouldn’t leave the kid without saying goodbye. She HAD to be here somewhere. 

This is fucking ridiculous. She doesn’t want me to find her. What am I doing?

Deciding to give up, I headed to the arena to meet up with Thor and the kid. As I got closer I could see someone sitting just outside it.

Mar…

She was watching the two as they trained, crying. 

Damn it! 

I'd rather deal with angry Mar than sad Mar any day. I've only seen her this way a few times in all the years I've known her. Even at Hydra she only broke down to me once or twice and it turned me into putty. I’d done everything I could to make her happy again, to bring her out of her pain but now I don't know how to handle this. Especially now that she didn't want me around, didn’t want my help or support.

My legs brought me over to her but the rest of me wanted to run in the opposite direction, and as soon as she looked up my heart dropped. She was miserable and had been seriously crying, her eyes red and cheeks wet with tears.

"I wasn't expecting… THIS! To be in this position again," she gestured to Thor and Ky, her voice rough from the strain, spilling her pain to me.

Staring down at her, I was amazed. With all the power she controlled, she was sitting here fully vulnerable, opening up to me, trusting me again. 

She’s a fucking thunderstorm and sunshine wrapped into one beautiful disaster of a bottle. 

Not wanting to say the wrong thing, I simply sat down and put my arm around her shoulder, as a friend would. 

Leaning in closer, she sobbed against me as I stared over at the kid. 

What the hell is she talking about?

Then it hit me. 

She had been a mother...  

How fucking thoughtless was I ?!

I hate myself right now.

"Oh Mar... " I sighed as my eyes burned thinking of the immense grief she must be feeling. I wrapped both arms around her completely, hoping the little bit of comfort would make up for my stupidity. 

She relaxed and I felt her arms move around my waist, squeezing. It felt incredible to hold her again, even in this sad moment, but the hurt overwhelmed me when I realized I'd have to let go eventually. 

She didn't want me anymore. 

--------Mar--------

"Bucky..." I breathed into his chest, drying my tears before I looked up at him.

"What is it, baby?" he whispered. "I MEAN, MAR! Sorry! What is it, Mar," he corrected as his face flushed red as could be, straightening his back and dropping his arms. 

I chuckled at his slip-up but had to shut out my feelings.

"Thank you for being here for me," I smiled, sitting up myself and backing away, re-entering the friend zone. 

"What are we gonna do with that kid?" he smiled.

"WE?" I asked, squinting at him.

"Yeah, we all have to take care of him now, right?" he shrugged.

"You like him, don't you," I accused, elbowing him in the side. 

"Meh, he's alright, I guess," he chuckled. 

Bucky and I sat together quietly, watching Thor spar with the kid. He had good reflexes, good technique for fourteen. That was probably why he survived so long, I figured.

"We really have to make this right," I sighed. 

"Yeah," he agreed quietly. "I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding, more supportive of you, and I'm REALLY sorry for what I said the other day," he sighed, frowning at me with his adorable brow wrinkle.

"I'm not gonna lie, it caught me off guard. All I expected was a yes or no, not for you to drag me under the bus... but I understand... it was the truth."

"Still," he paused, shaking his head. "I went too far."

"It happens," I shrugged with a smile.

"And the other thing... can you just forget I said that?" he asked, in earnest.

"Why, wasn't it true? Were you just trying to hurt me somehow?" 

"No! It's... I wasn't," he looked down, fumbling his words. 

"So, it's true... then why do you want me to forget about it?" I pushed.

"Because it's stupid. Obviously you're done and I just shouldn't have said ANYTHING," he sneered, frustrated, crossing his arms.

"I’ll never be done with us either, Buck…" I mumbled, looking away as well. 

My hand hit my mouth before I could stop the words. My stupid heart was about to get me in trouble yet again. 

I don't know what the hell possessed me to say that!

He turned toward me, slowly, uncrossing his arms, pure insanity in his eyes.

"Marina..." he hissed, jumping to his feet. "What the hell are you saying!? Why would you say that? HOW could you say that?! After you fucking left me behind, you left with HIM!" he growled with rage. 

OH I fucked up, big time!

I should have kept my god-damned mouth shut, I cursed to myself, hating my impulsive bullshit AGAIN! But it's out now... 

I need to just say it!

Fuck it!

"Bucky… I still lov... "

"DON'T! Don't fucking say it!” he interrupted. “Tell me you're done, tell me you don't love me anymore, that you HATE ME! It'll hurt less!!" he roared, chest heaving. 

With a growl, he stormed off in the opposite direction.

What WAS I doing? I KNEW he couldn't handle this, I thought, slamming my head into my hands, embarrassed and dejected. 

"Why? why HIM?!" he yelled from behind, making me jump off the bench. He had come back wanting more. 

"I told you! I told you why I didn't stay," I said, clenching my jaw, not knowing if I could tell him everything.

"No, there's more to it, there has to be. You don't just LEAVE someone you loved, loved like we loved!" he snapped. 

