1943
It’s been days since Steve had gotten sleep. He couldn’t sleep for various reasons; being on edge, worrying about Bucky who had gotten experimented on a month ago, worrying about keeping his team alive, worrying about keeping Bucky alive, and everything in between. Every thought was spent thinking about everything going on and he couldn’t turn his brain off or relax.
And now, to make matters worse, it started snowing. The team was in Gloucestershire, England and it was cold. He needed to check on everyone. They weren’t camped anywhere and were walking, so at least they’d have some blood flowing through their bodies to keep them warm. But the wind was picking up fast so it felt a lot colder than it actually was.
“Everyone okay?” Steve asked tiredly as he rubbed his eyes. He needed to focus but everything was blurry and a ringing sound in his ears began.
“Still fine, despite the fact that you checked on everyone like 5 minutes ago,” Bucky said.
He did? Steve couldn’t remember checking in on the team. Either Bucky was being sarcastic or he was being serious. But if Steve asked if he actually did check on the team a few minutes ago, then Bucky would get worried.
Bucky has enough to worry about. He shouldn’t have to worry about me too, Steve thought. He shivered and took a few breaths before shivering again as he felt the cold air get inside his body. He didn’t like winters before, due to getting sick, and he certainly didn’t like winters when he was out here.
Steve stumbled and bumped into Bucky.
“Sorry,” Steve said numbly.
“It’s okay,” Bucky said as he adjusted his posture. “I’m surprised Dernier didn’t trip first. It’s getting difficult to walk.”
“I don’t trip. I gracefully lose my balance,” Dernier said. Bucky smirked as a few laughs from the team echoed in Steve’s ears. Steve smiled and yawned.
“Oh don’t start that,” Bucky said before Gabe yawned too. “Look what you did, Steve.”
“Sorry,” Steve said tiredly. He barely heard another person yawn but couldn’t distinguish who it came from. “Sorry.”
“You okay, Cap?” Dugan asked.
“Huh? Yeah…Yeah, I’m okay,” Steve said with a nod. He needed to stay awake and he needed to be alert but his vision blurred.
“Steve, hey,” Bucky said as he grabbed Steve’s arms. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Fine,” Steve said. He nodded and faked a smile as best he could. Technically he wasn’t lying because he was just tired. He wasn’t hurt or anything like that. He was fine, just sleep deprived like everyone else.
Bucky made an annoyed sound and kept walking. Not even a minute later, Steve stumbled again and bumped into Bucky again.
“Sorry,” Steve said. Bucky ignored him. Everyone was getting upset with each other. Sleep deprivation, the cold, everything was hitting them.
Plus Bucky was getting upset with him way before the snow hit. He didn’t mean to worry, but Steve was concerned about Bucky ever since he rescued him from the factory. Ever since that scientist, who Bucky later identified as Arnim Zola, experimented on Bucky. Steve felt sick every time he thought about it. He can’t imagine how Bucky was. Steve was so worried about him and couldn’t focus on much else. He knew Bucky was tired of him hovering but Steve couldn’t help it.
He just wanted Bucky to be okay.
Steve continued walking and clenched his fist. He needed to stay awake and make sure everyone stayed alive.
The ringing in Steve’s ears got louder and louder as he grabbed Bucky’s shoulder to steady himself. He barely even registered Bucky’s scoff before darkness filled his vision.
——
“…ve…Steve…”
Steve heard someone talking and felt someone shaking his body. He blinked his eyes open and the first thing he saw was Bucky’s pissed off face staring at him.
“Are you okay?!” Bucky yelled. Steve winced at the loud sound and nodded as he sat up.
“What happened?”
“You passed out in a snow bank! Are you hurt?!” Bucky yelled.
“Why are you yelling at me?” Steve asked tiredly as he got off the ground. He stumbled and grabbed Dugan and Bucky’s arms.
“Are you hurt? Answer the question, Steve. I swear to god-“ Bucky said with a glare.
“I’m not hurt,” Steve said miserably. He rubbed his eyes and realized that the entire team was staring at him. “Just…”
“Just what?”
“Tired,” Steve said. Bucky’s glare disappeared and he stared. It was still snowing and windy and Bucky was shivering. “I’m fine. Let’s continue going.”
“You’re not fine,” Bucky said.
“When did you last sleep?” Falsworth asked.
“Uh…like…last week I think,” Steve said awkwardly.
