When Bail Organa sees Obi-Wan Kenobi again on Polis Massa it is like he’s a different man. He hands Padme off to the medics before walking quietly into the facility. He barely speaks, a haunted look on his young face. Bail can see the events of the past few days had taken a toll on the Jedi Master.
The galaxy is in chaos with the rise of the sith and Palpatine becoming emperor, Bail fears for the remaining Jedi. Their kind so brutally murdered, any survivors marked for death if caught.
While Padme is in treatment Bail finds Obi-Wan leaning against a wall in the hallway, holding himself. He's swaying slightly, looking like he's about to collapse.
“Master Kenobi, Do you need to rest? I’m sure the medics will be with her for a while.”
Obi-Wan flinches at the sound of his voice, his head shot up looking unfocused. He rubs his eyes and for the first time Bail can see burns on his hands. Most likely from a lightsaber. There are singed holes on the front of his tunic, the fight he had been in just hours earlier had been brutal. Having to fight the boy he raised.
“I’m no master, I failed him. I failed everyone. They’re all…gone.” Kenobi’s voice cracks, his bloodshot eyes filled with tears still staring straight ahead, probably not even seeing the senator.
While Bail is no Jedi he can still sense deep anguish from the younger man. It breaks his heart to see such a good man be broken like this. Just a few days before he was a High General in the GAR and a Master on the Jedi Council. Now he’s wanted as a criminal for treason against the new Empire.
Obi-Wan runs a hand through his unkempt hair, Bail can see his hands shaking. His face is a sickly white and damp with sweat.
“We will fight this Obi-Wan. We can’t give up hope.” Bail knows Kenobi will help take down this empire in some way. But the senator is unsure if the Jedi even has the will to fight anymore.
Obi-Wan presses a hand to his mouth trying to muffle a sob. The tears slowly ran down his face.
“A-Anakin. I’m sorry.” He whimpers. The gray-blue eyes are glassy, whatever he is seeing is not reality.
Obi-Wan collapses only moments later, Bail catches his friend’s limp body. “Obi-Wan!”
He lowers Kenobi to the floor resting his head in Bail’s lap. He’s unresponsive to Bail’s voice; he had fainted.
Bail calls for medics trying not to sound frantic. Obi-Wan is burning with fever, the tear streaked face pulls at Bail’s heart. He lifts the Jedi into his arms, surprised at how little the man weighed, he guessed the war took a toll on his body as well as his mind.
He lays Obi-Wan on the hover-stretcher brought out, he tries to follow but the medics won’t let him in the exam room.
Bail gets to Padme in time to assist with the birth of the twins, a boy and a girl. He smiles at the sight of the crying infants. New life on a day when so many were killed.
When she asks about Anakin, Bail has to tell her the truth. She deserves it.
“He’s turned, joined the sith. Obi-Wan did all he could to try and stop him but it was too late. I don’t know if he’s still alive.”
Her reaction is understandable, finding out the man she loved was not the same person anymore. Horribly twisted by the sith.
“Where is Obi-Wan? I remember him on Mustafar, he was arguing with Anakin. Then Anakin choked me and I woke up here.”
Bail grimaces at the thought of Skywalker choking who he now knows is-was his wife. He had no right to that title anymore.
“Obi-Wan brought you here for medical care and safety. The Jedi and any enemies of Palpatine are being hunted. The Jedi were sentenced to death for treason.”
“He’s safe?” Padme cared for Obi-Wan like an older brother. If she lost him as well she wasn’t sure what she would do.
Bail sighs, “He’s here as well, whatever happened on Mustafar really broke him. He fought with Anakin and I’m afraid for his mental state. He fainted a little while ago. The medics are with him now.”
“I need to see him.” Padme urges.
Obi-Wan was still unconscious when they entered the room. Bail pushed Padme up to the bed in a hover-chair. She’s still weak from giving birth less than an hour earlier.
He is feverish, the monitors beside the bed show his vitals. They had dressed him in the same medical gown Padme was wearing. Blankets cover his prone form. IV fluids were connected to his arm.
