Twisted Ends

“Are you sure I can’t just stab him?”

Sam rolled his eyes, grimacing as he lowered his icepack to the back of his neck. “No, Buck. You can’t just stab the man.” He hissed as the ice found a particularly tender spot, right at the nape of his neck.
You know what? Maybe he should let Bucky stab that asshole, preferably in the eye or something, because good Lord. That mother fucker sure could throw a mean haymaker.

Bucky, damn him and his super soldier hearing, heard the slight hiss of discomfort, and a dangerous expression flitted across his face. Sam watched as his eyes darkened, his lip ticking slightly downward into a poorly concealed glower.

It was a look Sam was starting to become intimately familiar with. It was the ‘Fuck with those I care about and get stabbed like a pincushion’ stare. Which, under normal circumstances, Sam would be all for the light stabbing.

And, it was irresistibly hot.

But HYDRA had really thrown a crick in their plans, especially with a new Super Soldier running around, and they needed answers.

And they wouldn’t get those answers if Bucky went and treated the man like a children’s pinata.

“Buck,” Sam warned, tossing the icepack towards the other mans face. Bucky caught it with ease, his anger melting to make way for his more annoyed and perplexed expression.
Good. That one was a tad less murdery.

“No stabbing anyone. I’m FINE.”

Bucky huffed, moving to stand directly behind him, his Vibranium hand tracing lightly over the bruised flesh of his neck.

It surprised Sam, the initiation of contact. Bucky was always reserved with his touch, and for good reason. He had every reason to be the closed off version of himself that Sam had come accustomed to before, well, all of this.

But now, he was starting to see another version of Bucky, the glimpses of the one that Steve had spoken so highly of.

His touch was painstakingly delicate, treating Sam like he was made of fine China, the brush of his fingers sending a chilled shock down his spine. Bucky was so careful with Sam, his movement so light and restrained, it made Sam want to see him come lose. To let go of that sense of control. To come undone. He could feel the hairs on his neck stand up, goosebumps erupting down his back and along his arms at the gentle contact.

“How’s your neck?” Bucky’s breath blew warm and inviting along the back of his shirt, his voice hushed and quiet. Reserved. Like he was unsure what to do, what to say. Sam turned around, wincing as his neck burned in protest.

He couldn’t have any of that now.

“It’s alright.” He gave Bucky a toothy grin. “I’m pretty tough for an old man. I drink milk and take all take my vitamins.”

Bucky let out a quiet laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling as his nose scrunched up. It was an annoyingly good look on him, his smile radiating around him like a brilliant flash of light.
He seemed so young when he smiled, all those years of anguish and torture just melting away. Sam wanted to make him laugh, make him smile more often, to get this unreserved Bucky to come forth to the light and SHINE.

Sam gave him a gentle push with his shoulder, delighting at how the contact made Bucky’s cheeks flush oh so slightly.

How interesting. He wondered what else he could do to get that reaction from him.

Rhodey came marching in, sitting down heavily at the other end of the table with an exhausted sigh. Sam reached down, giving Bucky a quick, reassuring squeeze on his right hand. ‘I’m alright.’ It was meant to say. ‘We’re good.’

“Anything?” Sam asked, grimacing as Rhodey slowly looked up with tired eyes.

“He’s a jack ass, is what he is.” Rhodey ground out, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a flask. Sam heard Bucky let out an obnoxious snort beside him. Sam swiftly smacked his side. Rhodey didn’t seem in the mood for their usual shenanigans, and to be frank, he didn’t want to get slammed into another wall anytime soon.

His chiropractor would not be thrilled.

“Should just let Barnes stab him, honestly.” Rhodey continued, taking a large gulp from his flask. He grimaced, pulling a disgusted face as he looked at the flask with an affronted glare. “The fuck is this shit they drink here?”

Bucky walked over, plucking the flask from Rhodey’s hands. He gave it a whiff, his nose scrunching up at the smell. “Smells like frog fuel.” He said simply, handing it back. Rhodey blinked up at him.
“I’m sorry, fucking what now?”