This was killing him, and I couldn't stand it. He deserved to know the truth and to make his own decision. Sighing, I braced myself for the conversation I'd been terrified to have with him. 

"Loki and I are the same, whatever it is we're made of... I'm drawn to him, his chaos, and I do still love him," I spilled, cautiously. "And I didn't run right into his arms either. He asked me to choose and when I said I wouldn't, that I still loved you and would NEVER stop loving you, he accepted it," I paused, convincing myself I needed to continue. "I don't know why I'm like this! I can only offer myself to you as I am... a broken, fucked up monster," I sighed, chest tightening as I bit my lower lip. 

The breath held in my lungs and I waited for the explosive reaction that Loki denied me. 

He scowled as if disgusted, fists clenched, jaw locked. This wasn’t the look of an accepting lover but a hateful, jealous one.

"I knew you couldn't understand," I sank, feeling ashamed by his judgment. "After all this is over, I'll go, for good this time." 

We stared at each other through the most awkward silence of my disastrous life until his eyes shifted, focusing behind me. His expression softened instantly.

"I'm getting better!" Ky called out, as he ran up to us. "Uncle Thor let me use a SWORD!" 

The kid’s voice snapped me out of my head. I cleaned my face and forced out a chuckle as I turned.

"Good work, buddy!" I said, encouragingly.

Thor approached and set his hands on the kid's shoulders.

"He's a NATURAL!" he cheered, shaking him happily as Ky looked up to him, smiling. 

"Told ya'!" Bucky grinned. "Hey, next time I'll help you with target practice, oka..." suddenly interrupted again, Bucky spun around.

A portal appeared right in front of us and Strange stepped through!

"What do YOU want!?" I snarled, placing myself in front of everyone protectively. The other two shielded Ky.

Since taking the Power Stone back without exactly asking for permission, I’d been expecting a visit from him and I EXPECTED it would be hostile but I waited to see what he had to say.

"You have the Power Stone now," he said, with caution.

"Was that a question?" Bucky asked, stepping up. "She does, and you should leave," he growled. 

I squinted at Bucky, confused by his protective behavior. 

Clearly he still disliked the man, but what is he doing? If he gets in the middle of this…

Simply nodding, Strange shifted his stare from Bucky back to me, unthreatened by him. Uncertainty hung thick in the air. 

"I need to talk to you," Strange said. "Please, come with me to New York."

"NO! She's not going anywhere!" Bucky shouted, poised to fight.

"It's okay, Barnes," I squinted at Strange, knowing now he wasn’t going to try anything, then grabbed Bucky's arm, pulling him back. He turned swiftly, coming face to face with me.

"NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING WITH HIM!" he snarled, under his breath through clenched teeth.

"Then come with me," I whispered, sensing his panic. 

This was my Hail Mary to attempt to keep whatever was left of us together, even if that meant as teammates.

---------------------

Chapter 21

---------------------

-------Asgard------

"You really think this is a good idea?" Bucky asked, frowning as the four of us stepped out onto the Rainbow Bridge. 

Bucky looked around, even more in awe, than Ky as he followed behind Thor.

"It's KIND of a good idea," I said, shrugging. 

"Well, I don't like it," he groaned.

"I know, but can you please be polite at least. We need him for this to work," I huffed. 

After another long meeting in New York at Strange’s Sanctum, we’d finally decided on a plan. I was still unsure of why we decided to go with THOR’s idea though. 

And the first part just HAD to bring us to Asgard, didn’t it…

"THOR! I was wondering when you'd show up again!" Valkyrie cheered as we walked into the palace, but her joy faded quickly.

"What's SHE doing here? You KNOW that this is a bad idea!" she sneered at Thor. 

"See, I told you," Bucky grumbled under his breath at me. 

"AH, nonsense! It was MY idea!" Thor smiled.

Oh God, this IS a bad idea.

My confidence vanished.

"Ha! Good luck to you then!" Valkyrie joked. "He's in the garden." 

----------------------------

I went alone to keep the drama to a minimum. 

Beautiful music flowed through the halls leading up to the garden gates. Peaking through them, I saw it filled with elegant Asgardians.

A party?Damn.

I looked down at my plain attire and figured, why the hell not, and created a gown to rival the best here. After fixing my hair, I strolled down the steps like a Goddess. 

Making my way through the crowd, I passed tables of exotic food and desserts out of fairy tales, all nestled under the canopies of flowering trees. I couldn't help feeling pride for having recreated this place. 

I guess my ego needed this after all of my recent screw-ups. 

Then it dawned on me. This would have been my life if I stayed. 

I DEFINITELY would not fit in here as myself, not in this fantasy world. I don’t really fit in anywhere…

My thoughts became darker as I wandered, thinking about ‘what ifs’, and trying to manage my growing anxiety over working with BOTH of them on this. 

What if he won't help…

"I've never seen YOU here before," he hummed, slyly as he walked up behind me. 

