an insane idea
Yelena Belova is rarely stupid.
Yelena would normally categorize herself as well thought out. She doesn’t act without intent, she doesn’t get herself into situations that she can’t get out of, she doesn’t do this.
What is this, exactly?
This - this situation that Yelena has found herself in - is mortifying. She doesn’t know why she ever said to Sonya and Ana that she had a girlfriend, why she ever built up this idea that she is no longer single as she’s been for the past five years (yeah, fuck you, Genevieve, you know what you did), or why she said the words “I’m bringing a plus one” about Ana’s upcoming wedding that Yelena’s going to be a bridesmaid in.
And now, she’s so utterly fucked because the wedding is this weekend and she has no one to take with her to this fucking wedding.
Which all leads her to now; Yelena’s with her sister at their apartment, deliberating over her options while she makes dinner and Natasha watches TV or is playing games or something in the living room.
She has a list of people that she could ask to this. Sonya and Ana are her friends from Ohio, and they haven’t met most of Yelena’s college friends. They only met Kate and Peter, who she was roommates with during sophomore year before Natasha moved back to New York from Washington DC.
Peter wouldn’t work. He’s a shit liar and she doesn’t think pulling that off would be simple. Plus, he has a girlfriend, MJ, who he’s always talking about. He wouldn’t work.
Kate also wouldn’t work. She can lie when prompted - Yelena’s seen the way she’s lied straight to her mom’s face with no regrets - but all she’s been talking about recently is this mysterious crush that she has. Plus, Yelena’s friends both thought she and Kate had a thing for each other and she doesn’t want to prove them right after all of the harassing they’ve done. Such meddlers.
She could ask MJ, but she’s pretty sure MJ’s got something going on at work this week and she’s not going to be able to make such a flight short-notice. Which sucks, because out of the three, she’s the best liar and the calmest, something that neither Kate or Peter are.
Yelena momentarily distracts herself by getting pasta out of the cabinet, picking out some penne.
“Hey.”
Yelena nearly jumps out of her skin, turning around to see Natasha behind her.
“Fuck you,” Yelena pokes her sister in the ribs, making Natasha squirm, “What do you want?”
“Just wanna see what you’re up to,” Natasha peeks over her shoulder to see the food simmering on the stove, “and why your eyebrows are becoming one - what has you so stressed?”
“Nothing,” Yelena lies, ignoring the look that Natasha’s giving her and turning back to the stove to sample the sauce that she’s making, hoping hard that it’s not yet poisonous. Or, maybe, just poisonous enough to shut her sister up.
“Yelena…” Natasha waits for the spoon to leave Yelena’s mouth before turning her around again, “What’s up?”
“It’s nothing,” Yelena responds, irritated when Natasha just hardens her glare in response, clearly seeing through her lie. Yelena hates it. “It is nothing.”
“Yeah, it’s so nothing that you’re getting defensive about it,” Natasha retorts, “What’s going on? Why are you being all cagey? Is it about the wedding?”
“No!” Yelena says quickly, immediately clamping her mouth shut when she realizes that she’s given herself away.
Natasha grins, proud of herself for a minute before switching, “Okay, wedding. Is… this about the whole fake girlfriend thing? Because I’ve told you countless times to just tell them that you don’t have a date. They’ll understand. They’ve known you for literally forever.”
“One, I’m not giving in like that,” Yelena says, leaning back against the counter after turning the stove down, “and two, I don’t want them to know I’ve been lying like that. I know we’re hard on each other, but we’re not liars and I already betrayed that-”
“So, what’s your plan? Show up - say sorry, my girlfriend couldn’t make it - and then dig yourself further into that hole until fake girlfriend and you break up? How long has this been going on anyway?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Yelena responds, dodging her sister’s glance and grabbing their big pasta pot from one of the cabinets.
“Okay, but you should,” Natasha encourages softly, “Avoiding things isn’t how you should deal with them.”
Yelena snorts, “Like you’re one to talk.”
Natasha shuts up and Yelena goes ahead with filling the pasta pot with water and grinding salt into it as well.
“Maybe I’m not one to talk,” Natasha says as Yelena picks the pot up and puts it on the stove, “but seriously. You need to talk to someone. And I’m not going anywhere.”
