Peter was fine.
Really, he tried to be.
He smiled through the days.
He laughed at Ned’s jokes ("You should never believe an atom, they make up everything." Peter wheezed as Ned giggled at his own joke. "God, that's the worst pun I've heard," MJ said rolling her eyes. "Hey! you say that about every one of my jokes!" Ned accused. The two started bickering as Peter's smile slowly fell. He wished he could feel as careless as his friends.).
He smiled when Aunt May came home ("I'm here!" A sing-song voice came from the hall. Peter got up from doing his physics homework to greet his aunt. He helped her with the bags of take-out. "Chinese again?" He whined. "I'm sorry Peter, it's the best I can do. The money is tight, but at least soon I'll get my paycheck, then we'll eat like gods!" Peter chuckled, but it was short lived. He wished his aunt wasn't so burdened by him. She'd have more money for herself.).
But he never felt it. It was automatic really.
The monotone routine was exasperating. He knew he shouldn’t feel like this. He has no reason to feel like this. He knows Tony stark for hells sake! He’s Spiderman!
He’s Spiderman.
And he sees so much goddamn death and pain every single day.
Sometimes he’s late to the scene and arrives just as the oppressor finishes his job.
Sometimes he just finds a body and someone running away.
Sometimes he has to see life leaving someone’s eyes.
So he thought, why? Why live in a world full of pain and suffering? For every person he saved, there’s 20 that got robbed, assaulted or died.
He is no hero.
A hero could save everyone. A hero could really smile. A hero doesn’t have problems.
He is no hero. He is useless.
So now Peter stands on the edge of the bridge, his phone and shoes abandoned on the other side of the rails.
He has nothing to lose. The numb consumed him to the point of no return.
The cold air of November bit his skin, the fog blurred his vision. The surface seemed so far away, but he knew it wasn’t as far as it looked.
He took in a breath, and jumped.
The air was even colder as he fell.
Then he felt a sudden impact.
His back hit the water and it felt as if someone pushed the air out of his lungs.
Then he began sinking.
Panic set in.
He tried to breathe in, but he was met with all surrounding water.
He tried to swim.
Everything hurt.
Why does everything hurt?
It should be painless.
He thought it would be painless. Why does it hurt?
It’s so cold.
He doesn’t want to die.
He has Ned to live for.
He has MJ.
What will they think when they see him dead?
His corpse being dragged out of the river.
Everything hurts.
He doesn’t want to die he doesn’t want to die HE DOESN’T WANT TO DIE
He can see light.
He’s underwater, where did light come from?
Maybe he should swim towards it?
He can’t move.
Why can’t he move?
The light got closer.
How?
Everything is so fuzzy.
Everything is dark.
~~~
Tony was just in his workshop, adding small details to one of his newest tablets. The thing was almost done, but it still needed the tiniest bit of color to truly feel like a stark invention. Of course it wasn’t just his invention, Peter helped a lot in the process. The kid was very helpful in inventing and engineering a lot of things.
Lately though, Stark has been concerned. Due to spending that much time with the kid he knew certain speaking patterns and behaviours of his. That’s how he noticed the slow decline in Peter’s happiness. He’s been acting less and less enthusiastic for some time.
The most obvious sign that something was wrong when Peter stopped responding in the "Peter" way to the small remarks by the man. It’s not that he stopped smiling at all, he still gave little laughs and grins and rolled his eyes at dad jokes, but the light from his eyes was gone. Tony looked with concern at his kid and asked some questions, but it was brushed off.
“I’m fine! I just didn’t get a lot of sleep today, that’s all. I swear!”
Tony got very worried but never thought it would get any worse, he just thought it was seasonal depression.
“Mr. Stark, Peter seems to be in high distress.” FRIDAY boomed through the speakers, breaking the scientist out of his deep thoughts.
“Oh yeah? Do you know why this is?” Tony usually shrugged off the many alarms that FRIDAY gave him on a daily basis, especially the high heart rate ones. The kid was prone to stressful situations, the alarm was installed for the more severe ones. Stressful tests were one thing, but being shot by one of the criminals he was trying to stop was something that should definitely have a safety measure installed.
“I am almost certain he is in danger, Mr. Stark. His heart rate is unnaturally fast.” Tony stopped in his tracks.
“Well, what is he doing? Where is he?”
“He is on the edge of the Marine Parkway Bridge. He seems to be standing on the other side of the rails.”
“He is what?! Get me my suit. Right. Now.” Tony scampered out of his workshop and towards the nearest balcony. He felt the metal engulfing him before he flew out of the tower and towards the location.
“FRIDAY, connect to Peter’s phone, call him now.”
“He seems to have turned off his phone, sir.”
“Shit,” he swore under his breath.
Soon enough he saw the bridge and the small figure of Peter letting go of the rail. He saw the fall.
Tony quickly got to action, flying towards where the figure hit the water and diving headfirst into the dark depths. He saw Peter sink, he saw him shift just slightly. The man grabbed the limp figure of his intern before flying to the surface.
He carried Peter back to the bridge. At first he seemed to not be breathing, which scared Tony, but after a few seconds the boy took in a heavy breath before coughing a few times. He remained unconscious.
Tony noticed the teenager left his shoes, watch and phone on the sidewalk. He then asked FRIDAY for a scan of Peter’s vitals.
“It appears that his heartbeat is irregular and he has liquid in his lungs and stomach." Tony was taken aback by it all. Why would Peter even do this? Was there anything happening at school? Now was not the time for these thoughts tough. He quickly grabbed Peter and his belongings before flying back to the tower.
“FRIDAY, get the med bay ready for Peter. I want the best staff there right this second.”
“Sir, it’s 1 am.”
“I don’t care! Get whoever is there ready for Peter! I am not losing my kid today!” Tony sped up.
When they finally reached the tower, he almost broke the window that was quickly opened for him to fly directly into the med bay before leaving Peter to the doctors and nurses.
~~~
Peter’s eyes slowly opened to be blinded by bright white lights. He thought he finally entered heaven, that was until he heard the beeping of a heart monitor and felt the intense smell of sanitizer. He was in the med bay.
“Fuck,” he swore, noticing how dry his mouth was.
He felt a stir to his right. He turned to see none other than his mentor sitting next to him, seemingly just woken up from sleep. The man quickly regained his composure before embracing Peter in a light hug.
“Peter! Oh thank god you’re alive!” Tony let go, just holding the boy’s shoulders. “You got me so worried! What were you thinking?! Jumping off of the bridge, almost like you tried to-“ he stopped in his tracks upon noticing the blank stare Peter gave him. It was blank, and yet so much emotion hid behind it. Sandess. Anger. Agony. Grief.
“Peter, were you trying to actually…?”
The silence was painful.
It was broken by a silent tap of a tear on the white covers.
“Yes. I wanted to kill myself.”
Peter slowly started crying. “I actually tried to… I tried to kill myself. I went through with it. And I lived! I fucking lived! Why the fuck can’t I just-“ he fell sobbing into Tony’s embrace, who quickly reciprocated the hug.
“Peter… I don’t know what you’re going through, but know this: I’m always here for you. Your aunt is always here for you. Your friends are always here for you. If you ever feel like you need to talk about you emotions, please do. If you need like you need a therapist, just tell me, and I’ll find you the best one in the city. In the whole world if you want. Just, please… Talk to us. Talk to me.” The grip got a bit tighter.
And suddenly Peter knew.
He knew he had people to live for.
He knew he could maybe make a change.
He just needed a little bit of help.
There was light at the end of the tunnel afterall.