Jean wasn’t exactly ‘ok’ with the way things were going. She hated the secret she had, she didn’t want to keep it. Jean wanted to scream it to the world. She wanted nothing more than for Rogue to just be with her.
But Rogue wanted Remy. Their “relationship” was just Rogue having pity for Jean, and she knew that.
It wasn’t even really a relationship. It was just sneaking glances at each other and kissing. There was no real affection, there were no feelings involved, at least that’s what Jean told herself. She knew that she wouldn’t be doing this if there weren’t any feelings, but it was better to lie to herself than face how she really felt.
Jean slumped against her bedroom door, she was exhausted. Controlling Rogue’s power so Jean could touch her was tiring. It took so much out of her, but Jean felt she had to pretend it never bothered her. She was Jean after all, she was the golden child, all powerful.
A knock came to her door, she moved away from it, still on the floor. She was too lightheaded to get up again.
“Come in.” She murmured
Scott opened the door, “Ok, what’s going on?” He scowled
Jean sighed, “It’s nothing, Scott. Really.”
He snorted, “Yea, right. I don’t have to be a telepath to know you’ve been acting weird for the past few days.” Scott took a seat next to her, “You know you can tell me anything.”
She shook her head, “No, Scott. I can’t. It’s really private.”
“Jean, I know what this is about. Really, you aren’t good at hiding your feelings for someone.”
“Is it really that obvious?” She chuckled, “God..”
Scott nodded, “Yea.”
“I assume it was obvious with you as well?”
“Yep.”
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out, Scott.” She said, placing her hand softly on his.
“It’s alright. I have Kurt.”
Jean smiled, “You really like him, huh?”
“He’s everything to me.”
“That’s how I felt about you.”
Scott looked at her, “Is this closure?”
“Yea, I think it is.”
“I’ve wanted that for a while.”
“It’s been almost two years, I thought maybe it’s time we just talked about things.”
He nodded, “I thought, for the longest time, that we were meant to be together. That everything between us would mend eventually. But, now, I see my future with Kurt. He’s what I want.”
Jean looked at him sympathetically, “I wish things had ended differently, maybe if it had we wouldn’t have to talk about it two years later.” She laughed, “I’m happy for you, Scott, really. I’ve moved on too.”
“But, we’re still best friends.” Scott smiled at her
“Obviously.” She giggled
“So, that means you can tell me what’s up with you and Rogue.”
Jean sighed, “Oh boy. Well, I like her. And she doesn’t like me back, that’s basically the end of things.” God, Jean, you’re such a liar.
“Are you guys still getting along?”
“Yea, things are good between us. She’s happy with Gambit. But that doesn’t mean my feelings have changed.”
Scott patted her back, “Hey, you know, maybe she’ll realize she does like you. Or maybe.. Maybe you should just move on.”
She nodded, “Maybe. I-.. I just need to think things over for a while.”
Scott stood up, walking towards the door, “I’ll leave you alone. But I’m here if you need me, Jean.”
She waved him goodbye, sitting down on her bed. Jean tossed and turned, peering out the window at the night sky. The stars were bright, she named every constellation she could see. It was beautiful.
But, no matter how hard she tried, nothing would take her mind off of Rogue. Nothing would take away the hurt she felt. Jean wanted it all to be over. She wanted to not be the ‘other’. But she wanted love, oh she wanted love so bad. She didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Her only other option was Duncan, and, god was he a jerk. They still texted sometimes. But it was useless, she felt nothing for him. Maybe that’s how Rogue felt.
It hurt her more than any battle she’d ever been in. Her head ached, every part of her felt awful. She was too overwhelmed, it was all too much. The feelings hurt, she sobbed into her pillow. She tried to be as quiet as possible. It went on for what felt like hours. Until, finally, her eyes ran dry. She decided it was time to get some water.
Jean stood up, walking out into the hallway, peeking her head into the common room. Rogue, Kitty, Piotr, and Remy were gathered around the couch, playing a board game. She could almost sense the atmosphere of love in the room. It was no use. She’d never reach Rogue, she needed to like her be with Remy.
Besides, they’d only kissed a few times. It wasn’t like she was breaking up with someone, though it felt that way to her. Her rational thinking wasn’t doing anything to help her either. She walked across the room and into the kitchen. Finding Scott in there as well.
“How come you always find me?” He chuckled
“What’re you doing?” She asked
“Getting some snacks for Kurt and I, we’re having a little date in my room.” Scott smiled
“Awe, that’s cute.”
The brunette blushed a bright pink, “Not- not really.”
Jean giggled, “It’s ok to be a little corny sometimes, Scott.”
“Anyways-..” He paused for a moment, looking at her, “How are you doing now?”
“I’m.. better, I think. I just need to find a way to get over her.”
“You should go talk to her.”
“How-? She’s playing board games with Remy.”
“Telepathically?”
Jean facepalmed, “Right, yea.”
She closed her eyes, focusing on connecting with Rogue’s mind.
“Rogue?”
“Jean? Why’re ya in my mind?”
“I just wanted to talk.”
“Jean, ya know how I feel.”
“You and Remy are perfect for each other, really. I just don’t want to ruin your relationship because we were stupid a few times.”
“Ya wanna stop then?”
“I’d like to.”
“Jean, I love you, really I do. You’re beautiful and the smartest person I know. You mean so much to me. But I just don’t like you romantically. I’m sorry. I wish I did, really. But my heart is with Remy.”
“I know, but thank you for telling me. I needed to hear that.”
“We’re all good, right?”
“Of course, you’re my friend. I’d never want to ruin our friendship over something like this.”
“Good, thank you for talking to me, Jean.”
“Have fun with your game.”
“Thanks, Kitty’s winning right now.”
“As always.”
“How ‘bout you come out here and join us?”
“Sure.”
Surprisingly, Jean felt better after their talk. She sat and joined them, watching them play. She had fun, and almost forgot why she felt sad earlier. But, as the night creeped on, the crawling feelings she’d had before returned. Was it ever going to go away?