"natasha, where the fuck are my fucking goldfish?!"
"maria... it's 8 in the goddamn morning, shut up," bobbi mutters rubbing her forehead before taking her orange juice out of the fridge.
melinda stumbles down the stairs into the kitchen, putting together a quick bowl of cereal before curling up with her food on the couch. half asleep as she eats.
"where is natasha anyways? doesn't she usually get up early?" bobbi asks hearing may mumble something in agreement, maybe it wasn't agreement, bobbi doubted she even knew what she said.
"i'll go check, she probably has my goldfish hidden in her room," maria headed up the stairs as bobbi scoffed sitting at the table with her smoothie.
maria passed the second level which held may and bobbi's rooms and reached the third level where natasha and maria herself slept.
maria put her ear to natasha's door, hearing nothing she slowly opened the door. natasha's room was filled with sunlight that her plants must be loving. natasha was curled into a small little ball at the edge of her bed, her blankets covering her face and making only just enough room for her to breathe comfortably.
maria moved the blankets to uncover more of natasha's face, hoping that would help wake her up. it didn't, instead maria could see the tear streaks, rubbed eyeliner, and puffy eyes from whatever happened the night before. immediately maria thought back to last night, she had been asleep before natasha got home so she is at a dead end there.
maria placed a hand on the redheads shoulder, "natasha, natasha wake up, we should get ready for class," she gently shook the girls shoulder. natasha slowly began to wake up.
"i'm up, i'm ready," natasha mumbled. maria sat down on her bed
"good morning to you too."
"mornin mar," she responds pushing herself up.
natasha was now sitting up, much more awake now.
"how are you feeling?" her eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"what do you mean?" natasha put a hand to her cheek, feeling the puff and the eyeliner that smeared to her hand, "oh. it's nothing." natasha stood from her bed looking in her drawers for makeup remover wipes.
"most people don't cry themselves to sleep over nothing."
"really maria? right now?" natasha sighed wiping her face down. her back to maria
"are you okay? do you need to talk? do you want to talk?"
"can you give me time to get changed first? i just woke up," natasha turned around, "i'll be in your room in like ten minutes okay?"
maria nodded, "okay." she left natasha's room and entered her own. she plopped down on her bed. her room was darker than natasha's, mostly because she kept her blinds closed, maybe she should open them.
"oh there's my goldfish," she whispered to herself (it was wedged under her desk). by the time she remember why she put the goldfish there (so she wouldn't get up to eat anymore, she needed to save them for the rest of the week) natasha came in.
natasha, now dressed and ready for the day, plops down next to maria, rolling into her arms. maria strokes her hair, and for a few minutes they just lay there.
"so?" maria wraps an arm around natasha’s stomach gently.
"sh, this is nice, it's quiet." natasha turns around in her arms and kisses maria’s cheek.
"tash, please talk to me." maria stops stroking her hair.
natasha moves to kiss maria again this time on the lips, maria sits up after a second.
"if you don't want to talk fine, but don't try and get me to stop asking by kissing me." maria heads back down stairs leaving natasha in her bed.
"is she up?" bobbi asks.
"yeah, i'm gonna go get some coffee, you want any?"
"i'll take a mocha please," bobbi nudges may’s shoulder as she looked like she had fallen asleep sitting up, "you good?"
"latte."
"alright be back in a sec," maria said grabbing her house keys. she brings to walk down the block to the nearest coffee shop. the lattes there were awful (may is just different) but the mocha's and most cold brews were good.
when she came back natasha was at the table across from may, sorting through which supplies they both needed for the day. all four of them were in the same training program but may and natasha were in the accelerated program while maria and bobbi were in the basic one.
an hour passes and everyone piles into maria’s car.
bobbi connects her phone to play her music, maria, who usually has something to say in the car, didn't say a word. may bumbs natasha with her shoulder.
"you okay nat?"
"i'm good." natasha goes back to her book and maria sneaks a glanced in the rearview mirror to see how she was holding up… not well as she looked like she would cave in on herself any moment. maybe that was exaggeration.
maria pulled into a parking spot and turned off the music. may and bobbi were already out of the car, before natasha got out maria stopped her.
"hey, i'm sorry i got mad earlier, can you please talk to me, if not i get it but if it's something i did or something someone else did i need to know."