Loki…

For a moment I had no words, his musically deep voice stoked emotions I had covered up until now. Taking a breath, I turned. Our eyes met and his expression changed from excitement to confused shock. 

"How did I not SENSE you!? Are you an illusion!?" His bewilderment was almost funny.

"No, I'm really here," I smiled. 

"What is going on, Marina!?" he hissed. 

Looking around suspiciously, he tugged on a strand of my hair for verification I wasn’t actually an illusion.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" I whispered. 

-------Loki-------

The Asgardian clothing made her look more like a God than I could have ever imagined. 

How did she not see that she belonged here? She was made for this world! AND, how could I not feel her presence!?

My frustration on all accounts flowed out of me as I approached her in the empty hall. 

"SO, now will you tell me how you did this?" I growled.

Slowly the purple light rose out of her hand as she held it out to me, her eyes darkening into a solid black. 

"No... what did you do!" I scolded, furious with her stupidity!

Did she not know she couldn't hold the Power Stone without all of the others?! 

"THIS WILL KILL YOU, MARINA!" 

Reaching out I steadied her shaking arm as she pulled the power back inside herself.

"I know, Loki… I know,” she murmured, almost in tears and placed her hands in mine.

Frowning, she looked up at me in despair. Even without being able to sense her mind I could see in her eyes she was panic-stricken, hurting. 

“From the moment I had control of it the stone fought against me. Every second it gets closer and closer to winning the battle, Loki. That's why I need your help to get rid of it," she explained. "But there's something else we have to do first," she continued, flashing a guilt-ridden smile. 

My eyes rolled as she explained her request, but I knew I could never deny this woman anything she wanted in the entire universe.

--------Mar--------

The first part went better than I'd hoped. Loki understood our plan, even though he thought it was idiotic. Plus he agreed not to tell the rest of the team that I was struggling to control the Power Stone. I wasn't ready to let them in on that until I had a plan on how to fix it.

The others were waiting for us in a small room off the main throne room. Pausing at the door for a moment, I changed back to my normal clothes to Loki's audible disapproval. Listening to Ky laughing with Bucky, I couldn't help but think this second part was going to be… complicated.

The mood dropped as soon as we walked in. Bucky and Thor instinctually blocked the kid, unsure of how Loki would react, but he ran up to me anyway. I lifted him in a big hug then set him down and asked him to go sit at the far end of the room.

"Interesting... '' Loki commented, squinting over at Ky. "Who is tha..."

"Don't worry about it, creep," Bucky growled. 

I quickly shot him a 'chill the fuck out' look as Loki came up next to me. 

"Are you up for this, brother?" Thor asked cautiously. 

"I feel like I have no choice in the matter," he mumbled, crossing his arms and glaring over at me in frustration.

Thor and Bucky glanced quizzically over to me as well, so I shrugged as if I had no idea what he was talking about. 

Valkyrie barged in suddenly with a large case, breaking the awkwardness, then set it down between us.

"BRING IT BACK!" she ordered Loki, poking him hard in the chest with her finger before she left. 

"Awesome! LET'S GO!!" I shouted before any more conversations or fights could start.

---------The Sanctum Sanctorum---------

Bringing us back to New York took its toll. Each time I used the Space Stone, the Power Stone took advantage, taking over more and more of my body. I was losing control, inch-by-inch, moment-to-moment. Fearing one more power outburst would allow it to overwhelm me, I knew I couldn't fight this battle alone. 

Shit, I'll be lucky if I could transport us all to S'Byll's planet at this point .

"Him again?!" Loki snarled as we appeared in Dr. Strange's parlor. "Lies all around… tsk, tsk, Marina," he jabbed under his breath, smiling in approval, knowing I had left this part out.

"Welcome back," Strange greeted us hesitantly and turned to Ky. "We have your room all set for you now," he smiled pointing down the hall. 

Ky ran off to check it out.

"We'll be upstairs!" I yelled after him, reassuring that I wasn't leaving him just yet.

We all took seats around their ancient conference table, shooting each other suspicious glances as Strange began.

“After the first battle with S'Byll, SHIELD left us in charge of monitoring the Skrull. We'd found endless devastation and carnage spread throughout the Andromeda Galaxy. So we took the chance to come to you at the Avengers headquarters for help, then we all devised the current plan. But we discovered something new since our last meeting,” he paused, making eye contact with ME for whatever reason. “S'Byll's forces had created a super weapon powered by a planetary core and it's capable of projecting an energy blast with the power to destroy…well, anything. Her plan was to take out as many enemy worlds as necessary. Millions if not billions of innocent Skrull lives would be lost. To add to it she wasn't planning on stopping with the Skrull race. She wants to take out all other sentient beings and intelligent life," Strange informed us then continued, nodding to Loki. "With your help we should still be able to get the upper hand and take them out before they realize what happened."

Loki bowed his head in agreement, but then his eyes darkened.

