“Hey. Hey! You’re a protector, right Winter? I get it. I am too. We take the abuse, the beatings, so the softer guys don’t have to. You and I, we’re the ones that bloody our knuckles, the ones who hear the screams. We do whatever needs to be done to keep them safe. I see you. I understand. You just want to keep Bucky safe, right? From one protector to another: there’s no threat here besides you and me. It was a false alarm. This is just some friendly sparring, not like whatever dark history you and Widow share. We’re not needed right now.”
“What did I do?”
“What happened?”
Bucky and Marc spoke in unison, and then turned to look at each other.
Marc frowned, displeased with himself for having another episode. “I blacked out. Sorry. I don’t know if you did anything.”
Bucky gave him an assessing once over. “Well you don’t look like you’ve gone a round with the Winter Soldier at least.”
Marc was standing in between Bucky and the other Avengers, placed as if to protect them. Bucky was used to regaining awareness across from someone on the defensive. He wasn’t used to that person looking confused as he felt, fresh as a flower, and entirely uninjured.
The pair turned to the others assembled. “What happened?” Marc repeated.
Stark immediately lost the calculating glint in his eyes as it was replaced with a showman’s mischievous twinkle. “Frosty made his first friend! What a momentous day in history folks. They grow up so fast. It brings a tear to my eye. Truly heartwarming. Heart thawing?” He shrugged insouciantly. “Whatever. Enough with the TLC. Back to work, people! Times a wasting and my time is at a premium. You plebs can’t afford any chit chat.”
Bucky and Marc sighed at his antics and decided to let it go. They were all still in the training hall so they couldn’t have lost more than a few minutes. Nobody was hurt. Probably nothing happened. Better not question the good luck.
Marc would have forgotten about it but for the series of odd interactions that followed.
After training was over, Natasha approached Marc. “Hey. Just letting you know. I appreciate the assist, Spector, but I could have handled it.”
Marc stared at her blankly. “What are you talking about?”
Natasha raised an eyebrow, then snorted. “Sure.” Then said nothing else as she walked away.
Hawkeye patted him on the back as he passed. “Don’t mind her. She’s just pissed you said none of us were a threat.”
“What?”
Neither of them answered him.
Marc’s confusion continued when a snickering Stark handed him a blue card that read: Congratulations! It’s a boy!
His confusion deepened to alarm when he found several cognitive behavioral therapy worksheets and a book on abuse recovery in his locker that Jarvis confirmed was left by Bruce Banner.
Sam Wilson gave him another pamphlet for his veterans group, clapped him on the back and said he was there if Marc or anyone else needed to talk. That at least was normal behavior for him.
Meanwhile Bucky was also facing changes since the incident.
“What do you mean you’re not going to help remove the Winter Soldier?! You have to!”
“No can do, Buckaroo.” Stark singsonged. “Your head’s free of triggers and that’s good enough for me.”
“It shouldn’t be.” Bucky argued. “The Winter Soldier-”
“Can make his own decisions.” Stark interrupted.
Bucky gaped at him. “It-”
“He.”
“It’s a dangerous remnant of Hydra programming lying dormant in my fucking head! Why the hell would you want me to let it make decisions?”
Tony Stark had the gall to roll his eyes as if Bucky was being particularly slow. “Okay first of all, Snowflake is a person. Don’t be rude. Second, Hydra didn’t make him, you did. They just figured out how to use him. Third, I’m not a psychologist. This isn’t the type of thing my kind of brain hacking can achieve. And even if it could, I wouldn’t do it since again, Winter is a person and I’m not gonna murder him just because you ask nicely.”
Bucky spluttered and, in his bewilderment, hardly protested when Stark shooed him out of the room.
Marc’s stress at the Avenger’s odd behavior was building. Ever since he blacked out in training, Stark would stare at him with unnerving intensity but return to normal as soon as Marc spoke. Hawkeye kept appearing out of nowhere and only the fact that he didn’t scream “Boo!” gave him plausible deniability that he wasn’t actively trying to scare Marc. Bruce greeted him with sympathetic smiles that set his teeth on edge. Sam Wilson was friendlier than ever, and Natasha was cooly competitive in combat and battle sims.
It was untenable, and Marc knew that if he didn’t give Steven a chance to frolic amongst the daisies, so to speak, the anxiety would build up too much, and Steven would come to the front whether Marc wanted him to or not. In order to avoid any kind of accidental switching in front of the Avengers, he planned Steven a nice little field trip. He didn’t plan on Steven running into Bucky Barnes.
