Chapter 16
Natasha couldn't sleep. All she could do was watch as both you and Wanda slept restlessly. Her mind was turning, thinking about what she could do in this situation. The right answer was one she was struggling to produce.
On one side of things running the family business was what Wanda was trained to do. It was all her wife wanted, her life's work, her life's purpose. If Wanda wasn’t tied to the business what this mean for her wife.
On another side, this business was unkind to her. It was rough and cruel. In the spam of a couple months Wanda nearly lost her father, her girlfriend was beaten up, and her wife was shot. It’s understandable why she’d want to walk away from this.
Natasha was unsure what you wanted. After the encounter with Kingpin it was clear to Natasha that you were an integral part of the family business. There was a lot more responsibility on your shoulder than she originally thought. If you wanted out of the business, would it survive.
Dragos was a great leader but he was getting old. This whole ordeal was proof of that. It was clear that Wanda’s homecoming would act as some sort of test, as he could potentially be ready to step down for a new successor.
The variables seem never ending to assess. Natasha truly cared about the happiness of you and Wanda, but the idea of either of you being put in situations like this, made her nervous. The toll it was taking seemed greater than the satisfaction that it brought.
Natasha is gently taken out of her thoughts when she feels you snuggle deeper into her. She’s careful as she readjusts her good arm around you. Wanda’s hand on the other side of you interlocks with Natasha’s. She shifts her focus to her sleeping wife. Her thumb caresses the back of Wanda’s hand.
“Sleep, Natty” you mumble into her collarbone.
“I’m trying lisichka, there’s just a lot on my mind,” Natasha speaks honestly.
“Get in the middle,” you move with your eyes closed over Natasha.
The spy goes to protest, but Wanda is already scooting closer to her. She clings to her wife like a koala. You also curl into the woman resting one of your hands on her bare stomach.
“You’re safe moya lyubov, relax,” Wanda kisses Natasha’s shoulder tenderly.
Natasha takes a deep breath and closes her eyes in an attempt to go to sleep. It comes easier when she's enclosed by both you and Wanda.
The next morning almost feels plainly normal. When you wake up you’re the only one in bed. You swing your legs over the side and sit with your head in your hands.
You can see flashes of the night before and it eats at you. You had killed before, but this felt different. Though you were clean it still felt like you had his blood and brain matter all over you. You could hear him laughing as he dared you to shoot him. The way your brother’s name sounded in Fisk’s mouth.
It's worse when you start to remember how weak you acted after. Wanda being there to baby you as always when you became a childish mess. Your hands tightly grasp at your hair as you berate yourself for your actions. You acted irrationally and then panicked in a way you shouldn’t have.
You feel a pair of hands on yours, carefully loosening your grip on your hair.
“Y/n, look at me baby.”
You lift your head to meet Natasha’s gaze. The worry in her eyes makes you try to get a grip on reality. With a shake of your head and a large inhale, you regain your composure.
You attempt to stand and Natasha tries to stop you.
“I’m fine Natasha.”
“You do know I was a spy right? Lying to me is not going to go over well for you,” she deadpans.
You attempt to deflect, “Where’s Wanda?”
“In the kitchen. Now are you going to tell me what that was about?”
“Nothing that I can't handle on my own,” you assert.
Natasha’s eyes lock on to yours in a way that makes you want to melt, “ You don’t have to handle it on your own. You can be vulnerable with us, with me.”
“Being vulnerable is what landed me here in the first place. If I wasn’t so fragile maybe they would've told me about my mom. If I would've been more rational then I wouldn't have shot Fisk in the head. All I did last night was run away, vomit, and cry like a fucking child.”
“Last night, you saved the family business. You saved me, Wanda, Pietro, Dragos, and potentially everything they care about,” Natasha tries to persuade you.
“I could’ve done better. I should’ve stood taller, held my ground, kept my temper in check. Even now, I sound like a whiny kid, who can’t move on from the past. For nearly a decade I’ve been trying to become stronger, but every time I’m put in a tough situation, it’s like I’m that kid again. I’m just waiting for someone from this family to throw a glass bottle at my head and tell me I’m worthless because I know that it’s true.”
For once it seems as though Natasha doesn’t have the words. You wont look at her as silence blankets the room. In your mind there was nothing about this that wasn’t your fault. You deserved to be punished for your lack of competence, there had to be someone who was mad at you.
Wanda had overheard the conversation as your voice became louder. She waits a beat to see if Natasha had anything to say before entering the room herself.
Your back was to her and she didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around your midsection. Her chin rests on your shoulder.
