Mamma Mia!

Oliver had many regrets, this much he has established once or twice, the thing is that these regrets seemed to haunt him constantly. And he’s used to being reminded of his biggest failures but normally it would be his own mind doing all of the reminding and blaming himself, not the actual son of the woman whose heart he broke and abandoned, making her leave with a piece of him always with her and vice versa.

Don’t get him wrong, he isn’t angry at Peter and he’s glad to have met him and he wishes that he had met him years ago and that he could help him, but he also felt sad for the boy, he didn’t have anyone taking care of him and he was so young. Oliver was definitely not nearly as mature at Peter’s age as the said boy and Peter must be around seventeen or eighteen considering that he’s graduating in just a few days, at that age Oliver was the most obnoxious person ever, the type of guy who would be the antagonist in an age-appropriate teenage drama made by a certain TV channel in the 2010s.

As he drives away from dropping Peter off at the student building, he has a few flashbacks about the couple of years before meeting Mary and gaining a little self-awareness even though he continued acting the same and even escalating his behavior by punching paparazzi and peeing on cop cars, it got to the point where his reckless behavior was only corrected with five years’ worth of trauma in a place people literally named purgatory.

He's ranting now but the point is that Peter is a good kid who needs help and Oliver wants to help him even though he’s not the kid’s father (but wishes he was). Now that he thinks about it, Oliver wonders who Peters father is. He takes into account that Peter is seventeen or eighteen, this means that his mother was most likely pregnant with him since before they started going out as an “actual couple”. Oliver wonders if his dear past girlfriend was even aware that she was with child while they dated, and she kept it a secret on purpose or if she truly wasn’t aware of the fact and Oliver had just abandoned her in her time of need.

He needed to think about this more, so he decided to drag the drive back to the manor longer all around the Bristol area while he reminisced about his dead ex-girlfriend, trying to think of any sign of her mysterious pregnancy throughout the short -but sweet- time that they got to spend together before Oliver got scared. As he drove through a bridge where the city landscape turned into a suburban area, he couldn’t think of any sign of Mary’s pregnancy she could have displayed back then. Oliver theorized possible explanations:

His first theory was that it was a cryptic pregnancy, which is a common enough occurrence, especially in first pregnancies and even more in younger women and it was early on when her and Oliver…. Liasoned, which would explain why he didn’t see or feel a noticeable bump and she had thrown up on him that one, although it was after around 15 Big Belly burgers, so he wasn't convinced that was sign.

And the second theory was that Peter wasn’t Mary’s biological son and he isn’t aware of the fact. Oliver wishes that this theory was the truth so that he wouldn’t have to think about the possibilities of Peter’s father’s identity and the probability that Mary’s love for himself was nothing more than some rebound or a simple way to forget her previous lover (Peters father), but with just one look at the teenager in question, Oliver knew there was no way this theory was true because there was no way Peter wasn’t Mary’s son. He could see so much of her in his features and even his demeanor, he couldn’t be anyone else’s son except for Mary’s.

Oliver finally decided to just drive back to the manor before he could ponder on the real nature of Peter’s existence and his own relationship with the late Mary Parker and the mysterious letter that she had written to him that sat unread in his bag in the back seat of his car, the thought of said letter sitting heavier and heavier the more he continued thinking about it. The fact that Mary had even written him a letter should mean something, right? … He really needed to stop his spiraling now, he needed rest.

–🕸️–

It had been a long day, not just for Wally, he thought as he saw an exhausted-looking Oliver Queen walk through the ample foyer of Wayne manor with a look that probably meant he should not be approached at the moment, to be fair, Wally himself had also not been at his best during his stay at the famed Gothamite’s home, which is something that he should really change and be more present, he wasn’t even going to be meeting Peter until the next day at 1p. m. and freaking out won’t help anyone. With that thought, Wally walked across the foyer and past the catatonic Oliver in search for his best friend (Dick).

“Late night?” Wally couldn’t resist making a suggestive comment (even though it was only about 9 p. m.) as he walked past the quiet blond, who didn’t seem to react to the red-headed speedster in his distracted state, he must really have some shit going on, but then again, who doesn’t? Even the usually smiley Dick Grayson seemed slightly… distracted, that’s something that Wally could change this even though Dick and him hadn’t really talked in a bit, it had been awkward lately after what happened last time they were together for more than a meeting or the occasional help with a rogue.

