Family Relations
"James, there's some people here who want to see you."
He looked up from his hunched position at the kitchen table. The frustrations of the day had caught up to him, he'd left his meal half eaten, and pushed the rest around as he replayed his mistakes. Natalia had been patient and understanding. She had tried to talk him through it, explain that it wasn't all on him, that he couldn't blame himself every single time. But the mission had gone so south, and the memories it had brought up were haunting and filling him with pain now.
"She reached out to us, she asked to come and I think it's important you talk to her. I think it could bring some healing."
She held open the door to their small apartment and an old woman who looked like she could die at any moment sat in a wheel chair. Her skin was paper thin, white hair stuck out in almost every direction. Years of wrinkles cluttered her face but he would never forget those eyes. Those eyes had begged him to stay home from the war. Begged him to play with her each day, and so much more.
"R-Rebecca?" His voice was shaky, uncertain. He didn't want to get his hopes up. He couldn't get his hopes up.
"Jamie..."
There was only one person who had ever called him Jamie. Even now name was quiet, hardly above a whisper but it was enough to break him. To send him to his knees shaking. He dropped his head in her lap, fingers gripping at the blanket covering her lap. Her worn fingers resting on his head as they both cried. His little sister. Alive. He had been to scared to find out. Feared that she would have passed in a horrible way. Or worse, hate him for what he had become. He did, so why wouldn't she? But here she was. A piece of who James Buchanan had been. Who he could be again.
"I didn't believe the news, when they said you were alive. And still so young. But then they said you had done such horrible things."
He sat up and shook his head, salty tears still trickling down his face. "I didn't want to I swear, but-"
"I know Jamie. I know." She smiled at him, and then coughed. A sickening sound as she struggled to dislodge whatever was causing it. James immediately moved back unsure how to help her. She may have been his litter sister but she had lived a life, and it was catching up to her.
The woman behind her chair knelt and pulled out a water bottle. "Here you go mom."
James hadn't noticed her before. She has the same round face as Rebecca, the bright blue eyes of the Barnes family. Her dark hair was turning gray but she still had youth in her. He imagined she resembled Becca 25 years ago.
"Mom?" He looked at his little sister with a smile.
Rebecca nodded. "This it's my daughter, Winnie."
"After mama?" He asked quietly. Rebecca once again nodded. Her frail fingers brushed James' cheek before falling to her lap.
"And behind her, would be my great-great grand daughter. Jamie." A hesitant child popped her head out, she looked the same as Rebecca had the day he left.
11 years old, and he had said good bye for good. But neither of them had known it that day. He had promised he'd be home, and asked her to watch over Steve.
"Jamie?" He rose to his feet, shaking. Her grandchild had named her daughter after him. Of all the people they could have chosen they chose him. "That's-that's a beautiful name."
"She looks just like you." James took a step towards her and the girl hid behind her grandmother. Winnie turned and tried to encourage her to step out but she refused.
"It's okay. I understand." He held up his hands and stepped back. "Your great grandma was a pretty shy girl too when she was your age."
That got her to peak her head out with an eyebrow raised. She took a small step to the side, and James saw a pink tutu on top of pink tights. Her princess rain jacket covered the top of the leotard but he had spent enough time around girls wearing them that he knew what they looked like.
"Do you do ballet?" She nodded, fingers still gripping her grandmother's pants.
"My friend by the door, Natasha, is a ballerina as well. She is really good at it. Maybe you to could dance together sometime?"
Natalia stepped foreword from the door she was standing at. She moved to James' side and took his hand. "Now he is just being humble. He dances too. And he is very good."
Rebecca laughed, followed by another cough. "James? Dancing? Surely not my brother."
"Oh but he does. He is an incredible dancer."
"Nat." He shook his head and she slapped his chest playfully.
"Now who is being shy?" She dropped his hand and stepped towards Jamie. "I have some snacks in the kitchen, and I think we might even have some princess movies that you could watch if your grandma says it's okay?"
The quiet girl looked up at her grandmother who gave her a soft nod. Jamie stepped away from her grandmother for the first time and reached up for Natalia's hand letting her lead her away to the kitchen.
"Uncle Bucky, would it be okay if we moved mom to the couch? I think it might be a bit more comfortable for her."
The words caught him off guard. In the last few months of his life he hadn't dreamed of being called uncle. "I-I"
Stuttering before his mind caught up he nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I just-"
He didn't finish. Instead he took the wheel chair and moved it next to the recliner. Leaning down he scooped his sister out and placed her on the work leather. She smiled up at him and he could almost see the girlhood twinkle in her eyes as he placed a blanket over her and popped out the foot rest.
Slowly he sank into the couch across from her. He rested his hands on his knees and took a couple shaky breaths. "Mom and Dad?"
Winnie sat beside him and spoke. He understood. Rebecca's days of long conversations were long since passed and he was content to have her near.
