Chapter 9
-
Thor massaged Loki’s scalp as he washed his hair, sitting on the floor of the shower cubicle with the warm water spraying down upon them.
The smell of the apple shampoo was strong but pleasant, overpowering the herbal scented soap, which reminded Thor a little too much of some of the more vile tasting rations they’d had on board The Statesman.
He often wished he could forget that entire journey.
The pain of losing some of the survivors to their injuries, the effort of remaining strong and confident before his broken people while he feared for Loki and mourned for his home, the endless sea of stars and the incessant hum of the ship’s interior lights.
But Thor could no more forget a moment of the arduous journey than Loki could forget a moment of his torture.
But right now, those memories didn’t torture him. Right now, he was relaxed and happy, letting out a soft hum as Thor began to massage his neck and shoulders lightly.
The external wounds were healed enough that it didn’t hurt when Thor did this, massaging the damaged tissues as gently as he could.
Being bound for so long and struggling so hard had caused unseen damage that was only becoming apparent now that Loki was starting to recover. Thor didn’t exactly know how to repair that damage, or if anything could be done to repair it. Bruce said Loki might need some rehab exercises.
But, right now, Thor was doing what he could. He was massaging Loki as he would a soldier after enduring a strenuous battle, as he and Loki had done for each other countless times, albeit more gently. Loki said it felt good and it helped. That it eased some of the pain.
They’d been in the shower for some time, longer than usual, but Thor was inclined to indulge in every moment of serenity and comfort that they had.
In a few hours, they would speak with the Avengers. Thor would have to listen to Loki being slandered, and he dreaded it, wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold his anger, and feared any words that might trigger Loki.
He knew from hearing the arguments between Steve and Tony, and the fall out bickering among other members of their team, just how cruel the Avengers could be even with their friends.
And Loki was not their friend. He had killed one of their friends and caused hundreds of other deaths, even if it was not his fault. Thor wasn’t sure how the Avengers would react, and doubted they’d be especially eager to accept Loki’s presence on Earth.
But, he and Loki had agreed they should tell them now rather than risk them being told by Dr Strange. Thor didn’t know if the wizard ever interacted with the other protectors of Earth, but he wasn’t about to risk another interruption of the peace and security that Loki deserved, and Loki was happy to do anything that would avoid the same.
All he wanted was to live in true peace, to have no threats looming over them. His tortured and broken mind created enough threats for him to fear, without suffering the nervousness that someone would again try to intrude on them and take him from Thor.
They agreed about doing this, although neither of them was looking forward to it.
But they didn’t have to worry about it for another few hours.
Even then, Thor knew that the worst the Avengers could do would be to cast him from the team and closely monitor New Asgard. They couldn’t hope to take Loki by force or actively fight against them, not with Bruce on his side. Not to mention Heimdall, Brunnhilde the army of New Asgard, and Thor himself.
Not even the entire rest of the Avengers could hope to best them, and they wouldn’t risk the casualties that would result.
The only thing Thor had to fear from this meeting were cruel words he didn’t want Loki to hear.
But he felt more nervous than that alone could justify.
Some part of him did, irrationally, fear someone taking Loki from him. The Avengers couldn’t do that, and probably wouldn’t even try, Dr Strange had been unable to and now agreed not to, and the only one who might have been capable of it was dead.
Thor feared it regardless because he knew it would break him.
He would not survive losing Loki again. Not with his mind intact, at least. If Thor lost Loki, he would either be driven to violent revenge until he got himself killed, or descend fully into a madness where Loki was still with him.
“You’re worried,” Loki said softly, turning his head to look at Thor, but the spray of the shower immediately battered his hair into his face so he could no longer see.
Thor pushed it away and held his hand up to protect Loki’s eyes from the water, “I don’t know how they will react, and I have no desire to hear cruel words spoken about you.”
“I don’t give a damn what they say about me,” Loki replied, touching a hand to Thor’s shoulder, “The only people who could ever hurt me with words are those whose opinion of me I value. Those I care about. You, mother, and Odin.”
Thor pressed his own hand to Loki’s, “I have said a lot to hurt you before. I know it, and I’m sorry for it. The bully I could sometimes be when we were younger
“I’ve hurt you too, Thor. An awful lot more than you have me, and only some of it can be blamed on what that damned titan did.”
