Chapter 2
Someone was calling out for him, but his ears couldn’t register. His mind get mushy, nothing seemed to work. His eyes seemed to have a vision yet everything felt so unfamiliar no matter how well he knew the place.
The sounds were so loud yet they were too quiet to be at least somehow understandable. The words were clear but he still wasn’t able to tell what the person wanted.
“Pavitr!”
He was shook by his shoulders, which has woken him up from the foggy however pretty peaceful trance.
The boy’s brows furrowed. No matter how times he zoomed out, which was quite often lately he still wasn’t used to how sharp everything was and how suddenly every single single muffled word seemed to make sense.
“Dude what’s going on? I get that the school year is about to end and that you have your stupid little tests but you haven’t spoken in days god dammit!”
Every word, every sound was.. Normal. Pavitr could hear it perfectly, he could visualize how they would look on a paper. Then why it was all so weird to him? Why was Gwen so loud? Why was she so mad? He simply couldn’t get it, why would she care about it anyway? She had her own stupid problems why was she blaming it all on him?
“What is your problem?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? What’s my problem? What’s your problem?! I’m tired of your shit! You never hang out with me and Miles anymore! And when you do you either complain or just stand here like a fucking idio-“
This was never meant to happen. Gwen was never meant to be hit. Pavitr never meant to swing his arm, especially not in such way. He just wanted for it to stop, to somehow escape from this place, for her to stop speaking. How could have he known that this is what his impulse would do?
He could see it. Her eyes, they were wide, glassy, he could see light reflect in it. Normally he could find it a pretty sight. If he was staring at a painting, if he was watching a movie.
But he could see fear.
It wasn’t just a painting.
It wasn’t just a movie.
It was reality.
She was scared of him.
“Well- She’s a bitch anyway. You should have never spoken to her.”
Pavitr listened, letting his mind absorb the words. It wasn’t his fault. It was hers. He wasn’t a bad person, she was just asking for it. She was too childish to understand.
Pavitr couldn’t help but feel bad. It genuinely wasn’t his intention. He was scared too at that moment. She was just so loud. So angry.
But who would ever believe him?
Did he even believe himself?
To lighten the mood, he got high once again. Felling his body relax, a smiled appeared on his face once again. He could hear Hobie’s laugh. Oh how much he loved that laugh. It was always so honest, Hobie never forced out his laughter.
Every time he got high it was like he was experiencing his first love all over again! He couldn’t believe how unsure he seemed back then when he snort that line for the first time.
His boyfriend pulled him into a kiss. Pavitr grew used to it, back then he squirmed when Hobie used his tongue to part his lips. Now he was used to it. He knew what to do. He was so proud of himself, he didn’t fight back. Not when Hobie’s hands didn’t even roam teasingly, instead of that they went directly to his zipper.
It didn’t hurt as much now. He knew how to correctly buckle his hips, to make their rhythm match. He knew how to take the dirty talk, he smiled along when Hobie teased him about the dump in his stomach when they fucked.
He grew used to it.
He was in his own little heaven. Who cares if he was drunk on mission? He’s alright, everything’s alright! Everything is so nice right now! Who cares about the multiverse when everything can be so nice? Especially when only thing required is a certain amount of alcohol!
“Pav- Pavitr answer me!”
Again? What’s wrong this time? Wha- Why did Miles sound so funny anyway? Why did his face seem so silly? Pavitr couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Pavitr you’re drunk, please-“
“Answer us!”
Ohhh, yeah. He forgot Gwen was here too, she sounded even better.. Jeez why was she angry? Is it his fault that he just needed something to get off his mind?
“G-guys..”
He sighed again. His voice was funny too! It was like he couldn’t speak anyway, it so slurry.. He felt like a snail, they were slow. His speaking was slow, it matched!
Before he could giggle again, he was grabbed by his arm.
“No- I put up with this but Im not going to just stare at you absolutely be wasted on a fucking mission-“
It was funny until it wasn’t. Since when is she so strong? Since when can she drag him around like that? Why was Miles only staring? Why did he help her instead of him when Pavitr tried to get away.
“…Lyla can we have a talk with Miguel?”
He was supped to be at Hobie’s place 20 minutes ago. He could feel his watch vibrate. He- He knew how angry Hobie could be for such things. ‘What’s the point of being together if you ignore me?!’
Pavitr had to spent another plenty of time, listening to scream and shouts. He ignored it anyway. He knew how deep of a trouble he was when he was finally allowed to leave. Whole hour and a half.
Hobie would kill him.
“Pavitr what the fuck?!”
Pavitr winced at another loud voice. This one sounded angrier. He hated when Hobie got angry, he was always so loud and.. Cruel.
“Answer me you worthless piece of shit! Where have you been?!”
The boy was truly frozen in place. His chest hurt, he couldn’t look up, he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to see Hobie be angry at him he-
“Answer me!”
He felt a hand in his hair. It felt so stupidly big compared to his head. The younger whined as he felt the older one twist his hand in a way his scalp hurt.
“I- I- The- They caught me- d-drunk-“
He was thrown onto the sheets, he never realized how cheap the mattress was, how he could feel every plank underneath him, he rolled into a ball but it was no use in the end. Hobie pushed his hands away, tearing off his clothes.
There was no acting this time, no sugarcoating. No music, no drugs.
He was being raped.
And the child couldn’t help but think.
