I’m here

-

Thor smiled serenely as he traced the lines of his own name on Loki’s arm, basking in their happiness as they lay in bed together.

It was late morning, and no doubt they’d come to regret their decision to go back to bed after showering, when their hair inevitably dried in erratic shapes.

But Loki had felt dizzy after standing in the shower for several minutes, and the procedure of Thor cleaning those wounds that were still open only made it worse.

The deeper of the gashes around his left wrist and right ankle were showing signs of a mild infection, possibly from Loki scratching at them when he grew nervous. Thor followed Bruce’s instructions for cleaning infected areas thoroughly, but the process was more painful than a simple routine wound cleaning, and left Loki feeling even worse than the previous dizziness.

So they retired to bed and indulged in the simple pleasure of each other’s presence. The simple pleasure of being able to do this, be here.

Every touch between them felt sacred, even now after having Loki back for over two weeks, and each day bolstering Thor’s confidence that this was real.

The years since Ragnarok - longer than that, even - Thor had barely experienced any truly affectionate touch. No close physical contact. No real intimacy.

He’d hugged his friends occasionally, but less and less as he grew more distant over the years, and even simple claps on the shoulder had grown rare in time.

He hadn’t missed the contact at all because he hadn’t wanted it. He hadn’t cared for that sort of show of affection, often feeling it false or meaningless or born from some sympathy he didn’t deserve or want.

But now he had Loki back and held in his arms, he realised how much he needed this. Had ached for it.

Loki probably had more physical contact than Thor during their time apart, but it would have been always brutal and cruel. The only touches to his skin would have brought agony, every presence close beside him would have promised only pain.

Perhaps the tenderness and certainty of safety that came with every touch from Thor felt as sacred to Loki as the simple closeness itself did to Thor.

It felt that they could never have long enough being here in this way. Just close together, skin touching, limbs entangled, away from the rest of the world. The rest of the universe. Just them.

Safe.

Here Loki was safe and always would be. Not from the terrible memories and fears that haunted his mind, but from any who may wish to harm him. Thor knew that, here, no one could steal him away. No one could touch him, brutalise his body as Thanos and his followers had done.

The myriad injuries were healing, even if it was slow. Puncture wounds starting to close up, the raw and broken skin of his burns healing over. But Thor didn’t know how deep those punctures went, how much internal healing had happened, and the deep cuts around Loki’s wrists, ankles and elbows still often reopened and bled.

It was no wonder, if those restraints had held him for years, whilst most of the wounds Thor saw must have been inflicted recently.

How many other injuries had there been that had healed and the physical marks vanished entirely from view over the years of torture, only to be always replaced by other, fresh injury? Would Thor see the scars left by Thanos and his followers on Loki’s jotun skin, like he did the scar of his own name?

The thought cast a shadow over his joy, and he hugged Loki closer, kissed his forehead, seeking to dispel that darkness.

Loki was safe, he would recover, and Thor would do everything he could to help him.

Loki tightened his own hold on Thor and reached one hand up to brush lightly beneath his eyepatch, a soft and comforting touch as if Loki sensed Thor’s distress. And he probably did.

Definitely did.

He knew Thor perfectly.

“How are you feeling?” Thor asked softly, taking the hand from his cheek and kissing it lightly, before holding it over his own heart.

“The dizziness has passed.” Loki spoke against his skin, then smiled softly as Thor began to stroke a hand up and down his back, just to the side of his spine.

“What should we cook today?” he asked after several minutes had passed.

Loki hummed quietly, “What are our options?”

“Shall we have a look?” Thor shifted his position to lay more on his back and reached to get a hold of his phone, abandoned somewhere on the bedside table from when he’d messaged Bruce to tell him about the infected wounds.

His fingers fumbled on the phone, failed to get a hold of it, and he cursed as he knocked it off the table.

A second later it was in his hand and the familiar sensation of Loki’s magic whispered like a soft echo through it.

The small burst of power left Loki slightly breathless, but he offered a gentle smile as Thor turned to him, “Didn’t want you to have to move. I’m comfy.”

Thor laughed softly, holding the phone a safe distance from Loki as he sent a spark of electricity to charge it up.

“How difficult was that?” he asked, not hiding his proud smile, “Does it feel that your magic is recovering?”

“I don’t think I could have done it at all a week ago, but it’s still more difficult than it should be. I drained everything I had to defeat him and his people.”