“It seems we both have a habit of causing the other pain,” Thor murmured, touching his head softly against Loki’s, “It is a habit I hope we can break.”
“I’d argue we already have. We did, when you thought of me in grief and I thought of you in agony. Now neither of us has the patience for the charade of cruelty.”
“You may be right, brother.”
“I usually am.”
Thor smirked and tilted his head to press their lips together briefly before pulling back and reaching for the conditioner, “It truly does smell of apples, does it not?”
“An odd feature of something apple scented.”
Thor chuckled, “You know as well as I that things humans intend to smell as one thing rarely achieve that goal.”
“I concede to the truth of that,” Loki smiled softly at him, then shut his eyes as Thor worked the conditioner into his hair, remaining silent, but happy, for the remainder of their shower.
Leaving the warmth of the spray was always unpleasant. Somehow worse than the equivalent moment after a bath.
But Thor had several fluffy towels ready for them, draped over the two radiators in the room, and warmed through.
He grabbed one to wrap around Loki’s shoulders first, then his hair, helping him to dry before bothering with himself.
There was little he could do for the wounds that must heal in their own time, and Thor had done nothing to stop the torture Loki suffered twice over, but he could now do these little gestures. Little acts of care that might make things just a bit easier for Loki, that might in time start to counteract all the pain and despair of the past.
And perhaps even ease Thor’s guilt over having failed to stop that pain in the first place, although it would require centuries of acts of kindness to dispel that.
He should have seen Loki’s mind was not his own on Earth, and he should have seen how he suffered in the dungeons of Asgard after, been able to notice the aftermath of torture in him.
But he hadn’t.
And he had been unable to find and protect him after Ragnarok, when he spent almost four years held and brutalised by Thanos.
It didn’t matter how much Loki reminded him that he’d have given the tesseract to Thanos if Thor had been there and under threat, that if Thor had found him no doubt one of them would be dead. Thor understood and accepted it, but the guilt remained.
And if he’d only done something to stop Loki from falling in the first place, if Thanos had never got his vile hands on him, none of this would have happened at all.
“You think extremely loudly,” Loki said, dropping a towel on Thor’s head and rubbing lightly, whether to dry his hair or dispel his thoughts, Thor didn’t know.
“I have regrets. A great many of them, and they will insist on filling my mind.”
“We cannot change the past, Thor,” Loki whispered, pulling the towel away and tracing a semicircle at the edge of his missing eye, “All we can do is decide how to craft the future.”
Thor drew a deep breath that seemed not to fill his lungs and pressed his forehead to Loki’s, “A future in which you and I will always be together. As was meant to be.”
“If you wish it.”
“I do. Do you not?”
“More than anything.”
Thor smiled as he pulled Loki into a hug, pressing his face against his neck.
“You’re making me wet again,” Loki complained softly.
“How fortunate we still have three unused towels.”
He felt Loki smile against his skin, and focused on that smile, one he could picture perfectly, to fend off his painful regret.
-
They indulged in spending the rest of their hours before the meeting languidly. Lounging on the bed together in their silk bathrobes - green for Loki and red for Thor, tailored for them in New Asgard at Thor’s request - and tying each other’s hair in competitively intricate designs.
Loki started out with detailed and complex braids in Thor’s hair, but his arms and hands grew too tired to finish, so only one side was tied back at all, but Thor thought that looked better anyway. He liked having some hair loose and in his face, while Loki tended to prefer to have it pushed back and curling loose at the back.
This all meant that, when Bruce arrived to help prepare them for the call, they both had hair incongruously ornate to their casual Midgardian clothes and the informality of a meeting held over the Internet.
After seeing the message that Bruce was at their door, Thor took Loki’s hand in his, the other clasping the side of his neck, “Are you certain you’re ready for this?”
“Are you?”
Thor smiled softly and touched their foreheads together, “I am ready for the guarantee of undisturbed peace that shall follow. It is the least you deserve.”
“We deserve. I’m not the only one who suffered, Thor.”
Offering a chaste kiss, Thor stepped away and went to open the door, acutely aware of Loki’s movements as he went to sit on the couch behind him.
“Hey Thor,” Bruce greeted with a small smile, “You guys good to go?”
“Aye, my friend,” Thor said, stepping back out of the way, “Please come in. May we do the call from the sofa?”