Sam sighed wearily, rubbing at the tension headache slowly beginning to pulsate at the base of his skull. “Guys, the topic at hand.” He watched a slow, devilish smirk spread across Bucky’s face.

“No fucking stabbing, Barnes!”

Bucky sucked his teeth with far more sass than Sam would have thought possible, pouting as he came to sit back beside him. He gave Sam a friendly elbow to the side, the dick.

“You never let me have any fun, Wilson.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, looking to Rhodey who was watching them with that obnoxious, knowing look. He was also dick.

And he was going to be insufferable about this, he just knew it.

“So, because I don’t let you stab someone, I’m not letting you have any fun?” He asked. Bucky gave a shrug. Sam leaned in slightly, because you know what? Fuck it.

He dropped his voice low enough for only Bucky to hear; he could see Rhodey out of the corner of his eye, making a rather rude gagging motion. “I guess I need to change that, don’t I?” he said suggestively.

Bucky slowly turned his head to face him, his face blank and impassive. The only tell that Sam could fish out was the way his pupils seemed to dilate and draw to his lips, his cheeks and neck flushing such a lucious pink color.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, his breath seeming to catch. “I guess you do.” He whispered, slowly leaning back into his seat, eyebrows cocked in challenge.

Sam gave him a sly wink. “Told you to be careful how you fucked with me, Buck.”

Rhodey cleared his throat, taking another swig of his drink. “Okay, so if we aren’t stabbing anyone with knives, we aren’t stabbing at all. You two got that memo?”

Sam squawked in indignation. “Rhodes!”

“Wow.” Bucky looked up, eyebrows raised.

“I’m just saying that we all need to focus. Keep our minds at the task at hand.” Rhodey rubbed at his temples. “All I’ve gotten from coffee boy is that he is one, TERRIFIED of Barnes, and TWO, he is terrified of however he works for.”

Bucky’s expression clouded slightly, his eyes cutting to the back room. “Well,” he said evenly, standing up and wiping his hands on his tight tac pants. “Guess we should see which one he’s more afraid of.” His lips turned up into a mirthless smirk. “Bet you I can guess which one he’ll swing towards.”

Sam frowned, feeling that nagging sense of worry beginning to gnaw at his gut, the light mood evaporating into vapor. “Are you sure you want to go that route, Buck?” He asked, watching as Bucky turned his eyes to the floor. He was chewing on his lip anxiously, working it roughly between his teeth. “We can find another way.”

Bucky looked back up, his eyes a startling baby blue in the murky light of their dingy motel room. “There isn’t, Sam.” He murmured, moving to pull out a knife from his belt. He twirled it around his fingers without much thought, the blade spinning haphazardly and glinting wickedly in the light. “They’ve made a breakthrough with the serum, and we need to find out how and where. We don’t have time to sit here and debate what we should and should not do. We are already three steps behind them.”

He sniffed, the tension in his broad shoulders giving way to his unease. “Besides, who better to do it?”

“We can find another way, Buck.” Sam insisted. “A less stabby approach.”

“Maybe that works in Pararescue Sam, but it’s not going to work here. You either stab first or get stabbed.” Sam watched as Bucky’s grip tightened along the handle. “And I’m not letting them draw first blood.”

Rhodey grumbled in agreement. “He’s right, Sam.” He jerked his head towards the door. “We need the intel. Sometimes you’ve gotta do the wet work.” His face pulled into a tired grimace. “I’m not saying we’re going to enjoy it, but war is war. You can’t fix everything with a speech. Not this time around.”

Sam watched as Bucky rolled his shoulders back, the sound of his neck popping audible from across the room. He seemed to be steeling himself, his eyes growing more distant as he looked towards the back room. He took another deep breath, eyes catching Sam’s before he made his way towards the door.

“Sometimes, there just isn’t a choice, Sam.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Sam couldn’t be sure how long it had been since Bucky had disappeared behind that old, rackety door, but guessing by how the shadows were growing longer across the beds, it had been more than just a few hours.