Given how completely physically broken he had been when he arrived, Thor wasn’t surprised. His magic would have been all he had to wield.

“That’s good progress,” Thor said with a warm smile, “Just don’t push yourself too hard.”

“Then don’t drop your phone.”

“I’ll try not to,” Thor smirked, switching it on and finding his way to the information Brunnhilde had sent, “Would you like to look through?”

“No,” Loki had shut his eyes tiredly, his head on Thor’s chest, “I’ll listen.”

“Very well.”

Thor looked through the recipes, reading a bit more information aloud for those he thought they had most of the ingredients for, talking with Loki about them, and about various other subjects they naturally diverted into from the recipes themselves.

All the time, he kept up the rhythmic, continuous, soft touch on Loki’s back, his fingers brushing up and down his skin gently in a motion that comforted them both.

They eventually decided to make another egg dish. One with tomatoes that was suggested to go with bread. Loki hadn’t had the stomach for anything like bread or pasta so far, but if Thor had some, he could always try it if he wanted to.

They made their decision, but they didn’t leave the bed for another hour.

Bruce had replied to Thor’s question earlier, while he was reading through the recipes. He wanted Thor to take a photo of the wounds in question, if Loki was comfortable with that, and do the same daily for a while to see if the infection cleared up.

Thor replied quickly, telling he’d do so later that day, and set his phone down to snuggle Loki closer.

There was no rush and the serenity of laying together was too perfect to draw to a close just yet.

When they finally did get up, Thor went to get dressed first, brushing a hand through his hair in a futile effort to tidy it, smiling fondly as he heard Loki laugh at the disarray.

“You think my hair is bad, brother?” Thor smirked as he turned to look at him, sitting propped against a couple of pillows as he watched Thor, his long hair curling haphazardly about his face and over his shoulders.

“I know your hair is bad,” Loki rejoined, “Come here. Let me brush it.”

“I thought we were getting up,” Thor argued, but he grabbed his hair brush anyway and crawled back onto the bed, shoving some of Loki’s hair from his face to kiss him before handing him the brush and sitting down facing away from him, smiling as he felt the dexterous fingers against his head.

Loki had always done this thing when he brushed Thor’s hair. Firmly and smoothly massaging Thor’s scalp and neck with the hand not holding the brush.

It felt amazing and familiar, and drew a contented sigh from Thor as he sat there and let Loki undo the chaos created by their foolishly allowing their hair to dry in bed.

As he finished and set the brush aside, Loki leaned closer, using Thor’s body to pull himself more upright, and gently pushed his hair aside to kiss his neck.

“Much better,” he whispered, kissing his skin again, “More befitting a king.”

“And what of your hair?” Thor asked, tilting his head to allow Loki to continue kissing along his skin, down to his shoulder.

“Find me something to tie it back with,” Loki’s hands smoothed down his back and wrapped around his waist, “It may take some time longer than yours to bring to heel.”

“Maybe,” Thor smiled and tilted his head to nudge Loki’s, then turned in his embrace to kiss him properly, laughing as a raven curl fell between them, “Definitely.”

Thor left the bed to go find a strip of leather to wrap around his hair. Earth had elastic bands that worked well, but Thor didn’t like them as much as the hair wraps and cords and beads typical of Asgard.

“Do you think I ought to have it shorter?” Loki asked as he returned, looking at the curly mess tumbling over his shoulder.

“I’ve always loved your hair, Loki,” Thor began to gently pull it back, out of his face, wrapping the leather around the loose ponytail, “I like it this long. I think it suits you.”

Thor knew it was only because of Odin that Loki kept his hair shorter than Thor’s. Long hair was a sign of power and strength in their culture, and as the younger son, the one who would not inherit the throne, he was required to never let it grow longer than Thor had his.

“Would you like to cut it or keep it long?” Thor asked, offering him the option, a choice he hadn’t been allowed before, as he carefully tied the leather wrap.

“I like it long,” Loki replied slightly hesitantly, his anxiety an echo of painful memories long preceding his being taken by Thanos.

Thor let his hands linger behind Loki for a little longer after he finished tying the leather, leaning closer to kiss him softly.

“Then we’ll keep it long,” Thor kissed him again, “What do you want to wear today?”

“Something of yours.”

“Very well.”

