Today had been hard. You were tense and on-edge, folding into yourself whenever possible. Bucky, your boyfriend, had noticed almost immediately, but you had assured him you were fine. He didn’t buy it, but had been kind enough to drop the subject.
Until you were eating dinner. Bucky had called you beautiful–something he did often, and which usually didn’t bother you too much–and you made a face. And Bucky–damn it all to hell–-had noticed.
“Hey, is everything okay?” he asked seriously, grabbing for your hand, “You’ve been off all day.”
I guess we’re doing this today. You had been trying to build up the confidence to talk to him about this for months, and had been planning on doing it soon.
“Buck, can we sit down for a moment?”
“Of course, doll, what’s wrong?” God, you didn’t deserve him.
You both headed towards the couch in your shared apartment. You sat first, tapping your fingers anxiously on your leg.
Bucky reached over and grabbed your fidgeting hand, smoothing out the fist you were making. You pulled your hand away, hating yourself for the small twinge of hurt that crossed his fingers. Hopefully that was a good sign.
“Bucky, I…” you trailed off and cleared your throat. “I’m not really sure how to begin this conversation, to be honest.”
“Try.”
Fuck, he just looked so genuine and concerned that it broke your heart.
“I’m kind of, of–” you rubbed your eye as though trying to itch it. Really, you were trying to hide the fact that you were tearing up. You began again, speaking around the lump in your throat. “I’m non-binary?”
There, it was out in the open. There was no taking it back.
Bucky sat there for a long while, staring into space contemplatively.
You tried to be patient and let him process, but the silence was eating you alive.
“Bucky?”
He blinked in surprise and focused his gaze on you. You met his blue eyes with your watery ones.
“Say something,” you whispered, “Please.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry baby, I was thinking. “
“I’m sorry, I understand if you want me to leave, or if you want to move out, I’ll go start packing right now.”
“Whoa,” he said in a rush, holding out his hands placatingly. “I don’t want you to go anywhere. Take some deep breaths for me, baby.”
You did your best to match his slow, even breathing, but it was difficult. You hiccuped on a quiet sob and wiped your eyes.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything,” Bucky began after a moment. “I know how scary not having an answer can be, and I didn’t mean to make you worried about my reaction. The truth is…” he paused for a moment, taking your hand in his again. “The truth is, baby, that I’m not fully sure about what that means. The world has changed so much since I grew up, and it did most of it without me. I know it has something to do with gender, but that’s where my knowledge ends.
“I would love to hear more about what that means for you, doll, but I need you to know that whatever you tell me will not change the fact that I love you for who you are, and all of the parts of you.”
You were crying harder now, but for an entirely different reason. You had only told a few people until that point, and all of the conversations had ended in disaster. This was more than you could have possibly hoped. When you pointed this out to Bucky, he had simply hugged you and muttered something about “standards” and “basic decency” into your hair before kissing the top of your head.
~~~
A few weeks later, a package came in the mail. Bucky entered the apartment waving a box in the air.
“Is that it?” you asked, bouncing up onto the balls of your feet in excitement.
“I think so.”
Bucky handed you the box and one of his knives. You slowly cut the tape above the box’s seam and opened the box. You reached in with shaking hands and pulled out the binder.
“Go try it on!” Bucky exclaimed, waving you away. You couldn’t help but chuckle, holding the binder clenched in your hands while walking to your room.
A moment later, you were crying in front of the mirror, Bucky running his metal hand down your arm soothingly.
“Does that help?” he asked softly.
You nodded. “I look like me,” you whispered.
Bucky looked at the reflection in the mirror one more time before pulling you into a tight hug.