Rhodey sat quietly in the room corner, one eye always on the door, constantly fidgeting with his lighter. Sam could feel himself growing more and more uneasy, the absolute silence seeming to close in around him.

“Shouldn’t we be hearing, I don’t know, something?” he asked, foot bouncing up and down in anticipation. “Not saying that I WANT to hear anything, but it’s so quiet.” Sam made way to stand up, but Rhodey just sighed, flicking the lighter up and down.

“It’s alright, Sam. Barnes soundproofed the room when we first got here.” Rhodey slapped the cap shut, the sound resonating in the otherwise vacant room. “You were kind of out of it then.”

Sam frowned, eyes glued to the door, looking for any sign of any life. “How the hell do we know everything is okay in there? What if something happens?”

Rhodey raised an eyebrow. “No offense, Wilson. But I think you don’t give Barnes there enough credit.” He took a deep breath, slouching deeper into his chair. “Besides, not sure you want to hear what’s currently going on behind that door.”

“How can you sit here so calmly?” Sam shot, feeling a flash of anger.

Rhodes simply looked up, his face tired and weary. “It’s unfortunately not my first rodeo with interrogations, Sam.” He looked out the window, continuing to thumb his lighter. “Had to do a lot of this back before I was a Colonel. Never gets any easier.”

Sam glanced back towards the door, anxiety bubbling in his gut. If Rhodey was feeling that way, how was Bucky?

Was Bucky okay in there? Not physically, but mentally? Sam knew, better than anyone, how Bucky didn’t take pleasure in hurting people.

In fact, it always made Bucky incredibly distraught the more he thought about it. Every time they’d both had to take a life, and always when it was necessary, Bucky had that same forlorn, distant gaze, his body seeming to collapse on himself. He always seemed so small, despite his large stature, like caving in on himself would make him invisible to the carnage.

Sam abruptly stood up with that train of thought, striding over to the door. He’d be damned if Bucky was alone in this.

Rhodey made a grumble of protest. “Sam,” he warned. “I would wait if I were you.”

“I’m not just going to keep sitting here, Rhodes. Not with him in there all by himself.”

Sam’s hand grasped the door, and just as he made way to turn the knob, the door flew open. He quickly let go of the handle, moving backwards as Bucky quietly walked in.

His hands and clothing were clean, not a single drop of blood on him. But what Sam noticed were his eyes, how they were glazed over in a dissociative state. He could hear sobbing coming from inside the room. Bucky quietly shut the door behind him, walking past Sam as if he were invisible. He plopped down heavily onto the nearest chair, eyes vacant as he subconsciously picked at his right hand’s fingernails.

“Buck?” Sam walked over, gently kneeling beside him. He very slowly lifted his hand, draping it carefully onto Bucky’s, squeezing lightly to stop him from continuing to pick off his cuticles.

Bucky startled slightly at the contact, his eyes clearing. He glanced at Sam, biting his lip hard enough that Sam could make out blood beginning to pool between his teeth. Sam squeezed his hand again, leaning in slightly in concern. “Bucky, are you okay?” He murmured lowly.

Bucky gave a stiff nod, sniffing as he wiped his mouth with his Vibranium hand. “Yeah.” He said gruffly, looking towards Rhodes. “Got what we needed, so…” he paused, sniffing. “That’s good news.”

Rhodey thumbed at his lighter, the clicking starting up again. He gave Bucky a slow, sympathetic nod. “I take it that’s the only good news?”

Bucky nodded, sagging heavily into the back of the chair. Sam could feel his grip tighten on his hand. “Yeah. I know how they created the serum.” He looked between Sam and Rhodey. “You aren’t going to like it.”

Sam sighed. “Well, I don’t like any of this shit. Doubt it could get worse.” A wince crossed over Bucky’s features.

“Oh, God. Don’t tell me it gets worse.” Sam moaned.

