I’m here

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Loki wasn’t healing anywhere nearly as fast as Thor would have liked. He had seen his brother with plenty of wounds. He knew the rate at which they ought to repair themselves, and these weren’t mending as fast as they should be.

It had been almost a week, and there was no sign of the skin starting to knit itself together at the burns, the gouges from restraints or the puncture wounds. He still struggled to stand on his own for long, and he couldn’t manage more than a couple of steps without almost all his weight supported by Thor. Most terrifying was that he occasionally blacked out suddenly if he stood or sat too quickly.

Only the bruises and deep shadows around his eyes were starting to fade. And the symptoms of heat stroke had mostly gone, Thor thought, although he wasn’t really sure how to tell with all the other injuries and the general state of weakness.

Loki might not have been healing as fast as Thor would like, but Thor wasn’t in the least bit unhappy. The opposite. He was filled with a warm, pervasive joy that was so unlike his emotions the past few years that experiencing it almost scared him.

Even if Loki healed slowly, he would still heal. Thor knew that. There was no need for him to heal quickly. Loki was alive and safe, which was more important than anything else, and Thor couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming happiness from that fact alone.

But, in those moments when Loki woke in a state of abject fear from nightmares or, like now, when Thor was focused on the task of tending the physical aftermath of the torture, it was difficult for Thor’s joy to fully counter his despair at Loki’s pain. At what he had suffered through.

The deep cuts circling around his wrists, elbows and ankles weren’t clean and simple. There were multiple areas where the marks deviated from the ring shape of the restraint and went out of alignment, or parts that were deeper than others.

These were not just marks of restraints, but of a desperate struggle too. Of something ruthless binding Loki and his futile efforts to escape it as he was tortured. He no doubt hadn’t actually intended to escape, not until he had his plan in place and knew he could defeat Thanos and his followers, but his body would have instinctively fought.

An involuntary struggle against a pain too horrific for even Loki to withstand stoically.

Pain from heat, given the horrible burns covering much of Loki’s skin and his state of dehydration and heat stroke. And from some physical blows hard enough to bruise or perhaps break bones. And those strange, deep, puncture wounds positioned carefully in locations that would have caused the most pain.

A calculated and brutal torture.

Which Loki suffered for years.

Thor had been in battles. He had been injured. He had suffered great agonies.

But he had never been tortured. He had never endured anything close to what Loki had.

“Thor?” Loki’s voice drew his attention back to his task, to the burn on his chest he had been tending.

“Sorry, I…”

“You were thinking.”

Thor continued applying the cooling gel Bruce had brought, “I do that sometimes.”

“Not often.”

A small smirk pulled at Thor’s lips as he reached for the gauze.

“These aren’t healing,” Thor said quietly, justifying in some respect his abstracted behaviour.

Loki was watching him, not flinching at all as Thor applied the fresh gauze before moving onto the puncture wounds on Loki’s neck.

The last of the wounds he needed to clean before Loki could dress again and they could curl up. Relax. Then Thor could hold Loki close and bask in his joyful relief once more. Chase away his sadness and guilt.

“I exhausted most of my power killing him a-and his followers, escaping…” Loki’s voice fractured as he alluded to his tormentors, to what happened.

Only once, in the aftermath of one nightmare, had Loki dared to speak Thanos’ name, as if to say it aloud would conjure him.

“You must wait for your magic to recover before you can put any energy into healing,” Thor finished the explanation for him as he struggled to find the words.

Loki bowed his head, a sort of unnecessary shame in the motion, and Thor leaned closer to kiss his hair softly, “Then heal slowly. There is no hurry.”

He caught Loki’s small, brief smile as he applied saline wash to the puncture wounds, and dried the skin before sticking patches gauze over. Bruce had said it was important to keep them covered to try and minimise risk of infection.

As Thor finished, he let his hand linger on Loki’s neck, brushing his thumb lightly over the traces of dark bruising there.

He could feel Loki’s pulse beneath his fingers. Weaker than usual, but stronger than it had been when he first returned.

Thor shut his eye, relishing the sensation of Loki’s life beneath his fingertips.

“Why are you smiling?” Loki asked softly, prompting Thor to open his eye and his smile to widen as he looked back at Loki.