Padme has tears in her eyes at the sight. “Obi-Wan.” She presses a hand to his face, brushing the damp bangs off his forehead. His neck is bruised from being physically choked, it sickens the young woman. What had Anakin done to him?
“Will he wake soon?” She asks a human medic who returned to the room.
“Master Kenobi shouldn’t wake for a few more hours.” The female medic responds as she observes the machines around the bed.
“What is his condition?” Bail asks.
“He is suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and some minor injuries. His body shut down. He needs rest and fluids. While Jedi have more stamina than average sentients it doesn’t make them immune to the body’s needs.” She explains.
“Force exhaustion, I’ve heard of it before. When Jedi overexert themselves.” Bail supplies.
“It might be, but we don’t have any knowledge in the treatment of force sensitives. He is being treated to the best of our ability.”
“We are very grateful for your help.” Padme answers.
Padme had been moved back to her room to rest while Bail sat with Obi-Wan. The senator was pondering the future. Of himself and his friends. Obi-Wan would need to be hidden, he was a wanted man. The children and Padme as well. Anakin, if he was alive, would try and find them.
Obi-Wan awoke with a startled gasp, tears in his eyes. The memory was much too vivid, everytime his eyes were closed he could see Anakin in the lava. His head was splitting with pain, the room was dim but he could see a blurred figure over him. There was a faint beeping noise that only worsened his headache.
“Obi-Wan…safe…Padme…” Someone was speaking to him.
He flinched when a hand was laid on him. The last memory of anyone touching him had been Anakin. Anakin tried to kill him. He almost did, maybe it would have been better that way.
“Anakin is not here, you’re safe now.” A familiar voice said calmly. Obi-Wan realized he had been calling out for his friend.
Tears slipped down his face, no he wasn’t safe. The sith wanted all the Jedi dead. Flashes of bodies laying on the grounds of the Temple. Friends and mentors. Younglings too small to protect themselves, his family, dead.
“Obi-Wan, can you hear me? It’s Bail Organa. Just breathe.”
Obi-Wan sobbed weakly, feeling the force filled with pain of so many dead. It was too much. He shivered violently, suddenly feeling very cold. Nausea filled him, the next thing he knew was someone holding him up while he vomited into a basin. There was very little in his stomach, days without food and little water left him weakened. While dry heaving he could hear Bail’s soothing voice over him.
He collapsed back into the bed when it was finished and curled up on his side. Bail was fixing the blankets, not saying anything about Obi-Wan’s continued tremors or the silent tears flowing down his cheeks.
Bail wiped Obi-Wan’s face with a wet rag. “Just rest my friend. You’ve been very ill.”
“I’m sorry.” He slurred.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Bail had continued speaking but Obi-Wan was drifting, his eyes half lidded. He never felt so drained in his life. Muted voices slowly faded and there was nothing.
Anakin was screaming, Obi-Wan could see Anakin’s face, cursing him. The fire consumed him. Oh, the force was loud, Obi-Wan’s shields were weak from the battering they took. The darkness is trying to consume him. Take hold of his weakness.
“Obi-Wan!” Someone was holding him down on the bed, it was then Obi-Wan realized it was him screaming. He tried to stop but it just dissolved into gasping sobs.
“Shh, just breathe for me Obi-Wan. It’s over now.” Bail’s soothes.
“Is he alright?” Obi-Wan cracks his eyes open to see Padme’s blurred figure standing close to the bed.
“I think it was a nightmare.” Bail responds.
“His fever is still too high.” Her voice tinged with worry.
“It’s only been a day, the medic said it could take more time. He's been through a lot.”
A cool cloth is pressed to his burning face. He moans softly in misery.
“Obi-Wan, I know you will blame yourself but nothing Anakin has done is your fault. I need you to know that. He made his own choices, what he has done is unforgivable.”
He feels so dizzy, Padme’s words barely register.
He coughs weakly making his bruised ribs flare in pain.
“Here, drink some water.” The cool liquid is refreshing but taken away too soon.