“Well, for starters, HYDRA had people at the hospital while I was…” Bucky stopped, breathing in deeply. Sam could see fear flutter through his eyes. “Incapacitated. They took some of my blood and used that as a template to create a vial of Super Soldier serum.”

Sam could feel his heart leap into his throat. He gaped at Bucky, shock freezing any reasonable train of thought or intellectual answer. “The fuck?”

Rhodes quickly sat up, his face going from placid to tense. “How is that even possible? Either myself or Sam were with you the entire time. You were never alone.”

“He said it was a nurse. She must have snuck a sample while they were dosing me.” Bucky said quietly, his hand twitching in Sam’s. He could feel him fighting the urge to pick his skin. “HYDRA is always in plain sight, remember?”

“Where is this nurse now? Did he say?” Sam asked. Bucky frowned.

“He couldn’t answer that. I’m assuming she never even worked there in the first place, so she’ll be long gone by the time we ever get back to the States. But we have bigger fish to fry. He said that the sample was only enough to create one viable dose, and well…” Bucky waved aimlessly around them. “They’re back to square one. They seem to think they have more of an idea of how to recreate it, which means that testing is going to triple in the coming weeks. That means more casualties.”

“Did he say where they are operating out of?” Rhodes quipped. Bucky gave a slow nod.

“Eventually, yeah. Didn’t want to give that tidbit up. They’re operating out of one of the Power Brokers clubs in Hightown. Very exclusive and next to impossible to infiltrate.” Bucky leaned forward, resting his head on the armrest. “Not impossible though. I could get in and out. Get what we need.”

Sam could hear alarm bells beginning to ring in his head. “Uh, that doesn’t sound like the greatest idea, Buck.” He said. “Us separating never exactly goes well, in case you haven’t noticed. And you just said they don’t have any more material to make more vials, don’t you think you’d be serving yourself up on a silver platter just waltzing in?”

Bucky stayed quiet, his eyes cutting to Sam’s before looking back down to the ragged carpet. Oh, God.

“Bucky, you are absolutely not being bait! Are you out of your mind?!” Sam looked to Rhodey. “Rhodes, tell him that’s a shit idea!”

Rhodey nodded in agreement. “That is, without a doubt, a shit plan Barnes.”

Bucky sucked his teeth, quickly standing up and pulling his hand from Sam’s. He started pacing the perimeter of the room, eyes darting out the windows, assessing for threats. He turned back, continuing to wear away at his bottom lip. “What else are we going to do? We don’t have many options. They want a Super Soldier, let’s give them one. I can infiltrate their operation, learn the layout, find out where the hostages are and relay it back to you guys on the outside.”

Sam felt his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline in disbelief. “That is a stupid fucking plan! If you’re right and Sharon is involved in all of this, you don’t think she’d have a way to keep you incapacitated? She was up close and personal with Steve, Buck. She knows a Super Soldiers limits, their weaknesses. You are NOT invincible.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “I know I’m not invincible, Sam. I’m aware of that fact.”

“But are you?” Sam questioned, abruptly standing up. “You ran out blindly from that corner earlier. You could have been shot!”

Bucky sniffed. “But I wasn’t.”

Sam took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and slowly counting to ten. He could feel his blood pressure beginning to rise. “Buck...you are too reckless with your life.” He moved forward, coming chest to chest with Bucky. “You just throw yourself into situations without a second thought of what could happen to you. You can die, you do know that right?” Sam waved his arm around them.

“You know the serum doesn’t make you fucking Superman, you’re not invincible. One of these days, that luck streak of yours is going to run out.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, the corner of his lip twitching downward. “I know I can die, Sam.” He clucked his tongue, ruefully shaking his head as he turned his back. “And I wouldn’t call whatever the fuck I have going on luck. If I’d had any, I would have died back in 45.”

Sam felt like he’d been dosed in ice water, his heart stuttering at how cavalier Bucky was being about death. How he was acting like he should have died all those years ago, how his behavior was lining up-

He saw Rhodey shift out of the corner of his eye, concern flooding his features as they both turned to face Bucky, his back still turned from them. Sam could make out the tightness of his shoulders, his Vibranium hand clenching and unclenching.