"okay, i'll talk, but later, after class."
maria nodded, content with that answer.
later came sooner than later. later came when maria saw natasha continuously make mistakes while fighting, leading to her nose being broken by the other recruit.
the recruit then pushed natasha down and kicked her in the ribs, he managed another two kick to the stomach before maria and may reached him. they pulled him away and may quickly had him pinned. an instructor rushed over to natasha but maria reached her first.
natasha let out a low groan on the floor her arms around her stomach.
“nat more your arms.” maria commanded.
natasha listened and maria lifted her shirt up. she could see bruising already but thankfully when she pressed on the ribs it was obvious none
owere broken.
“hill can i trust you to take romanoff to the med center?”
already scooping natasha up maria sent a quick “yes ma’am” the instructors way and carried natasha out of the room.
“i can walk, please, i can, i can walk. please.”
“shh, talia it’s okay, i know you can but i want to help you.” maria wanted to kiss her, hug her, comfort her in some way but the only thing she could do was gently hold her and avoid her midsection at that time.
“i don’t want to go, maria can you just take me home, i’m fine. please.” natasha all but begged.
she shook her head, “like hell your fine, you were fighting sloppy, like really sloppy, it almost looked like it was on purpose the amount of mistakes you made.”
natasha didn’t respond.
“was it?”
natasha attempted to shrug in her arms. “not really?”
“bullshit.” maria let her steps falter as she looked at the blood running from natasha’s nose, “why? on purpose? does this have something to do with last night.”
natasha was silent for awhile, “he said- he said he would stop if i-” she cut herself off.
maria prodded gently, “if you what baby?”
baby… that’s new.
“if i let him win, he said he would stop.”
“what is he doing?”
“just- just like teasing me and stuff.”
maria nodded. they had approached medical however maria had natasha’s words engraved in her brain and would make sure their conversation picked up exactly where it had ended.
natasha could hear maria convers with a nurse after placing natasha on an empty bed. the nurse offered her pain medication which she declined and called a doctor in who reset her nose and checked for broken ribs. they sent her for an x-ray of her ribs before declaring them only bruised. they then sent her and maria on their way with healing ointment and a note say she had a week off of classes.
maria took natasha to the car, texting bobbi and may to say she would be back to pick them up later.
natasha reclined in her seat.
“so… teasing and stuff?”
natasha looked like she wanted to clam up again but instead she sighed, “yeah, and stuff.”
“what- what was he teasing you about? how was he teasing you?” maria’s brow furrowed and she squeezed the steering wheel in anticipation.
“it’s nothing, he just uh- it’s silly, he calls me names sometimes. one time i let myself flinch or something so he would try and get me to flinch a lot, until he found something that would work.”
“what was it?”
“he um, he would grab me, my hair, my arm, my um ass, he’d call me things like uh- slut- no russian slut and soviet slut and commie pig and he would just call me a whore and a cunt and about how i probably fucked all the professors to keep my grades up. i- i don’t know.”
maria was fucking fuming, the road became blurred and she knew she need to pull off onto the shoulder. she didn’t trust herself to respond without scaring natasha so she rest her head on the steering wheel and took two breaths.
“i- it’s dumb it’s not that big of a deal i know- nevermind, just forget i said anything.”
maria looked up at her and turned to face her. “no, please do not apologize, it is not dumb and it is a big deal. natasha that is a huge deal. this man has been harassing you he has been sexually harassing you.”
“no he didn’t-”
“yes he did, he touched you and said sexual things about you all of which you didn’t want. that is sexual harassment nat. i- i um- i didn’t even notice. god. how- nat how long has this been going on?”
“he probably first started five or six months around but it only got bad this last month.”
maria let out a pained sound, “nat why didn’t you tell me sooner? why did you wait this long?”
she looked away from maria’s face, from her eyes, “i thought i was handling it, i thought maybe after today he would stop, before i was just waiting for, for something to push me over the edge. it just never seemed like enough to bring up, but um, it feels like too much now.”
“we need to report him.”
natasha whipped around to fast and regretted it as her ribs and stomach screamed at her, “no you can’t. please you- don’t do that. he will know it was me, he will. they will know i was- i was too weak to just stand up for myself- why didn’t i just hit him back jesus-”
“why didn’t you?”