“Padme.” He whispers.
“I’m here Obi-Wan.” She holds his limp hand laying on top of the blanket.
“Where are we?”
He doesn’t see the alarm in her expression, his fever too high to think clearly.
“We are on Polis Massa, I had the babies yesterday soon after we arrived. A boy and girl.”
“Good, where’s Anakin? Is he here?” Obi-Wan asks.
Bail and Padme look at each other in deep concern.
“It’s too cold.” Obi-Wan whispers, not waiting for an answer. His weak tremors grew worse again.
“Shh, try to rest. You’ve been ill.” Padme soothes, she sees he’s getting distressed again.
He feels Padme pulling another blanket over him. He wants to sleep but he feels so awful, the exhaustion soon wins out anyway.
Bail was relieved when Obi-Wan’s fever broke after three days. It was clear the exhaustion was still taking a toll on his body but the Jedi was more clear headed now. He allowed Bail to help him dress in his clothes.
While he would not admit it he had been attracted to Kenobi for a long time. Bail wasn't really sure how to go about a relationship with a Jedi.
Obi-Wan’s bare skin was bruised all over. He was thinner than he looked under the normal layers of clothing. Bail had hoped seeing him undressed for the first time would be a much different situation.
Obi-Wan was quiet, a vacant expression on his face. The gravity of the situation is fully weighing on him now. Whatever had happened with Anakin had traumatized him, the whole situation was traumatizing. He had gone to the temple and seen the carnage first hand, Bail couldn’t imagine how it would feel to find his home and people destroyed.
“Are you ready?” Bail asks softly.
Obi-Wan blinks looking up at the senator, the look of defeat so unnatural to Bail. Seeing Kenobi like this broke his heart.
“I-yes…we should go.” He says with uncertainty.
Bail offers him his hand which Obi-Wan takes and stands up. He’s unsteady on his feet gripping Bail’s arm.
“S-sorry.” He apologies quickly.
“You have nothing to be sorry for Obi-Wan. You’re still recovering.” Bail responds. He enjoys the feel of the younger man pressing against his side.
They walk slowly to Bail’s ship where Padme and the infants are already ready to go.
Obi-Wan is nearly silent on the trip back to Alderaan. He only talks when spoken to and even then it's only a few words. It's a stark difference from the man he knew. Bail knew him as a funny, kind, caring, compassionate man.
Bail returns to the sleeping quarters where he finds Obi-Wan sitting on the edge of the bunk.
“Are you hungry?” He asks softly.
The younger man shakes his head, he had barely eaten anything since that day.
Bail sighs sitting on the bunk next to the Jedi, “You'll make yourself sick again if you don't eat.”
He shifts closer so their thighs are pressing together. Obi-Wan still stares at his knees, not acknowledging the senator.
Bail won't say it but he's deeply concerned for Obi-Wan’s mental state. Worries he might hurt himself or worse has crossed Bail’s mind more than once. He spoke to Breha about this and she encouraged him to try and get Obi-Wan to talk about his fears.
They both cared deeply for their friend, Breha knew about Bail’s infatuation with the Jedi. But she doubted Obi-Wan was in any state to pursue a relationship from what she had been told.
“You can talk to me, you know. About anything.”
Obi-Wan blinks, looking over at Bail as if he just noticed his presence. “I’m sorry if I worried you. That was not my intention. I-I’m trying to process what’s happened. If this is the will of the force…” His frail voice fades.
Bail can see how hard he is trying to hold himself together. His life had just been violently uprooted and he’s worried about other people’s feelings!
Bail didn’t understand Obi-Wan’s reasoning, not that he usually did when it came to matters of emotions. They were starkly different in this way. The Jedi’s upbringing was much different than his own.
Bail sighs, “Obi-Wan you don’t need to apologize. What happened is traumatic and you need time to mourn this loss.”
He sees Obi-Wan flinch at the statement.
“You’re too kind to me, Senator. I failed A-Anakin, I should have done more.” Kenobi’s voice is wavering, eyes watery. Bail can feel him shaking.