"And what of their super weapon?" he asked, glancing at me now as well.

"I'll deal with that, alone," I commanded the room, dryly.

In an instant I knew exactly what I needed to do. Strange and I nodded to each other confirming he did as well.

Surprisingly, no one commented or argued about it. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. 

These jerks better not be thinking of doing something stupid.

"So, two days until go time. Who do we got?" Bucky asked, in soldier mode.

----------------------------

Prepping for the mission went smoothly for once! Strange’s group was well organized. We had almost everything ready to go 24 hours before planned. 

I spent our last day meditating, powering up, reinforcing the cage of energy around the Power Stone. I prayed it was enough to at least be able to finish this.

It hated me. I could feel its rage and fear. The stone’s consciousness, if it could be called that, fought me relentlessly. I was never meant to be its guardian and it knew. 

One more day, then you'll be free.

--------------------------

"Please, stop calling us a cult, Agent Coal," Wong whined as I joined him the next morning.

“Well... I just... don't get it,” sneering at him with suspicion, as always. 

He went on to explain their way of life and purpose, but I stopped listening. I still held a grudge for what they did to me, I guess. Anyway, I thought, I had other things to worry about at the moment. 

Unapologetically, I left him talking to himself and went to go check on Ky. 

They set him up nicely in a room that would be the envy of any teenager. Video games, a huge flat screen on one wall, a bunk bed with a desk below it, and a great view of the street outside. It was perfect. 

"So, you need to know what's about to happen," I started, not wanting to sugar-coat it. "Ky, I’m not coming back," I paused, building up my courage to continue. "I know you've lost everyone to this war, but you need to know that this is MY choice to bring an end to this. For you... for all of you, to be free and safe. I'd make that sacrifice for you over and over until the end of time." 

Hugging him tightly, I lost my resolve as we both broke down, sharing our pain and fear. Soon he wiped his tears and straightened himself up.  

He understood and it crushed my heart that he knew I needed to die to end this, more so that he knew he'd be alone again, with no one, and he accepted it. 

We talked for a bit more. He showed me how to play a shooting game, and obviously he was amazing at it. I laughed when he started planning out his life as a professional gamer.  

"Anything you want, kid; your future is yours now!" I smiled and got up to leave.

Pausing at the doorway, I looked back at him, wishing there was another way.

This is always my path…

“He will be just fine,” Loki whispered as he approached from behind. “We will be back before he notices we've left.”

We walked quietly down the hall, side-by-side. He could tell there was something I wanted to say and I could tell he was frustrated at not being able to feel my emotions and thoughts right now. 

Stopping at the end of the hall, away from prying ears, he asked why I’d seem so distressed.

Might as well just tell HIM now too.

“Marina, please, it will be alright,” he reassured as his hand came up to hold my cheek gently. “When we return, we will remove the stone safely,” the fear and uncertainty in his voice was obvious.

"I don't think there’ll be much left of it, or of me for that matter, once I use it again," I confessed, looking up into his eyes.

"Then you mustn't use it!" he snarled, grabbing my arm, pulling me closer to him. 

"It’s the only way to destroy that thing, Loki, and the stone is gonna consume me with or without the Skrull weapon in tow," taking a heavy breath, I calmed myself and told him the plan.

"So, you're just going to stroll inside it and blow yourself up!?" he glared.

"Basically," I grinned childishly.

"Marina, you can’t do this… It's madness, you can’t… " he murmured.

Leaning his forehead against mine, letting him into my mind so he could see this for himself, I felt his cold tear fall to my cheek. 

"Love drives us to do mad things," I whispered.

--------Bucky--------

“Goodbye, my love, at least for this lifetime," he smiled at her, pained. With the back of his hand, he gently brushed a tear from her cheek then trailed his fingertips down her neck, stopping at her breasts. His other hand brought her in as he kissed her. “We WILL be together again,” he breathed into her ear.

"Goodbye, Loki," she said sadly, holding him tightly for a long moment before walking away.

When I turned the corner, I didn't expect to see them together! I felt ashamed for hiding here, watching them from the shadows but I couldn't stop myself. 

After what she told me the other day I didn’t know WHAT to think. I was hit in the gut by what she said, that she still loved me. I was so confused but I think I was beginning to understand.

Could I LET myself understand though?

"We need to talk, Bucky," she said, suddenly, from behind me. 

"Shit!" I jumped.

We found a small room, far from the commotion, and she pulled me down to the sofa to sit beside her.

"What is it?" I asked, figuring she'd lecture me on privacy or personal space after she just busted me spying.

"Look, there's something you need to know. Our relationship has been amazing... but complicated," she sighed. "And I want you to know, no, I NEED you to know that I love you. Ever since Hydra, when I let myself start loving you… I've never stopped, Buck."

"I... Mar... I know you do," I managed to push out the words despite my anxiety over this conversation. 

As I met her gaze my heart sank. I could tell that whatever this was about was bad. 