“my spot is fragile and i- i deserved it, that’s what i told myself at first- and then it was too much to handle and he knew my triggers, he knows my triggers. maria he grabbed my neck and i just froze, i didn’t move at all and he just grabbed at my waist and pushed me against my locker. he didn’t, i didn’t let him kiss me- please believe me ria- i didnt- i didn’t let him- i- i promise you i didn’t. i would never betray you. never ria.” natasha grabbed at her seatbelt and pulled it away so she could breathe without it touching her.
“nat baby,”
baby… there it is again.
“natasha that would never, never be your fault, that is assault on his part since you didn’t consent to that. that would never be you betraying me. i believe you.”
natasha nodded and grabbed maria’s hand, she held it in between both of hers.
“you can report him if he does anything else okay?”
maria nodded, “i want to report him, but i trust you and i respect your choice so i will not.”
natasha squeezed her hand, thank you. they say in silence for a moment or two.
“do you want me to drive?”
“natasha you have internal and external injuries, i’m driving.”
natasha nodded, bitting back a smile. maria went to put the car back into drive, letting go of natasha. the red head wanted to grab her hand again, however she forced herself to stay still. however,
maria picked up on her want and threaded their fingers together without taking her eyes off the road.
the rest of the way home was near silent with only the hum of the radio in the background. once they were home maria jumped out the car to help natasha out and into the house. she helped her sit and eventually lay on the couch while maria made some lunch for the both of them. when she came back she saw natasha trying to apply the cream to her injuries.
“may i?”
natasha nodded and maria grabbed the jar from the bruised girl. she pushed natasha’s shirt up further and began to lather on the ointment. she could see natasha clenching her teeth and her stomach muscles tensing.
“almost done baby.”
baby…again? maybe it’s not so bad
they are in silent while eating and natasha puts on a new netflix movie. she wishes maria was able to lay with her but she herself knew it would hurt to lay on her side or stomach. she grabs maria’s hand again and holds it to her chest like a stuffed animal as she slowly drifted into sleep. maria tried her hardest not to move, her hand had long since fallen asleep and was starting to burn at the loss of blood flow.
she gently pried her arm away and went to use the bathroom, by the time she came back natasha was in a fit of tears, hunched into a little ball.
“natasha! lay down, you’re hurting yourself.” natasha looked up at maria and squeezed herself tighter. maria ripped her arms away from her legs and pushed her to lay down.
“NO! NO NO NO! STOP! I SAID NO!” natasha punched at maria, a little too dazed to hit her where it would hurt but maria would have a red mark no doubt.
“i hear you i hear you.” maria backed away but natasha continued screaming and curled back up, “natasha! NAT! it’s me, it’s maria! can you hear me?”
natasha was muttering something in russian.
“natasha please, it’s maria, can you hear me? i need you to stop hurting yourself, tasha please.”
natasha rocked herself as best she could lying on her side.
“natasha please i’m begging you i need you to stop, i need you to breathe and stop hurting yourself.”
she continued to let out sob after sob as she squeezed her knees to her chest.
“baby, please, please i need you to stop baby.” maria was trying not to show her internal panic however it wasn’t working, thankful natasha looked up
baby? it’s maria.
“nat baby do you hear me?”
natasha reached out for maria, letting go of her own legs and rolling back onto her back. natasha gripped onto maria’s arm and maria sat there is shock.
“natasha?”
natasha didn’t respond. maria cupped her face and natasha fixed her eyes on maria’s.
“i’m sorry.” she whispered.
maria shook her head, “no, you just scared me. what happened?”
“nightmare.”
maria nodded, “do you want to talk about it?”
“no, i just want you to hold me.”
maria nodded again, but looking at how small the couch was and natasha injuries, she didn’t think it would work very well.
“okay, but can we go up to one of our rooms?” maria bit back a groan at all the stairs she would have to help her up.
“yours.”
maria helped her sit up and stand by lifting her up by the armpits. she stood behind natasha, arms still under her armpits, and used all her strength to get natasha up the stairs. by the end they were both exhausted and natasha almost threw up. she deemed it worth it when maria was able to lay next to her and play with her hair.