“Yeah, no problem,” Bruce was clutching a laptop to his chest, and looked over to the couch, “Hi Loki.”
“Hello, Bruce,” Loki said with something of his old mask returning to hide his emotions and the lingering echoes of his torture.
“How’re you feeling?” Bruce asked as he knelt beside the coffee table, a reasonable distance from Loki, and began to do something with the laptop, “Sorry. Professional habit. I’m maybe becoming a bit too much stuck in the role of a healer. You don’t have to answer that.”
And Loki didn’t, but he did politely thank Bruce for delivering the hydration drinks, which he had done consistently for weeks after Loki’s arrival, until the worst of the starvation and malnutrition had passed.
“You’re welcome,” Bruce smiled up at him, “I’m glad they helped, and if you ever need anything, let me know. I mean, anything a healer can help with. Or a physicist.”
“I quite rarely find myself faced with conundrums in physics, but should I encounter one, I shall seek out your wisdom,” Loki replied with a small smirk that made Bruce laugh.
Thor smiled warmly at their interactions as he walked around the coffee table to take a seat beside Loki on the couch, close to the laptop.
“Okay. You’re ready,” Bruce said after returning to the laptop for a while, “Ten minutes before the meeting starts, so you’ve got a bit of time to sort yourselves out. You’re already logged in and what you can see in this box here,” he turned the laptop to face them and pointed to a box at the corner of the screen, “Is what they will see. The meeting will start as soon as they log in. You don’t have to do or press anything. When the meeting’s done, just close the lid. Gently.”
“Thank you Bruce,” Thor nodded, peering at the video in the corner showing him and Loki, “Will you be in the meeting?”
“No. I, uh, I prefer to avoid meetings that might become heated, but Tony will be in it and will back you guys up,” Bruce replied, “He’s on your side in this and you can trust him.”
He stood up and moved towards the door, “You can keep the laptop until we next meet. I have a few. Good luck.”
“Thank you,” Thor smiled at him as he left, closing the door with great care behind him, once again displaying an incredible degree of concern for Loki. Just as he had by not sitting close to him as he set the laptop up, not knocking on the door, not asking him to speak too much.
Bruce was compassionate, he was a good friend to Thor, and he took his duties as the chief healer of New Asgard very seriously. Thor knew he could have chosen no one better among the survivors for that role, even if Bruce was not Asgardian by birth.
With Bruce gone and the meeting ready to start, Loki lay down on Thor’s lap, his head on Thor’s thighs and both arms looped around one leg.
“Can I be seen?”
Thor looked at the small box in the corner of the screen.
He could see his face, and not Loki.
Despite having made comforting progress in his healing, and no longer looking quite so corpselike, Loki did still show some signs of torture and his wasted condition, which Thor understood he wouldn’t want the Avengers to see.
“Only by me,” Thor replied, stroking a hand over Loki’s shoulder, “You’re not in the image.”
Loki nodded, “Have they changed a lot? Since I fought them?”
“Mortals always change quickly,” Thor replied, “And yet I think much of the change for the better was undone by their falling out. And you have not met many of the newer Avengers.”
“I expect they’ll know of me.”
“Yes, but we will change how they think of you now. Make them see you are not the villain they believe.”
He might have said more, but suddenly the screen changed, Loki flinching as the black suddenly brightened to reveal all the other original Avengers gathered around a table, as well as Vision, Wanda, Sam and Rhodey.
“Thor,” Steve began, looking towards them or the camera or whatever he saw, “What’s going on? What’s this about? Is everything okay?”
Thor swallowed hard, his fingers stilling briefly before he resumed his gentle touch on Loki’s shoulder.
“Loki is alive.”
“Does that guy just not know how to die?” Clint muttered, although it was audible enough, “That’s what? Three times now he’s supposed to be dead and isn’t?”
“Hey, Legolas,” Tony gave him an arch look from across the table, “You may want Loki dead but Thor was grieving like hell for him,” he looked at the camera, “I’m happy for you, Point Break.”
“Thank you, Tony.”
“Thor,” Steve interrupted the relatively pleasant exchange, “As much as we all know you care a lot about Loki, the fact remains that he’s a war criminal and a danger to our planet. So we need to know, where is he now? What’re his plans?”