"Grandma passed away about 15 years after the war ended. Mom said she was never the same after the letter came. She believed it was an error, and she refused to believe you were gone. It caused a lot of tension in the family as grandpa tried to get her to move on and she wouldn't. Turns out she was right. Grandpa made it to his later 90s. Mom here seems to be taking after him."
James looked at his sister, her eyes had closed and a soft snore escaped her lips. He chuckled softly and smiled. He still couldn't believe it.
"Do you have any siblings? Your father?"
"My father was Johnathon Stevens, he was a great man. He treated my mother with the upmost respect. He passed a few years back. I had an older brother. James. He developed a smoking habit. Unfortunately it killed him before he married or had children."
"I'm so sorry." He shook his head and bit down in his lip.
"He idolized you. And passed that love on to my own son."
Winnie pulled out her phone and opened her photos app. Leaning over she showed him a digital copy taken of a photograph of a young boy and girl. He could have sworn it was himself standing there.
She scrolled on, showing him a few more of their childhood years as well as a few from her wedding and her children's lives.
"My brother taught my son everything about you. They studied every book that mentioned you. Every time Captain America came up they both made sure to remind those they were speaking to of his best friend. The only Howling Commando to loose his life in the war. After my brother passed, my son continued to learn and decided to join the army much to the dismay of my husband and I."
"Iraq?" James asked quietly.
She nodded gripping her phone. "He left behind a pregnant wife, and a daughter."
She wiped away a few tears and straightened. "His wife lives with my husband and I now, and you met Jamie. Her little sister's name is Rylee. She was born with a heart condition, so her mom is with her at the hospital often. She's 8 years old and has been through more than most adults but she's strong and anxious to meet her new uncle."
James sat in silence not sure what to say. The tragedies his family had endured had not ended with his death, some could argue that had just been the tip of the ice burg. And now to have him back, but not just him the stories, the rumors, and the truths around him.
"I'm sorry. I-I should have been there. I should have been able to help." Winnie reached a hand over and placed it on his. Instinct kicked in telling him to move it away but he fought it. Allowing her to comfort him.
"There is nothing you could have done. And what you suffered is far beyond anything we have dealt with. What Hydra did to you and made you do, for that I am terribly sorry. You need to know, none of us blame you. We know it wasn't you. Mom never gave up hope that you were alive. Sometimes I think it's the only reason she herself is still alive. She was determined to see you again. Alive. And she was right. Had she known then though, uncle Bucky she would have never stopped looking."
"I know. But it's for the best she didn't know. They would have done the same or worse to her had she tried." He watched his sleeping sister and took a deep breath in.
"I would like to be a part of the family if possible. I know things are hard, I know the news that is being said and I understand if the answer is no. I know there are risks allowing me to and I wouldn't blame you for a minute. But-"
"We expect you at every family gathering Uncle Bucky."
"Thank you."
Jamie came running in dragging Natalia behind her, in full performance attire - bun and all. She smiled at James and his heart melted. He had his family back, and he had her.
"Jamie has taught me a new dance that she would like to show everyone if that's okay."
"GG wake up! I wanna show you. Nat taught me a new dance move. Wake up!" She was climbing on the recliner and James stood to move her off and allow his sister to rest when he heard the soft groan.
"I'm awake little one."
With that the girl jumped down and ran back to Natalia who had turned on the Bluetooth speaker and started one of the many songs from the sawn lake. His least favorite of ballets, it was over produced but with these two dancing to it he didn't care.
He moved to push the recliner in and help Becca gain a better view of the dance. She thanked him and caught his hand in hers. Her cold skin pressed against his and he knelt beside her seat as the girls began with small movements. Natalia has graceful as ever, Jamie following her movements with little more clumsily but just as proud.
James beamed as the song ended and the girls took their bows. Jamie looked up with a wide smile at her grandma and her 'GG' waiting for them to clap. And clap they did.
"It's good to see you happy Jamie." Becca squeezed his hand and he looked over at her. "She's more than a friend isn't she?"
"She's everything." He smiled and turned his gaze to the red head who was now leading the young girl back out of the room.
"I'm glad you have found her. I was worried with all the news that maybe-" she shook her head and pointed to her bag. "Winnie, could you get the box I packed?"
Winnie nodded and stood to rummage through the never ending Mary Poppins bag.
"Will you tell me how you met?"
"I'm not sure-"
"Please James, I missed out on your whole life and you mine. I don't have much more time left. Indulge me."
"You always were good at convincing me to do stupid things." He laughed and sat back on the couch. He thought back trying to piece together what would be safe to tell her. What wouldn't let her see how much pain he'd been through. "The only mission Hydra gave me that I am thankful for was to train a group of girls, ballerinas who were being sent under cover. I had strict orders and every intention of following them but there was one girl, bright red hair and the grace of an angel who I couldn't stop watching. She was incredible."
Winnie handed her mother a dark brown box and moved back to her seat, content to listen to her uncle talk about what little of his life he was willing to share.
