Let My Love Be Enough
Hank leapt out of the window after Erik. He had to reach him in time, had to save Raven. In a flash, he…”went blue,” as Miriam called it. As he landed, and leapt for Erik’s back, he roared. The screams of the crowd faded, and he focused on Erik, throwing him into the nearby fountain, holding him down. Erik struggled, bubbles fountaining from his mouth, the air escaping from his lungs.
Metal groaned around them. The fountain itself came alive, wrapping around Hank’s arms, his legs, pulling him off with a force stronger than even he could resist. Held spread-eagled in the air, he roared with frustration, walking Magneto stalk off.
And then, as his enemy vanished from sight, Hank became conscious of where he was again, of his surroundings. Of the cameras, capturing his blue form and broadcasting it to the world. Of the shouts and gasps of fear, of the staring eyes. All of humanity saw him as he was.
As a beast. A monster.
The shame lent him strength. He ripped free, the metal pliable now that it was free of Erik’s control, and bounded away. The crowd screamed and scattered before him. They were terrified of him. Of his teeth, his claws, his…blueness.
Miriam. He had to find Miriam. She had the car. The extra serum. He could be normal again. Where was the car? They were supposed to meet here!
There. The car pulled up to the curb. Hank saw light wrapping around him, saw himself splitting. Blue Hank bounded away over the rooftops and vanished. And…he looked down at his hands. Human hands. An illusion, but still. Not his hands; they were too tan. She’d disguised him as a stranger. The car window rolled down. “Get in!” she shouted. He did.
—
She watched in the rear view mirror as Hank ransacked the back seat. “The serum,” he muttered, “Where’s the serum?” Since the car had tinted windows, she had let the illusion drop. The fur on the back of Hank's neck stood straight up, like a scared cat's.
“Hank, calm down. It’s fine. They don’t know you’re in here.” She kept her hands firmly on the wheel. She had to keep driving, had to meet Charles and Logan.
“No, no, you don’t understand. This…I can’t look like this. I can’t…You didn’t see how they looked at me. They all saw. The world saw. I can’t…”
The heartbreak in his voice made something snap. She pulled over, still quite a ways from the rendezvous point, and clambered into the backseat, taking his face in her hands, making him stop his search and meet her eyes.
“Hank. I see you.” She forced herself to look, even as tears budded in both their eyes. “I see you. I see my best friend, one of the strongest people I know. I see someone caring and kind to a fault.”
“No, no. I’m a beast, a monster. I have to—” He tried to yank free of her hands, but she held fast.
“Listen to me, Hank. Listen! You are not. They may see what you look like but they. Don’t. See. You. I see you.” She wanted to shake him. “Hank, look at me. See what I see. Please.”
He gripped her wrists, but didn’t pull her hands away from his cheeks. “Miriam…Miriam, please. I can’t…I can’t look like this.”
“This is a part of you, Hank. You have to accept it. You have to, or you’ll never be whole.”
“How can I? Who would ever love me like this?”
“I would.” The words surprised her even as they came out of her mouth. “I would. I do.”
He stared at her, suddenly speechless. His fingers loosened, and his thumb began stroking small circles on her wrist. The sensation made every nerve in her body come alive. “You…what?” he whispered finally.
“I do. I love you Hank. Like this. Any way and any time and any how, I love you.” She was crying in earnest now. “Please, Hank, I can’t bear it, seeing you like this. Just…stop hurting yourself. Stop hating yourself. Even if you can’t love yourself right now…let my love be enough. Please.”
“Miriam,” he gasped, and then he was kissing her, kissing her like she’d dreamed of for so long. His lips on hers, full of heat. His teeth, sharp enough to draw blood, nibbling at her lower lip until her mouth opened to his. His weight pushed her down, down, until she was laying on her back on the backseat. He loomed over her, still gripping her wrists, glorious and blue, his golden eyes fiery. A growl rumbled deep in his chest. He leaned down and kissed her mouth. Then he moved down her chin, to her neck, and to the sensitive spot where it met her shoulder. She groaned, arching her head back to give him a better angle. When he bit down, she nearly cried out, but not with pain.
Then he stopped, pushed up, met her eyes. He still had her by the wrists. “Even like this, Miriam?” His voice was a whisper. “Even knowing that I want to do far more? Knowing that there’s a beast within me, ready to come out?”
She ached for him, deep in her core, wanted to pull his head back to her neck, but he had her hands trapped. “Hank,” she breathed. “Hank, you have no idea. I’ve—for so long, I’ve wanted this. Exactly this. You and the beast are the same, Hank, and you are magnificent.” She drew in a breath, sharp, as his leg slipped between hers, pressing against her.
“Miriam…” He leaned his face down to meet hers again.
Of course that was when the car door opened.
“Oh my God, get a room, you two!” Charles slid into the driver’s seat. He seemed genuinely annoyed. Probably stressed. Logan slid into the passenger seat, grinning when he saw Miriam and Hank. The car started on the first try, and Charles pulled out into the street, navigating the traffic.
Logan draped an arm over the back of the passenger seat. “So this is why you made us walk an extra half a mile, huh? About time.” He laughed and faced forward again.
Miriam felt her face burning with embarrassment. Hank sat up and helped her up as well. They buckled their seatbelts, and when their fingers brushed, she felt a new wave of heat in her cheeks. He looked out the window at the city rolling by, but his hand lay on his leg, palm facing up.
She took his hand, lacing her fingers through his. When his fingers closed around her palm, it nearly disappeared. God, his hands were huge. And she leaned her head against his shoulder. There was a hole in his coat there, and his fur poked through. It was soft, so soft, and warm. She closed her eyes. Her body still yearned for him, and yet, somehow, as his hand closed around hers, as the gentle motion of the car rocked them, she drifted off to sleep.
—
Hank heard when her breathing changed, slowed. Felt her hand relax in his. And that’s when he turned to look. She slept, leaning on his shoulder, face utterly peaceful. And her hand…held his. Held his blue, furry paw of a hand. Leaned against his blue furry shoulder and slept. She’d kissed his blue face. Looked into his eyes and told him she loved him, even like this, especially like this.
Something inside him, something broken, settled into place. Not healed…but splinted. Or bandaged. He wasn’t sure of the proper metaphor. Tears rolled from his eyes down his cheeks, silently, taking with them a pain he’d always carried.
Perhaps…perhaps he could learn to love himself like this, completely, wholly. He could hold her love like a crutch until he learned to walk on his own.