It wasn’t cold inside the house at this time. The heating had long since kicked in and the sun shining through the windows warmed the lounge and bedroom. But Loki didn’t have the energy to produce his own body heat at the moment, and his Asgardian form grew cold easily.

So Thor set about finding something soft and warm, but not stifling, for Loki to wear, searching his wardrobe as he pulled on a pair of worn jeans and a t-shirt of his own.

He chose the same black sweater Loki had worn the night he came back into Thor’s life, and a pair of sweatpants that might be his or Loki’s. He wasn’t sure anymore. They’d both worn them, and he’d bought Loki a pair like ones he already owned because he knew they were soft.

Thor remained close by as Loki stiffly pulled the sweater on, a silent offer of help if Loki needed it, but not imposing it on him. Some days he could dress on his own, some days he couldn’t.

Today was one of those latter days. Thor had expected it after the dizziness he experienced earlier, so he was ready to easily steady him when he faltered, pitching forward and gripping Thor’s shoulders tightly.

He kept an arm around Loki’s waist as he helped him to pull the sweatpants on, and tied the drawstring so they wouldn’t slip from his narrow waist.

Loki didn’t need to say anything for Thor to know he wasn’t going to be able to walk to the other room. The way he leaned heavily on Thor and wrapped his arms around his neck told him clearly enough, so Thor simply lifted him into his arms to carry him through to the couch.

“I’m going to get you a drink and something sweet, alright?” Thor said as he settled Loki against the cushions.

“We were going to cook.”

“We’ll cook later,” Thor reassured, “This afternoon, if you want. I think perhaps we left it too late to eat this morning.”

It would explain Loki being so dizzy. He was exhausting so much energy just replenishing his magic while his body slowly healed.

Thor could cook alone with the instructions open, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to do it with Loki involved as much as his strength allowed. It may not be very much yet, but last time he’d cracked the eggs into the pan and added the seasoning, which was more than their first cooking attempt.

They settled on the couch together, with a packet of grapes and some chocolate, and watched some comedic contest on the television. Some of the humour made sense to Thor, and he was pleased to see Loki smile too after the dizziness seemed to have passed, although he might have been smiling as much at Thor’s enjoyment as he was at the comedy itself.

It didn’t matter which. The mere thought of Loki being safe and happy brought tears of pure joy to Thor’s eye.

Tears that Loki must have noticed, turning as he caught Thor watching him, and frowning, the beautiful smile not leaving his lips, “What?”

“I love you. That’s all,” Thor replied, turning to nudge Loki’s head with his own.

Loki breathed a soft laugh, tilting his head to catch Thor’s lips in a kiss, “I love you too. I don’t believe I realised just how much soon enough.”

“I thought the same,” Thor shut his eye and drank deep the simple sense of Loki so close to him, “But then you returned. As long as we are able to be together now, it is soon enough.”

Loki pressed closer to kiss him again, lowering his head to Thor’s shoulder as their lips parted.

Their hands found each other, fingers lacing together.

Silent, until a burst of laughter sounded from the television, drawing a softer echoing laugh from the two gods at the sudden contrast to their tender, solemn emotion.

Thor pulled back and lightly cupped the side of Loki’s neck, “I had forgotten what laughter felt like before you returned. When next I stand before our people, they will see a very different king.”

“When will that be?”

“When you’re ready to stand beside me.”

Loki lowered his head, hiding the vulnerable, fond smile those words brought over his features, “And if that takes a long time?”

“Then Brunnhilde will be ruling in my stead for a long time,” Thor replied easily, gently raising Loki’s head to meet his gaze, “I truly mean it, Loki, when I say that there is no need to hurry. We may take our time to heal, however long that might be.”

He brushed back some of the curling raven locks that had fallen from his ponytail, “And I will never push you to do more than you are ready for, nor to allow anyone to know of your presence here, or what happened to you, unless you agree to it.”

“Will the people not come to question your absence?”

“Maybe, but did they question father’s absence during the Odinsleep? Between Brunnhilde and Heimdall, I know New Asgard will continue to grow and prosper, and they’ll consult me whenever they feel they have to.”

“Brunnhilde seems very different from before,” Loki mused quietly, “Although I suppose we never interacted much on Sakaar. Our functions for the grandmaster were very different. The most we spoke was between blows in a single fight,” a small smirk fell over Loki’s lips, “I imagine you enjoy sparring with her.”