“No Obi-Wan, this is not your fault. Anakin made his own choices. He is not your responsibility anymore, he hasn't been for a long time.”
“He-he tried to kill me. I didn’t want to fight him, he gave me no choice.” Obi-Wan's voice breaks, tears flowing down his pale cheeks.
Bail holds Obi-Wan against his chest, hearing the cries of misery grow worse. He rubs the man’s back soothingly. “Shh, just breathe.”
“I can’t do this, I can’t! I just want it to stop!” He sobs.
Bail feels his own tears drip down his face. He feels Obi-Wan go limp once he’s cried himself to sleep. He wishes there was some quick solution but there is not. Taking back the Republic will take years, and it won’t bring back all the Jedi murdered in the name of this Empire.
Bail is scared Obi-Wan won’t be able to handle this. The past few days he had a complete breakdown, resembling very little of the man he knew.
He lays Obi-Wan down on the bunk, covering him with the blanket. “Sleep well my friend.”
He goes out to the cockpit, their scheduled arrival is a little less than a day out.
Breha is relieved when her husband finally returns to her. The turmoil of the past week had left everyone badly shaken on Alderaan. She embraces Bail in the hangar when he gets off the ship. Senator Amidala hugs her as well.
She sees Obi-Wan walk slowly behind them. His cloak wrapped around himself, his hood covering his face. He's afraid to be recognized.
She steps over to him. “Master Kenobi, it's good to see you are alright. Don't worry, you are safe on Alderaan. None of our people are complying with the Empire's order.”
He nods but it's hard to see with the hood obscuring his face.
“Thank you, your majesty. I appreciate your hospitality. I don't want to cause you any trouble.” He sounds tired, she knows he’s suffering. Trying to put up a mask and hide. Bail had told her just as much.
“Nonsense, let's go inside I’m sure you’re all tired from the trip.”
Obi-Wan sits on the sofa in the royal apartments, he looks lost in Breha’s opinion. He refuses any food or drinks offered. Bail had gotten him to remove the cloak once they were alone. The normally put together Jedi Master is far from his normal appearance. His tunics are dirty and singed with burns, his hair unbrushed and falling in his face. His arms are crossed over his lap and his body language shows intense uneasiness. He had been here many times before, there should be no reason for it other than what Bail had told her. He had just suffered such tremendous loss and pain.
“Obi-Wan, I have no words for what has happened, if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask.” She says while sitting next to him.
He nods but Breha is unsure if he is really hearing her, his eyes have a hazy look to them and he’s staring blankly ahead.
“The doctor should look at him tomorrow to make sure everything is alright.” She tells Bail when he returns to them. He had changed into his house robe and tunics.
“I agree.” She places a gentle hand on the Jedi’s thigh making him flinch.
“Sorry dear, Bail can show you to the guest room, I’m sure you would like to rest.”
“Yes…I’m tired.” The defeat in his voice breaks Breha’s heart.
Obi-Wan stands by pushing himself up on the armrest, his balance wavers. Bail take’s his arm walking slowly to the guest room.
The room is large and bright, the windows show the green forests and mountains in the distance. A large bed in the center of the room and a small sitting area near the window. There's a door leading to the ‘fresher. New clothes had been laid on the bed, Bail had given the servants an estimate of Obi-Wan’s size.
Obi-Wan sits on the edge of the bed pulling off his worn boots. His feet ache, everything aches. He runs his hand over the clothing on the bed.
“You didn’t have to bring me here. I can manage on my own, you know.” He says.
“I know you can, but you shouldn’t have to. Not when you have friends who care for you.”
Obi-Wan hums in acknowledgement. “Are we friends Bail? Your intentions seem to differ from your words.” He sees the way the senator flushes.
“You must think me completely dense if you think I didn’t notice. It’s not like it would have been professional for us to engage in that kind of relationship. You haven’t told your wife since she has no problem with me staying here.”
“Breha knows about my feelings, our marriage is open to others if we have interest.” Bail defends himself.
