Chapter 1
“Hey, Dean! What do you call a beat-up Hulk?”
Tony called out to Dean one morning, a few months after Sam and Natasha’s wedding, half asleep as he sat in the kitchen, waiting for breakfast and coffee to feel human again. Right now, only Steve, Bruce, Dean, and Thor were in the room.
“I don’t know, Tony, what do you call a beat-up Hulk?” Dean asked in defeat, knowing that whatever will come out of Tony’s mouth, will be a pain.
“A Bruised Banner.” Tony giggled at his own joke, his entire body shaking from the force of his giggling.
Dean couldn’t help it. He laughed. He will blame it on his lack of caffeine obviously, but right now he just laughed at how stupid it was and watched Thor snickering into his food under Bruce’s narrowed-eyed glare and Steve’s chuckling as he laughed by the stove, unable to help it.
There was a very valid reason why Tony was high as a kite even without caffeine and it was a very good reason. He and Dean might have spent the night before drinking their asses off in the workshop, while Tony was modifying the Winchesters' super suits to make them even more lethal, which is probably not the best thing to do when you are drunk, but Tony was a pro.
The reason why they were drinking in the first place, was because they were mentally preparing themselves for how empty the tower will be in the next two weeks or so.
Natasha and Sam were leaving for what could only be called a second honeymoon, which was really called for after the drama that happened and postponed their wedding, so Dean was actually the one who encouraged them to do it. Meanwhile, Clint was off the grid on a SHIELD mission, involving Bucky and Sam Wilson on another mission. It was surprising that SHIELD decided to trust Bucky like that, enough to send him on a mission, but they guessed they really needed him or something.
Then, Thor is off to Asgard since he needs to check on things over there every once in a while, Leaving Bruce, who was planning to lock himself in his lab until his lover comes back, so in this way he won’t feel the passing of time.
Charlie was also off somewhere, they weren’t sure, but she always goes off the grid sometimes and comes back swinging. Her girlfriend probably knows her whereabouts anyway.
To make matters worse, Charles was taking Logan and Hank with him to some conference he needed to go to in England, leaving Erik and Raven in charge of the school in his absence. Erik only agreed to stay behind when Logan offered to go with them since Hank was also going to the conference either way. Sadly, Erik and Charles no longer feel comfortable leaving the school both at the same time after the whole thing with the demons all those months ago, so if one had to leave for something, the other would stay in school no matter how much he wants to go with the other. The children come first, like always.
So, in conclusion, for the next few weeks, it will be just Tony, Dean, Steve, and Castiel around, with the occasional visits from a lonely Erik.
It was going to be rough, but at least Tony won’t be alone. He was thankful that Steve wasn’t called for a mission or something, that would have been drastic to his sanity.
The past few months passed in a rush. They all were still getting used to the fact that Sam and Natasha were now married. It was overwhelming and surreal that it left Dean smiling like an idiot all the time whenever he saw his brother, always making marriage jokes around them that were so tacky that even Castiel would roll his eyes at them. Natasha was also reeling from being a married woman, so she didn’t have the heart to stop Dean’s antics, nor did Sam, who was now a smiling idiot all the time as well.
It was hilarious and heartwarming to watch all around really.
And for those months, life was actually good. Barely anything disastrous happened. No aliens, no invaders from another world, no robots, no portals to alternate universes. Just nothing but peace and quiet.
Which was very suspicious, if Tony was being honest with himself. Suspicious and worrying, causing Tony to be always on edge for any disaster. Their lives couldn’t be this quiet and peaceful. Something was about to happen. Something big. And it will be very soon.
Tony forgot about his morbid thoughts the moment Steve placed his breakfast and coffee mug in front of him, along with a soft kiss on the top of his head, that immediately managed to erase any bad, morbid thoughts from his head. Hard to be negative after having such a perfect human being coddling you like that.
“Where is Cas anyway?” Steve asked curiously, looking over at Dean, who finally managed to stop laughing at Tony’s stupid joke, which Tony was still very proud of by the way.