“Are you fucking serious?!” Bucky yelled. Steve winced again at the loud sound. “Last week?! You haven’t slept in a week?! This is why we take shifts! So stupid.”
Steve tipped slightly and Dugan, who still hadn’t let go of him, pulled him upright again. Bucky took a breath and sighed.
“Are you gonna say anything?” Bucky asked.
“Castle,” Steve said tiredly.
“What kind of response is that?” Bucky asked, his anger completely gone and replaced with confusion.
“Castle,” Steve said as he pointed. Everyone turned and Steve seriously hoped he wasn’t hallucinating right now.
“Come on, let’s go,” Bucky said as he grabbed Steve’s wrist. Steve was tired enough to let Bucky drag him through the snow.
——
“Nice to know I wasn’t hallucinating this place,” Steve said as they all walked inside. “Someone needs to…someone’s gotta check the rest of the castle…in case…bad stuff…”
“We’re gonna clear the place, don’t worry,” Morita said.
“Sit,” Bucky said as he pushed Steve onto the floor. Steve sighed and watched everyone leave.
“‘m sorry,” Steve mumbled. Bucky turned and looked at him.
“What?” Bucky asked.
“I’m sorry…for being…like this,” Steve said tiredly as he leaned against the wall. “I need to…to keep you safe and…you’re all I have left, Buck. Ma’s gone, so is Pa. I…I need you safe, you’re the only family I have left.”
Bucky sighed and sat in front of Steve.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Bucky said.
“I know I’m hovering and I know you’re tired of it. And I’m sorry. I’m trying to not worry but…you got experimented on, and I can’t imagine what’s going through your head. But I’m worried about you. And I don’t want Hydra getting you again. I…I need you safe and okay. I’m sorry I’m…I’m sorry I’m hovering.”
Bucky sighed. He nodded.
“I’m losing my mind,” Bucky said seriously. “Every thought is filled with…with that place and-“ Bucky shivered. He took a deep breath. “I need space, Steve. It’s not you, trust me. But you hovering isn’t helping. I feel like I’m suffocating and…and being alone helps sometimes. Sometimes I need you around me and that helps. But sometimes I need time alone.”
Steve nodded and put his hand on Bucky’s face.
“Your face is cold,” Steve said. Bucky snorted.
“Way to ruin the moment, Steve,” Bucky said before he laughed. “I’m…I’ll be okay, eventually. And…it’s not…you staying awake all day and night and not sleeping isn’t good. So stop being stupid and take a nap.”
“Oh are you telling me what to do?” Steve asked with a smile before his vision blurred.
“Yes. Deal with it. Sleep,” Bucky said. “I’m sorry I need space, but…I’m trying not to suffocate.”
“I’m sorry for not sleeping,” Steve said tiredly.
“I’m not mad because you can’t sleep. I know what it’s like to not be able to fall sleep. I…I just want you to rest and be okay,” Bucky said gently.
“I’ll try,” Steve said. He quickly fell asleep.
“You’ll be okay,” he heard Bucky whisper.
——
Steve woke up slowly to the sound of talking. He was on the ground, but not grass. Hard ground, like stone. He immediately freaked out and quickly sat up.
“Hey,” Bucky said with a smile. “Cookie?”
Steve froze and stared. The last thing he expected Bucky to say or do was offer him a cookie.
“Where did you get a cookie?” Steve asked as he took it.
“Gabe’s mom sent him food and he didn’t open it until now. They’re weeks old but we don’t care,” Bucky said.
“I love your mom,” Dugan said.
“Do you think she’ll adopt me? Because I want cookie,” Morita said. Steve snorted.
“How are you feeling?” Gabe asked as he ignored everyone else.
“Less tired,” Steve hesitantly admitted. “Rested.”
“Well you’ve been asleep for like…eight hours so that’d probably do it.”
“Eight?!” Steve yelled.
“Calm down. Calm down. We can’t leave anyway with the blizzard outside,” Bucky said.
“What blizzard?” Steve asked before he heard the wind. It was way more than before.
“The snow turned into a blizzard. If you hadn’t seen this castle, we would’ve frozen…” Falsworth said before he stopped talking. “At least it’s shielding us from the wind.”
“It might be cold, but I don’t care. At least it’s shelter,” Dugan said.
Steve leaned against the wall and looked around the room. Stone walls and floor. And…a weird symbol on the wall.
“What’s that?” Steve asked. Everyone turned and he pointed to the symbol on the wall. Gabe got up and moved away a vine hanging.