“Because you make me smile,” Thor replied easily, “Why are you smiling?”

“Because you are.”

Thor chuckled and leaned in, pressed his lips to Loki’s.

A deep, indulgent, but gentle and brief kiss.

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t need to lie down, as I know that’s what you’re actually asking.”

“Alright,” Thor brushed his hands down Loki’s bare arms then reached for where Loki had left his new sweater. Black and green and very fluffy. Very soft.

Loki’s breath caught slightly in pain as he slowly pulled on the garment, Thor carefully helping, and then supporting Loki as he stood to reclaim Thor’s lounge pants, which he was still choosing to wear despite Thor having bought some pairs for Loki.

“I’m going to make us some coffee, and we can look over Brunnhilde’s notes from this morning’s meeting,” Thor said, untucking Loki’s hair from his sweater before straightening, and turning to go to the kitchen.

“Ah,” Loki leaned back against the cushions with a stiffness to his movements as he watched Thor, “The railroad plans and fishing agreements. Riveting.”

“Even more exciting is the ongoing debate about how many Earth sheep can be grazed on one patch of land, and how much should we charge for their wool?”

“Do you sell beyond New Asgard?” Loki asked with a genuine interest that warmed Thor. This was their home. Loki was still a prince, and still concerned for the well-being of their people.

“Much of our income does come from selling to humans, mostly within Norway,” Thor replied, filling the coffee machine with water, “Handmade crafts and arts, tailoring, jewellery…all such things we considered commonplace can be sold for quite a lot on Earth, so we sell much of what is made here. Bruce and Tony set up an Internet shop, and we also sell to physical shops in some cities.”

Beyond that, Thor and Bruce both had salaries as Avengers, which helped somewhat given neither of them had much to spend money on, so they could put a lot of it back into New Asgard. Bruce almost single-handedly funded his healing centre.

“And how much do we rely on Midgardians? Surely much of the food and drink are brought in?” Loki asked as Thor returned to sit beside him while the coffee slowly dripped through the filter.

He immediately leaned against Thor. Or maybe Thor had pulled him close. Neither was happy to be physically parted for even a brief moment.

“You said we have a distillery, three small farms and a fleet of fishing boats,” Loki continued, his body far more relaxed against Thor than it had been sitting up on the couch.

“Most of our supplies come from cities nearby. Except for those you say and electricity, which I provide.”

He paused, idly brushing his fingers through Loki’s hair, the small gold beads adorning some of the braids Thor had plaited haphazardly in clacking together.

“I must recharge the generators tomorrow morning,” he continued, “Would you like to join me? To watch?”

Thor was proud of his power, his ability to manipulate lightning without needing Mjolnir, but few knew him well enough to understand what an achievement it was. But Loki did.

“I do it from just outside this house,” Thor added, “You could watch from indoors.”

“I’d rather be outside with you to see it,” Loki replied, voice like velvet, “I have missed feeling the surge of raw power through the air when you conjure lightning.”

Thor smirked, “Then tomorrow at dawn, you can join me to recharge the generators. I will be glad to have you with me.”

He had wished to show Loki his power for a long time, how he had honed it to deliver the right strength of lightning bolt to each generator without any collateral damage.

The first time he had achieved that perfectly, he had even turned with an exhilarated grin to his left, to where he was so used to finding Loki standing from their centuries together. But, of course, all Thor had seen was empty space where he had thought Loki would be.

An echo of the aching grief welled up within Thor so quickly, there were tears in his eyes before he could stop them.

Turning slightly, he wrapped both arms around Loki, holding him close and forcing his mind to remember that there was no cause of the grief any longer. Loki was alive and here and safe and Thor hadn’t lost him. He hadn’t lost the other part of his soul.

Loki didn’t question his sudden desperate need to hold him. Thor knew he understood. Loki usually did.

The understanding was clear in the way Loki’s arms wrapped around Thor’s body, and in the gentle kiss he pressed to the side of Thor’s neck, whispering the reassurance, “I’m here,” close against his skin.

Thor indulged in allowing himself to hold Loki until the echoes of grief ebbed away. With a final tightening of his embrace, Thor pulled back, smiled warmly with the resurfacing of his joy, and kissed Loki’s forehead.