“I would like to be alone right now.” Obi-Wan whispers, feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable.
“Alright, let me, Breha, or any of our servants know if you need anything.” He frowns at Obi-Wan’s anxious demeanor. Worried he made the man uncomfortable, the last thing he wants is for Obi-Wan to feel pressured. Waiting to tell Obi-Wan about his feelings had been a bad idea, of course the man would notice eventually. Bail was a very expressive man and hiding his feelings was difficult in personal situations.
Obi-Wan feels the tears burn at his eyes as Bail leaves the room. He was so rude to his friend. While he had admired the senator over the years, the idea of a romantic relationship was foreign to him. Sex was one thing, he had participated infrequently over the years when the opportunity arose. Obi-Wan never thought anyone would be interested in a relationship with him. Most Jedi were unattached and it fit him fine, he sent those feelings of inadequacy into the force.
Dressing in a soft sleep tunic and leggings Obi-Wan pulls the curtains shut before crawling under the covers. The bed is soft and comfortable, he curls up on his side, tears still running down his face. He cries himself to sleep.
Breha knocks softly on Obi-Wan’s door, he hadn’t come out of the room in many hours. It was latemeal and Bail had told her he’d not been able to get the Jedi to eat much of anything on the way back home. She was deeply worried for her friend, this behavior was drastically unlike the man she knew for many years. From what Breha had seen Obi-Wan was withdrawn, anxious, and showing signs of trauma. Bail had said he was diagnosed with exhaustion and some injuries on Polis Massa and was very ill with a fever for days.
There was no answer at the door, Bail had said Obi-Wan requested to be left alone. While she respected his wishes she didn’t trust his mental state. If something happened to him she wouldn’t forgive herself.
She opened the door slowly, the room darkened by the closed curtains. She could see Obi-Wan curled up under the blankets as she approached the bed. He was in a deep sleep, not waking even as she stood over him. But his sleep was not restful, she could see the tension on his face. He was crying, whimpering apologies to whoever was in his dream.
“Obi-Wan? Dear, please wake up. It’s only a dream.” She squeezed his shoulder gently.
Breha flinched when she heard Obi-Wan cry out, pulling away from her touch. He dissolved into sobbing, his body shivering violently.
The queen looked up when she heard the door open, Bail flicked the lights on quickly walking over to the bed.
“Obi-Wan, please wake up. We are on Alderaan, you are safe now.” He continued reassuring the Jedi. Bail frowned, feeling Obi-Wan had sweated through his sleep clothes, he touched his face feeling the heat of the fever had returned.
“Breha, his fever has relapsed. Please comm the doctor.” His voice filled with anxiety.
Obi-Wan is barely aware of himself as doctor Orlin examines him. The man had been a personal physician for the Alderraanian royal household for over a decade now. Bail and Breha trusted him deeply.
“I’m going to have a full blood workup done. But for now I’m going to put him on some fever reducers and fluids. He’s still showing signs of dehydration and fatigue.” Orlin says as he types notes onto his datapad.
“What about his injuries?” Bail asks.
“Those are healing normally, nothing too serious. The injuries are mostly superficial, the only thing I want to monitor is the bruised ribs. If he is not breathing deeply it could cause lung infection.” The doctor glances at the oxygen meter on Kenobi’s finger. It put his oxygen levels at 95%. The low end of the normal range.
Obi-Wan whines when Orlin presses down on the bruised chest. His fever glazed eyes flutter weakly.
Bail feels so helpless watching Obi-Wan lie there in pain. But he is no healer.
“I will return with my supplies, I know you want to keep General Kenobi’s presence here quiet.”
When Bail is left alone with Obi-Wan he sighs deeply. Obi-Wan had been looking ill for days since leaving Polis Massa. The Jedi was difficult regarding his own health, not something Bail expected.
“Obi-Wan, the doctor went to get some medicine, he’ll be returning soon. Do you need anything else?”
Obi-Wan blinked slowly, trying to focus on Bail. He shivered again, the chills were unrelenting.