She went on to explain the situation with the Power Stone, the plan to deal with it, her inevitable fate, and her expectations for the aftermath.

No, this can't happen… she can't sacrifice herself! I can't allow her to blow herself to pieces!  

I couldn't breathe and my mind raced as I thought through scenario after scenario to try and avoid this fate. I tried to hide my reaction from her but failed. 

Now I understand why Loki was acting that way in the hall. 

"Bucky, it'll be ok," she reassured with a tender smile as she held my shaking hands in hers. "I want you to be happy, to move on. I need to know you won't dwell in the past again. You deserve a good life. This whole time I've just been keeping that from you... and it's NOT fair," she paused, looking down. "And maybe you and Ky could... be there for each other." 

My thoughts changed quickly to the kid. "And you told him all this too?" I asked, concerned.

"I did. I was upfront about everything," she said as her sadness spilled out. "I was stupid to think I'd be given a second chance at being a mom. Just not in the cards," she shrugged laughing, her pain poorly hidden behind her smile.

Grabbing her, I pulled her to my chest, holding her small body against mine. It was the first time since knowing her that she felt fragile in my arms. 

I don't know what to do… Do I accept this or fight it!?

I argued with myself internally. I could give two shits about my happiness, but could I actually move on... fuck, I hated myself for even thinking about that right now. Plus, what the hell do I do with a kid?! 

"Don't worry about that punk," I chuckled, trying to ease her fear and maybe mine as well. "I'll keep an eye on him IF anything happens to you. I promise." 

"This IS it, Bucky, I'm not coming back this time," she pushed. "Please, I NEED to know you understand that before we leave."

Her arms started trembling around me and then I knew. 

"I understand," I said, simply, but with my propensity to fuck up situations, I went on. "I guess I NEED to say this to you now then, hu?" I swallowed hard, clenching back my anxiety. "Mar... I need YOU to know that I accept you for everything you are. You're not broken to me, you’re not a monster... you're my everything."

Lifting her chin, I kissed her gently and quickly so as to not overstep. Her warm lips brought back a flood of emotion I wasn't prepared to deal with. 

Fuck, I CAN'T fucking do this…  

I cursed to myself, over and over. 

She rested her head on my shoulder as we held each other in the quiet room for what felt like only minutes. I'd closed my eyes to try and keep out everything that was running through my head. 

When I opened them I could tell it was time to go.

---------------------

Chapter 22

---------------------

----On The Skrull’s Weapon----

-------Marina------

We stood at the precipice of the frozen, unearthly crater. In the center was the entrance to the compound that housed their weapon, my target. 

Time’s run out. 

Only moments were left before the thread of control I held over the Power Stone snapped and utter havoc was released. The destruction I’d caused in the past would be dwarfed by what I was about to do. 

Once this is over they’ll all be safe.

I looked back to them, my team, my family. They'd given their all to help these people on my command and I owed them everything. And there was only one way to end this. 

They need to get as far away as possible; the battle is over. 

With Loki wielding the Jotun weapon, he had frozen the landscape, rendering the Skrull powerless and unchangeable. 

The cold. The cold was the key piece of information our allies shared with us and Thor’s plan to have Loki use the casket worked perfectly. The window allowed the rest of the team to accomplish their mission, capture and neutralize S'byll and her followers. 

Banner got to her first, her arrogance was her downfall thinking that taking my form would confuse us somehow. He didn’t think twice and took her down quickly.

But this, this is my mission. My last mission. 

Focusing on what laid ahead, I had to let go of what was behind me. 

"You're done here. You need to leave... NOW!" I ordered, turning to face them.

Bucky's face was strained, and his eyes were bloodshot from the battle. Loki was anger incarnate. The strain in my chest was tearing at my soul. I wanted to stay with them forever, but it was time.

They both yelled out as they charged at me. 

"NO, we're not leaving you!" Bucky roared from Loki's side.

"Don't be stupid when I'm gone," I smiled.

With the last ounce of control, I sent them all to the Benatar, to safety.

"You're free," I whispered to the purple stone as I shut my eyes. 

----------Bucky---------

I couldn't breathe enough to scream; my eyes were locked out into space. The planet was gone, a ring of purple and black violently took its place in the universe.

Loki was beside me on his knee, fists clenched, head down. The rage emanating from him was almost visible.

"Where's COAL?!" Gamora yelled as the whole crew looked to me for an answer, but I couldn't give them one. 

"No..." Rocket mumbled, dropping his head into his paws. 

----------------------------

Everything, every feeling, every thought, every memory of her, all my despair, they were all locked away now. I didn't care if I was a robot, heartless, lifeless, numb. Having no hope, the Guardians continued to scan for any sign of Marina or the stones day after day. There was nothing. Nothing left of me, nothing left of her. 

It was Loki that called the end to the search. He'd been quiet, letting his rage seep out of him in silence until he was also an expressionless robot.