“Buck,” Sam said lowly, “You don’t mean that.”

Bucky turned around, his face void of any emotion. But Sam could see it, could see it in his eyes, the absolute anguish shimmering in them. The despair and misery just beneath the surface, barely hidden behind the haphazard mask he threw on.

“But I do.” Bucky’s facade began to crack, his voice breaking as he continued. “If I’d had any luck at all, I would have died falling off that train. Do you have any idea how many lives would have been spared? Do you know what I’ve done? What, even now, I’m capable of?” Bucky forcefully pointed to the back room, his eyes flashing coldly in the poor lighting.

“I’m so good at what they made me, that I didn’t even have to TOUCH him to get what we needed. All I had to fucking do was watch and observe, to find the weaknesses in his armor, and I did that all without ever laying a finger on him. I’m a weapon, and I’ll always be a weapon. And I’ll always be hunted, and there will always be someone who will want to use me for their own gains. It would be better for everyone if I was out of the equation, Sam.”

Rhodey slowly made his way out of his chair, eyes intently on Bucky. Sam made to move forward, but Rhodey shot his arm out, blocking him. Sam watched as Rhodey moved to stand beside Bucky, his eyes observing the town down below them.

“I get how you feel, Barnes.” He said quietly, keeping his eyes on the scenery below. “I’ve done things I’m not proud of, hurt people because I was told it was the right thing to do. That I was serving my Country, serving a greater power than myself. That I was being selfless. Everyone in this room has.” He looked over to Bucky. “Not the same thing as you. By any means. I’ll never understand the sheer hell you went through. Anyone who says they understand are full of shit, but I get where you’re coming from, those emotions. But let me tell you right now, son. The world is a better place with you in it.” Rhodey pointed to Sam. “We are better for it. Me. Sam. The things that happened to you, that wasn’t your fault. And I know people have told you that time and time again, and that after the hundredth time, it goes in one ear and out the other, but it’s the god honest truth. You can’t change the past, Barnes. None of us can. All we can do is make the most of what is ahead of us. And you’ve done that.”

Rhodey glanced around the room, his hand clinging onto his lighter. “You’ve volunteered to help this dipshit with being Captain America. You’ve helped me through hours and hours of fucking paperwork, even when I know the Pentagon makes you uncomfortable. You help obnoxiously cheerful Torres with the wings. You go out and volunteer at the animal shelter. You do so much good in the world, Barnes. That’s not even the tip of the iceberg.”

Sam watched as Rhodey clasped a firm grip onto Bucky’s shoulder, giving him a little shake. “You are a good man, James. And you know I don’t do all the fluffy bullshit to make people feel better, but it’s true. You’re a good man whose had the shittiest end of the stick, yet you’ve come out stronger than anyone I know could of. You could have become the villain, yet here you are. Always being the hero.”

Bucky seemed to stutter at that. He blinked a few times, a furrow between his brows. “How-“ he looked at Rhodey cautiously. “How do you know about the animal shelter?”

Rhodey snorted, a vibrant grin spreading across his face. “C’mon, now. Didn’t think you’re the only one who’s good at spy shit, are you?”

“Do you have a wire tap in my apartment? Because I swear-“

“Jesus Barnes, way to have confidence in me. I’m not that good, but thanks for the ego boost. No, my niece happens to work there.” Rhodey smirked. “Told me about the whole ordeal months ago.”

“Huh.” Bucky responded.

Rhodey continued to smile. “Told me you were thinking about getting a cat, too.”

Sam blinked. “A cat?”

He watched as Bucky turned to face them fully, a bewildered look on his face. “What?” he asked, looking between Rhodey and Sam. “What’s wrong with me liking cats?”

“You uh, just don’t seem like a cat person. Or like, an animal person in general.” Sam grinned, reaching forward to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I know what to get you for your birthday now.”

