Beyond the reactor

“Tones I am tired, can we go please?” Rhodey said as soon as Bucky took the toolbox from Tony. He was careful now to touch Tony but it still put Rhodey on edge.

“You do know I am a super soldier now too, Barnes, I can carry a little toolbox” Tony said defiantly oblivious to Rhodes’ internal conflict.

“Someone as beautiful as you has no business carrying their things, that is what you have minions for! Also, you are only half a super soldier at best, doll!”

“Rude, c’mon Rhoey lets go eat in the common floor then we can make a mess!” Tony said cheekily, as If his cleaner bots were not ready at the fall of a crumb tidy up.

“Um Tony… is it alright if Bucky and I join you?”

“Sure if my Rhodeybear allows it” Tony says, eyeing Bucky to make sure he understood that it was not negotiable.

“I’ll allow it if people don’t wander too close to you, like to say, carry the lightest tool box you have for you”

“I will be careful Colonel,” Bucky said, trying for humble but sounding more constipated than anything.

Tony skipped to the elevator giggling when Friday closed the doors after Rhodey, she announced to the soldiers to take the next one.

“Between you, Pep and Fri, I am safe from them Rhodey, stop worrying, the stick in your ass is making it hard for you to smile and you know both those guys can cook food worth dying for so suck it up!”

“I can cook too, Tones!”

“They can cook food worth dying for… you cook food we might die of!”

“Anddddd don’t think I didn’t notice you leave Hap out of the list of your defenders!”

“I am happy he is pro them, it’ll help me be a friend to them vs cut them out completely… which is what would happen if you, Pep or Fri was in charge”

“And that is a bad thing?”

“It is for the world…. For my stomach… and… and me, hate to admit it but I need them”

“Fine! I will be friendlier!”

“Good, you loved Cap so it’ll be easy”

“Hmmm”

“C'mon Sourpuss”

"For you!”

The elevator doors opened and the two super soldiers stepped out, eyes zeroing in on an unsuspecting Tony.

"You are cooking Steeeb and Buckaboo can bake us something delicious for dessert, please and thank you! I am so hungry, is this a super soldier thing, because if it is I could get down with it! especially for free food!”

"Because as a billionaire, food is hard to come by” Bucky smirked.

All of a sudden guilt crept up Tony's neck like a vine, Tony was not sure if the Brooklyn boys wanted to be there or were just staying out of some false sense of responsibility - he was spoiled but he would never take advantage of the good men.

"You know Buck, I am completely fine. You and Steve don't really have to stay and cook, I was just joking! Friday can order some food - you and Steve can just take it down to your room and have a date night instead of having to spend time with me and Rhodey” Tony said looking anywhere but at the two massive men he loved.

"Doll, I would love nothing more than to bake you a yummy treat! Please don't make me leave. I won't be away from you!”

"What Bucky means is, we would really like It If we could stay here with you and I learnt how to make the Maru Bhajia you love so much! Please let me make it for you, I have the tomatoes for the Chutney and I swear I will make It as spicy as it is actually supposed to be, even if It makes me and colonel Rhodes cry”

"Oh, okay! Yay, so what else are we going to have? Rhodeybear can make really cool mocktails. I have really missed them! it's been almost a whole year since you made it for me, imagine, I could have died missing out on it!” Tony said, trying to make the heavy air a little lighter.

"Fuck Tones!” Steve wheezed, looking completely heart broken. Bucky looked like he was struggling to breathe too.

Rhodey grabbed Tony's face and squeezed so his face was smushed together “it is always too fucking soon Tones!”

"Eh” Tony giggled.

Bucky flexed his hands so hard as if restraining himself, he tightened his metal fist so hard that the other three heard the metal complain. Although that was hard to watch… to hear, though Rhodey was grateful Bucky was restraining himself from touching Tony.

"Alright, alright no jokes about near deaths, the three of you can unclench now, I love that hand Bucky don't make me take it away from you!”

"Fuck you Stark! I can't believe you are making light of that - It wasn't just you that almost died okay? You nearly took us with you. You think I want to live in a world that doesn't have you in it? DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS AGAIN!” Bucky growled out. "It's killing me to not be able to touch you, doll!” he added softly.

Everyone chose to ignore the last bit, Steve and Rhodey nodded looking like they couldn't agree more with Bucky.

“I already agreed to never joke about it again" Tony mumbled.

"Right! Maybe you and Rhodes can make those mocktails. Bucky can bake and I will cook! You get to pick how many chili peppers go into the chutney Tones! Go forth and conquer everyone! Tony is hungry”

"Sir yes sir,” Rhodey says sarcastically.

As soon as Bucky got the ingredients in the mixture, Tony got a whiff and knew what he
was making. Before he could state his happiness he looked up to see huge tears in Steve's eyes.

Tony quickly looked away. Rhodey nudged him towards Steve, much to Tony's surprise. He glared at Rhodey. "Traitor” he whispered, making his way towards Steve.