“It’s Hebrew,” Gabe said.
“You know Hebrew?” Dugan asked.
“Yeah. You don’t?” Gabe asked.
“No one here knows Hebrew,” Morita said.
“That sounds like a you problem,” Gabe said. Steve and Bucky snorted.
“What does it say?” Dernier asked.
“Maveth,” Gabe said before staying silent for a moment. “One of the translations means ‘death by punishment’.”
“Oh that’s comforting,” Dugan said sarcastically.
“How many languages do you know?” Falsworth asked.
“More than you,” Gabe said. Morita snickered.
Steve got off the ground and everyone stared at him.
“Not gonna fall over. Just wanna look,” Steve said.
“It’s weird,” Gabe said.
“Why?” Dugan asked.
“Hebrew writings in an English castle,” Gabe said. Everyone stared and Gabe rolled his eyes. “That’s what I call weird.”
“It could be a warning, like for trespassing,” Steve said. “You said it means death by punishment.”
“Makes sense,” Gabe said with a nod. “But we cleared the castle top to bottom. No ones here. It’s empty.”
“What if it’s haunted?” Morita asked with a laugh.
“If it’s haunted we can draw straws and sacrifice the loser,” Dugan said.
Bucky laughed as he got off the ground. He walked over to Steve.
“You okay?” Bucky asked.
“Yeah,” Steve said. “Guess the sleep deprivation hit me more than I thought. I just…I need to stay alert for everyone and keep everyone alive and…and I’m failing.”
“Failing? Everyone’s alive and safe, that’s what matters,” Bucky said.
Bucky leaned against the wall and jumped back with a yelp when the wall moved and revealed a secret passage. Everyone grabbed their guns.
“Secret passage,” Dernier whispered.
“Where do you think it leads?” Falsworth asked as he handed Steve his gun and shield.
“Let’s find out,” Steve said as he walked in. Everyone followed behind him.
Steve slowly walked down the dark hallway and stopped when they reached a room. Weird levers and switches were on the walls and a circle was on the floor in the center of the room.
“All clear,” Steve announced.
“What is this place?” Dugan asked.
“A room,” Bucky said.
“I can see that, jackass,” Dugan said. Steve heard a few quiet laughs as he fought to keep a straight face.
Bucky smiled innocently. Dugan flipped him off.
“This room is so weird,” Steve whispered to himself. He whipped his head around when he heard someone move a lever. “Don’t touch-“
Steve got cut off by the lights turning on. Everyone froze.
“Ooh, electricity, spooky,” Morita said.
Steve turned around when someone else pulled another lever.
“Didn’t I just say not to touch anything?” Steve asked exasperatedly.
Steve turned around when Morita yelped and jumped to the side as the circle on the floor started to move. Everyone backed up and froze.
“Well…who’s going to check?” Dugan asked.
“I will,” Steve said as he slowly walked over and peeked inside the hole in the center of the room. “It’s empty.”
“Nice one, Morita, getting startled by the floor,” Dugan joked.
“I would get startled too if the floor opened up below me,” Dernier said.
“See, he’s on my side,” Morita said.
“Children,” Steve said. Everyone turned to stare at Steve.
“Yes mom?” Bucky asked. Steve fought the urge to smile as he glared at Bucky. Bucky smirked at him.
“What do you think this room is for?” Gabe asked.
“No idea,” Steve said quietly. “I just…I don’t like it.”
“Then let’s leave,” Dugan said, causing everyone to stare at him. “What? It’s called ignoring your problems, it’s healthy.”
“No, that’s not how it works,” Gabe said awkwardly.
“Let’s go,” Steve said before everyone started to leave the room.
“You okay?” Bucky asked quietly.
“Yeah, just…I don’t like this place,” Steve said.
——
71 YEARS LATER
Steve was thankful every day that Bucky had decided to stay with him after he used him as a punching bag that day on the Helicarriers. Bucky had pulled him out of the water and stayed with him until medical and backup arrived. And they had moved into the Avengers Tower, along with all of the other Avengers, and Bucky was recovering.
Now, months later, Bucky was still with him. It took a while to get used to Bucky’s…state of mind…but Bucky quickly took to listening to Steve. Thankfully Natasha had gotten him a file about the Winter Soldier so Steve could better understand how to help Bucky.
It would take a long time, but hopefully Bucky would see him less as a handler and more of a friend.