Thinking about the incident between the two, the speedster couldn’t help but feel that his own presence was the cause of the black-haired acrobat’s off-put attitude towards his guests. Wally walked through the towering halls of the manor in search for his best friend while he thought of the last time they had talked to each other.

It had been a couple of weeks ago, they had been on a mission together, just some recon, a stakeout in an empty apartment across from a warehouse where they suspected drugs and other illicit items were being stored and maybe even manufactured, they were in that apartment for over a week, learning their guards’ schedules and patterns, looking for camaras, exits, counting guards and seeing how trucks came in and out of the facility; among other things of the sort.

Now, Dick and Wally get along very well, they always have, it’s why they’re each other’s best friend and it’s part of the reason why they had been chosen to go on this stakeout together for the first shift and not with any other part of the team but even then, a week is a long time to be stuck with one person in a one-bedroom apartment and anyone would get irritable after continuous hours of barely sleeping in turns and staying in someone else’s vicinity for such a long time, the first couple of days it wasn’t too bad, they were getting along and even having a little fun with each other until they just started getting annoyed with the other over every little thing: Wally eating an extra snack, Dick getting in the red-head’s space, petty thing like this.

They only had one day left when the conflict finally got to a head, Wally couldn’t even remember what they were arguing about, just that they were both angry, days of tension building up to a whisper-shout match (the walls of the apartment were thin and they were trying to be sneaky) where none of them would admit to a fault or let the other get a word in. A few minutes into their argument, they weren't getting anywhere and the tension was only rising, with every word spat out by the other they were getting closer in proximity, trying to intimidate the other into giving up and then a minute or two went by and they were centimeters away and Wally could feel his best friend’s breath on his lips as they both started arguing slower and slower and getting even closer until they were both quiet, and staring at each other’s lips.

Wally wasn’t entirely sure who was the one who had initiated it, but that night ended with the two heroes in the one bed in the small apartment, the mission forgotten and the both of them only preoccupied with the other’s…. needs and bodies.

That morning, they woke up to each other’s warm body and the sound of someone coming up the hall of the apartment floor, with a quick glance at each other they had quickly gotten redressed and sat in the positions they were in the previous night before their little distraction. They had just sat in their spots when the front door of the apartment opened, and Roy Harper came in with Jason Todd in tow to take over their positions.

Wally hadn’t known how to feel about it, he knew his best friend (turned one-nightstand) and he knew that the moment they were out of this apartment Dick would completely avoid any sort of conversation about the previous night until he was ready to face it, and he would also most likely avoid Wally until then too. And he was okay with that, he is the closest person to Dick (outside of his family) and he was aware of how the acrobat dealt with his emotions and with change, and if there was anything Wally was sure of as he exited the apartment building and bid an awkward goodbye to Dick, it was that his best friend would come to him when he was ready to talk about it, it didn’t matter how long it would take, he would wait for him.

It was now three and a half weeks later, and they hadn’t talked about it and Wally hadn’t really thought about it when asking his friend if he could stay at the manor, the only thing on his mind at the time was Peter and the memories of said boy's mother. Wally didn’t have time to contemplate his budding attraction for his best friend while he thought about the single week he spent with Mary, he couldn’t help himself but marvel at the fact that she was pregnant with Peter at the time, who must’ve been around 17 or 18 by now, the same age Mary was when she conceived her surprise son. He wished Mary had confided in him that she was pregnant, he would’ve understood and helped her in any way he could’ve, but knowing Mary in all her selflessness, she probably didn’t tell him because she didn’t want him to worry or go out of his way for her, that was the king of person she was.

As the redheaded speedster walked through yet another empty media room, his mind wondered back to his best friend and his whereabouts, maybe he was in his room moping or something, according to Alfred, the black-haired acrobat had been doing a lot of that, he’d said this to Wally hoping he would help get Dick outside of his own head, as the speedster had always known what would help Dick.

He stepped into yet another sitting room, his pace slowing down with disappointment every time he didn’t bump into his moping friend, he sighed and wished then more than ever before that Alfred allowed him to speed through the manor.