“Loki is on Earth now, but he is not a danger to this planet or its people.”
“He caused hundreds of deaths,” Natasha pointed out.
“And wanted to subjugate all of humanity,” Sam added, “You’re saying he’s just completely changed his tune in a few years?”
“During the attack he launched years ago, yes, both are true. However, I know now that he was not acting of his own free will during that attack. He was being controlled, by means of the sceptre he wielded against Eric Selvig and Clint.”
Steve, Sam and Clint all began to talk to make objections or arguments, but Tony spoke louder and cut them off.
“That actually fits with what we saw during the attack. Well, footage from various points taken while Loki was on Earth,” he said, “Gimme a sec, and I’m gonna share a screen to show you what I mean.”
He must have prepared this in advance.
What displayed on the screen was not something Thor wished to witness nor Loki to hear, but it would help their argument.
It was a series of different short videos from various moments during Loki’s attack on Earth, starting with his arrival through the portal, continuing through his time aboard the large SHIELD vessel, and his fights with both Thor and Hulk in Stark Tower.
Tony paused at several points to point out changes in Loki’s demeanour and his eyes. Signs of breaks in the mind control, which really Thor should have noticed. Thor knew Loki better than anyone. He should have noticed and he had failed to do so.
There were other signs no one else would see, which Thor spoke up to point out. Weaknesses in Loki’s illusions and his duplications that Loki was too experienced to have allowed. Loki’s magic couldn’t be forced by another, and these signs showed, to Thor, that someone else had control of his mind but Loki’s powers were only partially receptive to the control.
Finally the videos ended and the screen returned to the image of the room of Avengers.
Thor was the first to speak after, “I also see a great change in him now as compared to during the attack. He is himself again now, the Loki I once knew and grew up with.”
Not entirely.
A broken and darkened version of himself, suffering the effects of torture, and of the cruel unwelcome truths thrust upon him by Odin.
But he was Loki again. He was, even with those changes, the Loki Thor knew and loved.
“Why torture him if they were gonna use mind control?” Clint asked suddenly, the words making Loki tense, “When he came through the portal, there were signs of torture. You can see it in what Tony just showed us too. There’s no point doing that if you’re gonna use mind control.”
Thor looked down at Loki, softly squeezing his shoulder in silent question. Loki offered a minute nod, an agreement for Thor to tell them more.
“The being who sent Loki to Earth wanted to force him to submit through torture. To make him compliant that way because it is a more effective means to ensure a longer lasting obedience. Mind control was what he turned to when Loki would not break to the torture.”
Thor had to force his voice to remain steady as he talked, the emotion spurred by those words too great to contain without great effort.
“Who was controlling him?” Steve asked, “And why?”
“They wanted the tesseract. Loki was meant to retrieve it.”
“You haven’t answered who,” Natasha remarked, “And, more importantly, are they going to come to Earth looking for Loki and the tesseract, given he failed?”
“A titan, named Thanos, was responsible.”
“Titan?”
“They are a race with great power, strength and resilience,” Thor explained, “This titan did seek the tesseract and revenge against Loki, but he is dead. Loki was able to kill him, along with his followers, before coming here, and so there is no threat to the Earth brought by Loki’s presence in this realm.”
He paused, reaching for Loki’s hand and squeezing lightly, “There, now you know. I didn’t tell you immediately because I knew how you’d react.”
“By being pissed off about that lunatic being back on our planet?” Clint said angrily, “Yeah, no shit.”
“Clint!” Steve reprimanded, but it was for the language and not the sentiment, Thor guessed, “Can you be absolutely sure both that whatever mind control there was has broken, and that this titan is dead?”
“Yes, I do not doubt either. The Loki I saw during the attack on Earth was not the brother I know, save for fleeting moments when he seemed himself,” Thor replied earnestly, “Loki was never a threat to Earth. It was the one who controlled him who was, and that being is now dead. I have seen his decapitated head myself.”
“You-what?”
“Loki brought it with him?” Natasha arched an eyebrow.
“And incinerated his body, as well as the corpses of all his followers.”
“And a guy, a god, who can do that to someone powerful enough to command that Chitauri army and fuck knows what else,” Tony said, shrugging, “I mean, if Loki had wanted to conquer our planet he sure as hell would have succeeded.”