“C-cold.” He whimpers, never feeling so weak and ill in his life.
“Do you want me to help you change into something dry? I’m sure that will help a little.” Bail said, frowning.
“Mhhm.”
Obi-Wan lurched forward nearly into Bail’s lap after helping him sit up. Bail could feel the shaking worsen.
“I’ve got you.” He pressed Kenobi’s face into his chest, stroking the sweat soaked hair with one hand.
“Dizzy…head hurts.” It came out in a broken whimper. Bail could feel tears in his eyes at the pained voice. He had never seen Obi-Wan ill until this past week. If he ever had been in the past it must have been mild enough to hide.
“Shh, just close your eyes.” He helped Obi-Wan lay back down covering him with the soft blankets. They would have to change his clothes at a later time.
The next few days seemed to pass in a haze for Bail. Changes coming from the Empire into his Senatorial duties. Lies about a Jedi coup against the Republic filled the Holonet. Everything was falling apart so quickly. The stress was overwhelming.
Bail entered Obi-Wan’s room, he had been under Doctor Orlin’s care since arriving on Alderaan. His condition had improved since the first day but not as much as they had hoped for. Breha sat beside the bed tending to Obi-Wan.
“Hello my dear.” He greets his wife.
Breha looks up at him with a weak smile. Bail sees Obi-Wan is in a deep sleep, an IV gives him fluids and medicine taped to his arm. His face still shines with sweat from a fever.
“I’ve been summoned for a senate session for several days. I have to leave in the morning.” He sighs. Leaving his wife was always hard but with the uncertainty in the galaxy being away from his loved ones is harder.
“You knew that would be coming. We will both be here when you return.” Breha’s voice soothes some of Bail’s anxiety.
“If he worsens-”
“I would contact you immediately.” She cuts him off.
It’s early in the morning the day Bail has to leave, he sits with Breha on their balcony. They lay together on the lounge chair talking quietly.
“I believe I upset him. If you could speak with Obi-Wan when he’s feeling better. I don’t believe he wants to speak with me.” Bail’s anxieties coming out to his wife.
Breha smiles. “Of course I will. You’ve been obsessed with that man for years. I understand of course. He is a good man and easy on the eyes.”
Bail blushes, his wife knew him better than anyone.
“I also think you are making this more of an issue than it needs to be. Communication needs to be from both sides.”
Breha finds Obi-Wan sitting on the balcony attached to his room. The sun is low in the sky making the colors on the horizon look magnificent. Obi-Wan’s fever had passed a few days earlier and he was doing well under the doctor’s care. As for his mental state, it was unclear. He was alone for long periods of time. Locking himself in his room or sleeping. Conversations were short and cut off quickly.
He acknowledges Breha as she enters but little more than that.
“Obi-Wan, I just got word from Bail that he will be a few more days until he’s able to return.” She informs him.
The Jedi nods at the information but offers no comment. He stares out at the wilderness past the vast city, fingers tugging at his beard anxiously.
“May I sit with you?” She asks gently.
This time he makes eye contact. “You may do what you wish, your majesty.” He offers politely but it sounds forced.
Breha frowns, “I do not wish to make you uncomfortable.”
“This is your home, I am just a guest.”
“You are more than a guest, you are our friend. A friend we are worried for.” She sits.
Obi-Wan doesn’t respond but she sees his eyes glaze over with tears he tries to hold back.
“I-I want to wake up from this nightmare.” His voice wavers when he finally answers. “I’m so tired of seeing him in my head. I want it to stop…I want everything to stop.” Obi-Wan is scratching at his wrists like he wants to get out of his own skin. It doesn’t even seem like he’s aware of what he’s doing.
Breha grasps his arm, “Please don’t hurt yourself.” She hears a quiet sob. His misery is so palpable in the air. Breha reaches over and hugs him gently, letting his head rest on her chest.
They sit there until his cries quiet down. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He whispers, wiping his blotchy face with his sleeve.
The queen frowns. “Obi-Wan, you are human. It’s natural to have these emotions.”