“I do. You know how I longed to be a Valkyrie.”

“You didn’t mention it upwards of fifty times a day for over almost a year.”

Thor chuckled, touching his head to Loki’s then sitting back, turning off the television whose background noise had become disruptive to their conversation.

“She has changed since settling here, but she is still a great warrior,” Thor replied, “And she has insisted that she doesn't mind continuing to take greater responsibility at council for as long as necessary. I believe her, and I trust her.”

Loki nodded, drawing a shaking breath, “You could tell the...the council. If you think it’s worth them knowing. That I’m here.”

He swallowed nervously, fingers nervously curling against Thor’s, “Just, not everything.”

Thor carefully brushed his free hand along Loki’s jaw.

“I could say it was a lengthy battle that kept you away for so long. That you lured a threat away from The Statesman after Ragnarok, and later battled the one who hunted you?” he suggested, “A combat in which you were injured, but victorious. And that I’m stepping away from official matters for some time to help you heal.”

“That paints a far more heroic picture than the truth,” Loki whispered, shutting his eyes as a tremor ran through his body.

“It doesn’t come close to the true heroism of what you did,” Thor shook his head, “What you endured and for so long, all to stop that monster. That’s far more heroic than any battle.”

“None of it felt heroic,” Loki breathed, dropping his head forward onto Thor’s shoulder, “There were times...when the torture briefly stopped, that I-I wished it would start again. Th-the fear of waiting, it…it felt almost worse than the pain itself. But then it…”

He broke off with a choked sob, his back curling as he tightened his grip on Thor’s arms, “I wish I’d killed him more slowly. Made him suffer. Made him beg for death just so I could deny him that luxury.”

“I’m glad you did not,” Thor hugged him closer, “That monster did not deserve the time and effort it would have taken.”

Thor kissed his hair lightly, “And it would have kept you from me even longer.”

Loki let out a shaky breath, and wrapped his arms tightly around Thor’s waist, “I still feel it, the fear. That any moment it’ll start again. They’ll take me and th-“

He broke off as he always did when coming close to speaking of any detail of his torture, “I-I’m tired of being afraid.”

“There is nothing you need fear here,” Thor said softly as his own eyes stung with tears for Loki’s pain, “I know it’ll take time for that to feel true, but I promise you, Loki, I will never allow harm to come to you. I will protect you with everything I have. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you from suffering anything like that again.”

Loki nodded against him, tightening his hold.

“And, if any threat ever came even close to New Asgard, Heimdall would see it and inform me immediately. Then within moments, the enemy would be faced not only with the god of thunder, but also the hulk, a Valkyrie, and all the soldiers that Valkyrie has personally trained. There is no safer place in all the realms than right here, brother.”

Again, Loki nodded, then asked in a voice muffled by Thor’s shoulder, “Will you tell the council in person?”

“No. I'll ask Brunnhilde to convey a message,” Thor lightly massaged Loki’s lower back, “I would rather stay with you. Unless it is an emergency that I am absolutely needed for, such as that wildfire, I would prefer to be here. I went too long without you to squander a moment of our time together.”

He felt Loki smile, his body starting to relax, although it still trembled, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Thor repeated, kissing him on the head, “I’ll ask Brunnhilde to tell them of your return, simply stating it was a battle and you couldn’t come here until the enemy was defeated. Does that sound alright?”

“How will they react? The frost giant who started Ragnarok returning?”

“The prince of Asgard who saved them returning,” Thor corrected, “None would have survived Hela had you not brought that ship, and you did rule well under the guise of Odin. They will be pleased of your return.”

He smiled and pulled back to look at Loki, holding his face in his hands, “Perhaps not as pleased as I am, but if any sought to claim they loved you as much as I do, I think I might feel the need to challenge them to single combat.”

“If any made such a claim I can guarantee they’d be lying. In case you forgot, I was always the less liked prince of Asgard.”

“Not in my eyes.”

“Eye,” Loki corrected.

Thor smirked, “I used to have two, or did you forget?”

Loki shrugged, smiling although there were still tears in his eyes and their marks on his cheeks, “It was the more forgettable of your eyes.”

He reached up and lightly traced a finger around the edge of Thor’s eyepatch, “It suits you.”

Thor caught his hand gently, holding it against his cheek and leaning into the cool touch, cherishing the contact as the sacred thing it was.

-