Peter stumbles and falls through the tower window. Tony is there waiting for him, concerned about why he came back here after patrol instead of his own apartment. Not to mention that Karen had informed Tony that Pete’s heart rate has been consistently up for a while now, yet she cannot detect any physical injuries. “Kid, you okay?” He asks as the boy picks himself up from where he landed on the floor. Peter takes off his mask which then reveals his red-rimmed eyes and the saltwater tracks beneath them. “What happened? Are you hurt?” Tony immediately asks, his worry growing every second he doesn’t have an answer.
“I-I couldn’t s-save him.” He states, stuttering his way through the words.
“Who?”
“I don’t even know!” He shouts as the tears fall faster. Sobs break through his chest as he heaves in and out, out of breath from swinging over here and from crying.
Something suddenly occurs to the older man as he watches the younger breakdown. “Pete, was this the first time someone died on your patrol?”
The kid looks at him and nods frantically, his face contorted in an expression of emotional pain. Tony’s face softens, the creases ironing out, “We can’t save everyone Pete. Although it’s a sad part of our job, it happens often.” He says truthfully, “You’re still young, you don’t understand, but dying and loss is a part of life in a way. There’s no way of stopping it, even when you do have the power that you do.”
The despair and anguish on Peter’s face morph into anger, his eyebrows coming into a point above his swollen puffy eyes.“You don’t get to lecture me about loss.” He almost spits, and Tony is taken aback, “I’ve lost almost every member of my family.” The boy continues. The tears have stopped, now just sitting stagnant, glazing his eyes. “You can’t tell me that I don’t understand, because I do! I became Spider-Man to save people and stop people from dying. I became a superhero to save others from grief.” The grief I have had to always endure. The grief that follows me like my own shadow. He thinks to himself. Yet, it did nothing. That man died and now his loved ones will have their grief hanging over their heads for the rest of their lives. A storm cloud perpetually following them reminding them of who they have lost. “I was all for nothing, tonight showed me that.”
Tony’s heart breaks for the kid. Tony knows what it’s like to lose those you love, but Peter definitely beats him in that category. It’s sad that Peter would beat most people for the number of people they have lost in such a short number of years on this earth. “Peter, it wasn’t for nothing.”
“Tell that to the man,” Peter says defiantly, “oh wait you can’t.” Tony knows the anger is more directed toward himself now, but it still stings like an uncovered paper cut.
“What about everyone you have saved?” Tony asks, “Every life that would have been lost if you hadn't been there.” Peter says nothing. “Loss is never easy.” The mechanic states, but quickly adds, “not that you wouldn’t already know that tenfold. But it’s those losses that make us want to keep going and try again. Make us want to learn and do better.”
“Why does it have to hurt so much?” Peter says meekly, the anger now slipping through his fingers. “I didn’t even know him.”
“You’re human… well human enough,” Tony amends after remembering that Peter’s DNA is not 100% human. “Grief is not reserved for just those you love, grief is part of every and all loss.”
“I thought if I tried hard enough I could save everyone. I know that sounds stupid.”
“It doesn’t.” Peter huffs in a disbelieving manner. “I’m serious. I’ve thought the same way in different capacities. I thought I could save everyone I love by pushing them away, but it ended up doing the opposite. Your intentions, although pure and good, are not achievable sadly.” Peter looks down, a tear escapes his eye and plunks onto the floor, “But, that doesn’t mean you can’t go out and save as many people as you can.”
“I don’t want anyone to die on my watch.” Peter whispers looking up at Tony, “He was scared, and a-alone.” The tears refill and overflow once more.
“No he wasn’t, you were with him.”
“I’m a stranger.” Peter shakes his head.
“I’d rather go out with someone with me, whether I knew them or not, rather than alone.” Tony says truthfully, “You were with him until the end, that's the best you could do. You could have run away and left him there.”
Peter looks absolutely shocked. His face is frozen in a state of shock, tears halfway down his face, “I would never!”
Tony smiles, “Exactly. Whether you were there or not he was going to die, at least he didn’t have to do it alone.” There’s a beat where no one says anything. Only the air conditioning is heard over the silence as Peter thinks about what was just said.
“I guess,” Peter replied half-heartedly, still having trouble believing that he made a difference. Even if he did make a difference, the person he made a difference for is gone now. His family and friends will never know he didn't die alone, all they will know is that no one saved him. Spider-Man didn’t save him.
“How about you go take a shower, I’ll order Thai, and call May.”
Peter is exhausted physically and emotionally. He doesn't want to swing back to Queens, so he’s glad Tony is letting him stay here for the night. He has his own room here after all. “Okay.” He says as his shoulders drop. The tears on his face start to dry leaving his cheeks cold.
Tony walks over and tugs the kid into a hug, “It’ll be okay,” Petr almost wants to scoff. “If need be I’ll fight grief itself.”
That gets the smallest giggle from Peter, “How?”
Tony squeezes the kid in a comforting manner and laughs, “I’m Tony Stark, I’ll find a way.”