“I shall pour the coffee,” he declared, letting his hand find Loki’s and squeezing lightly before he stood to go fill two mugs with the strong drink.

On his third day after returning, Thor had introduced Loki to coffee, knowing perfectly well that he would relish the drink as much as Thor did. Bruce had said it was okay as long as Loki still kept drinking plenty of water and the rehydration drinks he kept dropping by every few days.

Thor returned to the couch with two mugs of coffee, a bottle of water, and a packet of chocolates.

Thor set everything on the coffee table, close enough to reach, and sat back down, opening out his arm for Loki, who immediately slipped his feet under Thor’s thigh as he curled against him.

“Are you comfortable, brother?” Thor asked, reaching for his coffee and taking a small sip. It was hot and strong and perfect.

“Very,” Loki murmured, sliding a hand under the hem of Thor’s hoodie, resting it on his abdomen.

Thor smiled and set the coffee on the arm of the couch so he could get his phone, fumbling for a while to remember how to get to email, and then longer still to figure out how to open the attachment with Brunnhilde’s notes from the meeting.

Thor began to read aloud when he had the notes open, Loki listening without moving at first, but then he reached over for the chocolates.

He took one piece out of the tube, putting it in his mouth but not chewing. Just letting it melt.

The next piece he held up for Thor, not moving his head from Thor’s shoulder as Thor ate the chocolate.

“It’s good, is it not?” Thor remarked, this being Loki’s chosen type and not his own usuals choice.

Another piece was pressed to his lips before Thor could continue speaking.

Loki’s arms still trembled if he raised them for too long, and Thor caught his hand just as the tenors started, kissing his knuckles lightly, before setting their joined hands back down and returning to the meeting notes.

There was nothing particularly interesting or unexpected among them.

A routine council meeting, with some decisions made. Thor would need to sign some documents in the coming days, agreeing on the railroad branch to be built reaching into New Asgard, and coming to an accord regarding fishing grounds.

Also, budget discussions which all were what Thor knew they would be, and some minor disputes between Asgardians that would require a hearing with Thor to be resolved. Although perhaps he could delegate to Brunnhilde.

Thor had finished the meeting notes and his coffee, and then moved onto talking with Loki about ideas for a garden - one like their mothers, one he had wanted to build but never felt able to before - when his phone buzzed.

It was getting more activity these days than it had in the years since Tony gave it to him. Mostly with messages from Bruce, who was the one contacting him now.

B: Wildfire in San Francisco. Avengers needed and you in particular. Can you go? If not I’ll cover for you. They can probably handle without you, but your weather control would be really helpful

Thor swallowed nervously. Loki was in no condition to be left alone, and Thor was still too unbearably terrified that this was all a fiction of his mind to leave him.

He was aware that Loki was watching him, had seen the message.

“They can handle things without me,” Thor said quietly, his hand shaking as he set the phone down, “I don’t have to…I can’t…”

His words were stopped as Loki shoved a piece of chocolate into his mouth.

“Thor,” Loki said firmly, leaving his fingers touching Thor’s lips a second longer and pushing himself shakily to sit upright, “If you don’t go, and human lives are lost, the guilt will eat away at you. I know you.”

He hesitated, hand lowering from Thor’s lips to his leg, “Just give me your word that you’ll return.”

Thor really didn’t want to leave Loki. He hated it. The fear ached at the thought of leaving and coming back to an empty home.

But he did have a duty. He had sworn to protect this realm, and Loki was right. Loki knew Thor better than he knew himself, and if Thor didn’t go, the guilt would taint his newly discovered joy.

“You have my word, Loki,” Thor said softly, turning enough to kiss him deeply, “I will return. Now you promise me you will be here when I get back.”

Loki pressed his head to Thor’s shoulder, lacing their fingers together, “I’m not going anywhere, Thor. I’ll be alright.”

“What if you black out or…”

He thought perhaps he should ask someone to come and stay with Loki, but that would only soothe Thor’s mind and make Loki more anxious.

“I survived years held by that monster. I’ll survive this,” Loki clasped his face in his hands and pulled him into another deep kiss, “Just, be safe and come back soon.”

“I will,” Thor promised, but as he went to stand, Loki caught his arm.

