Carina and Maya had spent all day together, and when it had been about time for A shift to eat dinner, they went to the station to be there for Ben after his rough day. Carina held Maya’s hand as she drove them in her car. She felt drained after the day she had had, Maya holding her in their bedroom after months of running from her, she wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. It had been awful to release her own fears and wishes for the last seven months of their life together. She had heard Maya’s apology and was ready to accept that Maya wanted to do the work. And she really believed that they could get past this and one day this would just be an awful memory, but it wouldn’t always be what she thought of for a breath moment whenever she saw Maya.
As Carina parked in the station’s lot, she remembered a conversation she had had with Emmett about what it was like loving a firefighter. That every time they left for a shift there was a little fear that came with watching Maya walk out the door. For weeks before Maya collapsed and ended up in the ER, that nagging feeling in the back of her head had begun to live at the front and for 24 hours she was living in fear that Maya would end up in the ER or worse. She watched Maya become a shell of herself, she watched her limp slightly out the door, not wanting to fight that she was overdoing it in the gym. And when she lets herself really live in the moment in the hospital when Jack told her she had collapsed, she had been terrified, but also a tiny part of her hadn’t be surprised. She had been waiting for it subconsciously since Halloween, if not before.
Now that fear felt like a memory, she turned her head to see Maya quickly look away as if not wanting to be caught openly staring. This Maya was healthy and was doing her workouts but keeping it to the regulation time of 90 minutes a day. This Maya didn’t scare that she wouldn’t come home because she was too exhausted to do her job. This Maya wouldn’t do anything to make coming home to her harder. They walked into the station hand in hand, but they broke apart when they entered the beanery, they both gave Warren a hug. Carina was reminded that Maya had a dangerous job, but she remembered too that Maya was good at her job and would do everything in her power to come home to her. They sat around the table and served themselves breakfast foods. Maya kept a hand on Carina’s thigh, and she smiled seeing it there. Maya was getting the full story about the call from Andy.
Carina watched as Vic and Theo seemed to be actively avoiding looking at each other, Carina wondered what was going on there. Maya hadn’t really mentioned much about what she thought about Theo being interim captain or if she was angry at about another person that wasn’t her being chosen. In fact, the most they had talked about Maya’s job since they began slowly rebuilding them had been about the blackmail photos. Maya seemed to be content for now to being a good lieutenant. Maya had admitted she wanted her job back. She still wanted to advance, but she didn’t want it any cost anymore. It felt nice to hear Maya say that she would get her back, but she would work for it, but not obsessively.
Maya leaned into Carina, “yours is better, for sure, love.”
“Hmm?” Carina hums, not having kept up with the thread of the conversation too busy in her own head.
“Your French toast. Travis’ is good, but yours is amazing,” Maya says and looks away shyly. Carina smiles remembering the first time Maya had tried her French Toast, she said it might be better than sex. Carina smiles at Maya and they share that private memory with just a smile.
“I don’t know,” Travis says, “I’ve never had any complaints. All the guys like ‘em.”
“Come on, Andy, back me up, you’ve had Carina’s,” Maya says turning to her other side for back up.
Andy looks over at Travis, “Sorry, Trav, Carina’s is…” and Maya makes a chef kiss motion.
“We will all have to just come over and we will have a French Toast off,” Travis says.
Carina watches the smile Maya had had on her face a second ago fade at the mention of everyone going to the apartment, after what Carina had said about how she felt about the apartment, Carina knew Maya wouldn’t bring her moving back in anytime soon. And she wouldn’t plan for things at the apartment either.
In true Travis fashion, he picked up on the emotions of the two wives and quickly said, “or Vic and I’s place. There’s more room in the kitchen.”
“We all get to judge right,” Jack chimes in, “cause a day of French Toast sounds perfect.”
“Sí, everyone judges, then winner gets… ah…bragging rights,” Carina says, and everyone nods in agreement and when the attention is off her and Travis, she mouths to him ‘thank you’ and he gives a small nod of acknowledgement before returning to a conversation with the new firefighter at the table.
Maya had gone back to talking to Andy and Carina leaned closer, resting her head on Maya’s shoulder, today had been full of magic with Maya. She wanted more than anything to just power through and be able to go back to the apartment with her wife and sleep in their bed together. But she couldn’t, not yet. As they stood embraced as Maya promised to put in the work to make them stronger, Carina promised to put in the work to make them stronger as well. Carina wanted to be with Maya. She wanted to be Maya’s wife and she wanted Maya to be hers, but she still couldn’t quite shake the anger and sadness of the last few months. Carina was sure that today had been the first of many amazing, magical moments on their way to be them again. A new version of them, but a version that was just as happy as before and just as in love and stronger for having survived this.