His memories were slowly coming back. After a very difficult few days of telling Tony that Bucky killed Howard and Maria, Tony had forgiven Bucky. Tony was also mortified about Bucky’s arm and thankfully helped repair it when it needed maintenance.
Everything was going fine. Bucky would even come to him occasionally for context for his memories.
Steve was sitting on the couch and drawing a flower on the table that Clint stole - borrowed permanently were Clint’s words - and gave it to him as a present to ‘brighten up his room’. He didn’t expect Bucky to walk into the room and sit on the couch.
“Hey,” Steve said with a smile as he continued drawing.
“I…I remember something,” Bucky said hesitantly. Steve stilled and put the sketchbook aside.
“Okay,” Steve said slowly, not sure where this conversation would be going. He hoped it wasn’t anything bad. The last time Bucky asked for context for his memories was when he asked about having killed Howard. So Steve didn’t know which direction this conversation was headed.
“We were on a mission, and it was cold,” Bucky said. He adjusted his posture on the couch. “It was really cold, and you kept bumping into me. And you collapsed.”
“Oh, yeah,” Steve said before he leaned against the back of the couch. He sighed. “Yeah. It was in 1943, and…I had been really sleep deprived. I passed out from exhaustion. We stayed in a castle after I woke up. I remember finding a secret passageway and…and we found a weird room. There was a secret hole in the floor. We didn’t know what it was and we left soon after, because the blizzard ended.”
Steve fought shivering at the thought of being cold. He instinctively grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around his body.
“A handler told me about a castle,” Bucky said. “I think it was that castle.”
“Really?” Steve asked as he gained a confused look. “Do you remember what they said?” Steve was genuinely curious about the castle because of the weird room so he hoped Bucky’s new memories would provide some context. It didn’t matter that much since that castle was back in the 40’s, but Steve was still curious.
“I feel like I’m remembering wrong, because it’s…weird,” Bucky said awkwardly. Steve smiled.
“You can tell me. I won’t be mad or upset or anything,” Steve said. “You can tell me what you remember, and if it’s wrong then it’s wrong. I can help you figure out if it’s right or wrong.”
Bucky nodded.
“Thousands of years ago…aliens came to earth and experimented on people. And created…inhumans. Humans with a gene in their DNA that give them…powers after they go through…it was called terrigenesis, I think. And…the first inhuman was sent through a portal called the Monolith and trapped on a different planet. And he gained followers who formed a secret society that would send human sacrifices through the Monolith for thousands of years. And that’s how Hydra formed.”
Steve froze and stared at Bucky. That…was not what Steve had expected Bucky to say…at all.
“Then the war happened and Hydra moved onto the Nazi stuff. So not everyone in Hydra worships the thing, but some do,” Bucky finished. He stayed quiet for a second. “The…planet is called-”
“Maveth,” Steve interrupted without meaning to. Bucky froze.
“How did you know that?” Bucky asked as he stared at Steve. Steve froze.
“Because Gabe translated one of the carvings in the castle…and it said Maveth,” Steve said numbly. He sighed and rubbed his temples. “I’ll…I’ll tell the team about it. Do you…wanna come with me when I do?”
Bucky nodded.
“You’re not mad?” Bucky asked quietly.
“Why would I be mad?” Steve asked. He was worried that he did something to accidentally trigger Bucky.
“Handlers are usually mad whenever I talk. And…you don’t like Hydra and I’m taking about Hydra,” Bucky mumbled. Steve sighed and noticed Bucky staring at the floor.
“Buck, I’m never gonna be mad at you if you talk,” Steve said. “I promise. Besides, I asked you about the information.”
Bucky nodded slowly and curled into a ball on the couch.
“Have you been sleeping?” Steve asked gently. Bucky twitched.
“No,” Bucky said quietly. He tensed up. Steve got worried thinking that Bucky would probably think that Steve would be upset at him, or hurt him for not sleeping. “I’m sorry for not sleeping.”
Déjà vu, Steve thought to himself. He focused back on the present.
“I’m not mad because you can’t sleep,” Steve said. A hint of a smile formed on his face as he repeated Bucky’s own words back to him 70 years later. “I know what it’s like to not be able to sleep. It’s okay, Buck. No one’s gonna hurt you if you sleep.”
Bucky leaned against the back of the couch and fell asleep rather quickly. Steve knew he had to be extremely sleep deprived to fall asleep that fast, just like he had done in that castle decades ago.
Steve covered Bucky with the blanket and smiled.
“You’ll be okay,” Steve said softly.