The smile he gives Breha is forced, he just nods, having no energy to argue that he didn’t deserve to feel this way. It was his fault. Everything was his fault!
“I know you don’t believe me but maybe one day you will.”
Qui-Gon’s voice fills his head, “Don’t center on your anxieties Obi-Wan. Keep your concentration here and now, where it belongs.”
“Obi-Wan?” The Queen’s voice is low and soft. She is gently holding the Jedi’s hand, he had gone silent for several minutes. More tears had started silently streaming down his face.
Obi-Wan blinks rapidly, realizing where he was. Alderaan, hiding from the empire. Oh how he wishes Qui-Gon were here. The reassurance of having his Master by his side had been an empty hole in his soul for so many years now. If Qui-Gon were here maybe the Jedi Order would still be intact, if Anakin had a proper Master. Obi-Wan hardly became a Jedi himself, having to beg Qui-Gon to train him! Who was he to train the chosen one!
“I apologize, your majesty.” He says slowly.
Breha shakes her head. “Obi-Wan, call me Breha, remember? I said before, you don’t have to apologize. Would you like to go inside? It's getting dark.” She suggests.
The small dining table in their private quarters suited Obi-Wan much better than the large royal dining room. He had been to several political galas in the palace over the years. Those kinds of things were never something he enjoyed but more of a duty he endured.
Seeing the opulence of the rich had been a shock the first time as a Padawan. He had grown up sheltered in the Temple, taught to live on the basest of needs. Material items were of little importance, the only thing truly important was your relationship with the force.
Breha conversed happily with the servant Kali, who brought them their meal. Obi-Wan tried to hide the evidence of tears from his face.
Once they were alone again Obi-Wan began picking at his food mostly to appease Breha. He knew she would tell Bail if he wasn’t eating. His stomach was in knots from stress.
Bail. That man made something burn inside Obi-Wan. He was a friend of course, but Obi-Wan had many friends and none made him feel like the Senator did. His self control kept him from acting on it. It was improper, Jedi did not have relations with politicians. Obi-Wan sensed the desire in Bail as well, but the older man was much worse at hiding it, at least to him.
“I spoke to Bail about you before he left for Coruscant. He was worried you were upset with him and wanted to clear things up.” Breha says.
Obi-Wan looks confused, “He asked you to speak with me?”
When she confirms that he did he speaks again.
“I don’t think this is a proper conversation to have with you.” Obi-Wan feels his face burning. He tugs anxiously on the long sleeves of his tunic.
“Why? Because my husband is romantically interested in you? We have both taken lovers outside of our marriage. It does not change our devotion to each other.” She smiles at Obi-Wan who was beginning to look flustered.
“That’s not what I meant. Bail could have anyone he wanted, I’m not…” He trails off unsure how to continue.
“If you are not comfortable with this, Bail won’t pursue it.” She says more gently seeing the stress Obi-Wan is beginning to show.
“That’s not the point, it’s me. I’m not desirable, especially now.” Obi-Wan says softly, losing eye contact. His words reek of insecurity. Not something she expected of the Jedi Master.
“Your comfort is more important than anything Obi-Wan, and I assure you that you are desirable. If no one has ever told you so, that is a shame.” She says while gently gripping his hand on the table.
“I never believed them.” Obi-Wan mutters.
Bail finds Obi-Wan in the nursery when he returns home. He’s sitting with the twins talking softly to them. It was the happiest Bail has seen him since the Republic fell. The familiar warm smile on his face brings tears to the Senator’s eyes. The children are all he has left of Anakin, they must be protected at all costs.
Obi-Wan looks up when Bail approaches him, his eyes full of emotion. The afternoon sun glows through the large windows and makes his copper highlights shine. He never looked more beautiful in Bail’s opinion. It’s hard not to grab him and kiss him right there.
“Obi-Wan, I’m glad to see you have recovered. How are the little ones doing?” He asks.
“They are well, strong and healthy.” Obi-Wan looks down fondly at them. He feels so much peace here. The force is strong in both of them.
