Chapter 9
When I woke up the next morning, everyone was gone. I had checked every room and gone through many different floors, some I didn’t even know existed, but no one was here. I had even resorted to knocking on everyone’s doors as loud as I could just to see if maybe this was some elaborate prank, but there wasn’t a hint of life throughout the tower.
I ultimately decided that they all went out and forgot about me. Which fucking sucked. Yesterday was such a good day and now my whole mood had to be ruined. I went into the kitchen to get some food and immediately brought it back to my room with me. It was only about ten in the morning which meant I had a whole day, and tower, to myself.
Of course, I only used that to stay in my room and be upset, and everyone who had decided to leave me here without a word. There were always pros to a bad day, however. My mind felt incredibly clear. It had been about two weeks since they took me to Wakanda, but I didn’t know I would feel like this so soon.
As soon as I was getting ready to put on a movie a ring emanated around the tower. I let out a frustrated groan and leisurely made my way to where the elevator was. Tony had told me that the ring was for people who wanted to be let in, but I’d have to buzz them in. I pressed the button right outside of the elevator and spoke with bitterness in my tone.
“Who is it?”
I placed my ear next to the speaker but removed it as soon as the voice came up through the speakers.
“It’s Penny, darling. I’m here for a session, per the request of Tony Stark.”
That stupid therapist, interrupting my day. I let her up and made my way to the living area to wait for her to come up. I watched as the elevator made its way up the dozens of floors and stopped at the middle level. The doors opened slowly, revealing the bubbly woman before me.
She entered and started to unpack her things on the counter without a word. However, her smile never left. It was straining to see her smile like that all of the time.
“Can I ask why you’re here?” I sat on one of the living room chairs while looking back at her.
“Mr. Stark felt that it would be best if I came while they were all out on a mission. That way you aren’t alone all day.” She grabbed a recorder and notebook before she made her way to sit on another chair in the living room.
“A mission? Is that where everyone went?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Did they not tell you?” I shook my head and she furrowed her eyebrows. “I’ll be sure to let them know that they should make you aware next time.”
“Thanks.” I spoke quickly. I then waited for her to start talking, but she just stared at me. “Are you here for something or to just stare at me like that?”
She laughed at me and set all of her things on the coffee table in front of her. “I was just wondering if you would start today’s session. I heard that you’ve really come out of your shell the last couple of days.”
I rolled my eyes before speaking. “I’ve just felt more like myself.”
“And that’s excellent progress! Can you tell me what’s been causing all of this?” She pressed a button on the recorder.
“My mind is clearer. Things about my life before the serum have been coming back to me. All good things so far.” I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms.
“Have these memories been before you entered the war? Or have they also included your time in Germany?”
“Nothing about that. Just my family, hobbies, and such. Of course, there are things that could’ve been better, but nothing traumatizing.”
Penny’s smile returned to her. “That's great to hear! Do you want to talk about any of it? Maybe we could start with family?” She clicked her pen so that she could start writing.
“My father was a senator, so we were a well-off family. That tends to be a major part of most of my dreams. There was also my mother and my little brother, but they don’t show up as much as my father does.”
“And what happens when your father enters your dreams? Are there any noticeable feelings?
I shifted in my chair. “Everyone becomes quiet and complacent. It feels tense when he’s in my dreams.”
“Hm, that’s interesting.” She took a moment to write down her thoughts on the notepad. “Do you remember if there was any conflict that you and your father had?”
“Singing.” I spoke just above a whisper.
“Singing?” She looked up at me. “Was that something you liked?”
“More than liked. I loved to sing. I wanted to be a singer, but he would never let me.” I lowered my head.
“You said in your last session that you remember that something pushed you to go to the military and leave home. Could this conflict with your father and singing have anything to do with it?
“I know it did.” Penny leaned back, waiting for me to say more. “I was out one night, performing and doing what I loved and a man came up to me. He told me that I could sing freely without ever being harassed by my father if I joined a military mission.” I thought for a few moments about that. “I was naive, of course, and blindly trusted the man and a few days later I was out of my house and leaving to join the military.”
“Did you ever tell your father?”
“No.” I spoke firmly. “I left without saying a word to anyone.”
“Not even a goodbye letter?”
Tears began to stain my cheeks, but I wouldn’t start crying. “I left it all behind. The man told me I could sing if I left, so I left. I wanted to sing.”
“I can see that you’re getting upset. Do you want to keep talking?” Penny started to move to pack her things.
“I’m fine.” My tone returned to its monotone state that I came to the tower in.
“You’ve gone cold. I’m guessing this is because you want to block out that guilt, am I right?” The woman leaned herself forward, getting ready to go soon.
“I am fine.” I started to see red. “Get out. Leave me alone.”
She didn’t move. “I’m here to help you, Y/N. I know it’s hard to open up especially when you’ve been trained to not let negative emotions affect you, but it’s important that you do. It’ll become even more important when you start remembering missions.”
This woman was trying to dig into my head. She was resurfacing things I wasn’t supposed to feel. She’s a threat to my training. I’m cold. I’m calculated. This woman is a threat to that. She would continue to be a threat. I’m not supposed to remember. Remembering those things made me weak and I would never survive if I was weak, I wouldn’t survive my missions.
I shot up and took a step towards her. The disgusting smile that was still plastering her skin vanished. Good. She should be afraid. I put my arms on either armrest and leaned forward. I could hear her back press against the cushion and her heartbeat speed up. Her arms lifted up to cover her torso and she refused to meet my eyes. I leaned my head closer until my mouth was by her ear.
“You will not come here again. You will not talk to me again.” I had a vice grip on the cushion and was ready to attack if she moved.
“I can’t say that, Y/N. You are required to meet with me, and I hope you know I have to tell someone about what you’re doing right now.”
The movement was subtle. Her feeling for her phone under her leg, but I felt it before she even began to move. I grabbed her arm and pulled her from the chair and onto the floor. She let out a small yelp and I stalked closer to her. She was on her side looking up at me. She was scared out of her mind, just how I wanted. I kicked her so that she was laid on her back. I reached down and grabbed the collar of her shirt. I lifted her up, and she could barely breathe. Her hands were around my wrists, trying to get me to let go.
At that moment, the elevator rang and the doors were opening. I couldn’t get distracted, but the woman did and looked over. There was heavy talking coming from the door, but it was silenced suddenly.
I was ripped from the woman, and I dropped her. I tried to get back up and kick her while she was down, but someone came behind me and wrapped their arms around my arms and torso. I flipped my legs off and kicked them away, but as soon as I got up I was immobilized again. The person was stronger this time, and I couldn’t kick them off. I thrashed around and all I could think about was that this was how I was going to die. I was caught and would die. I began to hyperventilate while the person behind me spoke.
“Y/N, calm down.” They moved to get a better grip on me. “You need to calm down. I don’t know what happened, but I need you to relax.”
I hadn’t stopped kicking the whole time he spoke. He swept my feet and I fell to the floor. He put his knees on my back and held my wrists with one hand. The other he used to press a pressure point at my temple.
I began to feel weak and fatigued. I stopped kicking and the man turned me over. “Can you hear me? It’s Steve.”
“Steve? What’s happening?” My eyes were starting to fall closed.
“Relax, Y/N. I’ll explain it when you wake up. For now, you need to sleep.” He took his hand and placed it firmly on my neck.
I could feel my consciousness slip out from under me. I could hear many different voices, all melding together, but the pressure on my neck continued to make my vision go hazy.