“do you want pain killers?”
natasha grabbed her hand tighter, “no i just want you.”
maria bit back a sigh and checked her watch, she had two hours until she had to leave to get bobbi and may.
“i’m here for now, i’ll have to leave in a little to get the others, are you going to be okay?”
although maria belived that’s natasha had a nightmare, all of the girl’s clingy-ness seemed to have increased at some point today. not that maria minded, she was just a little extra concerned, considering that natasha usually never asks for attention or initiates touch.
“yeah, i’ll be- fine.” maria didn’t believe her.
when time came for maria to leave, natasha’s grip became and iron one. maria was beginning to panic. natasha looked so heartbroken and tried to move on top of maria.
“tash no, you’re hurt, that will hurt you. i need you to let go of me please.” natasha let go when she asked but looked two seconds away from jumping back on her. maria gave her several kisses before saying goodbye.
it took forty five minutes until maria was back home, this time with bobbi and may in tow. in the car they both explained that the recruit who attacked natasha was suspended for two weeks. that was good news to maria’s ears. as bobbi unlocked the apartment maria immediately heard a thud. it wasn’t like a “slipped and fell on the floor thud” it was more like a, “an injured old lady just fell down several stairs thud”
maria and may ran up the stairs as bobbi locked the door and then followed.
may was in front of maria and the first to seen natasha at the top of the second staircase, meaning she fell down the whole first flight. she was curled and bent at an awkward angle. may tried to touch her but was hit away, she tried again and natasha tried to kick her. maria pushed may to the side gently.
“nat c’mon, let me carry you back up.” natasha shook her head.
“don’t touch me.”
“at least let me help you sit comfortably.”
natasha allowed her and did agree it felt better than how she was curled before. when maria went to pull her hands away from natasha the red head let out an uncharacteristic whimper and grabbed at maria’s hands.
“natasha, you know i don’t mind holding you or comforting you, so i need you to ask me for it instead of just grabbing me.”
natasha let out a cry, “please hold me, i need you, there are so many hands, so many, i need to know the real ones. maria please i can’t stand the hands, they are everywhere, i don’t know what’s happening, i can feel them all.”
“okay, it’s okay i’m here, okay? how do you want me to hold you?”
“i don’t- i”
maria cursed herself a little, what kind of a question was that?
“show me, it’s okay you can touch me, just show me, move where you want to be.”
natasha nodded and pushed gently at maria and she got the idea to move in the direction natasha was guiding her to. she was sitting against the wall. natasha then, without any hesitation pushed maria’s legs apart and sat between them so maria’s thighs were bracketing her hips. natasha leaned back onto maria’s chest and grabbed maria’s hands. she pulled maria’s hands to rest on her lower stomach, the area she didn’t get kicked in.
natasha’s breathing was less ragged but still uneven.
“nat breathe. i’ve got you now baby.”
baby.
she let out a breathe, taking another one after that.
“good job baby.”
she continued to breathe a little more even.
“just relax now, you’re doing so good.”
it was only then that maria realized the other two had left them alone. natasha let herself slump against maria, not moving a muscle.
“maria?”
“talia?”
“i love you.” natasha turned to look a maria, it was uncomfortable but worth it to seen the shock in maria’s faces. tears filled the brunettes eyes, she had never expected natasha to say it back let alone initiate it.
maria bent so she could kiss her, “i love you too.”
“thank you masha.”
maria just nodded into her, trying not to cry.
“of course baby.”
“i like when you call me that.”
“baby?”
“yes, you’ve never called me that before, i like it.”
maria though for a second, “i didn’t even realize i started doing that, i’m glad you like it baby.”
natasha turned around in maria’s lap, straddling her, both hands cupped the brunettes face, “ты самое прекрасное существо в этом мире, и мне так повезло, что ты у меня есть. спасибо за все, любовь моя. Ты для меня – весь мир. ты моя жизнь, мое маленькое солнышко.”
(you are the most beautiful thing in this world and I am so lucky to have you. thank you for everything, my love. You are the whole world to me. you are my life, my little sunshine)
natasha put her forehead to maria’s.
“talia you know i don’t speak enough russian to understand that.”
“then i will say it every day until you do understand мое солнышко (my sunshine).”