“Tony speaks the truth. Loki is far more powerful than you saw before.”
Steve sighed, “Thor, personally, I do trust you, but you’re biased when it comes to Loki, and it would be a big risk to allow him to stay on Earth given his past actions. We need to be confident that he’s not a threat.”
“I could look into his mind,” Wanda suggested with a tone that implied she would really rather not do that.
And Thor would rather she didn’t as well.
“No,” Thor said calmly, “Loki has been subject to a mind manipulation already. It would be cruel to subject him to any such thing again.”
“He fucked with my mind,” Clint muttered, while someone else argued that she’d not be manipulating, only looking.
“I said no! I will not have Loki suffer merely because you do not trust me,” Thor was more firm in his words now. Resolute.
“Thor, can we speak with Loki? Is he with you now?” Natasha asked after a moment of thoughtful silence, “I think it would help us get a better impression of his mental state and his plans if we could talk to him.”
Thor didn’t lower his gaze, not wanting to draw attention to where Loki was, but he released Loki’s hand so he could hold his palm out for Loki to trace his agreement or refusal on Thor’s palm.
He felt the cool, thin finger mark out the single rune that indicated communication. The right way up. If he had reversed it, that would mean no, but he hadn’t.
“Will it satisfy you if he talks on this computer conversation?”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Natasha replied, but Clint interjected.
“Wait! I don’t wanna see that asshole.”
“Clint, are you happy to accept a decision if we make it while you’re not in the room? If you’re not comfortable seeing Loki, you could leave and we’ll tell you what else we discussed,” Steve suggested.
Thor saw Clint look at Natasha, holding one of those apparently silent conversations they sometimes had, not unlike those Thor seemed capable of holding with Loki, and then he nodded.
“As much as I’m not gonna be happy with any decision other than to stitch up his mouth and lock him away for eternity, yeah, I’ll go with whatever you decide.”
As he stood and left the room, pausing briefly to let Natasha squeeze his arm, Tony started speaking again, “Thor, if you and Loki need a sec to prepare yourselves, just press the two buttons down in the left corner. They’ll stop your video and mute you. Press them again when you wanna come back.”
Thor nodded, and was about to press the buttons, but Loki reached up to do so first.
The little image of them in the corner vanished with Bruce’s name appearing in white instead, and there was a small icon in the corner that Thor guessed meant they couldn’t be seen or heard. It looked like one of the buttons they’d pressed.
Even so, Thor held a hand over where he knew the camera on the laptop to be and watched as Loki pushed himself upright.
“Are you certain you’re happy with this?”
“Not happy, but I can understand their demand,” Loki replied, “If it will keep them from harassing us in the future, then it’s worth it.”
Thor smiled and leaned in to kiss his forehead softly, “We will indulge in an evening of gardening television shows after this.”
“How utterly exhilarating,” Loki rolled his eyes, but there was a genuine smile on his lips.
In time they may grow to enjoy more excitement again, but not yet.
Thor shifted and opened out one arm so he could wrap it around Loki’s shoulders, putting them both in front of the camera.
Then he pressed the buttons again, and there was video.
The room of Avengers turned back to look at them. Most wore cold or indifferent expressions, but Wanda looked strangely sad and Tony smiled kindly.
“Hi Loki,” Tony spoke first, breaking the uneasy silence, “Your hair looks nice.”
“Thank you, Stark. It’s Thor’s handiwork.”
“You’ve been holding out on us, Point Break.”
Thor offered a small smirk, grateful for the respite to the tension.
“Loki,” Steve interrupted, taking charge of the meeting again, “Can you tell us in your own words what happened? Why you attacked Earth if you had no actual desire to rule it?”
“It is as Thor says,” Loki replied, “I was taken by the titan after falling from the rainbow bridge in Asgard. He attempted to make me bow to him, and when I refused, he used the mind stone - the sceptre - on me. It didn’t control me as completely as it did Agent Barton or Selvig, but altered my memories, emotions and desires. I had just enough free will to orchestrate a plan doomed to fail. As Stark himself said, it wasn’t a great plan. That was the point.”
Loki reached out to grasp Thor’s free hand, unseen in the video, squeezing tightly for strength as he kept his face placid and unemotional.