“Did you seriously get lost in the manor, West? I didn’t think you’d be so incompetent” Wally startled, he hadn’t seen Damian where he was sat on the small sofa he always claimed, Alfred the cat on his lap while he stroked his fur and put his sketchbook and pencil down on a little table next to the sofa, and the kid had a scary menacing look in his eyes.

“Hey Damian! Didn’t see you there.” Damian didn’t look impressed; he raised an eyebrow. “I’m not lost! I’m looking for Dick, I can’t find him anywhere and walking is so slow”

“Tt, you shouldn’t be so reliant on your abilities; it makes you weak.” Wally let his head hand down, feeling like he was being scolded.

“Yeah, I know, I’ve been trying to use them less outside of the suit”

“Have you looked in his room?” Wally was confused now, and Damian must’ve clocked it, tired of Wally’s simple-mindedness. “Richard, have you looked for him in his room?” Now Wally felt really dumb.

“No, actually. I just figured he’d be around one of you guys, he always is.” Damian looked pleased at the comment.

“Better go look for him in his room then. He’s been moping all day since you and Queen got here” Damian gave him a slightly suspicious look before going back to the sketchbook he had placed on the side table next to the sofa and ignoring Wally’s presence.

“O-kay… See you around then!” he got no response from Damian, and he took that as a dismissal and he ventured off to his more-than-friend’s bedroom, hoping to find him there.

–🕸️–

Dick couldn’t seem to be able to stop thinking about the past today, normally, he almost never dwelled on the past, he had established a long time ago in therapy that it only did him harm and nothing good could ever come from it, which is why he normally never thought of Mary and that cold winter night that they had spent wrapped around each other. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the thought that Mary had most likely been pregnant with Peter at the time of their meeting and what she must’ve gone through. Did she raise Peter on her own? Who was the father? Was it the ex that she had told him about back then?

He remembered the sad look in Mary’s eyes when she told him about the guy who left her, she had said that he left her because he was meant to be married to someone with “status” and that they were never meant to last according to him. Dick had really felt for her, looking back he feels even worse for her, considering that she was pregnant with that asshole’s child when they met. He really didn’t understand the man who would leave Mary, they had only spent a day and a half together and yet Dick had been completely charmed by her and her bright disposition despite all around her.

When he met Mary, he was recently eighteen years old and angry (at Bruce, himself, and even Alfred sometimes), he had felt stuck in the manor and like he wasn’t going anywhere, like he never thought about his future and the only one he could see, he didn’t feel good about, but his identity was so attached to his current life that he didn’t think he could go anywhere else. Mary had understood all of that in their conversations, it was her that encouraged him to go off on his own and to create his own identity, she had told him that it was something she wished she could do if only she could shake off her parents’ expectations. That was what helped Dick build up the will to finally tell Bruce to go fuck himself, move to Blüdhaven and join the police force in an effort to battle corruption from the inside. He quit a year ago, but it was still important to him and his development.

He supposes he understands why Mary hadn’t told him she was pregnant when they met, the had only known each other a day and as much as Dick would’ve helped her and offered her support if he had known, he also knew that he was a public figure and rumors would’ve popped up. Not that he would've minded but Mary probably would have, and he wouldn't have liked Peter to grow up in the spotlight like he had.

As he turned over in his bed again, he off-handedly remembered his eighteenth birthday, the online countdown to it, the several creepy messages and pictures he received that day and the few girls who even tried to date him and baby-trap him before that. Maybe that was what scared Mary off, and he wasn’t really mad about it, they’d had an amazing time, and she was an amazing person, but he isn’t sure he was the one for her.

He rolled over on his stomach once again and buried his face in his pillow, he looked at the gap of sunlight peeking through his curtains and realized he’d probably spent the whole morning in bed, thinking and reminiscing and reflecting and spiraling about this whole ‘Peter Parker’ thing.

He was going to meet Peter at the (pre) graduation Wayne gala because apparently Peter is in the same grade as Tim and Steph, so he was invited to all the Gotham Academy grad events. Dick wished they could’ve met sometime before the gala away from all the shmoozing and the pompous people trying to suck up to them, he wishes Peter didn’t have to be exposed to that environment that Dick tried to protect all his siblings from, even though he know they can handle themselves, he still worries about it. 