“I don’t want to take you away if you are not done yet. But we need to discuss a few things when you are ready.” Bail approaches the subject gently. Already having spoken to Breha about her conversations with Obi-Wan. It was clear he was suffering and needed help. If their friend would allow it was the question.
Obi-Wan’s expression gave nothing away but he nodded and stood from his chair by the twins' cribs. He follows Bail out to the Palace’s private gardens; he knew Obi-Wan had been spending much of his time out there.
Bail heads for the bench but he sees Obi-Wan make himself comfortable in the grass crossing his legs and breathing in deeply. The older man huffs in amusement, “Obi-Wan, we are getting too old to be sitting on the ground.” He eases himself down anyway with a groan, trying to ignore the aching in his joints.
“Speak for yourself. One is never too old to be one with nature.” Obi-Wan’s mouth twitches, trying to hold back a smile.
“I’m glad your energy has returned, It frightened me seeing you so ill.” Bail says softer. They are sitting close enough that their shoulders nearly touch. He can see every expression clearly on the younger man’s face.
“I’m sorry for that. I don’t know what came over me. My memory of the illness is very foggy.” Obi-Wan’s expression falls back to neutral.
“You will not apologize for being sick, even you can’t control that.” Bail reprimands lightly.
Obi-Wan just nods, they both fall quiet. The minutes pass in silence, the only sounds are the rush of the small creek and songbirds hidden in the trees.
Bail breaks the silence after a little while. “What are you thinking?”
Obi-Wan just shakes his head, “You don’t want to know Senator. You were the one who wished to speak with me, remember?”
“Yes, and it’s Bail. Remember?” Bail rests his hand on top of Obi-Wan’s gripping it gently.
Obi-Wan looks back at Bail with suspicion, “I suppose your wife told you every detail of our conversations.”
“No, just that you are in a lot of pain. Something we can not even begin to understand.” His voice turned somber.
Obi-Wan turns his head away, not responding. Bail sighs, he knows he’s losing Obi-Wan’s attention. Any mention of what has happened makes him shut down. He gives Obi-Wan’s hand a firmer squeeze.
“Hey, if you don’t want this just say the word.” Bail hears Obi-Wan take a sharp inhale. He can feel him shivering, not from the chill of the air.
“Obi-Wan.” He whispered mournfully. He puts his arm around the man’s shoulder pulling him closer. Bail won’t let him close himself off again, isolation had only made Obi-Wan worse. He pressed the smaller man’s head against his chest letting him rest. The sounds of his labored breathing as he cried broke Bail’s heart.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Obi-Wan whimpers into Bail’s chest a few minutes later after pulling himself together enough to speak.
“Shh, just breathe my dear.” Bail soothes, rubbing Obi-Wan’s back gently. He thinks back to the conversation he had with Breha earlier that day.
“He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you, or anyone for that matter. There’s clearly some underlying issues. With everything that has happened I think it has intensified these feelings.” Breha speaks quietly even in the privacy of their own bedroom.
Bail is relieved she has been so supportive but hearing this made him worry even more for his friend.
Obi-Wan had gone quiet but not moving from Bail’s embrace. Bail continues rubbing his back and then moves to stroking his hair.
“You don’t have to say anything right now, just let me speak.” Bail says softly.
“I love you very much and have for a while now. At first I just thought it was physical attraction but spending time with you more closely these past few years I know my love is for your heart and soul. I hate seeing you hurting like this and I’ll do whatever I can to try and take some of your pain away no matter what you decide about me.”
Obi-Wan looks up at him, blue eyes still shimmering with tears. Close enough his lips are nearly touching Bail’s. Tentatively he presses them together. He feels the warmth of the other man, the feeling is unlike any other. They kiss softly, tenderly. There’s no urgency or ulterior motives, just pure love and affection for the other.
Obi-Wan quickly tires, crying so much had drained him emotionally and physically. He rests his head back on Bail’s chest feeling the older man continue to embrace him. Obi-Wan feels at peace for the first time in weeks. Maybe he will survive this.