Tony Stark had just landed on Xandar. Although he left Earth when he was fourteen, he still had a fair bit of knowledge about the planet well into his early thirties.
He had a dealer on the planet, he’d borrow (steal) a metal orb with who knows what inside for four thousand units, but, his dealer backed out. After all Tony did for that, he even had to suffer through the peopl he fought for that orb calling him Metal-boy? Like really? Metal-boy! They even asked his name and he did an introduction and everything, he literallytold them his name was Iron-Man.
But, the one thing that made his day slightly better was when he saw a lady with short dark red hair and a tight black body suit.
“What happened?” She asks, staring at him while eating a fruit of some kind.
“Uh...” Tony looked the woman up and down, she looked human enough so he assumed she was Xandarian. “This guy just backed out of a deal on me. If there's one thing I hate, it's a man without integrity.” The woman looks at him again, not saying a thing. So he starts tossing the orb up and down, almost like playing with a ball.
“Tony Stark.” He offers, “People call me Iron-Man.”
She looks him up and down, narrowing her eyes at him. “You have the bearing of a man of honor.”
Tony was flattered, smiling like a dumbass. “Well, you know, I wouldn't say that. People say it about me, all the time, but it's not something I would ever say about myself-“ He was cut off by the woman taking the orb and kicking him in the stomach.
A pretty boy, he looked around 21, was talking a lot. “Xandarians—What a bunch of a-holes. All of them in a big hurry to get from something stupid, to nothing at all. Insane!” He had a device in his hand, when he pointed it at people it showed their names and if they had a bounty, it showed how much money they’d get turning that person over.
“Look at this guy! Can you believe they call bounty hunters criminals, when he’s assaulting us with that haircut?” He was looking at a man with natural bleach blonde looking crooked hair. “What is this thing? Look how it thinks it’s so cool!” He was looking at a toddler, one who’s father went over to help it walk. “It’s not cool to get help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle.” The words were bitter, a tinge of jealousy behind them.
”Ugh, look at Mr. Smiles over there! Where’s your wife old man? Seems like a class-a pervert!” He started laughing at his own joke, still looking ahead, scanning different people. “Right Hulk?— Hulk?” He turned around and saw his giant green friend drinking out of a water fountain with pennys at the bottom.
”Don’t drink from the fountain! That’s disgusting you behemoth.” Hulk shook his head, looking down at his friend.
”Yes you did? I just saw you drinking it why you lying?” Just then the device in his hand made a loud beeping noise. “Oo looks like we got one.” He looked back at the screen.
”Okay Tony, how bad does someone want you… Forty thousand units?! Hulk, we’re gonna be rich!” He turned around and saw Hulk drinking the fountain water, again.
The woman was running from Tony with his orb in hand. He threw down a magnetic rope and tripped her up, he ran over and grabbed it back out of her hands.
She then flipped on top of him and held a knife to his throat.
”This wasn’t the plan.” Right when she was about to kill him, a man landed on the floor next to them and threw her off. It was almost as if he had super strength.
”Hulk put him in the bag! Put him in the bag!” He started running toward Tony who still had the orb in hand, with hulk a little bit ahead.
Hulk held the bag in one hand and picked up the lady with his other.
”No! Not her, Him! Re-learn genders already!”
There was such a struggle between the four of them, the random lady kept trying to get ahold of Tony and the orb, Hulk was just trying to grab Tony and put him in the bag. Then he finally did.
Hulk was smiling with a bag full of Tony Stark over his shoulder.
”Quit smiling! We’re supposed to be professionals Hulk!”
The lady once again starts running at them, she pushes Hulks friend out of the way and slices his hand, making him drop the bag, aka Tony and the orb.
When she opened the bag, Tony had the beam from his right hand charged up and pointed at the lady, then he shot at her. It wasn’t enough to kill her, just enough to tase and knock her out.
Then the goddamn Nova Corps showed up.
”Subject: SP1D3R drop your weapon.”
”Aw crap.” The man looked defeated as him, Hulk, and that random lady were floated up into the air.
A Nova Corps arresting officer was walking back to his ship with Tony in handcuffs.
”Hey! If it isn’t Iron-Lad!”