“After I failed, I knew he would be hunting me, and I knew he still needed the tesseract for his plans. After starting Ragnarok, I took it from Asgard and hid it somewhere accessible only with my magic. He followed, caught me, and, in time, I was able to break free and kill him, his army and his generals.”
“Guessing he didn’t ask nicely for you to hand the tesseract over?” Natasha asked, “You look like you’ve been put through the ringer.”
“He was not especially kind in his efforts to convince me to give it to him,” Loki said with a cold and polite smile as his hand tightened in Thor’s.
“Are you satisfied now?” Thor asked firmly before any more information could be demanded, “Loki will not attempt to conquer or attack this world. He is no threat to you, but if you get in the way of our life together, I will be.”
“Tony, can you enlarge the video image? Focus in on Loki’s eyes?” Natasha asked.
Tony did something with a keyboard, and they all watched. Presumably watching Loki’s eyes.
“Okay, see?” Tony said, “Different from before.”
“He’s a wizard, though,” Rhodey said, “He could be faking it?”
“Or wearing contacts,” Tony added, “I agree it’s not a hard and fast way to decide, but given that and his attitude now, which is completely different from before, the footage I showed earlier, and Thor vouching for him, I think they’re telling the truth. I think Loki was mind controlled, and I’m willing to believe he isn’t a threat anymore.”
Natasha frowned and tilted her head, staring at the screen. Probably at Loki.
“What’re your plans now you’re here, Loki?” she asked, “You just gonna hang around in New Asgard? That’s it?”
“Yes.”
“Seems a lot less dramatic and exciting than I’d expect from you,” Steve said, “What if you get bored?”
“Captain, I have been tortured without respite for almost four years, during which time the only thing that kept me from yielding the tesseract so that the monster would finally just kill me was the thought of returning to Thor,” Loki said coldly, firmly, with strength and venom in his voice, “Perhaps I shall grow bored enough to seek out amusement through mischief eventually, but right now I simply want to be with Thor. That is all I desire.”
“Will you allow us that?” Thor asked, “Will you accept Loki being here and allow us to live in New Asgard without needing to deal with harassment or hostility from those I call friends?”
Steve took a slow breath and stood, looking around the room, “Everyone who’s okay with Loki living in New Asgard, raise your hand.”
Unanimously, they all raised a hand in the air. Slowly, some taking longer than others, but they did all agree.
“Okay,” Steve turned back to the screen as he sat back down, “That’s decided. Loki, you’re welcome to live in New Asgard with Thor. We will retaliate if you attempt to do anything to harm the people of our planet, but otherwise, you won’t receive hostility from us.”
“Thank you,” Loki inclined his head.
Thor could feel his anxiety, and squeezed his shoulder gently, “Thank you all. Now, may we end this call?”
“Just one more question, Thor. Will you still be working with us? You’ve been absent lately, and I guess now it makes sense. You’re helping Loki, and that’s okay, but we need to know if you’re still part of our team.”
“You can depend on my aid should there be a threat I am needed for, that you feel you cannot handle without me, but otherwise I will remain here until further notice.”
Steve nodded, “Thanks, Thor. That’s good to know. You’re a valued member of our team.”
“We’ll let you get on with your day now,” Tony said, pointedly trying to make the call draw to an end with no subtlety whatsoever.
Thor was glad of it, and reached out to shut the laptop, which Bruce had said would end the meeting. Then he opened it again, just to check it had ended and they wouldn’t still be listening.
It had. Just the screen that came with the program used for the meeting, and no Avengers visible anymore.
Everything was fine. The meeting was over and it had resolved well. It was over and everything was fine.
Thor pushed the laptop away, turning to pull Loki into a tight hug.
“Are you alright?” Thor murmured softly.
Loki nodded against him, “Are you?”
“Yes,” Thor pulled back, still clasping Loki’s neck gently, “Now all who might have attempted to disturb or part us know you’re here and have given their words they will not disrupt our life together. We have no threats lingering. No one who might unexpectedly show up, or argue against your presence. We can forge our future in peace.”
He smiled and kissed Loki softly, “I am more than alright. We will forge a future together so bright that it outshines all the darkness of our past.”
“That will require an awful lot of light, Thor.”
“Then it is fortunate I can drive off clouds so the sun always shines upon us,” Thor grinned playfully and touched their heads together, “And you enjoy arson.”
-