“Wait,” he shut his eyes, drawing a deep breath, and conjured the tesseract from wherever he had hidden it, and held it up to Thor, breathless from the effort of forcing his magic, “I know you could fly there and back, but this is faster…and I can’t imagine lightning will help a wildfire.”

Thor swallowed as he took the blue cube. That damned thing that Thanos had twisted Loki’s mind to obtain. There were dark memories that came with that powerful object.

It was dangerous.

But Loki was right.

It would get him to the fire and back quickly and without needing to harness lightning that would only make the fire worse.

“Don’t let the humans get a hold of it,” Loki stared at the thing with an expression of fear and hatred and possessive fondness, “They’ll only use it make weapons.”

“I’ll keep it safe, brother,” Thor vowed, leaning down to kiss Loki once more before he used the tesseract to bring himself to San Francisco.

He had only used the cube once, to bring him to Asgard, so his knowledge of wielding it was limited. He knew he needed to picture the location where he wished to go when he used it, so Thor went first to Stark tower. Which did mean Tony was about to find out that Thor had the tesseract, but that was a later problem.

He wasn’t there now.

No one was, so Thor asked Friday to tell him to show an image on the television of the wildfire, and then commanded the tesseract to take him there. Luckily not right inside the fire, but to a point in the forest beyond where it had reached, veiled from sight and safe from the flames.

Immediately, Thor slipped the tesseract into his hoodie pocket, having not bothered with armour since this was no battle, and summoned a great downpour of rain.

Cold, dense droplets, raining down upon the immense, crackling fire.

It was obvious from the ground beneath where Thor stood that it had been very hot and dry here. Perfect conditions for a wildfire, but it also made sudden heavy rain dangerous. It could cause flash floods, so Thor focused the storm over only the fire and forest just around it.

As he brought forth the rain, he called out to Heimdall, shutting his eyes to focus on both his task and the watcher.

“Please keep watch over Loki.”

Thor needed no answer. He knew Heimdall would have heard and would do as he asked. He knew Heimdall cared about Loki, despite their past differences.

After a few minutes, Thor heard the familiar sound of Tony’s suit as he flew down to land beside him.

“Didn’t see you arrive, Point Break,” he said, rain dripping off his metal armour m onto the dry ground beneath them, “Thanks for coming.”

“It seems a hazard I am particularly adept at assisting with,” Thor remarked, his attention still on the forest, waiting to see when the fire died down so he could lessen the intensity of rainfall slightly, “Do we know what caused it?”

“Faulty power lines. Add that to a long drought and you have a recipe for, well, this,” Tony replied, flicking up the visor of his helmet, “No evidence to suggest this was intentional. Just negligence and unfortunate weather.”

Thor nodded, “The rain is helping?”

“Yeah,” Tony said then spoke into his communicator, “Guys? How’s the fire looking from up there?”

It was Clint’s voice that replied, presumably manning an aircraft somewhere above, “Dying down. I think you can ease up on the rain slightly, big guy. Last thing we need right now is a flash flood on top of all the smoke.”

Thor did so, watching the lingering orange glow through the trees.

“I’m going to go continue helping with the search and rescue. There were some hikers in the forest when this started,” Tony said, flipping his visor down, “You good here?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll let you know when you can stop the rain.”

With that, Tony flew back up into the sky, soon vanishing from view within the thick smoke.

Thor had to remain there a long time. At least, it felt like a long time. Simply summoning a downpour wasn’t difficult for him, especially as his mood grew ever more sour as the time he was parted from Loki dragged on.

His fears and his concerns grew as he stood there, watching the flowing orange through the trees as the flames slowly died down.

More and more until there was barely an ember visible from where he stood.

And finally, Tony landed beside him.

“Fire’s out, Point Break. Nice work,” he said, “Now we just need…”

“I must return to New Asgard,” Thor cut Tony off, “There are pressing matters I need to attend to.”

“Uh, yeah,” Tony sounded a bit taken aback by the interruption, or perhaps it was something in Thor’s tone, “Yeah, if you gotta do king stuff go ahead. We can handle things from here. Thanks for coming.”

“It is my duty,” Thor bowed his head, then pulled out the tesseract and took himself home.