Bucky wasn’t brooding. He was exploring the Natural History Museum. It was a stormy Tuesday afternoon and barely anyone was visiting which allowed him to ghost through the halls like the walking piece of natural history he was. But no, he wasn’t brooding. And he definitely wasn’t moping about his continued failure to get any help with the Winter Soldier issue.
Bucky was startled out of his not-brooding by a gasp of squealed glee and rapid muttering. He turned the corner towards the sound and saw-
“Marc?”
The other man didn’t look up from where he was cooing at a piece of papyrus under glass. “Look at you, luv, a fragment of the dead sea scrolls! How many generations have your words shaped, and now I get to see you with my very own eyes!”
Bucky coughed to hide a laugh. Who knew Spector was such a dork? Or that he was British? Bucky couldn’t usually pick up much of an accent from the man. In fact he’d thought he was raised American- but seeing him revert to his native voice in excitement just now proved differently.
“So this is what you like to do in your spare time, eh Spector? Gawk at old artifacts?”
Bucky’s opener was greeted with a jump. “Oh! Didn’t see you there. Sorry, did you want to take a look? I’m Steven with a V. Steven Grant. Nice to meet you.”
Bucky felt a sinking in his stomach. “You don’t remember me?”
Steven blanched. “Oh, er. F-forgive me, I’m such a muppet. Terrible with names and faces, ha ha.” He turned back to staring intently at the display case and started whispering to himself.
“What’s going on?” Bucky stepped in closer and began discreetly scanning the museum for threats. “Marc?”
The other man slumped. “Right. I know this must be strange, but I’m not Marc.” He glanced down at the display case then back up again with a look of realization. “Oh! You’re Sargent Barnes, right? Well, Marc and I- we’re like you and Mr. Winter.”
The sinking in Bucky’s stomach turned to a brick of lead. Marc had something like the Soldier? And it was out in public? In an instant he had Steven in an unbreakable hold.
“Ow! Bloody fuck, bruv, what’iss for?” Steven squeaked amidst some ineffectual flailing.
It was like holding on to a squirming puppy, and just about as dangerous. Comparing him to the Winter Soldier was like comparing a butterfly to an alligator. His attempts to escape were pathetic. Bucky let go, staring at the ruffled man with wide eyes. “But… if you’re not the evil one…”
All this time, had Marc been this man’s Winter Soldier? How? Marc had seemed so human!
Again, Winter is a person, Stark had said.
Steven patted himself down. “That’s actually just a myth perpetrated from sensationalized media portrayal. People just love to take something like mental illness that they don’t understand and make it scarier than it is. In real life alters, alternate personalities- don’t go around killing willy-nilly for no reason. What would be the purpose of all that? To create trouble for the host? That’s the opposite of what alters are for.”
“But…” Bucky was still having a hard time wrapping his head around all this.
Steven rocked back on his heels and gave a consoling grin. “I know, I get it. S’pretty hard to accept at first. Even harder to believe the other person in your head only means you well. When I first met Marc, I thought he was ruining my life. I wanted him gone.”
Bucky nodded. He felt the same about the Winter Soldier.
“But back then, I didn’t know how much he was protecting me. All those times I lost time, hours, days? That was Marc handling the hard stuff so that I could keep my hands clean. And when Marc needs time to destress, he gets to retreat and let me be happy and worry-free for both of us.”
That was a lot for Bucky to process. Time lost to the Soldier doing the ‘hard stuff’ definitely sounded familiar. But could he really think its motivation was one of protection? Bucky was glad at least that he didn’t remember most of his time under Hydra’s control- but was that really the Winter Soldier’s doing so Bucky didn’t have to bear that weight?
“C’mon, let’s go find the men’s toilet.” Steven said nonsensically. “Looks like you and Mr. Winter need to have a chat. Maybe I can show you how to talk to him in the mirror like Marc and I do.”
Bucky could do nothing but follow.
The training room incident:
The Winter Soldier nodded at the other protector. He closed his eyes and concentrated on giving Bucky control. It wasn’t something he’d ever willingly done before.
Jake Lockley took that time to turn a menacing grin at the assembled Avengers. “Marc doesn’t know about me, and he doesn’t need’ta, got it? I know where you all sleep. And I’m always watching.” Then he turned back around, and his posture straightened.
“What happened?”
“What did I do?”
Marc and Bucky spoke in unison, seemingly themselves again, and then turned to look at each other.