"I don't know how long it was after I started training her but we fell in love and we were ready to run away from it all. Escape and start our lives. Real lives even though neither of us really knew what that meant. But it -" he stopped himself and shook his head. "The timing wasn't right. Our paths took us different directions and-"
"They took you away didn't they?" Winnie asked the question. "My husband and I both worked for shield uncle Bucky. Mom didn't but she is well versed in what they did to you. You don't need to hide it from her."
With an ache in his heart he nodded and started again "They ripped her away, dragged me out and wiped me. Stole every memory I had of her. Stole the one thing that had made me feel human in a very long time."
"And forced me to watch." Natalia stood in the hallway, this time with out her little shadow. Nodding to the back room. "She's practicing a new dance."
Taking a few steps into the room she rested her hand on his shoulder. "They told me if I disobeyed again they would kill him. It was enough to stop me for a very long time. To convince myself to move on for his own safety. Until I learned how important he was to them. After that I escaped and I tried to find him. But when something is valuable you do everything you can to protect it."
James looked at her and nodded. Their lives hadn't been easy. They'd hit every roadblock, yet here they were. Finally getting a happily ever after.
"She's helped me find myself again. She's been there through everything."
"Uncle Bucky?" A timid voice spoken from the door way, the little brunette stood hands clasped in front of her as she twisted on her toes.
"Yes Jamie?" He tried to give a big comforting smile, tried to cover up anything that could scare her. But he didn't know how well he was accomplishing that.
"Will you dance with me?" She looked up at him, the hesitation and shyness evident in her eyes.
Nodding he knelt down in front of her and offered his right hand. "It would be my pleasure."
Natalia turned on another song from Swan Lake and James led the girl around the room. She giggled and he picked her up and spun her. Her grandmother and great grandmother smiled at the two as they danced. James felt at home with the girl. She was family, even if they didn't know each other yet. He would do anything to protect her.
As the dance slowed her grandmother stood and clapped. "That was beautiful! You'll have to show Grandpa at Rylee's birthday party next week!"
Jamie nodded and ran to her grandma's side. "Is Uncle Bucky invited? And Natasha?"
The older woman nodded and began packing up her bag. "Of course they are."
"We will be there." James stepped forward and placed his hand around Natalia's waist. She moved in close to him, laying her head on his shoulder.
"We should get going, Jamie has dance lessons soon and her mother will need a ride home from the hospital." Winnie grabbed her bag and grabbed the wheelchair, moving it closer to the recliner where her own mother rested.
James let go of Natalia and moved to his sister's side. He picked the frail woman up and set her in the chair where she adjusted the blanket around her legs. He pressed his lips to her forehead before stepping behind her chair and grabbing the handles.
"You and all of your family are welcome here any time Rebecca."
"Thank you James. Thank you for everything."
"You have nothing to thank me for."
He walked Rebecca and her family to the car, giving each a quick and slightly uncomfortable hug before they climbed into the car. He helped Rebecca climb into the front seat of the car and handed her the blanket.
She grabbed his left hand and he froze instantly trying to pull it back. He was always careful about who he allowed to touch it. He'd been free over a year now but he still wasn't sure how much he trusted himself, and his arm was a major contributor to that. But she shook her head and slipped a small brown box into his palm.
"Mama gave this me and told me it was meant to be yours. You don't have to use it now, but when the time is right."
She moved her hand to his cheek and smiled up at him "Tell Steve he's as handsome as ever."
James slipped the box into his pocket and laughed as memories of her girlhood crush came rushing back. "Next time you come let me know and you can tell him yourself."
He watched as they drove away, peace filling his body for once. The struggles of the weekend gone, replaced by comfort and joy. Something he'd thought had been lost forever was his again. In a very different way, but he'd take it.
Once the car turned off the road he turned back to the apartment building he and Nat had selected to make their home. He pulled out the box and opened it. A weathered piece of paper falling from it as he did so. He knelt to pick it up and caught the silver glint in the sunlight. He stopped and lifted the box to make sure he wasn't crazy. Mama's ring.
He clutched it closing his eyes and taking in the meaning. Becca had held on to it for him over 70 years and she still kept it safe for him.
He waited until he'd entered the apartment to unfold the aged paper. Carefully he opened the note and smiled at the familiar handwriting. His mother had always taken pride in her near handwriting.
'My dearest James,
I know you may not ever receive this but in my heart I feel that you will. I cannot explain it and your father believes me to be crazy. Crazy or not, this was always meant for you. Perhaps when or if you find it there will be a woman deserving of it, if not I pray you will hold on to it until you find such a woman.
I love you son. I miss you desperately. As I near the end of my time I ache unsure that I will be seeing you on the other side. If my feelings are right, then not yet. But someday. And hopefully I will meet her too. Until that day, know we pray for you.
With love,
Your mother.'
He gripped the note and closed his eyes.
"What's that?" Natalia stood in the kitchen, leaning over their small island. Her hands were clasped as she watched him.
He turned to look at her with a smile. "A gift, from my mother."