Beginning of the (possible) end
It was around 11pm, and Tony stumbles through the front door, having just been on a super long night time walks, alone.
"It's eleven o'clock at night." Steve grits his teeth together as he glares at Tony. "And you just got home."
“ That’s not that bad” Tony mumbles.
"But did I get a text from you saying you were going to be coming home this late?" He asks, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. "No. You just got home without warning."
Tony swallows “I’m sorry…I’ve just got a lot on my mind..”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Of course you do." His gaze shifts down to glance at tonys exhausted face and tired expression. "So tell me... what could you have possibly been thinking about this whole time to make you forget to just call me to let me know you'd be late?"
Tony looks down at the floor “ Just some health issue that’s crept up..”
"What health issue?" He asks, his voice still cold while he keeps a close watch on his face. "Please don't tell me that you suddenly have a fever right now."
“I wish it was just that..”
"Then what is it?" He says sharply. "What is it that could possibly be worse than having a sickness? What do you mean, ‘health issue’?"
“I probably won’t be able to go out and fight as iron man for a little…” Tony says, clearly hurting by that fact. Iron man was who he was, who he loved to be.
"You're kidding me." Steve says quietly, his forehead creasing together as he crosses his arms once more and leans against the door frame. "What does that mean? You're out of commission? Why? What kind of health issue did you suddenly encounter?"
“I’ve gotta get some treatment for something..” Tony’s voice is wobbly.
"Right." His tone is dripping with sarcasm as he scoffs again. "For something? Right. And you conveniently cannot tell me what this something is?" Steve raises his tone a notch.
“FINE. CANCER. THERE. TONY STARK HAS CANCER, IRON MAN IS FUCKING SICK.” Tony looses control of his Words, all the emotion pent up in him slipping out.
Steve freezes, completely still, as he stares at Tony with wide eyes. "You're joking... right?" His voice sounds harsh and cold, because he can't believe what he's hearing. But... a quiet fear can be heard in it as well.
“Even I wouldn’t lie about something like that Steve..”
"Jesus..." Steve murmurs quietly, his eyes still wide, and he's speechless for a moment. But then he speaks with his usual confidence, sounding completely in control even as his voice cracks from the fear."Do they know what stage?"
“Two…” Tony admits.
"... Is it terminal?" Steve’s voice cracks again as he asks this, dread filling him as he feels his throat growing tight. He swallows, trying to keep in the panic that's filling him.
“It’s at the 50/50 mark I think..” Tony’s voice is quivering now.
"Jesus..." Steve says shakily, his hands clenching into fists as he struggles against the wave of fear that's hitting him. "Jesus, you could die? You could just... die?"
“Well…yeah..”
"I..." Steve’s voice trails off, and his breath catches in his throat as he feels himself starting to lose control. "What... what about treatment?"
“I’m undergoing a huge major surgery in three days.“ Tony’s hands are trembling.
"Three days..." Steve’s voice sounds breathless and weak, as if he's shocked that it's so soon. But his expression of fear turns slowly to anger. "And you waited until right now to tell me this?"
“I’m sorry”Tony's voice cracks. “I know we’re boyfriends…and I should’ve said sooner….but I was so scared to admit it even to myself..”
"... Why?" Steves voice is filled with quiet rage as he asks this. He can't believe how selfish his boyfriend had been, hiding something this important. "Why were you scared to admit it? You're about to get a... a major surgery, and you told me so late!"
….”Cause my Aunt died in that surgery… she had stage 2 stomach cancer, and died during the surgery I’m about to have” Tony says flatly.
"Your aunt..." The anger slowly fades from his expression as he hears Tony say this. "Your... your aunt died when getting the same surgery...." His eyes drop to his feet, the anger turning into guilt as he realizes that he was lashing out at Tony even though Tony was the one who was scared. "I..."
Steve pauses, biting his lip as he tries to calm himself down. "I'm sorry for asking you why you didn't tell me right away..."
“It’s okay..” Tony whispers, his voice shaky.
".... Are you scared of that happening to you? Of... of not waking up?" Steve asks quietly, still feeling a little bit of fear in his tone as he watches Tony.
“Honesty?” Tony pauses. “Terrified”
"I... I'm... I don't want to lose you..." Steve says quietly, the fear in his voice starting to come back and making him feel vulnerable.
“And I…I don’t want to go..” Tony’s voice is full off terror.
"You can't... you can't die..." He says quietly, and it sounds more like a plea than a statement.
“I wish..I could assure you that I was going to make it …but I can’t…” Tony’s eyes fill with tears.
“If... if this surgery doesn’t work, is that it?” He asks, but he can’t look Tony straight in the eyes. He’s too scared of imagining the answer to that question, too terrified to hear the truth. “Or... or do you have other options? Are there other treatments?”
“Well, there’s chemo..” Tony says quietly.
“Oh... chemo. Of course. But if the chemo doesn’t work...? If it doesn’t work… is that it? Is that the end for you?” Steve’s voice is strained.
Tony paused and stared sadly at Steve before nodding his head.
“Jesus... Jesus Christ...” Steve’s voice sounds breathless as he says this, and it takes a few long, silent seconds before he manages to find his voice again. “.... what are the chances of the chemo not working?”
Tony takes a moment to think, before saying.
“So…it’s all complicated….when I first got diagnosed last week, I was told I had three options. Leave it, let myself die. Chemo, which has a 50 percent chance of working. Or surgery, which has a 60 percent chance of curing the cancer…”
“Those aren’t good odds…” Steve says, and after a moment, he looks up at Tony. “But you’re getting the surgery. Why the surgery instead of chemo?”
Tony pauses, and looks down, almost ashamed.
“It sounds so pathetic, but i don’t wanna loose my hair, or go through all of that…sickness.”
“.... No, no, I get that.” Steve says quietly, because yeah, cancer treatment does involve losing your hair and everything else that has to do with chemo. “If I were you, I honestly think I would’ve gone for the same option. And…” He pauses once more, not exactly sure what to say. “You... you’re not pathetic.”
“ With the surgery, there’s a chance I don’t survive it though” Tony’s voice gets quieter with every word.
Steve sighs. “... There’s a greater chance that you won’t survive if you don’t have the surgery though,” He argues, his voice a little bit sharp and harsh as he points that out. “And besides, the odds aren’t exactly stacked against you. I mean 60% isn’t that bad, is it?”
Tony pauses. “ There’s a 58 percent chance I die during the surgery. And if in the case of the other 42 percent, I survive, there’s a 60 percent chance it actually worked.”
Steve pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the math on that one in his head before he realizes that it’s not looking too good. Then he sighs, his voice sounding more defeated as he asks, “... So if I’m getting the math right, the actual odds are.... There's about less than a 30% probability that you'll survive the surgery and that it'll actually work?" He asks, almost scared to hear the answer leaves Tony’s lips.
“Yeah.” Tony takes a shaky breath.
"Oh... Jesus." Steve’s voice is barely a whisper, and he's lost in thought again for a bit before he asks, "So... Why the surgery then? Why not try the chemo after finding out it has better odds?”
“Cause the thought of living…so….ill…and reliant….scares me so bad..” Tony admits, looking ashamed at his own words.
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Part two?! I have so many ideas! (I already have part two in the works and it made me cry help😭)