It's gonna be lonely Christmas
A lonely broken-hearted Christmas
No mistletoes, no givin' kisses
It's gonna be a lonely Christmas, yeah, yeah
Tony stark spent his Christmases alone, drinking to oblivion and careful to stay out of the holiday spirit floating everywhere in the city.
But it wasn’t always that way.
24th December, 1991
Christmas decorations glowed all over the house, but unlike other years, no carol drifted out from it. there was no bustling and hustling of people moving and talking, no aroma of freshly baked turkey hanging in the air.
the grand dining table, which once hosted magnificent parties was empty of its elaborate delicacies usually spread out on it. instead, the top was piled with condolence letters and flowers from the funeral that happened five days ago.
the stark mansion was eerily quiet in midst of the festive city.
the only occupant sat in the living room, gazing at the empty fireplace and the lonely Christmas tree beside it.
17-year-old tony stark took another long swing from the bottle he was gripping.
If he concentrated, he could hear the laughter rumbling deep inside his father’s chest, his mother playing carols on the piano. the echoes of the past reverberated around the empty house.
There was no one to tell him to ‘shake off the doom and gloom’, no one to yell that Tony was being a little Scrooge by being grumpy on Christmas.
Howard and Maria Stark had died in a car crash 8 days ago.
“This is why I love coming home to Christmas,” he had said to his father. “Right before you leave.”
They had left and never came back.
Oh, what wouldn’t Tony give to say “I love you, Mom” on more time. What wouldn’t he do to make it up with his dad.
All the things left unsaid would always be that way.
Tony was Mr. Stark now, owner of a multimillion-dollar company and expected to fill his father’s shoes.
Jarvis was dead, Obidiah was away in a press meet and Rhodey was – somewhere.
There was no one whom Tony could call, no one he could talk to and ease the hurt throbbing inside him.
Tony was never more alone than he was that day.
Hours later, James Rhodes burst in to find him passed out amid empty bottles of scotch and abandoned Christmas presents.
And that was only the beginning.
Christmas was never again festive for Tony.
“It's going to be an early Christmas”, he had told Obadiah.
Ironically, or in a twisted turn of fate, that day was supposed to be exactly like the Christmas of 1991, a stark killed in a supposed accident, but in reality, ordered hit.
Tony survived Afghanistan, but Christmas never stopped haunting him.
Tony’s mind always started to go a little haywire as Christmas crept nearer, (case in point – the bunny he gifted Pepper). their house fell into the ocean on the 23rd of December, and Tony spent that Christmas fighting an enhanced terrorist and trying to rescue his girlfriend, while actively trying not to die.
Christmas was hard after the ‘civil war’ too. he’d just found out his parents had been killed, and that too by the means of seeing the footage of it.
Christmas was always associated with blue, blue like the ice in Siberia, like the blue of cap’s shield, the snow that was falling the day his parents were killed, blue like Tony felt, sitting all alone on Christmas day.
He’d drunk himself into a stupor that night, watching that dreadful footage of winter soldier choking the life out of his mother on loop, until Pepper had had enough and manhandled his nearly unresponsive body to bed.
Tony remembers none of it.
Christmas was cruel.
He’d planned to spend the next Christmas in the same way, holing in his lab and drowning out any remotely festive sounds from the bustling city below.
Then Peter Parker came into his life.
He’d never had a Christmas tree, the kid told Tony.
It was the kid’s puppy eyes that ultimately brought him out of his silent resolve to never celebrate Christmas.
“Are you sure you will be, okay?” pepper had asked him the day he went out to buy a Christmas tree first time in years.
“I've to try, pep.” He’d replied. “This is my chance at making this right. I can’t afford to waste it.”
Tony took it upon himself to get presents for everyone. he got Peter a Star Wars Lego set, Rhode custom leg braces, happy a new car. he remembered to send Harley a gift.
He got Pepper a necklace and earring set, and its graceful slenderness was so in contrast to the giant loud bunny he had once gifted her, that Tony himself was shocked by his maturity.
In the end, it was Pepper who gave him the best early Christmas present ever. three weeks before Christmas Tony found out that he was going to be a father, and heck if it wasn’t the best news he ever got.
He spent the week before Christmas decorating the tower with the help of Peter. by the 23rd, the stark tower was glowing with decorations and lights. wreaths hung on every door. peter had taken it over himself to make sure that everything in the building embodied the holiday spirit, and even Dummy, butterfingers and U wore red and white Christmas hats.
On Christmas Eve, tony emerged from his lab and to the common floor and froze as soon as the elevator doors opened.
the Christmas tree was full of ornaments and decorations and there was a big pile of presents under it. tables were stacked with snacks and drinks. carols and Christmas classics were played in low volume. people moved around the room, chattering and smiling. Everywhere Tony looked was jolly and festive. the atmosphere was, well, Christmas-y.
it wasn’t much. it wasn’t a big party, with a lot of people. there wasn’t any formality. there was just Pepper, Rhodey, peter, and Happy.
tony remembered Christmases with his dad, going to parties to smile with important people, suited up and all formal. he remembered the countless Christmases he spent at galas and charities, giving speeches and flirting with one-night stands. he remembered the one Christmas he had with the Avengers; a celebration left unstated because the alarm indicating a mission started blearing.
he had felt out of place, like he didn’t belong, like he wasn’t supposed to celebrate Christmas, because it was a time you spend with your family, and for all his money and fame, Tony Stark didn’t have one.
but this was different. there were no fake smiles and polite greetings, no drinking until he blacked out, no wishing that he had gone on that trip with his parents.
this was…. home.
“tones!” Rhode greeted as he spotted him. “Come join!”
Tony spent his evening with his found family.
He danced with Pepper and sang carols with Rhode. he ate candy canes with Peter and teased happy about the downtown Abbey Christmas specials.
Later, he sat with Pepper on the sofa, watching Peter excitedly talk with Ned over the phone and Rhodey arguing with happy about which Christmas classic movie to watch. they settled on home alone.
tony just sat with his wife, hands rubbing over Pepper’s barely visible belly bump and enjoying the sensation of just feeling belonged, happy, and content with pure pleasure.
Tony Stark was carefree after a long time.
“This isn’t so bad, you know,” he told Pepper. “Christmas, I mean.”
“I’m glad you are finally enjoying it.” She kissed him. “I love you.”
It was long after midnight when Stark Tower finally fell silent. pepper had fallen asleep on the couch with Peter cuddling with her. he looked innocent and childish, his mouth hanging open and drool pooling on the cushion. happy had retreated to the guest room and Rhode had passed out on the recliner with his feet propped up on the counter table, softly snoring.
Tony moved out to the balcony, a glass of champagne in one hand and the other one in his pocket. New York City glowed and buzzed underneath his feet. light snow fell from the sky.
Tony smiled bittersweetly. Christmas time, the holidays, it was always a difficult time for him.
Once upon a time, seeing everybody walking around with families pained him. It reminded him of how alone he was, about how everyone had a functional family, all alive and well, and it just made him sad.
Oh, how the pages have turned.
Tony Stark raised his glass to his family sleeping behind him. he raised his glass to fate, and to the world.
“Merry Christmas.”
From somewhere far away, the distance sound of a carol floated in.
Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright....................