"Hey Soldier, you alright? We can order in if you just want to relax a little?” Tony said concerned.

"I just can't understand you sweetheart, you obviously don't mind being around us, you have even reached out to touch me just now before pulling back! I just want to confirm, is it because of what… what I… um, what I… what happened in Siberia. And um, not anything else…”

"What happened in Siberia was traumatic enough on its own don't you think? Why would there be any other reason? We almost killed each other, I blew Bucky's arm off! That can never happen again! We are all good Cap! We are just not good together... alone! I can't go through the possibility of Siberia again”

“I… is there anything I can do to change this? I just want to spend time with you! To hug you!”

Tony gulped. Touching… in this "soulmate on skin” environment - Tony will pass!
"It's not like that Cap! It's a boundary, you just have to respect that! I-I don't want to hurt you, or lose you, but I am not able to relive that situation in any way!”

Steve kept about an inch of distance between them as he sobbed loudly into his elbow! It crushed Tony that he couldn't even offer a hand on the shoulder to support the love of his life. He knew that he could touch his clothed shoulder without the soulmate thing being an issue because that would need direct skin contact but it would undermine the "boundary” he set with the Brooklyn twins. Wow, his need to protect his delusion that maybe this wonderful man loves him back is more important to him than being there for him when he is crying - He was a horrible human being. Just as he was about to give up and hug the big super soldier, Rhodey grabbed his collar and yanked him back into his chest! As Rhodey hugged him he saw Bucky move to Steve from the corner of his eye. Tony closed this eyes and felt the weight of being inadequate - either he was a terrible soulmate who Isn't even caring enough to cuddle his crying soulmate or he is a terrible best friend who can't even hug his sobbing best friend. Worst of all he was too much of a coward to actually face which of the two he was… What if he was just the best friend. God, Tony wishes he could just turn the thoughts off!

"C'mon genius, your minions have prepared your meal!” Rhoday smiled into his hair. "You have done nothing wrong and he is absolutely fine now, go ahead and look!”

Tony looked up from his hiding place in Rhodey's chest and the super soldiers were arranging the table, they looked at him and smiled invitingly no sign of distress on Steve. Bucky must be extremely comforting. If only Tony could get that in first hand experience. He moved towards the table and his mouth watered at the Maru bhajia and chutney, his nostrils flared to get the slightest sniff of the caramel in the salted caramel cookies. They sat down and dug in, Rhodey and Cap used the chutney as a dip for the bhajia - Bucky and Tony used the Bhajia as a spoon to inhale the spicy chutney. Everybody was sweating.

“You two are weak! C'mon use your big boy taste buds. Right doll?” Bucky chuckled.

"Righteronie Buckeronie!”

"You two just burnt your mouths and you're judging us. Stop smiling Tones, or I'll punch you in the mouth!” Rhodey huffed, mouth on fire!

"No, your mouth is on fire. Buck and I are just fine! This food is better than sex! Cap has officially out done himself. Hmmmm the Maru bhajia is amazing but the chutney is amazing! like how in the world have we gone so long without this amazing taste in our mouths????? I am so sad it's over!”

"I can make it for you anytime Tony, Whenever you want you just call me!”

"Be careful Cap, I will take you upon that for sure! even if its 3:00am?”

"I said anytime, didn't I?”

"It really was delicious, Cap! Thank you," Rhodey said politely. Tony counted that as a win!

"Thank you Colonel! The drinks are also very delicious, thank you so much!”

Tony was smiling wide - Happy that his platypus was giving Steve a chance.

"let's watch something while we make space for Bucky's cookies” Steve suggested, guiding Bucky towards the living room with a hand on the lower back - It was sweet, pure love in such a small gesture. Tony's eyes were fixed on Steve's hand, he tried to swallow his longing but judging by how Rhodey elbowed him, he was failing. They watched Moana together and it was cute. At some point the pavlovian conditioning that Peter had put him through shone through and he did a little dance along with the songs. The warmth that all three men had in their eyes was enough to chase the cold in his soul away. If this was all he could get then he would be okay! He wouldn't need anything else! This was enough.

“Here you go!” Bucky presented them with coffee and cookies.

"Nope! We are going to eat these in the garage where I can sit in my Audi and admire my beautiful cars“ Tony said getting off the couch pulling Rhodey with him "To the Tony mobile!”

Surprisingly, Fri allowed both the brooklyn boys into the elevator with Rhodey and Tony - Granted, Tony was sandwiched between the corner and Rhodey. Eh, a win is a win! As soon as they got to the garage Bucky took the tray of cookies he had as well as his and Tony's coffees and rushed to sit in the passenger seat of Tony's Audi. Steve had his own cup and Rhodeys on the tray with the rest of the cookies which he set down on the top of Tony's bench where he and Rhodey sat. Tony flicked his eyes at Rhodey and slowly got into his favorite seat in the house - the driver's seat of his Audi. It was a little sweet how Bucky had set the tray with the cookies and cups on his own lap - Tony reached for the coffee mug and took a sip moaning at the taste. He then grabbed a cookie and silently devoured more than half the tray before complimenting the baker beside him. Bucky finished off the rest then said something unexpected.