“He is being cranky because I let myself get drunk last night.” Dean rolled his eyes, before sighing in dismay. “Something about him worrying about my liver or something, he will probably be here any second now to keep glaring at me.”
Tony winced as he chanced a glance at Steve, who gave him a narrowed-eyed look, before taking his seat on the table with a sigh. Dean’s words hit the right nail since Steve chewed him out about the drinking as well this morning, but Steve didn’t stay mad for long, since it was the first time in years now that he let himself get this wasted, which was progress and they both know it, according to Tony’s eventful past and his hundreds of regrets.
“Why would Castiel be worried about your liver?” Thor asked in genuine confusion and concern, eyeing Dean up and down curiously. “Are you feeling ill, my friend?”
“Alcohol affects humans’ liver, Thor,” Bruce explained to him patiently, giving him a soft smile and a pat on his arm. “Too much of it could have dire consequences.”
“Really?” Thor looked genuinely shocked, as he gaped at Bruce and turned to gape at his three other friends on the table. “But that is so sad! Humans can’t even enjoy a good drink all the time for their health! That is very heart-wrenching and tragic.”
“We appreciate your sympathy, Thor, but I think we are fine.” Dean smiled at him in amusement, while Steve and Tony couldn’t help the chuckles that ripped out of their throats at the pure look of tragic despair on Thor’s face.
At that moment, Castiel entered the kitchen, while carrying two suitcases and placed them on the floor by the door.
“Holy Shit, you decided to up and leave me?!” Dean gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his heart, and reached towards Castiel with the other, acting like he was struggling to reach him. “No, I can change! I will be a better man! I will even stop pressing the toothpaste from the middle! We can fix this!”
Castiel stood there, giving Dean his ultimate blank, done with this shit, face. He usually has that face on default now, since he was basically done with everything from the moment an evil version of himself tried to rip out his heart and no one really blames him for it.
Castiel was about to answer Dean’s bullshit, but Tony decided to join in the craziness because he was a little shit.
“Don’t blame him! Blame me! It was just one time!” Tony exclaimed in equal dramatic act as Dean, trailing a hand down the side of his face to act the tragic scene more fully. “Leaving is not the answer! It is the question! And the answer is no!”
Castiel’s blank face changed to a bitch face, as he turned to Steve with a raised eyebrow, like he was asking without voicing it ‘Can you see this shit too?’.
Steve just shrugged, a way too amused smile on his face, as Bruce just watched in disinterest, meanwhile, Thor actually looked positively concerned.
“Castiel will leave Dean behind?! What’s next? Muspelheim will freeze over? Ragnarök is upon us! Everyone should flee for their lives!” Thor’s overly loud, hollering voice almost made them all deaf as his concern and panic increased.
“Thor?” Bruce started slowly like he was genuinely worried Thor might flip out and start throwing his hammer around in his panic. “These are Natasha and Sam’s bags. Castiel was just helping them out in carrying them here.”
“Oh.” Thor paused, as he blinked at Bruce, then turned to Dean who just shrugged at him apologetically with an amused smile, then finally looked at Castiel, who now looked dead inside from the look on his face. “Of course! Everything in the world makes sense again! Castiel would never leave Dean no matter how insufferable he is being!”
“Thanks, man.” Dean rolled his eyes at him, even if the words warmed him despite himself.
“He speaks the truth.” Steve and Tony said together, giving him matching shit-eating grins. So married couples really do start to act alike as the years go by. That’s horrible to know, Dean thought.
“I am not insufferable, I am adorable! Tell them, Cas.” Dean turned to Castiel, absolutely affronted, waiting for him to defend his honor.
But Castiel just blinked at him blankly, raising an eyebrow at him, eyeing him up and down.
“I am sorry, Dean, you know I am not good at lying.” Castiel eventually deadpanned, doing nothing to stop the smirk playing on his lips.
Tony and Steve snorted and almost choked on their giggles, while Dean gasped in betrayal, as Thor and Bruce pretended they didn’t exist by hiding behind their smiles.