”Iron-Man.”
”Oh sorry. Iron-Man.” He spoke in a slightly mocking tone, “I picked this guy up a while back for petty theft and property damage. He’s got a code name!”
”Its not a code name.” Tony objected. “It’s an outlaw name.”
The four people are now in a row, getting introduced by the guards as their information presents up on the screen one by one. First up, the woman.
”Natasha.” The officer started, “Psychologically and surgically modified and trained as a living weapon on Terra, known as someone called a ‘Black Widow’. The adoptive daughter of the Russian ‘hero’ from terra, Alexei Shostakov. Kidnapped from Terra by the mad titan Thanos. Recently, Thanos lent her and her sister Yelena out to Ronan, which leads us to believe that Thanos and Ronan are working together.”
The 21 year old man is next up.
”Subject: SP1D3R. Calls itself, Peter Parker, more commonly known amongst outlaws as Spider-Man. The result of illegal mutation and experimentation involving lower life forms and Terra beings.”
Another officer looks over at the giant standing next to Peter. “What the hell…”
“They call it Hulk. A human exposed to mutative radioactive chemicals that’s been traveling recently as SP1D3R’s personal pet/muscle.”
”Finally,” Tony is next up, flipping off the officers that he knew were there from the other side of the double sided glass. “Anthony Howard Stark, from Terra. Raised from youth by a band of mercenaries called Ravagers, led by Nicholas Fury.”
”What a bunch of a-holes.” A guard said from behind, “Transfer all of them to the Kyln.”
The group was now walking in a line, Tony in front, Peter behind him, and Hulk and Natasha following. There was a guard leading them into the prison and another guard tailing behind them.
“I guess most of Nova Corps wanna uphold the laws, but these ones here, they're corrupt and cruel.” Peter looked over at Tony, he was a bit taller than the man and his eyes narrowed before once again widening. “But, hey! That's not my problem. I’m not gonna be here long, I've escaped 22 prisons, this one's no different. You're lucky the lady showed up, because otherwise, me and Hulk would be collecting that bounty right now, and you'd be getting drawn and quartered by Fury and those Ravagers!” Peter started laughing, only some of his words were true.
He was never a mercenary, he was only ever a bounty hunter. He never took joy handing someone over knowing they’re gonna get killed, but what’s a man supposed to do? Him and big guy gotta eat.
“I've had a lot of folks try to kill me over the years. I ain't about to be brought down by a chemical mistake and an oversized arachnid.”
”He is not an arachnid!” Peter tried his best to pull up his hands so that he could point at Tony.
”I’m not talking about him you idiot! You’re an arachnid, I’m calling you an arachnid!”
”Theres nothin’ like me except me.” Peter looked to the side, giving up and putting his hands down.
”So.” Tony said, looking back at Natasha as he still walked forward. “This orb has a real shiny blue suitcase, Ark of the Covenant, Maltese Falcon sort of vibe.— What is it?”
”I am Hulk.”
”Didn’t ask. What’s the orb?” He leaned his head over to look at Natasha.
”I have no words for an honor-less thief.” Her eyes were narrowed as Tony went back to looking forward, his silence turned into shock once Peter started laughing.
“Pretty high and mighty coming from the lackey of a genocidal maniac!” Natasha looked at Peter, her face twisted in a way that was too difficult to place.
“Yeah, I know who you are. Anyone who's anyone knows who you are.” He looked forward, his voice turned deeper, more serious.
“Yeah, we know who you are.” Tony chimed in, he was even semi-convincing with his claim.
”Who is she?” He turned and whispered to Hulk, looking up at him.
”I am Hulk.”
”Yeah, you said that.”
”I wasn't retrieving the orb for Ronan.” Natasha spoke up, wanting everyone to hear her. “I was betraying him. I had an agreement to sell it to a third party.”
”I am Hulk.” Tony clasped his chest and rolled his eyes.
“Well, that’s just as fascinating as the first 89 times you said that. What is wrong with Toxic Waste here?” He looked over to Peter as he spoke, knowing the the big guy wouldn’t do much help to answer himself.
“Well, he don’t know talking good like me and you. So his vocabulistics are limited to “I” and “am” and “Hulk”. Exclusively in that order.” Peter looked up at Hulk, seeing the pouty face he was making.