Reluctantly, Rocket agreed and I knew it was time. I knew I needed to head back to New York to check on Ky. God knows I had no idea what I was going to say or how to help him. 

------------------

Chapter 23

------------------

------The Sanctum Sanctorum------

To my aggravation, Loki decided to join me in New York even despite my clear objections. Saying he was afraid I'd screw everything up, it seemed more like he had other motives but I had zero fucks anymore and let him follow me.

The news here didn't get much better.

"How the hell can a bunch of wizards lose a kid!?" I screamed at Strange, murderous towards him, AGAIN. “Aren't you magic or some shit?” 

Ky was gone. Ran away they said, leaving everything behind. 

DAMN IT! I need to find him. I need to keep my promise to Mar. It was the only thing that mattered now. I can care less now about fixing what I'd done in the past, about having been an assassin or even being an Avenger. I’d lost her; I’d lost everything. Hadn't I finally paid my fucking dues!

Pacing, trying to keep myself from punching someone, Loki stopped me by my shoulder.

"Do not worry, Barnes, I will help you find the child," he insisted. 

"Just go back to Ass-guard where you belong," I hissed, already sick of looking at his scrawny ass. “He’s my responsibility." 

"No, I promised her I would also watch over the brat," he grinned, turning me to face him.

"What?" I sighed, holding the bridge of my nose.

She did this on purpose, I know it! She knew we'd both be too hard-headed to let the other one watch over the kid by ourselves. 

"Damn it, Mar!" I cursed.

"Alright, My Two Dads, time to go," Strange ordered, opening a portal.

------Avengers’ HQ-------

Banner stared at us blankly, for what seemed like forever. 

"Really?" he finally questioned, squinting at me then back to Loki. "Now that's funny. Coal is hilarious," he chuckled through his grief. "You're going to end up killing each other, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, probably," I huffed, defeated. 

Loki just stood there, arms crossed, smiling. 

He’s probably thinking of killing me at that very moment. I know I’m DEFINITELY thinking of killing him.

"Alright," Banner shrugged. "I'll hook you up with anything I can to help you find Ky."

We pillaged his lab for everything we thought might locate the tiny shapeshifter. 

Starting back at the wizard museum, or whatever that place was, we combed through Ky's room looking for any clue or hint as to where he might have gone. 

"Did he say anything to you before we left?" Loki asked.

"No. I um, actually I never said goodbye to him," I said, regretfully.

"Father of the Year!" he laughed. 

"Shut the fuck up," I growled, punching him in the shoulder blade. "I'm as much of his father as you are. What did YOU do?" I jabbed.

"Well, if you must know, I said a proper goodbye. Complete with a pat on his odd little head," he smiled.

"Suck-up. That's probably why he ran away," I grumbled, continuing my rifling through the closet.

"I DO think I might kill you after this," he chuckled.

"Whatever," I snarled.

We finished our sweep in silence, but other than a few nice drawings of her island I decided to keep, we came up empty handed again.

----------------------------

We spent days at the bank of screens looking over surveillance footage Banner gave us access to, trying to get ANYTHING. This kid was impressive. There was NOTHING on any camera... anywhere. 

Loki's resolve was waning. He was becoming less and less helpful and any tiny bit of patience I’d had with his bullshit was spent. 

"Look, just get the fuck out of here if you aren't going to help," I yelled, finally over it. 

I threw my pen at his head as he rocked back in the desk chair, deflecting it as if it was a fly.

"Hmm, I enjoy wallowing in your misery too much to want to leave NOW," he smiled.

"You suck," I groaned, totally frustrated, "what the fuck are we doing?" 

Pulling at my hair I leaned back in my chair as well. 

Think Buck!

Staring at the drawing I took from Ky's room, I was impressed at how good it was. Perfectly accurate, I thought as I suddenly realized something. 

I don't think she’d ever taken him there so how…?

I sat bolt upright and started hammering on the computer keys.

"What is it?!" Loki perked, rolling next to me to look over my shoulder.

"Back off!" I elbowed, feeling him breathing down my neck, literally. 

Bringing up SHIELD's South-Pacific satellite, I directed it to the coordinates. 

Nothing. Only ocean. 

"What the fu..." I hissed under my breath, "BANNER!" I yelled over for him.

As he walked up I pointed out the coordinates without saying a word. 

"Where's the island?" he asked, rubbing his gigantic chin.

"Yeah..." 

"WHAT are we looking at!?" Loki groaned.

"Nothing. It's nothing," I interrupted Banner as he started to explain. 

I felt like I needed to keep this secret of hers from Loki. If she hadn't told him about her island, then there was a reason. 

----------------------------

"So, you guys were dads for like what, two days, and you managed to lose your kid already?" Barton joked.

"It's not funny," I glared. I was more worried about the twerp than I'd let anyone know but still couldn't pretend to joke about it.

"You know what it's like to be adopted then abandoned, don't you, Loki?" Barton jabbed, on extremely thin ice. 