Bucky’s face turned into a glower, the last of his reserved angst melting away. Sam watched as his shoulders loosened, his hands hanging by his sides. Even his eyes seemed brighter, sparkling in the light with begrudging annoyance and gratitude. Sam was really going to need to take Rhodey out for a beer after this was all said and done.

He also needed to be a better friend to Rhodey too. He needed to be better in general.

Bucky gave a loud scoff, pulling Sam from his derailing thoughts. He folded his arms as he gave him a wilting look, his eyebrows pulling up in an exasperation. “When are you going to get me a present? Next year, Samuel?”

Sam blinked again. Shit. When was Bucky’s birthday again? He swore it was in July-

“Your birthday’s in July, right?”

Rhodey groaned from behind him. “Honest to God, Sam. Are you kidding me?”

“We’ve been partners for almost two years, and you don’t even know my birthday? It’s literally in a MUESUM, Sam. It’s in your nephews history books-“

“I don’t even know my own birthday!” Sam yelped, quickly pulling out his phone. God, Google was such an amazing tool.

“Are you fucking googling it right now?” Bucky demanded, hand quickly snatching his phone.

“Hey!” Sam smacked him, reaching out and trying to grab it back. Bucky lifted his hand above their heads, his head tilting to the side in that irritatingly coy and competent quirk. He looked up, giving an overdramatic gasp as he looked at the screen.

“You were! Gosh, and to think I thought we were closer than that-“

“Bucky, Jesus Christ. You are the most dramatic person I know. Give my shit back-“

“Can’t even remember when I was born without googling it. That hurts, Sam. Do you remember my actual name? Do you know my first name, Samuel Wilson?”

“Oho, you think you’re cute. James, if you don’t give me back my phone, I WILL kill you-“

“Aha! You do remember my name! At least you’re not a complete idiot-“

“I can’t believe this. You’re insufferable. You’re truly insufferable…”

“And to think I snogged someone who doesn’t even know my BIRTHDAY, what would my Momma say-“

“Hold the fuck on, you two kissed?” Rhodey jutted in, eyes wide with intrigue. “It finally fucking happened?”

Sam whipped around, giving Rhodey his best glare. Scratch that. He took all the things he thought about previously back. That mother fucker was going to get hit in the head with a beer bottle instead.

“The fuck do you mean, it finally happened, RHODEY?” Sam gritted out, pursing his lips and attempting to give Rhodey a sneaky explicit hand gesture. Rhodey looked down, giving him an unbothered shrug.

“Mature, Sam.”

Bucky looked between the two of them. “Is there something I don’t know about?”

“Nope.” Sam gave a faux grin. “Absolutely nothing, Jamie. Don’t you worry about it.”

Bucky frowned, looking at Rhodey who was conveniently lighting a napkin on fire with his lighter. “Rhodes, is there something I don’t know about? Also, why are you lighting that napkin on fire? You’re going to set off the fire alarms…”

Rhodey suddenly looked up, yelling in excitement. “That’s it!!” He yelled, clapping the two of them on the shoulder. Sam winced at the sting.

“I figured it out. I know how we can get into that club.” He waved his lighter in his hand, eyes flashing. “We’ve got all the tools we need right here. Go in undercover, gather the intel incognito, walk right back out the front door under the cover of chaos. Easy.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. “Under what chaos, exactly?”

“Fire.” Rhodey threw the lighter to Bucky, the metal clinking as it made contact with Vibranium. “Set off the sprinklers and it will initiate immediate evacuation. If your cover gets blown, you can easily disappear into the chaos.”

“I’m sorry, whose cover now?” Sam gave Rhodey a considering look. He pointed a finger at Bucky. “Because we are NOT sending him in there alone. Not after our whole, heart to heart and all-“

Sam paused, growing uneasy at the unchecked glee sparkling in Rhodey’s eyes. He could feel Bucky shifting next to him. Guess he was picking up on that too.

Shit.

“Oh, don’t you worry there, Sam.” A slow grin broke over Rhodey’s face. “I have just the thing in mind…”