“Unless you have someone I can take with me to this wedding, I don’t care to talk about it,” Yelena responds, not meeting her sister’s gaze once and instead taking the time to move her almost-done sauce to the back burner so that it can simmer.
“Take Kate,” Natasha says almost immediately, catching Yelena off guard.
“They’ve met Kate already,” Yelena says, giving her sister a look. She can’t take Kate.
“Okay, and?” Natasha tilts her head to the side, “They thought you two were dating. Kate’s also a rich kid who goes to big functions like this practically as a second job. She’ll know to not say anything to piss anyone off, she’s not going to cause problems, and did I mention she’s rich? You won’t even have to pay for her plane ticket to Ohio.”
Yelena shakes her head, “I’m not going to make her pay for my mistake.”
“That’s not the point,” Natasha retorts, “Seriously. Kate’s a great option. I know she’s chaotic and that she’s gotten you two into stupid situations before, but she’ll be good for the weekend.”
Yelena doesn’t meet her sister’s eyes, thinking. She knows that Natasha’s right to some extent. Kate’s a chaotic explosion of a human being when she’s with their friends, but she’s calmer when she’s just with Yelena. And Yelena knows that Kate goes to functions with her mom multiple times per year, which probably means that she won’t have to buy an outfit, either.
The idea of sitting through Kate talking about her crush, though, makes Yelena’s heart sink in a way that she can’t truly describe or understand. (Except for the fact that maybe, since they’re pretending to be girlfriends, she won’t talk about it at all.)
“You know I’m right,” Natasha says, nudging Yelena’s shoulder, “Text her.”
Yelena sighs, “Maybe I just shouldn’t even go - Laura said we’re going to be short on staff this weekend anyway-”
“You’re going,” Natasha retorts, “Text Kate.”
Yelena rolls her eyes, muttering “I’ll do it later.”
She’s grabbing the pot lid off of the counter when there’s a knock at the door and Natasha darts out of the kitchen to answer it. Wanda, Natasha’s longtime girlfriend, must be coming over or something.
“Sestra, it’s for you!”
Okay, so it’s not Wanda.
Yelena walks out of the kitchen and is surprised to see Kate at the door. She looks good despite Yelena knowing that she’s been texting their group chat about being tired all day. Her hair is in a ponytail and she’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans and her docs and maybe Yelena’s eyes linger on her exposed biceps for a second but really what does that matter? Muscles are hot.
Lucky, Kate’s garbage dog turned beloved companion, is pulling excitedly at his leash at the sight of Yelena, tail thumping against Kate’s leg and his tongue lolling out of his mouth.
“Hey, Lucky,” Yelena coos at the dog before looking up at Kate, “What are you doing here? I thought you were working all day?”
“Meh, got let out early, ended up in the neighborhood,” Kate shrugs and Yelena knows it’s a lie, “Mind if I come in? I promise I won’t be a problem and fall asleep on the couch again or something. Really, Lucky was the one that wanted to stop in. He knew the second we turned the corner on Fifth that you were right down the block.”
“Yeah, come on in,” Yelena says, happy that she didn’t get into PJs yet. Not that Kate hasn’t seen her in her PJs before, but it is only 5:30pm and that’s not exactly a good look for her.
“You’re making dinner?” Kate asks, closing the door behind herself and letting Lucky off of his leash. He goes straight for Yelena and she crouches down to properly greet him.
“Yeah,” Yelena replies, “I had the day off, so I decided to make a red sauce from scratch, and there’s chicken staying warm in the oven. We’re just waiting on the pasta, really.”
“God, why can’t you be my live-in chef or something?” Kate groans.
“Tonight, I am,” Yelena smiles up at her and Kate laughs, waiting until she stands to pull Yelena into a hug.
Yelena welcomes it, knowing Kate’s always thrived on physical affection. Yelena also doesn’t mind it because, really, at the end of the day, Kate gives really good hugs.
“So,” Kate parts from her and runs a hand over Yelena’s hair, “you have a good day off? I haven’t heard from you all day.”
“I went to the gym this morning,” Yelena strides back into the kitchen and scratches Lucky’s head as she walks past him, “and then I was busy cleaning the apartment - it’s actually good that you came today and not yesterday, this place looked like it was ransacked.”
“You still coulda said that you were alive or something,” Kate responds, grabbing the dog treat box that she left here ages ago and dropping one down to Lucky.
