Nothing But Ash

Steve and Sam had been able to get their own room, with two beds. He assumed they were doing the same thing and he and Ren, cleaning up and assessing their injuries. It seemed strange to admit, but he felt more like himself after that fight. Or maybe it was just seeing Steve again. Either way, Barnes knew it was his hands on the wheel again. 

His memories were still frustratingly hazy. The rescue mission had brought back some recollection of his first time with Hydra. But he hadn’t wanted Steve to know just how much he was missing. That quip he’d given him about the grenade had come from the museum display in D.C.

Ren was still out of the room, she’d gone to the bathroom down the hall to change. She’d done well, but he had realized just how little experience she had. He wanted to tell himself it was just the programming, but the urge to keep her away from danger was still there. Maybe it was because she was the first person in a long time he could just, be, around. He felt like he needed Steve to see him as Bucky, the person he used to be. Wilson just hated him, though he had saved his life. 

But she’d called them partners. It was dumb, he knew that, but he liked the way it sounded. 

Through his clothes, he could feel some grazes from the Hydra agents' bullets. Not worth patching up, they were already healing. But there was a spot just behind his left shoulder that was still burning. Peeling his shirt off he looked into the small mirror to assess the damage. He’d had worse. If he’d still been with Hydra they probably wouldn’t have bothered to bandage it. But the first aid kit on the desk was calling his name. Rifling through it he located the burn gel, antiseptic, and gauze. 

He was in the process of trying to reach the burn when Ren came back in. He tensed as the door opened, hated the panic he felt at the noise. 

“ Christ, ” She said, eyes on his shoulder. 

Rushing over to him she dropped her suit on the floor, “Is that from…”

“It’s all right,” 

“No, it’s not,” Her hands twitched, “Can I- Do want me to- Do you mind if I… help?”

She was agonizing over what had happened, that much was obvious. Bucky knew how that felt. The idea of letting someone else touch him was difficult. But he couldn’t reach it, and, well, it was her. Only a week of knowing each other but in all that time she hadn’t tried to push or use him. His standards were probably pretty low. He handed the burn gel to her anyway. 

Gently, so gently, she applied it to the burn. Antiseptic next. It stung but he kept that to himself. As she lightly laid the gauze down he felt her hands, they were freezing. Normally she was warm, even warmer than he was with the serum. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” He said, his voice nearly a whisper.

It’s been a long time since he’d last done this. Still, he tried, “You tried to control it,”

Her response was brisque, “Not enough,”

Finishing her work she stepped away and rolled the rest of the gauze up. Once upon a time, Bucky had been good with words. That had been a long time ago. Instead, he grabbed the bandages from her hands. “You’re hurt too,”

Her baggy shirt didn’t hide the nasty road rash down her left arm. The metal bands she wore had protected part of her forearm, but the rest was red and raw. 

“It’s fine,” She told him.

“No, it's not,”

A brief staring contest ensued before she gave in and sat on the bed next to him. She winced as he put the antiseptic on her injury. He did his best to be gentle, he was out of practice. 

They didn’t talk as he wrapped her arm. There were things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t even articulate them to himself. What he knew was that she had saved him. Risked her ass to get him away from Hydra even though they had never met before. Then she had been nice. And never had she seemed afraid of him. Nervous, apprehensive, and yeah maybe she’d been scared when he was trying to kill her, but since he’d been in control she’d tried to act like he was a normal person. 

Ren was afraid of herself, he wanted her to see that he wasn’t.

…

She finished explaining what they’d discovered to Sam and Steve, that they couldn’t risk contacting the rest of the team. That meant no extraction via quinjet. Steve had suggested they steal a car but Sam had countered by saying they could go by train instead. The authorities might investigate a string of car thefts, which could alert Hydra. 

So they decided to leave by train the next day. It would take almost 20 hours to get to Paris, where they could get a flight back to New York.

The group was sitting throughout the room, Steve on the settee, Sam on the bed leaning against the wall, Ren also on the bed, at the foot of it, and Bucky was sitting in the desk chair. They were catching up on the past few days. 

Apparently, the boys had confirmed their suspicions that they were being watched. Sam had sent out his drone, and it had only shown two agents on their tail. But, when they went to confront them they found themselves cornered by over two dozen Hydra goons. From there they had been sedated and transported to the research base. They hadn’t even known they were in Sokovia until today. 

Ren was the one to tell her and Barnes’ side of the story. She left out some details, like The Winter Soldier trying to kill her. But mentioned the red book and suggested having someone like Natasha translate it. Throughout all of this Bucky didn’t say a word. In fact, he’d been almost entirely silent since Sam and Steve had come in. The two old friends chatted a little but the conversation was stilted. 

She leaned her uninjured arm on the desk. From the corner of her eye, she watched Barnes as Steve talked to him. Sam was saying something to her but she was distracted by what was on Bucky's right wrist. It was the bracelet she had bought in Czechia, twin to her. She’d put it back on after they got back from the rescue mission. Turns out, he had to. She smiled.

After a while, Ren was getting hungry. Pulling her wallet from her luggage she left the room to grab a snack from the vending machine. That's what she told the group. In reality, the atmosphere of the room was becoming stifling. Sam was uncomfortable with Barnes, Steve was trying to find the friend he used to know, and Barnes himself just seemed uncomfortable and withdrawn. She liked them all well enough, though she didn’t know Wilson, but their team dynamic could use some work. 

No more than a few steps from the door, she heard someone else leave the room. For some reason she expected it to be Barnes. It was Rogers. 

“Hey,”

She leaned against the wall, her snack would have to wait, “Hey,”

This was the most uncomfortable she’d ever seen him, “I just wanted to ask if anything else happened while you and Bucky were together,”

“It did,” She told him. Ren wasn’t about to lie to Captain America, even if they were coworkers and tentative friends, “But I think you should ask Barnes about it. It’s more his business than it is mine,”

“You’re right,” He said nodding, his posture mirroring hers, “I just… I don’t think I know how to talk to him anymore,”

“If it’s any consolation, I think he’s having the same problem. Neither of you are the people you used to be, back when you were friends. Give him time,” She had no clue where this advice was coming from, but at least it sounded good. 

He agreed, but she could tell he still wasn’t alright, “He’s the closest thing I have left to family,” Steve confided.

Ren understood that better than she cared to admit. Having lost that person, knowing what that felt like, she truly hoped her friend wouldn’t have to deal with that. “You’re all he’s got too,”

He gave her a strange look, “I’m not so sure about that,”

She gave him a stranger look, “ Well , I’m gonna go grab some Doritos…wanna come?”

“Sure,” He laughed at her attempt to deflect. 

…

They grabbed some snacks for their friends as well before heading back to the hotel room. They heard raised voices from behind the closed door. At first, she was nervous and could see Steve tensing up. “We should’ve left you in your cell,” Came Barnes’ voice. 

“We? As in you and your bestie ,” Was Wilson's mocking response.

Instead of prepping for a fight she and Steve were now trying to hold in laughter. 

“I hate you,”

Before things could escalate they reentered the suite. Sam turned and his eyes lit up in triumph, “I knew it!”

He grabbed Bucky's wrist and the former assassin looked ready to kill him, “You guys got friendship bracelets!”