“Betrayed by my own husband! You will regret that! You will regret every second you spend in my presence without giving me the love and attention that is required in marriage! You will regret this!” Dean exclaimed, every word was uttered in an overdramatic attitude that he was very proud of, by the way. “You will come to me crying in regret, Castiel! You will see!”
“My full name sounds utterly strange coming from your mouth.” Castiel frowned, before shaking his head with a sigh. “I reached a point where I found my full name strange when you say it. You are right, I already regret my life decisions.”
With that, Castiel turned and left the room, leaving behind four giggling superheroes and a very affronted hunter.
“You will regret this!” Dean exclaimed again, just for the hell of it.
“I am regretting it!” Castiel called back, without missing a beat or even turning around as he walked out.
“You are not supposed to regret now!”
***
Tony and Dean had migrated to the workshop again at some point.
This time, Tony had to finish some kind of upgrade for a Charles-related thing that he needed to get done, before going to Westchester to see Charles off and make sure Erik didn’t need anything. Predictably, he dragged Dean with him to the workshop, because he is a little shit who likes seeing Dean’s affronted look as he was being dragged around like a ragdoll, and also the hunter’s company wasn’t too bad, especially when Dean insisted on trying to help out. Having two extra pair of hands is never a bad thing.
They were so busy adjusting a particularly sharp, fan-like structure in the device they were building, that they didn’t hear Natasha entering the workshop, nor did they hear her voice over the loud, raging classic rock music blaring in the room.
“Hey! Shitheads!” They finally jumped and turned as her voice got loud enough to be heard and turned sharply to see her staring at them with narrowed eyes while hiding something behind her back.
“Ah, would you look at that? My new sister is here to see us before running off to her second honeymoon.” Dean grinned at her while wriggling his eyebrows just for the hell of it. Everyone knew how thrilled Dean was for having Natasha as officially his sister. It was sweet to watch that even Natasha didn’t have the heart to tease him for it, since she was equally thrilled if she was being honest, to have Dean Winchester as a brother.
“Yes, that, and I need to talk to Tony about something.” She cleared her throat, not meeting Dean’s eyes as she made sure to hide whatever was behind her back firmly.
“About what?” Tony blinked at her, titling his head a little in curiosity, but from the look on her face, he started to understand what was going on.
For lack of a better description, when Raven and Charlie are not around, Natasha treats Tony as her female best friend when she needs to talk about, well, female stuff. It was weirdly okay with him and he wasn’t even insulted by it, rather he was thrilled she felt comfortable enough with him for stuff like that.
“What’s behind your back?” Dean frowned in confusion as he craned his neck to take a look, but she turned to hide them more properly.
“Nothing. Just something I want to get Tony’s opinion on for this trip.” Natasha cleared her throat, not giving anything away with her sharp poker face.
“You don’t want my opinion?” Dean pouted, trying to look hurt and sad by her words.
“Not really.” Natasha winced, clearing her throat again as she took a step back.
“Come on! I am your new brother. You can ask me about anything, just shoot.” Dean encouraged enthusiastically, not noticing Tony’s warning look and frantic shaking of his head.
“Oh, all right, brother.” Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, as she revealed two hangers from behind her back, each holding a particularly revealing lingerie, that could make any grown man blush to the tip of his toes. “Which of these do you think would make your sister look hotter, so your brother would want to do her?”
Dean looked like he was having both a stroke and a heart attack by how pale he suddenly looked and the way he clutched his chest like he was struggling to breathe. Tony winced as he stared at his best friend almost having a seizure, but couldn’t help the chuckle threatening to rib through his throat.
“The red one.” Dean eventually let out a choked-off answer, looking dizzy as he staggered to press his face on Tony’s shoulder to groan into it in utter despair.
“Thank you, brother.” Natasha grinned at him, before nodding at the both of them and left the room with her question being answered successfully, while Tony just stood there, patting Dean on the shoulder in consolation, not letting him see the utterly amused smile taking place on his face, while Dean just continued to groan and curse into his shoulder.