”Sometimes he can say other things, only simple words though. Over complicated vocabulary confuses him and makes him angry.”
“That’s gonna wear real thin. Real fast.” Tony made an exasperated sigh, being away from his baby for so long wasn’t gonna do either of them good. He was in part talking about Jarvis, his ship, and also Jarvis, the ai from his ship in his suit.
The prisoners walked through the prison gates for the first time. Trash was getting thrown down along with knives, rocks, and anything else people could find inside a space jail. The weird thing was, things weren’t getting thrown at them, no. Things were getting thrown at Natasha.
The prisoners were yelling things at her, calling her a murderer, threatening to kill her, calling her scum, she just walked through and took it.
“It's like I said, she's got a reputation. A lot of prisoners here have lost their families to Ronan and his goons. She'll last a day, tops.” Peter spoke so calmly, when Tony looked at him he saw something different.
Whenever Peter spoke he sounded so, heartless. Like he didn’t care about anything or anyone except himself. But Tony saw his eyes, he looked so remorseful, almost guilty.
”The guards will protect her right?”
“They're here to stop us from getting out. They don't care what we do to each other inside!” Hulk nodded in response, agreeing with whatever his friend said.
“Whatever nightmares the future holds, are dreams compared to what's behind me.” Natasha was in front of the rest of the group, looking around at all the prisoners who she knew wanted to kill her. The phrase wasn’t meant to be heard by anyone, it sounded more like a motivation only meant to be heard by her.
”Wow, she’s so cryptic! I guess it kind of suits her whole mystery woman vibe.” Tony looked forward, jolting backwards when Natasha turned and pointed a finger at his heart.
”The man living off a battery has no room to talk of mysteriousness.” She flicked the arc reactor inside Tony’s chest, then pivoted to walk away.
All the prisoners were asleep, except for a group of all different races of prisoners going straight to Natasha’s cell. Pulling her out with a knife to her throat.
“Take her down to the showers. It'll be easier to clean up the blood down there.” The janitor waved them off, just trying to make his job easier.
Tony could hear the commotion coming from outside a massive cell, he was laying in between Peter and Hulk when he decided to get up and investigate.
”Stark? Where you going? Stark, Stark!” Peter whisper yelled for him, following after him as quiet as possible as to not wake Hulk.
A random inmate held a razor sharp knife up to Black Widows neck as she was held down by four other inmates.
“You dare?” A voice came from the darkness, a man wearing black appearing from the shadows. The sight of him seemed to trigger a reaction for Natasha. “You know who I am yes?”
”You’re Hawkeye, the sharp shooter from Xandar.”
”Ronan murdered my wife and daughter. He slayed them where they stood and he laughed!” Tony was creeping up through the corridor, Peter whisper yelling his name.
”And you,” his eyes narrowed and he got closer to Black Widow. “Natasha, you stood alongside him and watched. I introduced you to my wife and daughter years before, and you just stood there and watched.”
”Her life is not yours to take.” Hawkeye kept his voice down as he took a knife from the prisoners hand.
”I am no family to Ronan or Thanos!” Natasha protested, venom in her words.
”Woman your words mean nothing to me!” Clint held the knife to her throat, about to slash it.
”Hey, why don’t we all just calm down!” Tony walked over, Peter muttering under his breath close behind.
“You know, if killing Ronan is truly your sole purpose, this certainly isn’t the best way to go about it.”
”Aren’t you the man this wench attempted to kill?” Clint lowered his knife, looking over at Tony.
”Well, I mean, she's hardly the first woman to try and do that to me.” He took off his shirt and started pointing out multiple scars on his body.
”Look, this is from a smoking-hot Rajak girl. Stabbed me with a fork. Didn't like me skipping out on her at sunrise. I got, right here, a Kree girl tried to rip out my thorax. She caught me with this skinny little A'askavariian who worked in Nova Records. I was trying to get information. You ever see an A'askavariian? They have tentacles, and needles for teeth. If you think I'm seriously interested in that, then... You don't care. But here's the point. She betrayed Ronan. He's coming back for her. And when he does, that's when you…” Tony put a finger over his throat, sliding it across.