“Is that why you’re here?” Yelena asks, meeting Kate’s eyes and smiling to herself at the sheepish look on her best friend’s face.
“Well, that,” Kate scratches the back of her head and then lets her hair down, fidgeting with the hair tie, “and the fact that I wanted to talk to you. Couldn’t get your attention in the group chat and you weren’t answering our private chat, had to come and see you.”
“To make sure I was alive,” Yelena confirms, and Kate nods.
Yelena hums, picking a spoon out of the silverware drawer and uncovering the sauce to get a small spoonful of it.
She then hands that to Kate, “Try it?”
Kate accepts it willingly, a giddy grin on her face before she blows softly at the sauce to cool it down and then eats it.
“Shit, that’s good,” Kate sighs, “seriously, Lena, if the vet thing doesn’t work out for you… you can be my live-in chef. Whatever you want, I’ll pay it.”
Yelena laughs, “I’ll think about it. And besides, we still have our forty plan, right? If I’m still single and you’re still single…”
“Oh, of course,” Kate nods, “I’d wife you up tomorrow if I could.”
There’s a beat where there’s nothing said, where their eyes meet and there’s some kind of silence that Yelena can’t decipher, but then their gaze breaks and Lucky’s putting his paws on the counter and trying to get the spoon that Kate’s still holding.
“Hey, down!” Kate scolds, “Luck, come on, have some manners!”
“It’s okay,” Yelena says, glancing back at the pot to see if the water’s boiling (it’s not, it never is), “I think Natasha was talking about putting on Mean Girls tonight. You gonna stay for that?”
“Yeah,” Kate nods, “Where did she go, by the way?”
“She’s probably calling Wanda or something,” Yelena shrugs, “Speaking of talking about things, I have something that I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh, really?” Kate asks, eyebrows raised, “Please tell me it has nothing to do with me stopping by without saying anything.”
“No, no,” Yelena shakes her head, “It’s, actually, about this weekend. My friend from high school is getting married and I may have lied to them about having a girlfriend.”
Kate’s expression shifts from confusion to shock and then quickly back to confusion, “What, do you want me to be your date or something?”
Yelena shrugs, “Fake girlfriend is a more apt description.”
Kate’s quiet for a beat too long and Yelena word vomits, “You don’t have to. I don’t have to bring anyone, really, they’ll be upset about the extra plate but whatever, I can pay the difference. It’s just, I’m asking you because Natasha said you’d be the best for the… whole… lying thing.”
Kate’s quiet a second longer and Yelena’s about to retract the ask all together when Kate says, “You want me to be your fake girlfriend?”
Yelena nods slowly, “Pretty much.”
“For the whole wedding weekend?” Kate asks, and Yelena nods again. “And Natasha recommended me because..?”
“She said you have experience in big functions,” Yelena responds, “and that… um, my friends thought that we were dating when they met you, anyway.”
Kate’s eyes widen and then she nods like she’s put the pieces together in her head and now knows exactly who Yelena’s talking about. Yelena’s not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.
“Wait, we’re lying to Sonya and Ana?” Kate asks, “Oh shit.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Yelena shakes her head, “I just… I’m a bridesmaid. And Sonya is Ana’s maid of honor, they’ll both be occupied. They’re probably going to want to meet you, make fun of me, and then deal with the rest of the wedding.”
Kate nods and Yelena gives her a minute to take in all of the information.
“Yeah, okay,” Kate says, “I’ll do it. When are we leaving? I have a suit I could reuse and I’m probably going to need to find someone to take care of Lucky for the weekend… wait, when’s the wedding?”
“I’ll give you all of the details once dinner’s sorted,” Yelena promises, “and Natasha can take Lucky for the weekend.”
“Natasha hates Lucky,” Kate retorts, “I’ll find something. Don’t worry about it. And I’ll be a very well behaved fake girlfriend for you.”
“Thank you,” Yelena says softly, “I’m sorry that I’m putting you in this position. I understand it can be uncomfortable and weird and if you ever want to stop, just tell me.”
Kate shrugs, “I’ll be okay.”
Yelena looks at her, trying to determine if she’s lying or not, but she can’t detect any dishonesty.
She then remembers, “You said you wanted to talk about something?”
Kate shrugs again, “Nah. It’s not a big deal.”
(This time, she’s definitely lying.)