No point bothering to hide that he had it. Tony would find out as soon as he got home and Friday informed him or he saw his security footage. And Thor could hardly go about using lightning to propel his flight when there had just been a forest fire and another could easily break out.

Besides, Loki could return the tesseract to a pocket dimension where he had kept it safe from Thanos all along, and no one would be able to get a hold of it. 

Heimdall was waiting in the lounge when Thor returned, but Loki was nowhere to be found.

Stepping closer, Heimdall spoke quietly to him, “He began to panic some time ago, and has hidden in the bathroom. I came here in case his condition became physically dangerous, but haven’t approached in case I made matters worse. He’s conscious and unharmed, but afraid.”

Thor nodded, clasping Heimdall’s shoulder, “Thank you, my friend. I will go to him.”

Heimdall bowed, smiling slightly, and headed for the door.

Loki was where Heimdall had said. In the bathroom, huddled into a corner of the shower cubicle, his knees against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around them, and his eyes raised, but looking nowhere.

His expression was studiously blank. The sort of calculated blankness Thor recognised as that he wore when hiding emotion. In this case, fear.

Perhaps he had worn the same mask when held by Thanos, while awaiting torture. Perhaps that’s where his mind was now.

Loki had pulled all the towels from the hooks by the door and had them wrapped around himself, likely more from the need to feel safe than because he was cold.

“Loki…” Thor took a step towards him.

Slow. Careful. Afraid to startle him.

He repeated his brother’s name, keeping his voice low and gentle.

Gradually, a change overcame Loki’s features. His eyes. And his gaze rose hesitantly towards Thor.

“You’re back,” he whispered in a small, unsteady voice.

“I’m back,” Thor smiled and stepped closer again, crouching before Loki and reaching out a hand to touch his neck, brushing his thumb lightly over his jaw, “I’m here, Loki. You’re safe.”

Loki nodded shakily.

There were tear tracks on his cheeks, a broken look in his eyes. Being left alone hadn’t been easy for him.

“Are you alright?”

Again, Loki nodded, but this time his resolve splintered and he choked on a broken sob.

Thor immediately knelt forward to take Loki into his arms, holding him close as he shook from the aftermath of carefully hidden fear and the relief that he no longer had cause for it.

Thor cupped the back of his head, threading his fingers into Loki’s hair, lighting massaging the back of his neck until he felt his brother’s body stop trembling.

“Let us go to bed,” Thor murmured, tilting his head against Loki’s, and waiting until he felt him nod before carefully lifting his brother into his arms. He carried him out into the bedroom, laying him gently down on the bed.

He paused only to remove the tesseract from his hoodie pocket and place it into the drawer of his bedside table, then immediately lay down and hugged Loki closer, wrapping him in his arms and the blanket.

“Talk,” Loki whispered as he lay his head against Thor’s chest, “I want to feel your voice.”

Thor kissed Loki’s hair softly, “What ought I talk about?”

“Anything. I just want to feel you here.”

So Thor talked.

He talked about the forest fire and reminisced on similar events they’d witnessed together on Earth before. He talked about some of the festivals they had held to honour the seasons here on New Asgard. About the celebrations of life surrounding the one birth that had taken place since they arrived. About Bruce’s clinic and the people he was training to be healers.

He talked even after he became aware that Loki had fallen asleep, keeping up his low, soft speech so Loki could still feel the reverberation of his voice in his chest. Hoping to soothe his mind after whatever torments it had brought him in Thor’s absence.

It had been mere days since Loki returned. A week without torture after years of suffering it was nothing. Of course his mind had been quick to torment him as soon as the one he felt safe with was gone.

Thor didn’t regret going to stop that wildfire. Loki was right. Had he not, both of them would share the guilt for any lives lost. Now Thor alone suffered from guilt, for having left Loki when his mind was still so vividly haunted. 

Pressing a light kiss to Loki’s hair, and whispering an apology for having had to leave him, Thor snuggled further beneath the covers, hugging Loki more closely, protectively, and shutting his eyes.

It didn’t take long for him to succumb to the pull of sleep, soothed by the presence of Loki resting peacefully in his arms. A nightmare may yet tear Loki from his rest, but if it did, Thor would be right here beside him to chase it away.

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