Anger Beyond Reach
Her anger kept Randall from being able to talk to her. Or, rather, kept her from being able to see or hear him.
He didn’t know why. He wanted to tell her to stop, that it wasn’t Marc’s fault, that he wished she’d stop hurting him. But all her anger made it impossible for her to even know he was there.
He didn’t understand why she was so angry at Marc. Sure, Marc had been a little mean when Randall said they shouldn’t go in the cave, calling him a baby, and yeah, it had been bad that he disobeyed Mommy. But she’d never told either of them why they shouldn’t go in when it was raining, just that they never should. And Marc – Marc *hadn’t* let him drown. He’d stayed in the cave, calling his name, stayed and looked for him instead of trying to get out and save himself. And while Randall had gone in ‘cause he didn’t want Marc to think he was a baby – he’d had fun in there. Yeah, he knew now they both should’ve listened to Mom, shouldn’t have gone in. But so did Marc. Marc hadn’t wanted Randall to die. He’d tried to save him. He told him all the time now he wished he was still here, *really* here.
So why did Mommy hate Marc now? It wasn’t fair.
All Randall knew was, it kept him from being able to talk to her.
. . .
He tried to tell her. “Mommy, please stop hurting Marc. I can’t talk to you, ‘cause you’re so angry. And it wasn’t his fault. He tried to save me. You scare me when you hurt him. Please stop.”
It was no good. She never heard him. He couldn’t talk to her.
He could talk to Daddy, sometimes. He begged him to tell her that it scared him when she hurt Marc, and that he couldn’t talk to her because of it. Daddy did try, once. Told her he’d had a dream about Randall, saying he couldn’t visit her because she was so angry, and that it scared him to see her hurt Marc, and that Marc had tried so hard to save him, he had almost died.
His mom just got angry, though. Called his dad a liar. Said that Randall would never defend the monster who had killed him.
His dad never brought up Randall’s visits to him after that. And, eventually, he realized his dad thought Randall’s visits to him were just dreams.
He kept visiting him anyway, when he could. And he kept asking him to stop his mom from hurting Marc.
His dad kept trying, but it never seemed to work.
. . .
Marc was the only one Randall could visit when he was awake. They’d play Tomb Busters, just like they used to, or pretend to be knights. Well, at first Randall is Marc’s squire, which Marc says is a knight’s helper, but later he gets to be a knight, too. Marc makes up people called Steven, and Jake, and another boy named Marc, so Randall starts calling the first Marc “Markie” so they know who he’s talking to. They bring their favorite toys, too – Marc brings his stuffed yellow dog, Buddy, and his stuffed lion, Ian, and Randall brings his stuffed brown dog, Teddy, and his stuffed rabbit, Isaac. They pretend they have horses, too. Marc names his white horse Moon, and Randall names his black horse Shadow. The other boys – Steven, Jake, and the other Marc -- get horses, too. They all three start out as squires, but get to be knights later, too. Even then, though, they keep going on adventures with Marc and Randall. Even the animals get to be knights.
Once, Randall asks Marc why the dogs and rabbit and lion can talk, but the horses can’t. Marc just shrugs. “I think the horses should talk, too,” Randall says.
“Okay,” Marc says. “They can talk.”
“And they should get to be knights, like the rest of us,” Randall adds.
“Okay,” Marc says again. And they add five more knights that day.
They give stuffed animals to the other three boys, too. Steven gets a panda, who he names Pandora, or Dory for short, and a hippo, who he names Thomas. Jake gets a falcon, who he names Felipe, and a cat, who he names Cade. The second Marc gets a ram, who he names Rand, after Randall, and an ostrich, who he names Trish. Eventually, they all get to be knights, too, and then Randall decides they should have horses, too, and then their horses get to be knights.
Sometimes, Marc is different, though. Sometimes, he talks like Steven. When that happens, he seems to think Randall is his imaginary friend, and that Jake and both Marcs are, too. Other times, he talks like Jake, and then he seems to think that Steven, both Marcs, and Randall are all imaginary, and that their mom is dead, and the woman who keeps hurting him is someone else.
Sometimes, Randall wonders if she’s someone else, too, and if that’s why he can’t talk to her.
He asks Marc about it once. Marc just shrugs.
. . .
As Marc gets older, Randall finds it harder to visit him when he’s awake. Eventually, he can mostly only visit him in his dreams, like with their dad.
Then Marc leaves home.
After that, Randall never visits Marc while he’s awake again. Only when he’s asleep, and dreaming.