"Do you want to kill him? Or should I?" with fire in his eyes, he pointed his dagger towards Clint.

"Oh, good teamwork you two!" Barton opened his mouth one last time before walking out with his coffee. 

I don't blame the man for hating Loki but what the hell did I do!?

As we sat in the lounge, defeated, I thought through my next steps. I knew I needed to bide my time until Loki gave up and left Earth. Then I could head out to look for the island. 

"We really did drop the ball so to speak, didn't we?" he sighed with a hint of sadness. 

"Yeah, we did, big time," I agreed, hoping to fuel his retreat. "I'm going to go blow some shit up."

"Enjoy," he waved, sarcastically as I walked out. 

Wandering down to the range, I thought about the past few days. Losing her, losing the kid. My emptiness was all consuming. If I didn't have this search, I'd have absolutely nothing. 

Was this a part of some kind of master plan, some riddle, I wondered, thinking about the set up.

She'd have to have known the kid would run but how could she?! Or maybe he didn't run away randomly, but then why would she force Loki and I to work together to look for him? Was this some type of test? 

"Fuck, Mar..." I cursed out her name, instantly regretting it. 

Stopping on the lawn, I craned my neck to the sky. Dusk had fallen without my notice and the stars were popping through the purple-blue haze. 

"Help me out here, Mar," I breathed up to them. 

----------------------------

The morning didn’t bring us any closer to finding Ky.

"Did blowing shit up help?" Loki snarked as I walked into the lounge.

"Only if it had been you," I griped back as I poured my morning coffee. 

He was still in the same chair, reading the same book, being the same amount of annoying. 

Fuck, I wish he'd just disappear or die or something. 

----------------------------

We spent the next two days chasing down dead ends. The last one had been in Chicago, apparently a new city for Loki. I had to keep him from eating every slice of pizza he saw. 

"When I find this kid, I'm giving him to you as punishment for me having to put up with all your bullshit," I snarled, slapping the last slice out of his hand.

"HOW DARE YOU! Some of us can actually live with our misery, Barnes," he growled, raising a dagger to me as I walked off. 

"Get in the damn Quinn Jet or you're walking back."

"Oh, VERY Dad-like! You've been practicing!" he laughed.

"Well, I HAVE been babysitting a jackass for the last few weeks so, yeah.”

----------------------------

Back at HQ things just kept getting worse. Banner ran out of time with the satellites and camera data banks. We were basically blind now. Then Fury grounded us, taking the jet for other missions. Without resources we were fucked and with Loki still around I couldn't investigate the missing island. 

"Oh my God, I hate you so much," I glared at him from across the dining table as he stirred his tea, clinking the spoon against the cup as loudly as possible.

"BROTHER!" 

The roar was the most recognizable sound in the galaxy.

"What do YOU want?" Loki rolled his eyes as Thor lifted him to his feet.

"I'm here to bring you home. You need to come handle your responsibilities on Asgard," he winked over to me. "Barnes can take it from here! Right?!" he grinned.

The words were music to my ears, and I felt a tinge of hope.

"No! I have vowed to my queen to take care of this child. I must find him!" he argued, standing up to Thor.

He’s leaving! Fuckin’ finally!! 

In a blinding flash of green light, I stumbled forward into a prison cell, the metal door slamming shut behind me.

“FUCKING LOKI!”

---------------------

Chapter 23

---------------------

--------Loki-------

The fake Thor grabbed a Loki by the neck, then in a green shimmer, they were gone. For all anyone else knew, Loki was swept away to Asgard. The best part was the real Barnes would not be in my way now.

Oh, that went perfectly! 

Laughing, I ran to Banner's lab, then snatched his Quin Jet's key codes and headed to the hangar. 

"Barnes!" Banner raced after me, stopping at the ship’s ramp once I was aboard.

Looking over my metal prosthetic, I smiled. My illusion wasn't perfect but it did the trick. He could not see through my deception.

"I will return soon enough!" I answered. "I only need to investigate a lead.”

"Wait! Barnes, NO stealth mode… Barnes!" he yelled as I switched the jet to stealth mode.

Within minutes I changed the whole game! 

--------Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean--------

This is it! These are the exact coordinates I stole from Barnes… but there really was NOTHING here. No sand bar, no reef, not even a single fish! 

I circled several times, taking in multiple angles and finally hovered above where the beach should have been based on the drawings.

Opening the hatch to get a better look, I couldn't wrap my mind around this! Standing, gazing over only the barren sea, I felt the void of her loss edging in once again. 

I had been so confident I would find something, ANYTHING here. It was my last move, last hope. 

Do I finally accept the fact that she is never returning?

I was utterly defeated, yet again. 

Falling to my knee I broke down, all the suppressed grief crashing over me. My roar flooded out the sounds of the engines and for a moment I heard nothing, but in the silence there was a soft chirp. It was instantly overcome by the jets and made me question even hearing it, but there it was, a tiny bird, fluttering around below me, being tossed by the wash of the ship. 