"Stevie, can you hear me?”

“Umm … Bucky the car If sound proof, I like loud music but I do not want to be more of a nuisance than I already am“ Tony giggled
"Tony you are the furthest thing from a nuisance, you are a hero! I wish you could see yourself how I see you!”

"Buck, relax. I am all fine and everything is all okay, please I know something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it? or should I call Steve and you can tell him?”

"I want you! I'll tell you - Just give me a second”

Bucky was crying softly, just looking at the empty tray. He shook his head to Steve who looked like he was about to approach and Tony did the same to Rhodes. Tony didn't reach to touch Bucky but he filled the small space between them with small comforts and promises to always be there for Bucky.

"Tones is there anything I can do, to… to make it possible, to have a future where… where I can touch ya? Doll, is there anything I can do to make you less afraid of me? I can remove my hand if that would help?”

Tony's heart clenched. Burned.

"STOP sacrificing your comfort for people Bucky! I know how hard it is for you when it comes to existing without your hand! It gives you memories of when they would remove it to wipe your mind! Why would you even suggest that? How could you think I would ever want that?”

"I would rather remember hydra every second of everyday than have you remember what this hand cost you or how Steve and I hurt you!”

"First of all, that is not the hand of hydra. Shuri and I made that hand! That hand has protected people and that hand doesn't hurt you! So I never want to see that hand destroyed! Secondly, do not assume that I know what I feel, how can I tell you how to help the situation when I don't completely understand it myself. And lastly, the conversation about you, me and Steve needs to include him! I am not saying this is forever Bucky, but it is a boundary that I need for right now, I swear if I find out what can rush the process you will be the first to know, okay?”

"Okay” Bucky said wetly. "Can we just sit together and listen to a few songs?”

"Okay but just a few… Rhodey looks like he is about to fall asleep, I need him to not sleep here and to go home to where his soulmates await!”

"Thank you, doll”

They listened to music until he saw Rhodey get irritable with Cap, this was not going to help their relationship so he turned the key to switch the radio off and he and Bucky got out. Bucky moving as slow as he could.

"C'mon Rhodes, let's get you to your soulmates so they can take you home!”

"We can stay on my floor Tones, we don't have to leave, we can stay” Rhodey said eyeing the supersoldiers.

"Nope! You three need some time together and I want a very Iazy day tomorrow! Also they have waited so long to be with you, the three of you together - let's give them that!”

"Ms. Potts and Happy are waiting in your penthouse, boss. Bruce is heading to sleep on his floor and will see you tomorrow. Clint is headed to his home and has invited you to have lunch with "Laura and the kids” tomorrow. I believe he aims to recruit you as a future baby sitter. vanda Is headed to bed on her floor and will join you for lunch at Clint's tomorrow. The invitation for lunch extends to Mr. Rogers and Sgt.Barnes” Friday said reluctantly.

Tony was proud she was learning to address people how they wanted to be addressed. Rhodey was proud that she was not extending the same curtesy to Steve and Bucky. Only Rhodey noticed Steve flinch at the "Mr” before his name.

"We will be there! Is that okay Tony?” Steve asked.

"I will be there" Bucky stated.

"Cap, you don't have to walk on eggshells around me. You are my best friend! I always want you around. Both of you”

Both super soldiers beamed at Tony's words. They wished each other good night. Bucky's metal hand crying under pressure again as he clenched his fist, resisting reaching out to touch Tony. Rhodey and Tony kept heading up to the penthouse silently. As the elevator doors opened pepper hugged Tony and Happy grabbed Rhodey by the back of his neck shoring his toungue into his mouth. Tony groaned. Happy chuckled and hugged Tony.

"How are they?” Happy asked.

"I keep hurting them” Tony replied tearing up.

The guilt was crippling, his three best friends surrounded him closely, each touching him in some way comfortingly.

"They think it's their fault” Tony said sadly "I just can't keep seeing tears in their eyes knowing I put them there. It's too much”

Pepper and Rhodey chocked down the urge to say it WAS their fault.

"Its okay boss, there is no rush. I know that they are willing to die for you happily. So why would they? not be willing to cry for you?” Happy comforted.

They waited till Tony stopped crying, got ready for bed and fell asleep before the three left, happy that their friend was alright. The three of them could be together peacefully, happily tonight. Rhodey felt himself melting slowly as he recalled how the three men cried for eachother today - Separately but for the same reason. He shoved those feelings away - he was not going to be the one to encourage Tony to spend time with the men that hurt him... was he?