Mayday his adorable red headed child smacked him in the face with a brush
Looked at the corner of the room pointed and said ‘Stevie’ he’s never mentioned Steve’s nickname in front of her before. Or the fact that he passed well before she was born due to being sickly.
Braved a possible cat fight to grab Alpine by her leash and drag her away
Found out why Edna Mode had a no capes rule when she scooted herself off the counter and is lucky all she got was a broken arm
One will be enough I’m smart to use two - his angel faced pre schooler holding two umbrellas before jumping off the top bunk
Wondering why he just saw his kid sailing across the back of the couch after apparently climbing onto then jumping off the table
His kid apparently has an imaginary friend named Steve and Bucky is to scared to call for a cleansing because he’s worried Steve’s ghost could turn violent
Referred to an Oscar winning actress as Quiff Latina she meant Queen Latifa
Looked him dead in the eyes and told him something only Steve would’ve known which creeped him out enough that he did finally do the cleansing
Apparently wanted to see if it would hurt to whack herself in the face with a bat
Her pediatrician thankfully doesn’t think he beats his kid because her son is just as bad if not worse
Came up the front door barefoot wild haired and holding a goose with both hands
Chased a squirrel around screaming ‘LET ME LOVE YOU!!’
Bucky is severely allergic to bees and Mayday decided she’s the Lorax and she speaks for the bees
Thankfully she didn’t witness the F1 crash on tv but noticing their distress. She pointedly looked at Bucky and Sam then calmly said. ‘Don’t be sad daddy it’s just taking him a minute to figure out how to get out.’ Sure enough the driver walked through flames and was in fact ok minus some burns.
Bucky doesn’t have a dog but Mayday came home with a Cain Corso bodyguard. Who’s apparently the neighbor’s dog.
He’s not even going to ask about how his pre schooler got up there (it was a tall bookshelf and she was looking down at him.) so long as she never talks about how daddy screamed like a horror movie damsel.
Grabbed a goose by the neck and screamed ‘you bit me’ while Buck attempted to save the wild life from the wrath of his five year old
Showed Bucky a snake she carried into the house that she found in the woods
He’s confiscated a concerning amount of frogs that she’d decided to try and keep
Wingardian Leviosa’d too hard and took out a vase with a weighted stick
They had a nerf gun fight around the neighborhood Mayday screamed ‘this is Sparta’ as a battle cry and followed it up. By shmasting one of the boys with the buttstock of the nerf gun. Holding out her arms and yelling ‘ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?’
Someone pass the advil and the number to a good therapist.