I felt horrible for the poor little thing. 

I needed to leave. I didn't belong here, any more than that bird…

That bird?

It was gone! As I watched it struggling to fly it just... vanished.

“Clever!”

Grabbing the controls, I forced the jet to land. Every alarm the craft had was blaring at me about the impending water landing, but I pushed it.

"SHUT IT!" I screamed, pounding my fist into the nearest speaker in a flurry of sparks.

As the jet descended, I passed the threshold of her illusion. With the violent force of hitting something solid, I braced too late, getting a face full of instrument panel.

----------------------------

"That was probably your best landing yet," she chuckled, looking down on me as she cradled my head in her lap.

"Am I dead?" I asked sarcastically with a groan. “I'd smile but my face is killing me.” 

"No," she smiled, leaning over to kiss me. 

Her gentle lips were life and felt like everything I had ever wanted or dreamed of had become mine in that instant. 

She was here. 

I kissed her back, fiercer than I ever had in our lives. Then, sitting up, I pulled her to me with all my strength. She clung to me for dear life. We sat together for a moment, the only two people on the planet.

“Here,” her hand reached up and healed my wounds with care. 

“Thank you,'' I grinned, refraining from kissing the back of her hand. 

That would surely give this away this act. 

"OH!" the kid yelped from behind me, and I shot to my feet.

"KYLAK! You little shit!" I roared, laughing. I started to chase him, but she stopped me by grabbing my hand.

---------Mar--------

I held him back, needing to talk in private, and closed the hatch as Ky ran off. Bucky sat across from me in the cargo hold, staring in frustration, but his mood lighted into a smile after a moment.

“You came alone?” I tried hiding my disappointment. “So what happened to Loki?” I asked, looking away, embarrassed for questioning. 

“He was taken back to Asgard, I do not know why,” Bucky said dryly. 

“I’d hoped…” I trailed off, not sure if I should say anything. “Never mind.” 

“You had hoped he would be here instead of me?” he pried.

“NO! No, Bucky. I um,” I paused with a heavy sigh. “I’d hoped you’d find common ground, get along maybe. It was stupid to think you’d both end up here.”

What the hell had I been thinking anyway?!

"I still can not believe you orchestrated this whole circus," he smiled, a hint of sadness in his tone as he ran his metal hand through his hair.

"Well... so, I didn't. Not all of it, anyway. It just kind of played out and I rolled with it."

"What do you mean?" he asked, eyebrows pinched.

"I EXPECTED to die out there. I had NO idea this would happen," I gestured to my body.

I couldn't help but love his looks of confusion, but I went on to explain how the Power Stone CHOSE me after I freed it on that planet. It deemed me worthy of its control and accepted me. 

“It kind of spoke to me, but without words, more of a sound or a feeling. Like how Mantis communicates,” I explained to him how it felt like the stone said something along the lines of: You were ready to sacrifice yourself to free me. You never sought to control me, but work with me. I choose to stay with you as my guardian.

“After that I went to Ky and we decided to bring his whole tribe here,” I shrugged. “Then I came up with the stupid idea to get you both to find me. I can see now how shitty that was. I’m sorry.”

“It was ridiculous, no doubt, Marina.” he huffed. “You’re lucky we didn't kill each other trying to figure it all out.”

Those poor men. 

I was impressed by their tenacity but I thought they would have caught on a lot sooner. 

"It was a pretty fucking obvious breadcrumb, though," I joked, after his complaint.

Not holding back my amusement, I couldn't help but laugh at him. 

“All that I can forgive. It is actually very impressive,” he laughed wholeheartedly. “But, my love, the stone… are you positive it is safe?” he shook his head in disbelief so I showed him the power in the palm of my hand. 

"SHIT!" he jumped next to me in a panic and grabbed a hold of my arm. "But will you be alright?! Is it safe now?!"

“Yeah, it's okay, I promise this time,” I smiled, reassuringly, as I pulled the energy back safely. “No more lies, I swear to you, on my children. I'll never lie to you again. I'm so sorry things got so complicated. I've made so many mistakes, so many shitty decisions,” shaking my head now, I couldn't control my pain. “Since Hydra I've just wanted to escape and hide from the world. I always stupidly hoped you'd feel the same way, but that's not our fate I guess,” I shrugged as the tears fell. “But I’m free now, as far as anyone or anything else knows, I'm dead. Bucky, I can hide out here as long as I want,” I teased, gently kicking him in his shin. 

“I've only ever wanted to be together, my love. I have also made many mistakes and awful decisions,” he admitted, tearfully. “And after all that... we are here, together by fate and I do not want to ever be away from you again... the only thing I need in this lifetime is you.” 

Moving to his knees in front of me, he grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me again, slowly, as if this were a fragile thing he was afraid to crush.

“Hide away with me, Bucky,” I whispered. 

“Forever… my queen.”

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