Being an Avenger is fun, until you get grounded for going rouge on your last mission. However being grounded not only meant no-missions it meant no going out as well and when you broke that rule you got yourself a babysitter in the form of an almost alien, aka Carol Danvers. It was the third day that Carol had stayed with you, the only reason she was there is her girlfriend who she was visiting on Earth and when Fury called in for a favour she couldn’t say no, Maria worked late hours so it was perfect for Carol to fill her free time somehow.
You were laying in bed, the bright screen of your laptop almost blinding you as you decided to leave the lights off, you were a mess, but it’s not like a lot of people were going to see you, your hair remained unwashed and you were in the same pyjamas since Monday, it was not Sunday. A sight left your lips as your eyes scanned the screen, reading upon what has been troubling you lately - dating. You were no longer in high school, but a young adult, who freshly turned twenty, yet still with one relationship in your whole life, that particular relationship has been troubling you recently and you couldn’t seem to push the thoughts about it away. As the door to your room opened you quickly closed the laptop making Carol flip the light switch and blind you for a second.
“What are you up to?” She smiled glancing at the device in front of you. “You’re not causing any trouble, right? I mean you don’t want Fury to add two more weeks to your house arrest…”
“I’m not I was just— It’s just private.”
“That doesn’t sound any better.” She chuckled before sitting down next to you on the bed.
Carol always looked put together, she was wearing a greet graphic t-shirt and some black jeans, her hair in a messy ponytail that a couple hair strands has fallen out of.
“So, what’s the secret, hm?” She grinned. “Come on! We’ve spend almost three full days together now and you’ve known me longer, you can tell me.” She nodded in an attempt to encourage you.
“It’s nothing, I was just… Reading…”
“Reading? That’s the big secret? Well, nothing will surprise me after what Kate has shown me online, apparently people are a big fans of reading po—“
“Oh my god.” You cut her off. “I wasn’t reading that crap, I mean… no offence to Daisy and Kate, but I’m not a huge fangirl.” Your lips formed a thin line as you felt awkward, it was your fault truly for wording it wrong, but you weren’t into that fiction stuff Kate and Daisy bonded over.
You finally sat up after laying down for most of your conversation, your legs crossed as you stared at Carol in silence for a moment.
“Come on… You can tell me… I might be new to a lot of… earthly stuff, but I might help and you seem down.” She gently squeezed your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you.
“I don’t know…” You shook your head. “It’s stupid, I’ve been just going back on forth in my head about this… guy from high school.” You sighed, rubbing your eyes with your hands. “Old story, but we were dating for a brief moment, I just… I don’t even know how to put it into words…”
“It’s okay… Take your time.” A warm smile appeared on Carol’s face as she encountered you to talk more, I mean there’s no harm in that.
You moved around on the bed by pulling your legs up to your chest as you rested your chin on your knees.
“I just, I was just thinking about it and like relationships in general… It was a weird relationship, I mean not weird in a— It was just off, you know? I really liked him, but then when it came down to it, it just felt pretend.”
“How so?” Carol frowned as she focused now fully on you.
“I just I liked him, but… I don’t think I liked him enough, but I—“ Your eyes wondered around the room as you looked for something to focus on as you spoke. “When people are in love they get butterflies, they feel all sorts of ways and I- I felt that too… Or so I thought… I’m just so conflicted on the whole thing…”
“Well, why are you going back to it now? Why not back then?” She tilted her head.
“Because I think I like someone now… But it feels different and— and it’s…—“ You paused, the words seemed to be stuck in your throat. “It’s a girl.” A faint whisper left your mouth, but Carol head it as her eyes softened and she sat up straight before speaking.
“What’s different?”
“It just feels a lot more nicer… I feel safer, I feel like I admire her a lot, like I- I still get excited, I still get butterflies, but it’s so much more calm… With men it was always so, chaotic. I always wanted them to like me, I was so jealous and insecure and at the end of it all I never dated most, except that one guy, but like I said it just felt… fake.”
Carol looked at you for a moment, her green eyes scanning you face, she frowned, unsure if she should say what is it that she’s thinking.
“Have you ever… considered that you might not like men?” She softly spoke, her hand resting on your shoulder.
“W-What?” Your heartbeat speed up as she said it.
“Well, wanting someone to validate you and feeling anxious around them does not equal liking them, bunny…” The nickname left her mouth making your heart warm up a little bit.
“You felt wrong in a relationship with a guy, you felt uncomfortable and nervous around them, you found them pretty, but weren’t attracted to them…“ She continued as you nodded slowly to her words. “That’s not very heterosexual of you.” She smiled.
“And you feel safe with women, right? Safe, loved, you adore them and feel this… weird light sensation around them, you feel butterflies, but they differ from the ones around men, these butterflies are soft, lovely… You admire them and feel excited around them at the same time…” You nodded again. “Well on the other hand, that is very much homosexual of you.”
“But— It doesn’t make any sense, I—“
“It doesn’t have to make sense, what you feel matters… It doesn’t matter what you think or what everyone else wants.”
You two sat in silence as her words sunk into your mind, it was racing so was your heart, it made sense in your brain, but at the same time you wanted to scream, yell, disagree and prove yourself and her wrong.
“And that’s okay… Whoever you love or don’t love… If you love women, men, neither, both, it’s okay… You’re not broken, you’re not going to be fixed, because there is nothing to fix, no matter what anyone tells you, no matter what you’ve been told millions of times.”