”…Why would I put my finger on his throat?”
“What? No, it's a symbol. It’s a symbol for you slicing his throat.” Clint looked over at Tony, seeming almost offended.
”I would not slice his throat. I would cut his head clean off.”
”It's a general expression for you killing somebody. Everyone should know that. I guess what they say about Xandarians is true.” Hawkeye glared at him, narrowing his eyes.
”What I'm saying is, you want to keep her alive. Don't do his dirty work for him.”
Hawkeye looked at Stark, then back at Natasha. He waved the other prisoners off and walked away with his knife in hand.
Natasha walked off quickly, Stark and Peter following behind as she stopped in front of the main cell.
“Listen, I could care less if you live or die.”
”Then why stop the big guy?” When Natasha spoke Peter quietly laughed, the sentences rhymed.
“Simple. You know where to sell my orb.” Natasha scoffed at how thick skulled Tony seemed.
”How are we gonna sell it when we and it, are still here?”
“Simple!” Tony exclaimed, turning his focus over to Peter. “My friend Peter here has escaped twenty two prisons.” Peter grinned at them both, nearly laughing.
”Oh we’re getting out. Then we’re headed straight to Fury to retrieve your bounty.” Tony rolled his eyes and turned back around to face Natasha and change the harsh conversation.
”How much is your buyer willing to pay you for my orb?” Nat took in a breath, eying the two men.
”Forty billion units.”
“What!?”
“Holy shit.” Peter and Tony spoke at the same time, both equally shocked that some dumbass would pay forty billion units for some hunk of metal.
”That Orb is my opportunity to get away from Thanos and Ronan. If you free us, I'll lead you to the buyer directly and I'll split the profit between the three of us.”
”I am Hulk.”
”Four of us.” Peter said looking between Hulk, Natasha, and Tony. “Asleep for the danger, awake for the money, as per usual.”
Peter, Hulk, Stark, and Natasha were sitting at tables in the main corridor.
”If we're gonna get out of here, we're gonna need to get into that watchtower. And to do that, I'm gonna need a few things. The guards wear security bands to control their ins and outs, I need one.”
”Leave it to me.” Natasha spoke up, zoning out of the conversation and looking all over the prison, watching how the guards moved and behaved.
“That dude, there.” Peter points out a man with a robotic leg prosthetic. “I need his prosthetic leg.”
”His leg?” Tony squinted at the guy, looking between him and Peter.
”Yeah? God knows I don’t need the rest of him. Look at him! He’s useless!” He gestured toward the man, resting his hands back on the table when he was done.
”All right.”
”And finally, on the wall back there is a black panel. Blinky yellow light.” Parker pointed behind him to show the others where it was on the watch tower. “See it?” Everyone nodded.
“There's a quarnyx battery behind it. Purplish box, green wires. To get into that watchtower, I definitely need it.” Hulk was sitting a bit behind the group, he got up and started walking over to the box on the watch tower.
”How are we supposed to do that?” Natasha leaned in closer to Peter, a hint of agitation in her voice.
”Well, supposably, these bald-bodies find you attractive. So, maybe you can work out some sort of trade!”
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
”No I really heard they find you attractive.” Peter looked around, avoiding the death stare Natasha was giving him.
”Look,” Tony pulled both of their attention back to him. “It's 20 feet up in the air, and it's in the middle of the most heavily-guarded part of the prison. It's impossible to get up there without being seen.” Unbeknownst to the bickering family, Hulk had started stacking up tables so he could be tall enough to reach the battery.
“I got one plan, and that plan requires a frickin' quarnyx battery, so figure it out!” At this point the young man is whisper yelling, the aggression comes through as more of a family squabble than anything. “Can I get back to it? Thanks. Now, this is important. Once the battery is removed, everything is gonna slam into emergency mode. Once we have it, we gotta move quickly, so you definitely need to get that last.” As if the timing was perfect, Hulk ripped out the battery from the wall and the whole prison slammed into emergency mode. As Peter would say, the Parker luck worked its magic.
“Or we could just get it first and improvise!” The bitterness behind his words showed all over his face as he ran to go be side by side with Hulk.