Loki clutched the document in his hands, thoroughly wrinkling the paper. It couldn’t be true. He read it top to bottom again, it didn’t disappear nor did it change. He had done the same thing for over ten minutes just staring at the document hoping it would disappear. They were adoption papers: his adoption papers. hidden in a file cabinet in his father's office. It had been near the back in a folder labeled ‘family investments’ among a number of other things.
Loki had been looking for a record of the money set aside for his and Thor’s college funds. He was certain that more money was put forth for Thor’s college career over his. The oaf was going to a prestigious school across the world for a nursing degree. Apparently he got a scholarship that helped a lot with the cost. Which just didn’t seem realistic. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe his brother was smart. Thor was actually very smart; he just wasn’t academically smart. Until his senior year he got consistent c’s and d’s. (He would’ve gotten all f’s throughout his high school career if it weren't for Loki.) Not terrible but certainly not scholarship worthy.
He tried to confront Thor about it but that didn’t go anywhere. It even took a turn for the worse when Thor tried to suggest that this was all a ploy to get him to stay home. He even tried to give him a hug, Loki shudders even thinking about it. He was very tempted to stab the older boy with a fork during dinner that night (most nights). Loki wasn’t going to miss Thor he was simply trying to figure out an injustice or in more accurate terms he was jealous.
He was sixteen and was technically supposed to be sophomore but was due to graduate next year. He was going to be the first to do so in his state and was very proud of himself. He had applied to a handful of schools but got a scholarship that covered 30% of tuition for a great music program in the next state over. There was still a heavy cost even with the scholarship and would be in debt for the rest of his life if he took out a loan.
He figured that his parents would pay for it since they clearly had the means and they paid for Thor. Even if they wouldn’t admit to paying his tuition; they still were paying for his plane ride, housing, meal card, text book, and really anything essential. They were even planning a goodbye party for him. They refused to pay for Loki’s further education in any way; he didn’t even want a party.
Though it all made sense now. He wasn’t ever going to be as good as Thor. No matter how many AP classes he’s in or how many extracurriculars he takes. He could never be a good son to Odin when he wasn’t even his son at all.
Loki heard the door behind him open but he didn’t turn to see who it was. He knew it was most likely Odin (this was his office) but he didn’t want to see Odin. He didn’t want to see anyone. He wanted to curl up in his bed and pretend this wasn’t happening.
“I told you not to go in my office,” he heard Odin say behind him.
“Your word has never stopped me before,” Loki drawls. He was tempted to just leave but he was also desperate for answers.
“Ah, my mistake,” Odin’s tone was much gentler than usual, almost teasing. Like this would all be some silly story he could tell at parties. Loki wanted to scream.
“Why?” he asked suddenly.
“You must elaborate, dau-.” Odin began. “Son,” the man corrected quickly, noticing the teen tense up. Loki nods in acknowledgment but keeps his gaze sharp, not falling for Odin’s amused act or whatever the look on Odin’s face meant. Odin sighs for several moments, the house was oddly quiet for the time of day; Thor should have been back hours ago. Though Loki didn’t think of this instead he thought of the words his mother (or Frigga as he should say) once told him. ‘There’s always a purpose to everything your father does.’ She said it quite often.
“Why?” He asks again, breaking the silence.
“We weren’t planning on adoption. Originally we were just supposed to be your foster parents until the agency could find you a good home. Though it was a bit of an uphill battle due to you being born prematurely and requiring a hefty sum when it came to medical bills.” Loki listened as Odin recalled his upbringing.
“We didn’t want you to move into an orphanage so after a while we decided to adopt you. Your mother and sister were going to tell you but I opted against it in fear that it would only lead to resentment,” Odin finished now looking intensely at Loki.
“S-so I’m just a charity case?” Loki stutters out as he returns Odin’s gaze.
“Why do you always twist my words?” Odin asks, raising his voice slightly.
“There must be more of a reason. What is it?” He demands. It took everything he had not to start yelling. Odin stayed irritatingly silent.
“What is it?” Loki asks again.
“I told you our reasoning,” Odin states
“What is it?!” Loki shouts, the papers he had been holding dropping to the floor.
“You were and still are prodigy, Loki.” The man takes a breath.
“Thor struggled often when it came to academics even when you two were young. You were the only one able to teach him anything.” It was the first time Loki had ever seen the man nervous but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
“So I’m just some glorified tutor?” Loki scoffs, balling his hands into fists at his sides.
“That’s not what I said,” Odin went to pick up the adoption papers still splattered across the floor.
“You might as well have.” Loki notices that his adoption papers were crinkled, no longer well kept.
“But I didn’t,” Odin replies.
“How old was I? When you adopted me?” The words came out shaker than Loki intended.
“Five, we had you for around two years previously,” Odin stood up and began rummaging through a draw on his desk.
“How can I not remember any of this? Three is rather young but…” Loki trails off.
“Repression, your Physiatrist called it. I presume you know about this considering how in tune your generation is with physiatrics,” Odin explains, that weirdly soft tone returning. Loki didn’t like it all, he didn’t like any of this.
“I have to go think,” Loki excuses himself finally having enough.
“Alright, dinner will be ready in an hour,” Odin says calmly.
Loki hums and heads towards his room. He felt oddly heavy yet also lightheaded, like someone strapped a rock to his back and then threw him into the ocean. He didn’t make dinner that night, instead he crulled under a pile of blankets, clutching a throw pillow as if his life depended on it. Maybe this all just some messed up dream. Hopefully.