It made so much sense why adults preferred making love while intoxicated. It really wasn’t fun like that.
The bathroom was ugly, the tiles were horrendous and the place smelt like shit. Pavitr couldn’t care less.
A dirty syringe in his hand, he took it from Hobie.
He needed to feel better. To make those hands on his body disappear, for his boxers to be dry once again.
Normally he snorted cocaine but he needed to feel better now- He wanted it to be just like it would be all those days ago.
His hands were shaking. He pressed his thumb, watching as the fire appeared, as the liquid formed on the spoon.
Inject it into the syringe then into himself. As easy as that.
He has done it already... Maybe like three times, with Hobie'a help. He was never a fan of needles, he didn't feel too much of fear while looking at them, nor was he the one to cry when he had to get a vaccine.
But getting something injected and injecting it yourself was something completely different, no matter how many time he used to eye Hobie in awe, his young mind still impressed with someone even considering stabbing themselves with the needle.
But here he was. He stared at the syringe, at the mixture inside.
He wanted to smile. He couldn't.
Acting like he loved it.
Like he was more mature like he was more lovable like that.
But now he simply couldn't. His body hurt. Now as no matter how much he lied to himself his mind was unable to make up anything that Pavitr could believe in.
What's the point of being sober if that's the reality?
He took a deep breath, trying to calm down his nerves but it seemed that his body was stressed out as well.
His eyes fluttered again. Gently pulling out the needle out of his hand, he moved his head. He felt so dreamy all of a sudden. He could barely notice how he began to become hotter over time.
He lent against the cold tiles wincing at the temperature difference.
He wasn't supposed to feel like this.
He looked down again. How much has he taken? He thought he put a normal dose on that silver spoon..
He dropped the syringe, bringing his arms to his chest, he wanted to hug himself. His heart hurt. It hurt like hell. He tried to take a deep breath but it hitched, as he pressed himself against the wall ones again. At least it was cold.
He was so scared. He didn't want to die yet the idea of clicking one button on his watch-. People would come here and help him.
And judge him, and stare at him. They would find out, Hobie would find out- He would do this again- Or leave him.
Maybe his body would figured it out. Maybe it wouldn't, the idea of having to face the consequences seemed worse than death.
His whole body hurt. It wasn't anything new, but this was different kind of paint, it wasn't focused on his crotch. It wasn't about hickeys or anything.
Pavitr didn't want to wake up. Technically he heard people talking. Mostly adults but his ears registered also teen voices, the ones he knew.
But he didn't want to open his eyes. He was so tired, every single muscle was sore, the beeping seemed to make everything worse. He just wanted to sleep forever. It was like he forgot about Hobie, his addiction or anything. The need to finally be at peace was here. He really did need it.
But the lights. They were horrible, his eyelids were closed but the room seemed bright to the point where Pavitr had to frown before finally letting himself fully wake up.
He was right. The place was purely white, just perfectly to make him feel way worse than he would normally do. But ignoring the look he started to hear something to clear once again. He gently moved his head, even though he could feel that his body refused to.
It was some girl... Gwen. Miles was here too. They both seemed so worried. Pavitr couldn't help but feel even more uncomfortable. He knew these people yet at the same time he was too caught up for fully understand who they were.
His head decided to block the voices out. Pavitr didn't fight back, he needed it, deciding to close his eyes again.
When he opened them once again nor Miles nor Gwen were here. It was... Miguel.
His senses couldn't help but sharpen. He was scared of Miguel, because Miguel knew things Pavitr didn't want him to know. His limbs hurt but he didn't care as he sat up on the bed, glancing at the clock.
...A day.
It's been a day.
He looked down, there was no watch on his wrist, Hobie wasn't texting him or at least he didn't know about it, he decided to minimally move. His phone was somewhere else too.
"Pavitr Prabhakar."
The boy snapped to reality again. The one that he hated. He glanced at Miguel. He knew wants he wanted. He thought about it unconsciously but in his mind every adults always wanted one thing.
"Pavitr you're not in trouble."
The child felt his mind overwhelm. It was so scary. To him. He wasn't even sure why. When it came to Hobie he knew that the older guy would rape him yet he was never this scared.
Hobie.
Oh, yes. Hobie.
...
How badly would Hobie hurt him for this one?
He could his eyes become glassy. He felt stupid, so childish for allowing himself to panic like this. Hobie would hurt him. It wasn't him overthinking- He would- He would touch him- And he would-
"Pavitr, Hobie's not here. He has been permanently banned for crimes such as; pedophilia, rape, assault, drug use and more."
He looked up.
Banned.
...
Hobie wasn't here. He tried to move his head again. There was truly nothing. His phone wasn't
buzzing, and the watch wasn't here too.
"I apologize for not noticing or earlier, you are not obliged to forgive me for my ignorance. I should have sensed it when you started to have problems with alcohol.."
Miguel cut off looking away before he spoke again in a formal manner.
"It is truly disgusting how someone took advantage of you like that. Someone so... Young, unable to tell what's wrong and what's right.
Because of your drug addiction and poor mental state you will be assigned with psychiatrists, who will prescribe you medicine if needed. Until the time you feel better you will not participate in any missions.
I apologize once again and I hope that you'll be able to heal as fast as possible and that you'll feel better.
For now that's it. You should rest, your young body wasn't able to deal with the overdose too well. We will talk again in few days when you won't be as tired. Your friends will be able to visit tomorrow."