Carina felt Maya turn her head and place a kiss on the top of her head and then ask, “you ready?”
Carina nodded that she was, and they both cleared their plates, each gave Ben a hug and they made their way back to Carina’s car in the lot. They had driven together because they hadn’t wanted to be separated even for the fifteen-minute drive to the station.
As they got into the car, Carina in the driver’s side and Maya in the passenger as Maya said, “let’s go to the hotel. You’ve had a long day and I’ll get an uber back. I just want to make sure you get there safely. If that’s okay?”
“Sí, sounds good,” Carina smiles. Carina puts the car in drive and begins making her way slowly to the hotel. She didn’t want the day to end. She didn’t want to be parted from Maya, today had been so healing and sleeping alone made her feel like they were going backwards no matter how much progress they had made today.
Eventually Carina pulled into the lot, and Maya spoke for the first time since leaving the station, “I think first date protocols dictate that I walk you to the door. If that is okay.”
“I’d like that Bambina,” Carina smiles and they get out of the car and meet at the trunk and Carina grabs hold of Maya’s hand and holds on tightly. Maya doesn’t comment instead she gives her an answering squeeze. They made their way across the lobby and into the elevator. Carina moved fully into Maya’s embrace while they waited for the elevator to stop on her floor. The elevator dinged and they walked slowly, each trying to prolong the time they would see each other. When they made it to Carina’s hotel room, Carina leaned in for a kiss, one that started soft and innocent, but one of them, and Carina wasn’t sure which, deepened it. Maya pulled Carina closer to her by pulling Carina hips while Carina had pulled Maya impossibly closer by her hands that were on Maya’s face. Each kiss after the hospital had its own healing effect on Carina’s heart. The one in the bathroom after the lasagna just to her forehead, had shown Carina that the softness that had always existed between them was still there. The second first kiss, Carina felt the butterflies. And this afternoon reclaiming their own language as they made love had mended so much. This kiss felt like love. Like they had to kiss because they weren’t ready to part yet, when Carina had first moved in, many of their kisses before Maya’s shift had been like this. Each trying to soak up enough of the other to make it through the next 24 hours.
Eventually the need to breath outweighed their desire to keep kissing, Maya stepped back fraction of an inch, “when can I see you again?”
Carina breathes out her answer, “stay, Bambina.”
Carina can tell from the twitch in Maya’s cheek that she wants that just as much as Carina, but her ever gentle Maya instead asks, “are you sure? I don’t want to push. I don’t want it to be too much too soon.”
“Stay,” Carina repeats, “we have spent so much time sleeping apart, I would like to fall asleep with you in bed next to me. Really there.”
“If you’re sure,” Maya hesitantly agrees, and Carina knows that she is thinking of earlier in the day about everything Carina had said.
Carina turns and gets her room key from her pocket and slides it in, and holds the door open for Maya, who takes the invitation and walks through the room. They fall into a familiar pattern of getting ready for bed, Maya takes her jacket and her shoes off and places them on the chair in the corner. Carina goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. When she comes back into the room Maya’s back is still to her and Carina grabs her pajamas and begins to strip her clothes and put her pajamas on. Carina watches Maya as her back stiffens when she hears what Carina is doing, but she doesn’t turn around. Maya gives Carina as much privacy as she can without being obvious. When she is done getting changed, she sits on the bed and Maya goes into the bathroom to wash her face and Carina calls out that the hotel provided one in one of the drawers.
Maya comes back into the room and moves to her side of the bed and sits down on top of the covers as she had after the night of the attack at the clinic. Carina watched her lay down, staying close to the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing, Bambina,” Carina asks.
Maya looks at her confused, “laying down. Did you want me to sleep in the chair?”
Carina smiles, “get under the covers, Bambina.”
“Okay,” Maya says and quickly gets up and resituates herself under the covers.
When Maya is settled, Carina moves closer and rests her head on Maya’s shoulder and Maya wraps her arm around Carina as she takes one of Carina’s hands on her stomach into hers and there they lay. Neither spoke, but they both knew that the other was awake. Carina snuggled closer to Maya; she could hear Maya’s heartbeat. It was strong and was beating a bit faster than normal, but Carina imagined hers was too. While Carina couldn’t let go of the ghosts in the apartment, she was happy to know that being here in Maya’s arms held no ghosts. It was perfect, like everything else they had done today. As Carina drifted off to sleep, she knew that her and Maya would be okay, that as they rebuilt their relationship Carina knew that they would be okay. And with that Carina snuggled closer and Maya squeezed lightly, and they both sleep soundly. Getting the first restful sleep they had had in months.