Questions Finally Answered
Rebuilding is hell. Tony has decided he absolutely hates it. He had a perfect setup before and now he has to recreate it all. There's a team, of course, for building the actual lab back up, but Tony has to start from scratch on a lot of his projects.
A couple of suits did survive the fire, and he was able to recover some furniture that didn't get touched before the fire crew got there, but it's mostly all a redo, and it takes weeks to get the lab even a third of the way to where he remembers it was.
There is one good thing about it all, though. Throughout the process, Bucky comes to visit often. He brings Tony coffee and helps with heavy lifting and they've started talking. Getting to know each other. Tony's learned a lot about Steve when he was younger, through Bucky's eyes. He's learned about Bucky's time growing up as well. He's told Bucky a lot about growing up as Howard's son.
Tony's also learned about what really happened to his parents. Bucky sat him down about a week into the build and told him about the mission that had him take their lives. Tony remembers wanting to hit him. Wanting to scream. Not wanting to believe it.
He remembers almost kicking Bucky out of the lab. And he knows Bucky would have gone, too. He would have gotten up and walked right out without protest if Tony told him to leave. Something stopped him though. Something halted Tony's voice in his throat and he didn't tell Bucky off.
He'd just sat there and listened and… cried. He realized, later, that he never cried over their deaths before. Not properly. He'd mourned, but his way of mourning was to go on a bender and try to kill himself. He hadn't properly sat with the hurt and just let himself feel it.
That day, with Bucky sitting with him after telling him what really happened, Tony cried for his mother and father.
And Bucky held him. It had been a cautious and hesitant movement, but Bucky pulled Tony against his chest and held him while he cried, whispering apologies that Tony found he didn't need. Knowing the truth was all he'd ever wanted. He knew, deep down, that what he'd been told about their deaths wasn't the truth, and now he had it.
Bucky hadn't killed them for sport. He hadn't killed them of his own free will. Just days before confessing, Bucky was telling Tony about the Stark Expo and the respect he'd had for Howard, and Tony knew he wasn't lying. The way Bucky talked about Howard was the way Tony wished he'd been able to see his father. With awe and reverence. A man of science and magic and wonder.
At least now, he knows the truth.
The days after Bucky admits it, he's hesitant to come back around, but Tony openly invites him to the lab. He asks him to return. He asks for his opinion on sections of the lab. Because Tony doesn't want to just push away the man who saved his life. He doesn't want to not give Bucky a chance when he knows the kindness that's truly there. He can see it in those eyes. Why would he turn that away over something Bucky had literally no control over?
After a few days, Bucky starts coming around regularly again, giving Tony the companionship he's been desperately needing. It's been lonely in his head, and Tony's been isolating from the rest of the team. Bucky won't let him be alone, though, and Tony's starting to understand what Steve meant when he said Bucky will not let you be unwell. Because Bucky seems to know when Tony needs him, and he's just there when he's needed.
About three weeks into the construction, Bucky comes down to the lab with his hands in his pockets and a soft, thoughtful look on his face, and Tony knows there's something going on without even asking. Bucky wears his emotions out in the open if you know where to look. He wears his happiness in his eyes, his sorrow in his hands, his anger in his jawline, and his exhaustion in his shoulders. Tony's learned to read him like a favorite novel, weathered pages wrinkled and loved.
"You look perturbed," Tony says as Bucky leans his hip against the table Tony's working at. "What happened?"
Bucky licks his lips, holding the bottom one between his teeth and sucking air in quietly. Tony knows that one. Trepidation, irritation, or rebellion. Those are what come from that expression. He isn't sure what this one is, but the lack of an accompanying smile tells him it's not rebellion.
"Helen's been running scan after scan over my head and I'm…" Bucky trails off and shrugs his shoulders. "Fuck if I know, Tone. I'm so goddamn tired. I get headaches at least twice a week, if not more, and I can't take anything for them. I'm fucking tired."
"You're not getting answers," Tony says softly.
"Nothing," Bucky growls, running a hand through his hair. "All we're getting is that I get headaches."
Tony hums and sets his pen aside. He's actually never heard Bucky raise his voice, but he's there now. "So maybe your issue isn't medical."
Bucky's entire body shifts. He turns and looks at Tony with his eyes narrowed in confusion. "What?" His volume has immediately dropped again.
Tony looks down at his right arm, the scarring from his burns glaring back up at him. He pauses for a moment, thinking, then clears his throat. "Maybe these headaches are caused by something else," he says finally. "What if they're environmental? Maybe you're encountering something you're allergic to and the serum didn't cut that out of you like it did for Steve."
"Far as I know, I never had any?" Bucky turns and grabs one of the stools nearby, pulling it over so he can sit next to Tony, facing him. He rests his arm on the table and sighs. "You think maybe it's something left behind by Hydra?"
Tony frowns. "Why would Hydra leave behind headaches?"
Bucky sighs and leans his head on his hand. "I don't know, Tony. I'm tryin', man. I'm so tired of not sleeping and hurting all the time. I just want some sense of normalcy for five fucking minutes."
Tony raises his hands and leans back slightly. "I get it. I'm not trying to be a prick, alright? I just don't see how it would benefit them to create a headache trigger in their most powerful weapon." He pauses for a moment. "Does that make sense?"
"I-" Bucky deflates and looks away. "No, you're right. It's probably environmental. Maybe some smell or sound or something. I'm just so tired, I'm getting irritable at everything. I snapped at Stevie earlier, too. You should'a seen his face. It felt like I'd kicked the cat."