“Y/n, I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it, but you are not worthless. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed by what happened yesterday, it hasn’t even been 24 hours. It’s ok to lean us for help, we won’t push you away and we won’t be upset. Emotions are not childish, my love.”
Your hands find themselves around her forearms, “ I wish I could’ve kept it together.”
“It would’ve just prolonged the inevitable. There was no way that Fisk could’ve lived after all he put us through. He can’t hurt this family anymore."
“Not just with him, I- I want to hear from Dragos and Pietro about my mother. If I wouldn’t have sprinted out of the building-”
“They are at home, they aren’t going anywhere. Whenever you want to have that talk we can, but I think it would be best to give it a couple of days” Wanda reassures you.
“ Is he upset with me?”
Wanda shakes her head, “Of course not, Y/n. You saved his life, his family, his business. He’s worried about you, he wants to see you.”
Your attention shifts to Natasha, who has been quiet since Wanda entered the room. You can see her in her own mind.
“Nat?”
Natasha doesn't answer when you speak causing her wife to call her name as well. When they lock eyes Wanda can tell something is weighing on the woman.
“I don't want him to see you, Y/n.”
Wanda furrows her brow, “Why not?”
Natasha speaks softly and avoids eye contact with her wife, “We don't know what he wants.”
“He wants to make sure she's ok. She's like a daughter to him,” Wanda becomes slightly defensive of her father.
You use your hands to keep Wanda near you. You think whatever is happening in this conversation requires space between the wives.
“I know that, but what if he wants something else Wanda?” Natasha rushes out.
“What else could he want?” Wanda tone is incredulous at this point.
“I don’t know Wanda, maybe he wants to thank the one person who has been holding his business together since his accident. Maybe now that she’s saved not only his business, but his family and his life, he wants to reward her. Maybe this whole thing has made him realize he’s too old for this and he wants to pass on all of this to her,” Natasha shoots back.
“That’s ridiculous- he’s not retiring,” Wanda tries to dismiss Natasha.
“Think about it Wanda, why else call you home now? Your father is looking for a successor and there was only one person who was successful at running the business in his absence,” Natasha argues back.
“He left me in charge, Natasha.”
“And how long did that last? You did your best, but it was too much for you. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you leaned on Y/n and she picked up the slack effortlessly. This was natural for her, she’s good at this.”
The tension in the room was rising with each exchange. You want to de-escalate the situation, but you don’t know if it’s ok for you to get involved.
“ If he offered it to me, I would tell him no,” you spoke up, “I love this business, but I can’t run it. I’m not even a Maximoff.”
Wanda turns you so that you’re facing her, “ Do you want to run the family business?”
“ I-I’ve never thought about it before,” you answer her honestly.
“ I thought we all agreed to some time away from this business, now you’re talking about being the head of the table,” Natasha is in disbelief.
“This is all hypothetical. This business is the only thing that I feel like I’m good at and for the longest I felt like I would do this forever. But things are different now,” you look between the two women.
The tension seems to leave the air when you look at them.
“What's different, little krolik?”
You shove her shoulder lightly, “My priorities feel different. There are other things I care about, and look forward to besides being useful for the business.”
“What kind of things lisichka?” Natasha teases.
You roll your eyes, “Things like sleeping in and waking up next to my girlfriends in bed. Having enough days off to travel somewhere, see something with them. Domestic things like cooking dinner together, or watching movies. Knowing that we're all safe and don’t have any reason to be looking over our shoulders would be nice too.”
“I like the way that sounds,” Natasha says.
“Me too,” Wanda agrees.
You stop them there, “But… Wanda I know you've wanted this your whole life. You didn't ask this year's away preparing for this, and if this is still your dream then I want to be there to support it. If you’re involved, I want to be there.”
Natasha looks to her wife, and can see a multitude of emotions pass through Wanda’s face.
“I want this more than anything,” Wanda places a kiss on your forehead.
Your hand rests on her face bringing her eyes to yours, “Wanda, you don't have to choose between this and that.”
“I know, I know, but Y/n I’m always going to choose us. You, Nat, this, it's more important to me than the family business. I don't want to be the reason we're in danger,” her forehead rests on yours.
“So what does this mean for us?” Natasha asks for clarification.
“I don’t think we’ll know what it means before we talk to my dad. I want to say if he asks me I’ll say no immediately, but it’s easier said than done,” Wanda frowns.
“It means whatever we’re going to do, we’ll do it together,” you say looking at both of them.
Natasha still has worry in her eyes, but a kiss from you eases her nerves. Wanda follows your lead wrapping you all into one large hug. With kisses to the top your heads, she reassures you all.
“We’re going to be ok”