Peter had explained in his second email that he was busy earlier in the afternoon and he needed to get ready for the gala after, so Dick had agreed to just meet him at the gala to talk and maybe find another time later, after all the chaos of graduation was over, which was in a week from the gala. Talking at the gala might be a little difficult but considering it was being held in Dick's home, he was sure they'd be able to find a place to talk away from the gala.

With a blink, his mind panned over to yet another of his concerns: His relationship with Wally and the tensions surrounding it. It had now been more than three weeks since they talked outside of a business setting, and it was starting to affect Dick even though he was the one doing the avoiding.

It took a couple of days of spiraling after that fated night for him to admit just to himself that he had been in love with his best friend for years and he didn’t really know what to do about it, he’s 35 for fuck’s sake! He’d already had all his self-discovery epiphanies, what was he supposed to do about this one?

His biggest worry was that Wally saw that night as just that, a single night with no feelings attached to their actions. He knew the red head and that most likely wasn’t the case but worries still plagued the acrobat’s mind and the more he worried, the more time he didn’t talk to the other about it and the longer he didn’t talk to him about it the more worried he got. It’s mostly his anxiety acting for him, preventing him from just telling Wally about his feelings.

As if on cue, just as he finished thinking about his feeling for Wally, there was a knock on his door. Dick groaned and rolled back onto his back before yelling out for the person at the door to come in, he looked at the door expectantly, it was probably Bruce or Alfred since none of his sibling tend to knock, instead they just barge into his room like they owned it.

He was surprised when the door opened and it was Wally who came in, wearing a sheepish expression on his face, he shuffled in quietly, approaching Dick’s bed as he gave the other a small smile. Dick threw him an odd look.

“Walls? You never knock. What is it?” Dick sat up against the bed’s pillow-riddled headboard and patted the part of the bed that still had the duvet on it, gesturing for his best friend to sit down with him. Wally seemed to think about it for a second before deciding to just go ahead and sit on the bed, keeping a distance between him and his friend. They looked into each other’s eyes, Dick looked over the serious look in the redhead’s eyes and understanding came over Dick’s face. So, he was here to talk about that.

“oh.”

“Yeah…” replied Wally with an expectant gaze, as if waiting to see if Dick would make a run for it, which was fair, Dick supposed. The day after the stakeout ended, Dick had spiraled, he had spent that whole day thinking about how his relationship with his best friend was most likely ruined and it was all his own fault.

Sometimes, even though he know it isn’t true, when he looks back at his past relationships and their unfortunate endings, he can’t help but think of himself as a (for lack of a better word) slut, a dirty slut who ruins his relationships by being just that and now, he wishes so badly that it will be okay, that he hasn’t ruined his friendship with Wally and that, even if the other man doesn’t feel the same way, they can still preserve their friendship.

“I guess we can’t put it off any longer, huh?” Dick looked down, scared of the conversation to come.

“Not when it’s affecting our relationship, and everyone can tell” Wally let out a slight chuckle, trying to add humor to this otherwise scary conversation, which Dick appreciated and always admired this aspect of Wally, he managed a small smile.

“I’m sorry” Wally looked confused at the apology.

“What are you apologizing for? You haven’t done anything wrong”

“Haven’t I? I... I basically threw myself at you and then ran away from the responsibility of it and I ruined everything! Have I not?!” Dick could feel tears stinging his eyes, threatening to fall, Wally looked like had tears in his eyes, with an appalled look on his face.

“Wow, hey, nothing is ruined, Dick” Wally was trying to get the other man to calm down, arms stretching out to hold him by the forearms softly before he continued talking.

“Where’s this coming from? We´re okay, we just need to talk things through” he was still talking in that soft, comforting voice and damn it if it wasn’t working for Dick.

“We’re really okay? You still want to be my friend?” Dick quickly blinked the unshed tears out of his eyes, as he spoke with a hopeful tone.

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, boy wonder” they both chuckled, looking at each other with tender eyes.

They were really okay, Dick realized with a smile he reserved only for the redheaded man in front of him. Whatever their future conversation held for them, he would be ready for it.