Sometimes, Bucky still wakes up from nightmares far too early to wake up Sam. He's gotten to the point now that he can slide out of bed without disturbing the other man, at least. Usually, he'll take a shower, relax a bit, work on some breathing techniques he remembers from Raynor, and then get back under the covers before Sam is waking up for his morning run.
Today doesn't feel like one of those days. Today feels like he's not going to be able to get back in that bed at all. He feels like every step is too heavy and every breath is thick and damp. Like he's been in a cave for days and it's sticking to the insides of his lungs like it plans to start growing stalactites on his heart.
Bucky slides out of bed at 2:47 in the morning and suppresses a groan as he scrubs his hand down his face. He makes his way out of the bedroom quietly, both cats dropping silently from the bed and following him, as though they expect he's awake for them and not for himself. He can't help but chuckle as they weave around his legs as he walks though. They've mastered the art of winding around each other and working in sync. Some days, it's like they're one cat. He loves them.
He gets to the kitchen and pulls down a couple of their plates and a can of wet food, because alright. Bucky Barnes is a sucker for his and his boyfriend's cats. He'd do damn near anything for them, the same way he would for Sam. He opens the can and Figaro immediately sits at his feet, calm and waiting politely for his plate, while Alpine leaps onto the counter and then onto Bucky's shoulder, purring in his ear as she watches him from what she deems the best seat in the house.
Once he gets both plates set up, assuring them he split the can perfectly between them so they aren't allowed to steal from each other, he sets the plates in their usual spot next to the dry food feeder. Alpine rubs her side against his cheek and drops to the floor as Figaro slides against Bucky's leg in thanks and they settle down side by side, at their own plates.
Bucky runs his hand through his hair as he stands up and goes to clean the counter, sighing quietly. Sure, Sam will call him a pushover and say he's spoiling their babies, but he'll say it with a wide grin on his face. A grin he might try to hide by shoving it into Bucky's neck or shoulder as he laughs at him. It's one of Bucky's favorite things.
Well, Sam is one of Bucky's favorite things.
He used to think he'd never settle down. Not that he didn't want to. Bucky just never had the urge. He was constantly roaming even when he was standing still. He loved the thought of courting someone, but he couldn't find it in himself to bring it all in and be still.
He had thought, when he was younger, that maybe he just wasn't meant to settle down. He didn't want to go from girl to girl like he kept doing, but he just never found someone that he could stick with for long. Either he lost interest or she did within the first couple dates. And sex wasn't the best reason to keep a relationship alive, no matter how good it was. He'd known that even when he was a younger man.
It turned out, he realized much, much later on, that it wasn't that he wasn't meant to settle down. He had yet to find the right person to settle down with. He'd been looking on the wrong side of the fence. And in the wrong century.
When he met Sam, truly met him as himself and not as the Winter Soldier, something had clicked, and it had terrified him. One of the biggest reasons he didn't respond to so many of Sam's texts in the beginning, after Steve left, was because he was terrified to get attached to the man when he knew from the start that he wasn't just going to fall for this man. He knew he was going to come crashing down through the trees of this new world straight into Sam's lap and drown in his eyes for the rest of his days. He knew he'd get lost in that smile for centuries. He knew he'd never escape this man if he let him in. So, he tried to keep him away.
That didn't work.
He had no chance. He'd already succumbed long before he started trying to run away from Sam. He had fallen for him from the moment that bastard had refused to pull his seat forward in that tiny ass car Steve wanted them all to ride around in. He was lost for the man from the beginning and there was nothing he could have done to stop it.
He only wishes now that he had let it happen sooner.
As he finishes up cleaning the counter, he turns his attention to last night's dinner dishes, cleaning them quickly and setting them aside to dry. Usually, Sam washes them after his morning run, but Bucky's awake and he likes to give Sam a break on chores. They both dirtied the dishes after all, and if Bucky's also doing it to see that smile on Sam's face when he sees the empty sink, would anyone who's seen Sam Wilson smile blame him?
He checks the time and sees it's almost four now, which means both that he's lost a bit of time just thinking about his boyfriend (which is better than other things he could lose time to) and that Sam will be getting up for his morning run very soon. The days are getting longer again and Sam doesn't like running in too much heat. He usually starts before the sun comes up, or right as it's coming up.
Bucky decides to start a pot of coffee and sits on the counter next to it, scrolling through the news on his phone for a few minutes. It doesn't take long for the smell to draw the other man out of his hibernation and Bucky is greeted by a sleepy-eyed Sam leaning in the doorway of the kitchen and giving him the most beautiful lazy grin.
"You couldn't sleep?" Sam asks, voice still rough from sleep, and Bucky didn't think he could fall any further. He thought he was at the bottom already, but damn does Sam keep opening that hole up deeper and deeper for him to slide on down.
"I'm asleep right now," Bucky says, smirking.
Sam laughs softly and shakes his head, moving to Bucky and pushing into the space between his knees, wrapping his hands around Bucky's sides and leaning up to give him a gentle good morning kiss. "Well, wake up. I want to watch the sunrise with you."
"What about your run?" Bucky hums, wrapping his right arm around Sam's back.
"I can miss a day or two," Sam says with a shrug. "Captain America gets a break, too. Especially if it means I get to sit out on that balcony with you and watch your eyes change color with the sky."
And there he goes again, falling even deeper as he leans forward, catching Sam's lips in another kiss. Because he can't get enough of this man that's made him feel like living is worth it all over again. He'd watch every sunrise from now until the end of time if it meant he got to watch them with his Sam.