"Are you having a headache right now?" Tony asks. Bucky shakes his head. "Alright, that's good, at least. Why don't you come up to the penthouse and try to get a nap? Bed, couch, floor. I don't care. But maybe a change of location can help." Tony's standing and moving for the exit of the lab before Bucky can protest. He figures Bucky will follow.
—
It turns out, napping in Tony's penthouse is surprisingly helpful. Bucky struggles to get to sleep on a normal night. Flashbacks and nightmares keep him from getting full rest. When he settles back on Tony's couch, listening to the sounds of Tony just moving around the apartment, Bucky finds himself calming down from his irritation and easing into actually sleeping with Tony nearby.
He thinks maybe he's just that tired, that it's a fluke, but when Tony invites him back a few days later when he notices bags under his eyes again, Bucky tentatively accepts with hopes for another smooth rest. He's not disappointed. He doesn't know if it's the change in location or if it's having Tony near. Maybe the couch is just really comfortable for him. Whatever the reason, he's able to crash out almost as soon as he's got his head down.
After about the fourth time Bucky naps at Tony's place, Tony offers him a place to sleep at night, not just during the day. He tells him he's welcome any night. Tony's got no one else here at night. He tells him he's not one to bring people home anymore, so he wouldn't be bothered by things of that nature. And since he and Pepper broke things off, it's relatively quiet around the penthouse.
"Hell, if you ever wanted to try the bed, I'd happily trade," Tony even tells him with a shrug. Bucky finds himself actually a little shocked by the generosity of the gesture. He forgets, sometimes, that he's dealing with a man the world has labeled a narcissist with an ego taller than himself. Tony doesn't act like it.
"I'm not gonna put you outta your own bed," he finally says, smiling and shaking his head. "But the couch is nice. I might take you up on that one of these nights."
"Make it tonight," Tony says, and his tone doesn't really offer room for bargaining or denial. There's something too firm in it, too final. Tony's invitation isn't a request here, and yet Bucky doesn't feel intimidated.
He shows up at the penthouse that night around seven and Tony lets him in with a grin, stepping aside and gesturing to the living area. There's a large screen that seems to have come down to hang from the ceiling and it's got what looks to be the news playing.
It also smells amazing as Bucky steps into the room.
"Hey, Bucky Bear," Tony hums, heading into the small attached kitchenette and opening the fridge. "You a canned or bottled soda guy? I would offer you a scotch, but I've been trying this whole sober thing for a couple years now and it's been… nice."
Bucky chuckles. "Don't think I've ever had soda out of a can, actually. Congrats on two years sober. My Pop had trouble with alcohol." He settles on the couch and leaned back with a sigh. "Did you cook something earlier? It smells good in here."
Tony comes around the couch and sits next to Bucky, handing him a can. "God no," he laughs. "I can't cook. Last time I tried, I think I gave Pepper food poisoning." He pulls a bag from the table closer and digs out a plastic container, handing it to Bucky before pulling another out and setting it in front of himself. "I got us something for dinner though. I don't know if you've eaten yet, but Jarvis would have smacked me upside the head if I hadn't offered and just sat here eating in front of you."
Bucky raises an eyebrow as Tony hands him a plastic fork and opens up his own container to reveal a plate of noodles and chicken. "Your computer can hit you?"
Tony pauses, frozen in place for a second before he looks at Bucky and a slow smile pulls his lips. "No, but that's adorable that you thought that," he says. "I named the program after the butler we had when I was growing up. Edwin Jarvis raised me more than Howard did. J is sort of my way of honoring his memory."
Bucky nods softly and looks down at the container Tony gave him. "Okay. That's- That makes more sense." He laughs and opens his own noodles. "Thank you. I missed dinner tonight. Was supposed to have somethin' with Steve, but I got one of those headaches."
Tony sighs and looks at Bucky. "Do you remember what happened before the headache started?"
Bucky shrugs softly and picks at the noodles for a second. "I uh- I dunno? I guess maybe I should try and pay attention to what's going on around me when they happen."
"Where were you when it started?" Tony asks, his tone softer now.
"My apartment. Usually always in my apartment when they happen. A couple have happened down in the commons."
Tony makes a noise and sits back, crossing his arms over himself. "Do they happen at specific times?"
Bucky rubs his right shoulder nervously, trying to remember. "Uh, around twilight, I think? Sun's usually on its way down, yeah. Why- No, that's weird." He pauses, realizing how odd that actually is. "Why is that so specific?"
Tony shakes his head and hums. "I'm not sure," he murmurs, tapping his fork handle against his knee. "But I've got some thoughts. I need to go over a few things first. We can worry about that tomorrow. How's your head right now?"
"It's better," Bucky admits with a small smile. "More now I'm here and all. It's warm and comfortable here. I don't know if it's the room or you or a combination, but it's nice."
Tony smiles softly, watching Bucky for a moment. "I'm glad," he hums softly. "Good. You're welcome any time. Just message me first." With that, he grips Bucky's shoulder, then leans back into his meal, falling quiet and thoughtful.
Bucky tucks into his own food and finds himself falling into a comfortable pattern with Tony. The quiet murmur of the news and the crackle of the fire mix with the company of the other man and the warmth of the room itself, and Bucky finds himself able to relax. It's been a long time since he's felt this good.